Letter to my son's Asst. Principal re: paddling UPDATED Pg 14!

[GEM]

Spanking in the 21st century? Beyond my comprehension.

I'd write a shorter letter that acknowledges his actions but forbids anyone from touching him. Unless I was willing to head the crusade to change a state law, I wouldn't bother with the rest.

I would, however, suggest that you sit down with your son and talk about appropriate behavior in public places. His actions are cute and sweet in a private setting with loving parents looking on but are not in a public school setting especially with a child whose parents aren't in his/your social circle. His actions could be misconstrued and twisted beyond his innocent intent. Don't put him through that possibility. Sit down with him now and explain why his actions are okay in some situations but not others. He won't get it all at this age but it will lay a cornerstone for understanding.

Yes, we have and will continue to do that. It has been addressed. Thanks.

 

[allison443]

I certainly understand and respect that and I agree that it should not have happened. It is absolutely, without question, inappropriate. However, I will say that the tickling was mutual. According to Paul, they were playing "tickle tag"....you chase each other and if you get caught, you get tickled. She had been tickling him as well. But, that's beside the point. He should not have been engaging in that behavior at school and the trip to the principal's office and some kind of discipline were warranted. As I've said over and over, it's just the paddling issue I have a problem with.

OP I totally agree with you on the paddling issue.

I just wanted to add, besides the tickling aspect, I hope you addressed the aspect of lifting up a little girl's shirt in the front, that is not acceptable even without the tickling, respecting other's private areas, etc. (you probably have addressed that specifically, I probably missed it.) Many schools have a sexual harassment/offensive touching policy and you wouldn't want to have a run in with that.
(I know it was totally innocent on your son's part.)

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't believe I'm the one creating fiction. I stand outside, look in, and base my opinion on what's offered. If I'm incorrect in my assessment of a situation that a poster has presented, then I've already apologized for that.

In the meantime, since I like to read the DIS and what most posters are saying here, I know how to solve problems like this when I run into them with features I'm happy to say the DIS has employed. If I had known that this was going to be yet another 'Paddling is wrong no matter what' topic with everyone patting each other on the back about how enlightened they are and how backward everyone else is, I wouldn't have opened it.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future, GEM. Good Bye.

 

[freckles and boo]

This is a touchy subject because everyone has different beliefs. I personally believe that paddling should be allowed in the school system and they need to be allowed to discipline children. I know when I was in school I got paddled and I am not tramatized for it. Nowadays the kids don't have to worry about their behavior because the schools can't discipline them.
.

Completely untrue. Children easily can be disciplined without hitting. My kids' schools both use PBIS systems that work beautifully. Behavior problems are almost non-existent in their schools. Paddling is lazy and barbaric.

 

[AC7179]

Okay, I am apparantly on the opposite side of the coin as most of you.

My dad was paddled by the nuns. And, he turned out just fine. Not only did he turn out just fine, he raised two of the most well-mannered, polite young women you will ever meet. Sure, we may have behaved out of fear half the time, but I guarantee you we never caused any trouble in school, and our parents were NEVER called because of disciplinary issues.

And, I feel we are better young women because of it. Sometimes a little healthy fear is the best thing you can give a child.

Now, I would not want my kids taken out back behind the school and whipped bare bottom. But, if my child did something so bad that it warranted discipline, I would have NO problem with the teacher smacking my kid's wrist with a ruler. I also would not have a problem with him or her being verbally admonished in front of the class. Whatever it takes...

Just out of curiosity, do you believe that a six year old giving another Kindergartener a zerbert would warrant a paddling?

 

[AC7179]

Thanks everyone for all the comments. They were very interesting and helpful.

Here's my question, though...if paddling is allowed by our school district and parental permission is not required (which is the case here), does it really matter if I expressly say, "I forbid you to paddle my child"? I mean, do they have to listen to that? Everything I've looked up seems to indicate that they don't have to pay any attention to that at all.

I'm just wondering because so many have said to say "my child is not to be paddled" or something similar, but I'm wondering if there's any reason they would have to follow my wishes in that regard. It doesn't seem like there is, which is very upsetting.

I've spent the last six years teaching my child that it is never ok for anyone to hurt someone....to hit or kick, etc...and here is a grown school official telling him just the opposite.

I feel pretty sure they are not going to paddle your child if you expressly forbid it. Now, they may be ABLE too, technically, but no way are they going to want the media/lawsuit/etc. that may follow.

 

[dalt01]

Just out of curiosity, do you believe that a six year old giving another Kindergartener a zerbert would warrant a paddling?

to me it would warrant a return zerbert BTW that is my new word for the day................ never heard it before...................believe i called it a raspberry..............

 

[Robindianne]

to me it would warrant a return zerbert BTW that is my new word for the day................ never heard it before...................believe i called it a raspberry..............

I agree. Return zerbert!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I do not agree with corporal punishment in schools. Because this child is in kindergarten and does not have a history of inappropriate touching, I think a trip to the principal (to emphasize severity) and a letter home to parents would be a fair consequence.

As far as consequences at home go, it depends on the child, but if there is no history of anything like this, I think a talking to should suffice.

If another incident should occurr, I think the child should have half day suspension and teacher and principal should meet with parents.

I also think a note should be sent home to the little girl's family explaining what happened. The teacher who witnessed it should be available to the parents if they have questions.

 

[Erin1700]

I totally agree with you..no paddling! But make the letter shorter and more to the point. Dont give the person reading time to lose interest.

