Liars and stirring the pot

[Justanopinion]

I don't know what I should have titled this thread but just a vent in general. I have found in recent months that most adults lie. I mean flat out blatant lies. Why? I don't understand. They know they are hurting people and they do it anyway. I have seen this in numerous situtations.

And then when people lie and others know and just don't care. They don't want to confront the liar for fear of stirring the pot? Again why?

Do you know someone who lies regularly? Do you know someone who knows a liar and just doesn't care?

 

[ntsammy5]

HUH???????????????????????????



Good luck. I think you may need it.

 

[Judy Judy Judy]

You know my dh and myself just had this conversation a few months back, it seems more and more people out and out lie now and don't think nothing of it. We have a family member that lies so much I actually think she beleives even her own lies, she will lie over the simplest of things for no reason at all, and we never confront her because we have learnt that if we do she just lies her way out of that, and it causes her to lie even more...crazy.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I've not known liars per se, but do know people who exaggerate a lot. I've learned that it's much more of a pain to argue with them, so I sort out the right from wrong and let it go. The saying, "Never try to teach a pig to sing -- it wastes your time and annoys the pig" is appropriate. I refuse to lose my energy trying to show them they're wrong, but just limit my time with them as much as possible.

Best wishes.

 

[ols386]

The name Casey Anthony comes to mind.

 

[kellyg403]

Well, I do know some people who would lie or exaggerate as easily as looking at you. Why? Don't know. Never could figure it out. Some people just can not NOT lie. I very rarely confront a person who lies to me, I figure I won't ever trust them again so whats the point in getting a whole bunch of excuses or more lies to cover up the first lie. In summary, I have no time at all for it. So, I never get involved in it. I am quite sure that there are all these these medical terms for the condition but what is the cure?

Adults are the worst. Kids you can understand lying from time to time. They are kids. Adults..well who exactly is going to rinse their mouth out or smack their rear end. Nobody. So, I figure it must be some rebel thing!

Kelly

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I might stay in contact, even friends, with someone who has outright lied to me, but I will not totally believe everything they say...there will always be some doubt. If it happens repeatedly I will doubt much of what they say.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I used to know someone like that. She was my sister's friend initially, and because she was invited to some family functions (she had no family locally), she came to regard herself as "part of the family."

At first I thought she was fairly harmless, telling lies to embellish a humorous or dramatic story, or to make herself look more heroic or less a jerk (breaking plans with you to "be with a friend in the emergency room", when actually she found something better to do.)

It turned out that she was telling each family member lies about another, I assume to create drama or drive a wedge between them. For example, she was telling me that I needed to confront my sister, who was supposedly having an affair with a married man.

I finally confronted the liar when I became aware of a few outlandish things she was telling my sister about me, and urged her to get help. She denied everything and went on about how hurt she was that I thought she lied about anything.

The most difficult part for me was that my sister and mother were angry with me for a long time because I confronted the woman! I "rocked the boat." It took a couple years before we got beyond having a superficial relationship again, and at that point I told my sister about the private things this woman had told me about my sister. She laughed because they were all lies, and told me even more that this person said about me, again all lies. Each lie had just enough of a grain of truth to it that it became believable; she's quite adept, brilliant even.

Thankfully this person had already dropped out of my sister's life by then. I feel for whoever she is "friends" with now.

 

[Jsme]

I think more and more people have forgotten that a lie is not a good thing. I try very hard to not lie and I have learned in the past the time I have lied it was to prevent hurting someones feeling. Since then I have started saying that you do not want me to answer that or I change the subject.

 

[Mkaz]

Do you know someone who lies regularly? Do you know someone who knows a liar and just doesn't care?

I know someone who makes things up, and blows things WAY out of proportion. They once told us that a family member had cancer. It was a total lie. Recently they told us that another family member had cancer, which was also a flat out lie. Yesterday this person told us that our nephew was taken to the hospital, and was probably not going to live. Well, it was a half truth. He was taken to the hospital because he had a seizure. They had no idea what had happened to him at first, and this person took it upon themselves to make up the rest of the story.

Sadly, this is a close family member that does this, and we can't just stop being their family. Dh and I have learned to take everything they say with a grain of salt. We simply remind ourselves that one day they will have to answer for all of the half truths and made up stories.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

What about the people who lie so much they have entirely secret lives? I had a friend many years ago whose husband had been working for the same company since they were first dating, or so she thought. He had told her not to call him at work because they weren't supposed to take personal calls. But finally there was an emergency (she was pregnant, and was spotting) and so she called the company, only to be told he didn't work there AND NEVER HAD! It was all a lie! And he did some very elaborate lying to make it believable, too.

Teresa

 

[Loverly]

The name Casey Anthony comes to mind.

Yep=that's got to be the biggest liar around now

 

[kellyg403]

What about the people who lie so much they have entirely secret lives? I had a friend many years ago whose husband had been working for the same company since they were first dating, or so she thought. He had told her not to call him at work because they weren't supposed to take personal calls. But finally there was an emergency (she was pregnant, and was spotting) and so she called the company, only to be told he didn't work there AND NEVER HAD! It was all a lie! And he did some very elaborate lying to make it believable, too.

Teresa

Holy Cow...that reminds me of those scary husbands who end up hurting/murdering their families to cover stuff up. What did your friend do? That is really strange. Where did he really work?

Now that is one lie that probably turned into a thousand!

