Lesli's Live Long and Strong WISH Journal

[pearlieq]

You sound so happy, and the neatest thing of all is that it's all of your own making! This is the profits of all of your hard work! Great job!

I understand how you feel about the coats. I've been laying aside things to give away and it's really hard to let go, especially for things I really liked and for good quality clothes.

Hope you have a great night and I'll "see" you in the morning!

 

[Lesli54]

I am glad I sound happier. Overall, I do feel better and wonder why I ever let myself get to the point where I was just going through the motions from day to day.

This will be quick. I have to take some Brownies up for their first away event. They signed up early, so it is something special. The event is a Priarie Day event, complete with a real teepee, fur traders, and school life on the prairie. The people who do it are great and the girls are going to have a good time.

I did accomplish more in my office, although it is still not done. Didn't get to the rest of the kids room either. Between the basic cleaning, laundry, and company (that lasted longer than expected), it was amazing that I got much done at all. I did get the costume done for one of my older GS's to wear today. She is part of the Prairie Days.

AM snack was missed. Partly because I was working, partly because we hadn't gotten groceries yet. Lunch was a large salad w/ham, cheese, almonds & raisins. By the time the PM snack rolled around, I just didn't care what I ate (I seriously think part of it was tension of me losing and my friend not), so I had a handful of trail mix, 2 PB cups, and a handful of chips. The bad thing is that I didn't really want either and I wasn't really in a snacking mood. Supper was rotisserie chicken (Mike, the Galena Street Rub from Penzey's is great), green beans w/onion & almonds, and a sm salad (mainly tomatoes). Oh yeah, and a biscuit. Then after supper, I ate 2 homemade chocolate chip cookies. Didn't need them, but I think I was tired and they looked so good. Thankfully, they are going to a bake sale this morning.

Breakfast: 1 egg omelet w/cheese, yogurt, 1/2 slice toast
AM snack: will miss due to the event
Lunch: 1/2 Turkey on 7 grain, banana, carrots
PM snack: will probably miss due to the event
Supper: ?

Goals for day:
1. Have fun with my young GS
2. Walk and walk
3. Tackle more of my office when I get home

DH is on day #2 of not eating his late night meals. He did have some melon shortly before bed, but I figure that is an improvement over his usual and will leave him alone at that. He did mention that he lost a little and he slept through the night last night which amazed him.

Well, I better get going. I have a few things to do and breakfast to get before we leave.

Everyone have a great day!

 

[pearlieq]

Good morning!

Have fun your event today! It sounds like a neat time and a great opportunity for the girls!

Keep up the good work!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli,

I will have to check out that rub next time I am ordering from Penzeys. I used their Southwest seasoning with some hamburgers last night, was the best burger I have had in ages!
The Prairie Day event sounds like such fun for the kids! I hope the Brownies have a blast.

Keep up your great work and have a happy & healthy weekend!
Mike

 

[lillygator]

Yeah for your DH! Melon is much healthier! Hope you have a fun day today...sounds like you will be busy!

 

[Cruise04]

Hope your Prairie Event was a success and fun. I saw on another thread that you are going to the GS Convention. I was hoping to go but since I'm not a delegate and know a bit of what they are doing this year, I didn't think it was worth the money to go as a spectator. I AM going in 3 years (that's what I said 3 years ago). Hope you have a GREAT time!!!!

Keep up the good work!
Keep on
Chris

 

[pearlieq]

Hi!

I hope you had a good day yesterday and the event was fun!

Stay cool today--the temperatures are climbing back up again!

 

[Lesli54]

Where do I begin to count the woes. I really do not want to do this, but I must.

Breakfast was good, except I had a banana instead of a yogurt. I figured that I could take the yogurt for lunch. Thought about splitting a banana at lunch, but DD7 hasn't wanted to eat them lately. Of course, after I had my breakfast, she decides that she wants to take a banana for lunch. Figures. Then we left for the event. Brownies giggling all the way. I even took my water with. Of course, no AM snack. The event was fine. I have seen most of it before, but the girls loved it. Lunch was not quite what I had planned. DD18 made a whole turkey sandwich instead of a 1/2 and didn't put in any carrots. So I ate the whole sandwich and yogurt. Still not too bad and I was hungry out in that heat.

