letter from father....

[DizBelle]

I would have. My mother left me when I was young and never looked back, she died last year. We were estranged, we hadn't spoken in over a decade, she had never met any of my kids. I spent my life wondering why she left, my father didn't have any answers either, so it was always there in the back of my mind. When she died, I fooled myself into thinking I would get some kind of answers, I ran to the mailbox everyday for a couple months to see if maybe someone found some letter she had addressed to me before she died. It never came, and I'm still left wondering how a mother could walk away from her child. As much as it would have hurt to see those kinds of words about my father, at least I would have some sort of closure. I would also know that what she said was just her own warped opinion, because I know my father and I know exactly who he was, she had no clue. The truth is I would rather have a letter talking about some great memories she had before she left, but I would have been happy with something, even a letter like your dh got.
I know its not the same situation since it sounds like your dh had a different relationship with his father than I had with my mother. However maybe your FIL thought your dh needed to know why he and his mom weren't still married? Please know I'm not defending how it was done, just giving another perspective on why it may have been.

Point taken and in your situation, I get that you would have like any message, regardless of the content. I would have much less of a problem with the letter if DH did not have a good relationship with his mother and that is something that he and his father could share.

DH visited his father about a month ago. It was a really good visit and I think he would have much rathered have that as the last memory of their relationship than this letter.

 

[DizBelle]

Your FIL was a coward. A two-faced coward at that.

He made the deliberate choice not to deliver this statement before his death when your dh could respond. Why? Because he didn't have enough guts to handle the results. But behind his back and for months he was planning on delivering a coup de grace -- when he couldn't have any repercussions from it.

That is the act of a back-stabbing coward.

Wow, harsh. I read your post to DH and he did not have any problems with it. And I don't really either.

 

[Tuffcookie]

It seems to me if your late FIL had been happy in his 2nd marriage, he would not have continued to harbor such ill feelings toward his ex. People that are happy let go of grudges, especially after so many years!


TC

 

[DizBelle]

Continuing saga - There was a pictorial memoir presented at the memorial service. Neither of his children were pictured at all.

 

[DaParkers]

Loooooooooooong time DIS member here, posting under new id for anonymity (just in case).

Not sure if you changed your mind, but it doesn't look like you accomplished that.

 

[shortbun]

Continuing saga - There was a pictorial memoir presented at the memorial service. Neither of his children were pictured at all.

That's a shame. Obviously his wife had something to do with all of this. Some people are just bad. If it was me, I'd sever all ties with her forever. Everyone would benefit.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That's a shame. Obviously his wife had something to do with all of this. Some people are just bad. If it was me, I'd sever all ties with her forever. Everyone would benefit.

Oh me too. I would never speak to her as long as live unless it was for legal or absolutely necessary reasons. She would be dead to me.

 

[DizBelle]

Not sure if you changed your mind, but it doesn't look like you accomplished that.

Actually, The DIS granted my request to change my user name. The problem was that my old user name included part of my real name. That is the only reason they will consider changing a user's name.

 

[sparklynails23]

It seems to me if your late FIL had been happy in his 2nd marriage, he would not have continued to harbor such ill feelings toward his ex. People that are happy let go of grudges, especially after so many years!


TC

That's exactly what I thought. The stepmother must not have made him very happy if his dying thought were of his ex-wife.

Why was it notarized. Is there money involved? Did he leave everything to the stepmom and want to make sure the kids couldn't contest it?

In any case, what a horrid thing to do.

 

[Aisling]

He could tell her he didn't have the courage to read it and burned it.

Don't let her know you read it!

 

[JessicaR]

Don't let her know you read it!

That would be great if she hasn't been told already. No satisfaction for her! What a wicked woman. With the latest update it does seem she was the evil behind the plot.

 

[okeydokey]

There are some things in life you just have to get through, sounds like the Memorial Service was one of those times. Now that it is over, he can decide how he wants to proceed and if he wants to have anything to do with the Dad's second wife. Personally, I would remove her from my life and I wouldn't look back. He doesn't need to say anything negative or malicious to her, just plan on living his life without her in it.

 

[disneyismyname]

That's awful. Sorry this happened to your husband, OP.

 

[Handbag Lady]

That's a shame. Obviously his wife had something to do with all of this. Some people are just bad. If it was me, I'd sever all ties with her forever. Everyone would benefit.

Oh me too. I would never speak to her as long as live unless it was for legal or absolutely necessary reasons. She would be dead to me.

I would just stop talking and interacting with her. If she calls, don't answer. If she emails, don't answer. Don't answer the door. If you see her in public, turn around. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how much hurt she (and her husband) caused. Don't even tell her why you're not talking to her.

 

[rie'smom]

That was a hateful thing to do! Apparently, your fil could not let go of his past. It reminds me of the way parents act in a bitter divorce and put their kids in the middle not really caring how they hurt them. As for the stepmother, she would never ever hear from me again. Is she as spiteful a witch as she appears? If she is, then rest easy in the fact that she must live one miserable life.

 

[ols386]

That was a hateful thing to do! Apparently, your fil could not let go of his past. It reminds me of the way parents act in a bitter divorce and put their kids in the middle not really caring how they hurt them. As for the stepmother, she would never ever hear from me again. Is she as spiteful a witch as she appears? If she is, then rest easy in the fact that she must live one miserable life.

That's exactly what it sounds like to me. And not only that, but the step-mother got involved in it. It was really a very self-centered thing for the fil and his wife to do.