Kelly

 

[Jsme]

What about the people who lie so much they have entirely secret lives? I had a friend many years ago whose husband had been working for the same company since they were first dating, or so she thought. He had told her not to call him at work because they weren't supposed to take personal calls. But finally there was an emergency (she was pregnant, and was spotting) and so she called the company, only to be told he didn't work there AND NEVER HAD! It was all a lie! And he did some very elaborate lying to make it believable, too.

Teresa

Where did he work?

 

[AristocatFan]

I understand what the OP is saying and unfortunately, I know too many people like this. How do I handle it? I distance myself from them. I believe what goes around comes around and I actually feel sorry for the person who feels they have to lie/exaggerate. They must have a really boring life to have to always cause problems.

 

[Camicar]

I believe what goes around comes around and I actually feel sorry for the person who feels they have to lie/exaggerate.

I have seen no evidence that evil-doers get what is coming to them. My MIL was a sociopathic-level liar and conned everyone but, I swear, me and my dd into buying her crap. She went to her death beloved by so many people, who came crying to her funeral and all I could think was, "If you ONLY knew what she lies and nastiness she said about you behind your back..."

Runner up for worst liar ever was a former boss of mine, a pastor. He told all sorts of horrible lies about me to discredit me because he believed I knew something about him (which I didn't, but later figured out). He first lied about me to steal (his words when he confessed to me) bonuses that were meant for me, later lied to the personnel committee when he thought they were seeing how valuable I was, then lied again to get me fired when he thought I knew about and was going to tell people he was using drugs.

What happened to him? He got a BONUS for firing me. He got another bonus when he quit to 'explore his art' (do drugs) and when he wanted to come back to pastoral work, was appointed to the biggest church in town with a huge signing bonus and benefits that you would not believe. What happened to me? Ever try to get a job after a pastor fires you and tells everyone not to give you a reference and tells lies about you? I got screwed. I could find only a crappy job and that is where I am now. I got depressed and it's taken me nearly 2 years to recover and I doubt I will EVER be able to trust people again.

I had a mother of dd's best friend spread lies about me to ensure that no other girl's mother would let her be friends with dd. She did this to ensure that her very shy dd would always have my dd has her friend. This mother's friends participated in spreading the lies about me. Mother is still Queen Bee and doing great. We had to move out of town.

So yeah, still waiting for karma to kick in....

I look at what happened to me versus what happened to the liars and I wonder why the heck I don't start lying. When there are no consequences and there are actually rewards -- HUGE rewards -- for lying, you start to feel like a chump for being honest.

 

[mumom95]

I have a SIL that does a lot of misleading, maybe not outright lies, but she is very misleading. It drives me crazy, because I never know if what she is saying is true or not.

For example, one day I was on the phone with her. She had just started a new job a few weeks prior and I asked her how the job was going. She went on for about 10 minutes about how wonderful the job was and how perfect it was and all that kind of stuff. I found out later on that evening from my MIL that she had quit her job a week earlier.

I guess I never asked her if she was still working there, which means she technically didn't lie. But to go on and on about how wonderful a job is, and not mention that you had quite, is misleading.

She's one of those people that has to give the impression that everything about her life is perfect, and where she may not fully lie to give that impression, she is very good at misleading.

 

[suzimar57]

both my father and ex-husband are Master Liars.....

 

[Jennasis]

I am dealing with a liar right now. It's a client, and I actually just confronted her today...dropped the hammer right on her! It was awesome. her silence was absolutely deafening when I cornered her with her lies. She didn't know what to do other than stammer apologies, try to backpeddle and ultimately agree to everything I demanded.

LAst time I felt this empowered was after I confronted my ex-husband with proof of his lies and dropped him like a hot potato right then and there.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

 

[Justanopinion]

I have seen no evidence that evil-doers get what is coming to them. My MIL was a sociopathic-level liar and conned everyone but, I swear, me and my dd into buying her crap. She went to her death beloved by so many people, who came crying to her funeral and all I could think was, "If you ONLY knew what she lies and nastiness she said about you behind your back..."

Runner up for worst liar ever was a former boss of mine, a pastor. He told all sorts of horrible lies about me to discredit me because he believed I knew something about him (which I didn't, but later figured out). He first lied about me to steal (his words when he confessed to me) bonuses that were meant for me, later lied to the personnel committee when he thought they were seeing how valuable I was, then lied again to get me fired when he thought I knew about and was going to tell people he was using drugs.

What happened to him? He got a BONUS for firing me. He got another bonus when he quit to 'explore his art' (do drugs) and when he wanted to come back to pastoral work, was appointed to the biggest church in town with a huge signing bonus and benefits that you would not believe. What happened to me? Ever try to get a job after a pastor fires you and tells everyone not to give you a reference and tells lies about you? I got screwed. I could find only a crappy job and that is where I am now. I got depressed and it's taken me nearly 2 years to recover and I doubt I will EVER be able to trust people again.

I had a mother of dd's best friend spread lies about me to ensure that no other girl's mother would let her be friends with dd. She did this to ensure that her very shy dd would always have my dd has her friend. This mother's friends participated in spreading the lies about me. Mother is still Queen Bee and doing great. We had to move out of town.

So yeah, still waiting for karma to kick in....

I look at what happened to me versus what happened to the liars and I wonder why the heck I don't start lying. When there are no consequences and there are actually rewards -- HUGE rewards -- for lying, you start to feel like a chump for being honest.

I guess you could say I've gone through something similar. Both with family and with a local organization. A family member actually started it and it led down to somone in a local organization continueing it.

It hurts that the karma hasn't kicked in. That's what I keep hoping for. I don't want bad to come to these people I just want them to wake up and see the hurt they've caused.