We left the event early since more than 1/2 of the girls registered in total didn't show and they were able to get through things quicker. We were dying of heat stroke practically. I was going to bring a cooler full of waters, but then read that drinks would be provided and when that happens, they are really good with the water. Well of course, this time they weren't. On the way home we stopped to pick up some water. It helped, but not enough as I had that heat exhaustion headache and was very tired. Well, you know what tired does. Back home, kids are gone. DD15 had brought back a doz cookies from the bake sale. I had one, then went back for another. Then I thought, I better get something that is good for me and ate 2 slices ham. Then I had one more cookie. By then, I didn't care, I didn't feel good, part from the heat, part from the sugar kicking in. So let's make things worse..........I ate one more cookie to top it off. I cannot remember when I have eaten so many cookies.

Then DH wants to go DQ for supper. I thought, processed, high fat, fried, and ice cream. NO!!!!!!!! I did manage to talk him out of it. He just couldn't understand that I didn't want ice cream, but truly I didn't. He even tried the, if I am not eating my extra 3 meals at night, shouldn't I get some ice cream for that?

So where do we go instead? Pizza Hut. Ahh, but I had a plan. There weren't as many of us and we would just get one pizza, thin crust, that would be just enough to feed us. I was only going to have 2 slices. Great idea. Enjoy, but don't overdo. When we got there, DH was thrilled to find the buffet was still on and told the waitress that we were just going to do the buffet. By then, I fell into the "better get your money's worth, I still have a headache, I am tired, I don't care" attitude. Of course, I know when I am tired that I make bad decisions and I even told myself that, but my response to myself was "I am tired, I don't care". Yeah, this is going far.

So I had 3 slices (thankfully, the buffet always has smaller slices), a little salad (too little), 3 bites of pasta (not worth it), and a decent size slice of dessert pizza (good, too sweet, not really worth it). I walked out knowing that it was much worse in the "before", but that didn't help. I was so mad because I had a plan. So.......Buffets are bad........plain and simple........either, I can't get my money's worth out of them anymore..........or I just fall into bad habits and eat too much. I was overstuffed and I really hate that feeling.

Where along the line did we think that feeling overstuffed was good? I must have at some point or I wouldn't be here. I kept thinking of Pearlieq's comments about returning to the old neighborhood. I don't like this. Of course, when I got home, I was tired from all the food and I didn't do much. It is just not worth it. I feel groggy today, and I am sure that it is from all the food yesterday.

This morning I considered giving up recording on Fitday, but I did.

I am mad at myself becuase I feel like I have wasted this month. I have not lost as much this month as I have in some of the past months. It is not really a plateau, it is more a lack of exercise and not really following balanced meals. Sure, most days I am not eating alot, but I am eating the same foods and that isn't good.

Breakfast: 1 egg omelet w/cheese, 1/2 slice 7 grain w/jelly, 2 slices ham, 6 oz. tea
AM snack: canteloupe
Lunch: A large salad
PM snack: banana smoothie
Supper: something well balanced, with a sm serving of ice cream to follow (that way DH doesn't feel deprived and a treat after supper a couple of times a week, might help him. I don't have to eat it and any time I do, it will be well portioned)

Goals for day:
1. Plan an exercise routine for Aug and mark on calendar
2. Finsih my WDW trip reports and 4 month progress to get my journal caught up. I feel like I have forgotten my goals
3. Finish the kiddies room
4. Clear the table in my office
5. Clear the daybed in my office
6. Bills
7. Exercise 15 min before each snack

I need to go about August a little differently. There are many things that I have learned along the way and being active feels great. But I still need to work on better meals and more exercise. I will have to figure out what I can do to make these things more of a reality in Aug.

Better get going. The bad day has passed and a new day has begun.

Everyone have a great losing day!

 

[kardiebelle]

Dear lesli, Your August plan sounds great. Yesterday sound like you did fine. We all have them days that are bad. We know they are bad and we learn from them. When you haven't had 3 cookies in such a long time then you have them your body might have needed the sugar from being so hot and tired. We all can find the sugar from much healthy foods but sometimes we need a little sweet. You made and saw the problem now you are going to fix it in August. Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing great. Today is a new day with no cookies and Pizza hut. Have a great day Smiles Kardiebelle

 

[Lesli54]

I am having a not so good day emotionally. Before I turn to food, I thought I should just get it out.

