Let your DD go to a playdate or sleepover if only dad at home

[SingleFather]

This is something that I and other single fathers plus stay at home dads struggle with daily. My daughter has a group of friends she regularly plays with when I am not over-scheduling her . Most of her friend's parents have no issue with them coming over to play at my house, but there are only a few that have said yes when my daughter has asked them for a sleep over.

Most of the time some will ask if my daughter can sleep over there but it is not something you can ask. Nothing is ever said but it is implied they are not comfortable as I am a single father. I get it, I understand the statistics, and I don't bother to point out that women statistically are more likely to physically abuse their kids.

I know there are some who just "will not take that chance", but I am fortunate having gotten to know many of the parents that my daughter gets to have friends over on her "turf" if that makes sense.

What do you would you allow in this situation? Is it different if the single dad was raising a son, would your son be allowed to sleepover with his friend if a dad was the only parent in the house? I have no frame of reference since I am twisted around the finger of a girl and gave up my man card years ago when I sat through a Miley Cirus 3D movie!

 

[dngnb8]

Gee wilikers, I would say let JoePa chaperone the party. I must say, this thread is nothing like you have ever posted before.....

Hook

 

[kellyg403]

A friend of ours is a single dad to 2 dd's and 2 ds. The boys have spent the night here with my sons ( I was a single mom) and my dd's have spent the night there with only dad available.

I knew the family really well, our kids had been going to school together since kindegarten etc etc. I had more of an issue, when the kids were younger, of wanting to sleep over at people's homes where I did not know the parents well. It didn't matter if they were single, a grandma or a grandpa whatever. I had to know the parents in some type of social setting before I said yes. Oddly, though, I didn't care if the kids asked friends from school where I didn't know the parents, to sleep here.

Kelly

 

[Family Fun Mom]

Single dads with primary custody are a little more common now compared to when I was growing up. It was practically unheard of back then. Each of my kids has had a friend that lives with dad full time. I have the same general rule for them as I do for kids with a single mom or married parents. I need to have met the parent and have some sort of sense of what they are like (or dh needs to know them and give his thumbs up). Once I know them, it's all good.

 

[BCV513]

As long as I knew you or at least had met you a few times and knew the type of person you were, I'd be fine with it.

 

[Shmily1]

It didn't matter to me which parent it was that was home (or both) but DS and DD would not stay at anyone's house if I had not met the parent(s). If I knew the parent(s), then it was good. It did amaze me that strangers were more than willing to let little Bobbie Sue come stay over at our house and had never even seen me though.

 

[descovy]

No single dad here, but I work retail and often have to leave the house at 6:30 am. So for sleepovers, I often let the other parent know. There hasn't been an issue with it (yet)

My dd's best friend (tied at the hip from age 5-10!) recently moved 100 miles away when her parents got a divorce. But since her dad still lives at the old house, sometimes the girls sleepover when he has visitation.

I don't have an issue with it. In all honestly I did not have a very good mother growing up, and my dad's home was a much safer/stable place. So heaven help anyone who woulda let their kid sleepover at my mom's, but not sleepover at my dad's

I will note, I've met more and more parents who don't let their kids sleepover/go to sleepaway camp at all. Or constantly fret the rare times they do allow it. So I wouldn't blame it on the single-dad... just a heightened sense of fear than years past...

 

[MUFFYCAT]

As long as I knew you or at least had met you a few times and knew the type of person you were, I'd be fine with it.

 

[dislal]

This issue has come up for my dd14, my DD has 2 friends who live primarily with their dads the one guy was a part time SAHD before his wife divorced him sad situation I knew him really well he was the dad who did car pools preschool and elementary field trips my DD's soccer coach one year, I saw him quite often. He is an EXCELENT dad. Now that his wife kicked him out and he is living on his own I prefer my DD to stay at his house over the mom's house with her new boyfriend.

DD also as another friend who lives with her dad and grandfather and I've never met either one, so nope she has never spent any time over there.

So I guess my suggestion is put yourself out there and let everyone see you are a good dad and just want what is best for your DD.

 

[Bob NC]

Gee wilikers, I would say let JoePa chaperone the party.

For the life of me I can't figure out why you even post.

 

[SingleFather]

It did amaze me that strangers were more than willing to let little Bobbie Sue come stay over at our house and had never even seen me though.

I don't know every single parent of every friend she has gone to see that well. I have done drop off parties and didn't know all the parents. I guess I trust my instincts and don't run through an interview process with every parent. I always let her play outside unsupervised now since we live on a closed end one way in and out street.

My only rule is outside only unless she calls and lets me she is going inside a house but I will admit to being a lot more what someone called free range than helicopter with my girl.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I don't see how a single dad is any different from a household where there is a mom and a dad. Let's face it - if the dad is inclined to do something inappropriate to/with the little girls sleeping over, the mum either won't know about it (he'll sneak in and hide it from her) or she will be in deep denial i.e. there's nothing whatsoever about having a mom also in the house that protects those girls unless she is sleeping in the room with them (maybe). What looks like a stable loving relationship between a couple can often be something completely opposite.

A single dad has to be both mom and dad to his kids, and he would have developed many nurturing traits that so many uninvolved dads miss out on. Just because there is a mom and a dad in a household, does not mean that the dad is any good as a dad, does not mean he isn't going to turn into a raging lunatic if the kids do something wrong, and does not mean that he doesn't have some weird proclivities ......

It all comes down to knowing the other parent (s) and being comfortable.

 

[mamacatnv]

Would not bother me in the least. I am generally much more leery of the recent girlfriend/boyfriend of single parents than I have ever been of the parent themselves.

 

[dngnb8]

For the life of me I can't figure out why you even post.

Im sorry, I failed to see in the ToS where you had to approve posts before submission.

 

[Robinrs]

Would not bother me in the least. I am generally much more leery of the recent girlfriend/boyfriend of single parents than I have ever been of the parent themselves.

Now THAT is a statistic!

 

[Robinrs]

Im sorry, I failed to see in the ToS where you had to approve posts before submission.

 

[Disney Doll]

And I fail to see, dngnb8, why a good number of your posts have to be nasty, sarcastic or have some sort of "edge" to them, but I guess the anonymity of the Internet makes one braver than one can be IRL.

To get back to the topic at hand...I think these days with more divorces and, sadly, more folks dying at younger ages of diseases like cancer, it probably means there will be more single dads (and moms).

I think a PP gave good advice...be "out and about" involved in your DDs life so parents get to know you.

 

[happygirl]

I would have swore there was a post about this same thing a few months ago.

 

[dngnb8]

And I fail to see, dngnb8, why a good number of your posts have to be nasty, sarcastic or have some sort of "edge" to them, but I guess the anonymity of the Internet makes one braver than one can be IRL.

So, you do to me what you complain about me doing? And I am like this IRL

I am very sarcastic naturally. This OP has a history, and I am not the only board member to comment on this, of starting threads that typically fall into a category of inflammatory. Threads that are charged for heated discussion. There is a word for that, but you get points if you point out the word here, which I find funny in itself.

Irony

 

[phorsenuf]

I would have swore there was a post about this same thing a few months ago.

There was. I recognized the same premise. A reincarnate perhaps?