 

[gracie1]

Completely untrue. Children easily can be disciplined without hitting. My kids' schools both use PBIS systems that work beautifully. Behavior problems are almost non-existent in their schools. Paddling is lazy and barbaric.

I posted about this...i didn't mean that allowing schools to discipline children meant that the only discipline should be paddling.
Like I said...everyone has an opinion of what disciplinary beliefs they have.

 

[tink_lover]

I didn't post saying your son had an underlying issue. What I did say was it is necessary to be open to the possibility. It's impossible to know from a few months of kindergarten. But you stated in your first posting that he has issues with keeping hands to himself. Nothing about that happening just one time. That is an issue with impulse control. Impulse control is connected to ADHD. I am certainly not saying that is the issue with your son. But you seem to be so CERTAIN it's not that.......and believe me, not all 6 year olds have a problem keeping their hands to themselves.

 

[GEM]

I didn't post saying your son had an underlying issue. What I did say was it is necessary to be open to the possibility. It's impossible to know from a few months of kindergarten. But you stated in your first posting that he has issues with keeping hands to himself. Nothing about that happening just one time. That is an issue with impulse control. Impulse control is connected to ADHD. I am certainly not saying that is the issue with your son. But you seem to be so CERTAIN it's not that.......and believe me, not all 6 year olds have a problem keeping their hands to themselves.

Yes. I am certain that it's not the case with my son.

Nothing in his behavior at home, school, acting class, gymnastics, etc. has ever indicated anything like that. As I said, he's been in trouble in school very rarely. Just those two VERY minor and normal incidents and this one incident of touching during silly play that got out of hand. None of this is a repeated pattern or continuing issue. As I explained in later postings, he doesn't have a history of touching other kids in kindergarten. When I said he had struggled with that, I simply mean that it was originally hard for him to learn when physical affection is and is not appropriate. He wants everyone to know that he loves them, and he has worked very hard to learn that it's not ok to give hugs, kisses, hold hands, etc. at school. He had some problems with this when he started preschool at age three, but we worked through it and he really hasn't had any issues with touching until this incident yesterday. To me, that's normal preschool stuff. The fact that he's been in kindergarten three months and I've not had one single note or mention of him touching anyone until yesterday pretty much proves to me that he doesn't really have a problem with impulse control.

I guess you could say he has an underlying issue, though. It's called "being six".

 

[JerseyJanice]

Paul sounds like a perfectly normal and wonderful little boy. I remember when he was born and I'm so glad to read about how well he's doing now.

Playing "tickle tag" in the first place was part of the problem--that is, if you can call what he did a real "problem." Young kids can get too excited and overstimulated sometimes, and that causes them to get carried away and do things they wouldn't normally do. The same thing can happen to adults too.

OP, you need to make it very clear to the school that you don't consider "paddling" an acceptable form of punishment for any reason. Tell them that if they think he is so out of line that's what he needs, they must contact you instead and allow you to handle it.

Like I posted last night, I am utterly appalled to learn that corporal punishment by school personnel without parental consent is permissible anywhere in America in the year 2009. If I lived in such a place, I'd be petitioning my board of education to get that rule changed.

 

[spaceacewannabe]

The law in AR seems to leave it up to school boards to decide. Our diistrict requires no parental permission or notification to paddle.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I have to think they'd be hard-pressed to paddle a child anyway if parents wrote that it was not acceptable to them.

 

[VillageMama]

.......and believe me, not all 6 year olds have a problem keeping their hands to themselves.

Acknowledged. But not all those who do have a brain disorder.

 

[ticktock]

I don't have a problem with spanking, in fact I signed a form to allow my son to be spanked in elementary school if they deemed it necessary. They didn't.

That having been said I do believe it should be up to the parent if their child is spanked. The state should never have more power over your child then you do. Never.

As to the touching, I've known two little boys (different families) who were "overly affectionate". Their parents thought that it was OK and made it out like it was everyone else who had a problem. Both boys as teens got into trouble for being "overly affectionate" to girls who did not want to be touched.

NOT saying the OP's ds will grow up to that. Just saying that everyone's body needs to be respected. Inappropriate touching is just as disrespectful as inappropriate spanking. Both leave no physical scars but can leave emotional ones. I know it would have freaked me out to have a boy raise my dress and razzberry my stomach in K! The one time I got spanked in 2 grade didn't leave any emotional wounds though.

Also if the parents don't wish their child spanked and the school thinks there should be a strict punishment enforced then the school should have the right to suspend the student for acts it would usually spank for. The parents should have last word on their child but the school should have last word on behavior and punishment. Sitting kids in the corner really doesn't work after 3.

 

[Seven Seas Lagoon]

Wow, I think your letter sounds great, although I think I would want to meet in person to make it clear to the principle that he is not to touch your child. That is just absolutely ridiculous. I don't know how he sleeps at night??? I can't believe they still spank at school!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I totally agree with you..no paddling! But make the letter shorter and more to the point. Dont give the person reading time to lose interest.

I think she should use my letter.

 

[NMAmy]

Also if the parents don't wish their child spanked and the school thinks there should be a strict punishment enforced then the school should have the right to suspend the student for acts it would usually spank for. The parents should have last word on their child but the school should have last word on behavior and punishment. Sitting kids in the corner really doesn't work after 3.

Sitting a child in the corner and spanking are not the ONLY two options for discipline. Suspension seems over the top for what the OP's child did.