Obviously, my mind is very aware of the little time left before DD18 leaves. 14 days. I have tried to occupy my time and mind today and couldn't figure out for the life of me what was dragging me down today. Then as I am sorting bills, I decide to play some music. Billy Joel. After a few songs, "She's Always A Woman" comes on and I notice that my screen saver is up (a large collection of photos, filtered randomly). I looked at the computer and there is a picture of DD18. After that it was another and another and another. I wasn't imagining it. They were just randomly showing up. Out of all the pictures that could run trough, 95% of the ones being randomly selected were her. To top it off, they were of her and her various accomplishments and "growing up" times, like the GS Gold Award, England, Prom, Nat'l Honor Society, etc. I just can't stop the tears from rolling. I am so proud of her and so happy that she is so well rounded and I know that it is time for her to go, but it hurts so much.

It's funny, I am one of the most prepared moms in terms of accepting my children leaving. I am one of the few moms that has prepared my children well for leaving home. So why does it feel like it hurts more than it hurts those moms who can't stand to have their child away for 1 hr? Maybe they know their child will be back. I know that mine will be back for visits, but she will never come back to stay for long. It's a good thing, but I just don't know what the adjustment period will bring.

I better get going. Maybe I can try to get a few more bills done. Thanks for listening.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli!

I think you hit the nail on the head!! By doing such an amazing job preparing your DD for school and knowing what will be happening, you also know to expect the emotions that will come. Many parents just choose to live oblivous to the fact that their child is moving into their true adult phase. It also shows me that you know how good she is and how ready she is for all of the challenges the next few months will bring. I hope that amidst the sadness and loss you feel at her leaving you will remember to also feel the pride at the great person she is and will continue to become. You have cared enough to prepare her to leave so of course you are going to care so much about the actual leaving!!! As someone who works with students every day, all I can say to you is THANK YOU! Most parents these days are not preparing their children for college, they keep them sheltered and then at school the students flounder and crave for us to tell them what to do, instead of making decisions for themselves as well informed citizens. Your daughter will not be that student, because of you!!! Be proud of yourself too and know that because you did show her such care and love, she may be away physically but in both of your hearts she will never be gone!

I know it will be a challenge when she leaves and your instincts will be to call her every 5min, but you know that won't really help either one of you. This is an opportunity for you to deepen your relationship with her as she enters adulthood. I know you will do everything you need to for her! Be sure to come back here and post away when you feel those emotions making you want to turn to food. Now is the time for the healthier you too!

I know I said thank you, but I really mean it. You do not know what I do see from parents all of the time that makes their students lives at college harder because unlike you, they did not even think about what their child might need to be prepared to enter this new experience. (I hope that makes sense! And doesn't just sound like me complaining! heheh!)

I can definitely understand where your tears are coming from, so let em flow!! She sounds like someone you should be sooo proud of!! Have you thought about maybe grabbing some mom & DD time one night before she leaves, perhaps to scrapbook some of those pictures? A project where you both can share your memories and feelings from the events in the pictures, and you both end up with a great keepsake! Oooh, another idea I share with parents when I have presented to them during orientation is to give their student a pack of notecards with addressed/stamped envelopes with your address! So they can't say they never write because of stamps! I know nowadays email is usually the norm but a handwritten card is very retro cool and also another great keepsake of the experience.

I hope that you are feeling good and having a great day!
Mike

 

[Lesli54]

Thank you for all your kind words and support, Mike. Your words of thanks made me cry a little more, but it was of appreciation and taken in all the sincerity in which you intended.

I am a little better now, but still on the edge. I am trying real hard to not let DD18 see me cry so much, so far so good. A tear here or there when she leaves or just a comment about the fact that I will miss her, but she can call, is all I want for her to see. I want her to feel good about this, not feel bad because mom is so sad. All of the extra emotions is a little rare for me (not that I can't get emotional), but definitely not a daily basis, but maybe most of it will be out of the way when that time gets here.

I can't say that I turned to food, other than I did eat 2 cookies, but I think that was more a combination of being tired, some emotions, and the fact that I haven't eaten much today. Things aren't appealing. I did lay down for a bit and napped, more like laying in that half state and wishing I could really nap, but it has helped some.

