letter from father....

[DizBelle]

Loooooooooooong time DIS member here, posting under new id for anonymity (just in case).

My FIL died last Friday. Yesterday, my DH gets a package from his stepmother containing a letter written by FIL a few months ago. In it, all he does is basically bash DH's mother. He basically is saying that she is a worthless human being.

DH was hoping for some sentimental musings on their father/son relationship. Not so. Needless to say, DH is not too happy.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Loooooooooooong time DIS member here, posting under new id for anonymity (just in case).

My FIL died last Friday. Yesterday, my DH gets a package from his stepmother containing a letter written by FIL a few months ago. In it, all he does is basically bash DH's mother. He basically is saying that she is a worthless human being.

DH was hoping for some sentimental musings on their father/son relationship. Not so. Needless to say, DH is not too happy.

I wouldn't be, either. Did dear old dad have dementia or anything like that near the end?

 

[DWGal210]

I'm sorry, thats awful.

I echo a PP - did he have dementia?

 

[monkeybug]

Wow, that's weird. My Grandpa recently passed away and he wrote a letter to each of his daughters basically telling them how disappointed he was with them in the days leading up to his death. (or at least I think that's the gist of what they said from what I've been told)

 

[DizBelle]

I wouldn't be, either. Did dear old dad have dementia or anything like that near the end?

No. There has been drama between FIL and MIL for many years so it isn't surprising that he thinks this. I just wouldn't think he would choose his last letter to his son to express it (and basically nothing else).

Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised. It's just sad and I don't like seeing DH go through all this.

 

[ols386]

Wow, that's awful.

So did the dad tell the stepmother to give the letter to your dh AFTER FIL passed away? Or did the dad write the letter in a moment of anger, never intending for your dh to read it?

Either way, I wouldn't be happy at all with the stepmother. Even if FIL did tell her to give it to your dh, she did not have to. That's just mean.

 

[ols386]

Wow, that's weird. My Grandpa recently passed away and he wrote a letter to each of his daughters basically telling them how disappointed he was with them in the days leading up to his death. (or at least I think that's the gist of what they said from what I've been told)

IMO, if one cannot tell their loved ones how they really feel before they pass away, then just let it go. That letter was intended to hurt the daughters.

 

[DizBelle]

The letter is dated last September - 7 months before he died. Instructed to be delivered after he died. He even had it notarized. I'm not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.

 

[ols386]

The letter is dated last September - 7 months before he died. Instructed to be delivered after he died. He even had it notarized. I'm not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.

Then it sounds like FIL just wanted to make sure he got one last dig in about your dh's mother. And all it really did, was cause hurt for your dh.

If I were in your dh's shoes, I'm not so sure that I could ever forgive my dad for doing that. That really is mean.

 

[luvmy3]

Did your dh have a close relationship with his father?

 

[Laura24]

if I were in your DH's shoes, I know personally I would harbor some resentment towards my stepmother just based on comparisons of relationships. How selfish of your FIL to not think of his son enough to keep his feelings to himself. Hopefully your DH can move on and be a better husband/father than his own was to him.

 

[Pigeon]

If the stepmother didn't help write the letter, I wouldn't blame her for it. She was fulfilling the last wishes of her dying husband. I actually would think it would be inappropriate for her to fail to pass on the last communication.

 

[agnes!]

The stepmother might have thought it was something nice and could be just as shocked as anyone else as to what was in the letter.

agnes!

 

[S. C.]

I'm wondering if it is stuff he wrote down to try and put the past behind him (meant to throw away) and didn't really mean for your DH to actually see it.


ETA: Read this after I posted.

The letter is dated last September - 7 months before he died. Instructed to be delivered after he died. He even had it notarized. I'm not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.

I'm sorry (hug) no idea why he would write that letter.

 

[ols386]

If the stepmother didn't help write the letter, I wouldn't blame her for it. She was fulfilling the last wishes of her dying husband. I actually would think it would be inappropriate for her to fail to pass on the last communication.

If it was not a sealed letter, and stepmother had never read it, then yes, I don't see that she did anything other than just fulfill FIL's last wishes.

OTOH, if she did know what the letter said, and if she used common sense, she would know that the letter would be hurtful, and not give it to the son. At that point in time, FIL would never know.

 

[JessicaR]

That's awful. I am so sorry your husband has to deal with this. Why can't people think things like this through - that act was extremely SELFISH! Give your husband some extra hugs.

 

[ols386]

I'm wondering if it is stuff he wrote down to try and put the past behind him (meant to throw away) and didn't really mean for your DH to actually see it.

According to the following post, it sounds like it was indeed intended to be delivered.

The letter is dated last September - 7 months before he died. Instructed to be delivered after he died. He even had it notarized. I'm not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.

 

[S. C.]

According to the following post, it sounds like it was indeed intended to be delivered.

I edited my post. Read that after I posted my reply.

 

[DizBelle]

We believe that they wrote it together. While all of the words may not have been his, we believe that he was on board with the content and meaning of the letter.

 

[Gigi22]

Sadly, it has been left to your DH to show himself to be the better man. It is so sad that your FIL and his wife chose to leave such a painful legacy. My condolences.