I am taking your advice Mike and am going to put together some things for DD18 as a "Welcome to your new adventures" care package that I can hopefully sneak on her bed before we go. The stamps and envelopes are a must, plus post-its, maybe a thermometer, swiffer dust clothes, a letter from me, a framed picture of the family, some staples, a roll of quarters, a book with crocheting patterns (she wants to learn), and a few other things that I will eventually think of that she might forget. I am going to put it next to the case of GS Peanut Butter Patties that I bought for her. She said awhile back that she would love to have some to take with and she doesn't know I have them. Oh yeah, and some sparkling grape juice. She loves the stuff and we have it on special occasions for the kids and this is one of those occasions.

We will have to see what the schedule is those first few days when she moves in. Hard to tell since she is moving in early. I would like to have the family all go out for dinner one night with her in her new town.

Definitely feeling better.

Thanks for listening everyone.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli!

Glad you are feeling better! And you're welcome, I was glad to just offer a few words of support as we're talking what I do for a living and I love doing it. I think your care package sounds great!! All thoughtful and useful things! I also think going out to dinner with your family is a great idea. I know that I still cherish the memory of having breakfast with my mother and sister the Sunday of our move in weekend. It was a great time to fill them in on how Orientation was going so far (We moved in Friday, and Orientation went from Saturday to the next Saturday. My mom & sister stayed the first weekend at a nearby hotel) and to say goodbye for a while. I was about a 6 hour drive from home and we had no breaks until Thanksgiving.

I am so excited for the wonderful opportunities this new experience will provide your DD and you too! Keep your chin up if you can and come on in here to cry if you want to keep it from her!

Hope you have a great Sunday Night!
Mike

 

[Lesli54]

Getting back on track today. It is a new week and a new month, so time to make this one count as much as possible.

For the Lose 5 in July Challenge, I ended at 6/5. At least I exceeded the goal, but this was probably the worst month I have had since beginning this journey. My July Exercise Challenge ended at 405/1250. Very sad. I am thinking that I have an allergic reaction to exercise unless I am out traveling the World (England or WDW, take your pick).

Well, as you know, yesterday was hard to get through, but I did and today, I feel much better. I am hoping that it stays this way. I am sure that when we move the children around to new rooms in the house, it will be another emotionally challenging time, as I realize that DD18 will now be relegated to the daybed in my office or one of the couches when she comes to visit. How strange this all is.

The AM snack was a flop. I went to eat some canteloupe and it just didn't have a good taste, so I threw that out and grabbed 2 crackers. By the time lunch rolled around, it was emotion city and I just didn't know what to eat. My original plan didn't sound great. Then I thought, I will make chicken salad (like my sister's) with the left over rotisserie chicken. Only, I had very little miracle whip and a few green onions. So now it sits in the fridge, all cut up, waiting for me to get more onions, celery and miracle whip. So I grabbed a very small container of salad. Afterwards, I ate 2 cookies. I didn't want to turn to food and tried hard not to, but I hadn't eaten much, was tired and emotional. Amazingly, that was the first time that I realized how I turn to food for comfort because I could feel the calming effects that the cookies had after I ate them. Unfortunately, those effects are only temporary, and then the tiredness and all other side effects of the sugar kick in. But it was a light bulb moment for me and something I need to work on.

Took a nap. After that I ate 2 pieces of ham and 2 crackers, followed by a Tbsp of PB. I was not really in the mood for supper, as I was just starting to come around to getting some real work done. But I did stop. I had a very large t-bone steak and 1/4 c. potato salad.

After that, I did get quite a few things done. I had planned to get to bed early, but stayed up late working on bills. So, up late this morning.

Breakfast: cream of wheat & 1 yogurt
AM snack: veggies & cheese
Lunch: chicken salad on salad
PM snack: fruit
Supper: ?

Goals for day:
1. Work on yesterday's goals that didn't get done.

Ok, I am ready to lose lots this month. Back to the basics if I need to. Everyone will be back in school and I can get things back on a normal routine again, so to speak. Isn't it hard to believe that the last 1/2 of the year is beginning to fly by already?

DH is still doing good on his plan. We'll see if I can get him to actually weigh in.

Everyone have a great day and THANK YOU so much for listening. It really did help, escpecially when you consider that yesterday could have been much worse food wise, but it wasn't. Thanks guys.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli!

Had a second free and wanted to come by and say hi! Sounds like you are having a better day and I am glad about that!
I like your idea for a traveling the World weight loss plan! heck, I would just do a traveling Disney World plan like you said! Imagine, losing weight by walking through Disney and having the fabulous Disney Chef's prepare each healthy meal... When you first start the plan you could be housed at one of the All Stars and as you reach each new goal you move to a new resort culminating in Grand Floridian Conceirge for the maintenance plan! hehe Ohh, dare to dream! LOL

have a wonderful Monday!
Mike

 

[pearlieq]

Good Morning!

I think you did an amazing job yesterday--I'm really proud of you for staying in control and redirecting your emotional eating! I can only imagine how emotional this time in your life is--I think staying open and honest about it (even if only here) is very good for you.

Great job on the July challenge!!! I'm sure August will be just as great. Hopefuly when the routine of the school year begins again it will be easier to squeeze in exercise for yourself. Have you looked back over your journal to times when you were doing more? It might help to go back and see how you motivated yourself and how you fit it all in.

Have a wonderful day, and stay out of this heat!!!

 

[honeymo78]

Lesli - great job on the weight loss in July - I know you'll be able to pick up the exercise this month. You made me hungry for chicken salad - no if I only weren't too lazy to cook up some of the frozen chicken (maybe this weekend I'll do it) =)

 

[Lesli54]

Well, day two of the new month. Here I am thinking that it is going slow, but if I hesitate, it will be gone.

Yesterday was pretty good. I did manage to get alot of work done. Mostly paper, so nothing really "looks" better physically. Oh well. We will tackle that today.

AM snack was gr peppers & cheese. Lunch was a late, but as planned w/ a couple of Wheatables added. DH was driving me crazy. When he has to have something for the business, it is always NOW, and he goes rummaging through all my paperwork, not knowing where to look. It drives me nuts. If he could wait just a few minutes, I could almost instantly put my hands on what he needs. Now when I need something off his computer at the store, I could wait for days unless I go get it myself. Between his distractions and the kids, it is amazing that I accomplish anything.

PM snack was grapes & a piece of ham. Then feeling still snacky, I got 2 vanilla wafers. After that I ate another piece of ham & cheese. Of course, by then, I wasn't really hungry for supper. We had leftovers. I had a hot dog on 7 grain and a few chips. Not great.

DD18's fish died yesterday. I feel so bad for DD15, as she had cleaned his tank earlier and I wonder if she thinks she did something wrong, but she says she is fine. The youngest two handled the news well and we had to have a fishy burial last night. It was a betta fish and they only live a few years, but you don't know how long they sit in the pet stores before purchasing.

Breakfast: 1 egg omelet w/cheese, 1/2 slice 7 grain toast, grapes
AM snack: veggies & cheese
Lunch: tuna wrap
PM snack: smoothie
Supper: grilled chicken on a salad (I will have to eat early tonight, have a meeting)

Goals for day:
1. 15 minutes exercise to DVD or dance before each snack
2. GS paperwork and loose ends
3. Some bookwork
4. Get the house spiffed back up before it gets out of hand
5. Send that check to pay for college. OUCH! (Anyone have a job I can do from home? )

Time to vent a little, please forgive me: I have a friend whose daughter wanted to go to school to be a dr. She is the same age as DD18 and is quite smart according to tests, academics, but has some real air head tendencies. Don't get me wrong, I really like her, great kid. She was going to go to school locally, but mom talked her out of it as a private school is too many $ (mind you they get financial aid up the whazoo, so a small student loan to help offset is a big deal?, not to mention she could commute from home, therefore lowering the cost). Anyway, the girl decides that she doesn't want to do anything and now wants to go to a community college since is doesn't make sense to rack up expenses on a career that she may never go into BECAUSE she wants to start her family soon so that she can see her great grandchildren one day (as if that is guaranteed), and the boyfriend is close by. Mom thinks this is a mistake (I agree), BUT has forced her to accept at the U of I. As it turns out, some other scholarships and grants come through recently and she has her entire first year 100% pd for. I am happy for her, but since this is all forced and she doesn't know anymore what she wants, I see her leaving school and basically throwing away the scholarships. It's almost there, as her mom is afraid that she didn't take enough "blow off" courses and just isn't prepared for all the hard work. WHY?! Why isn't there an assessment test on these college funds that checks to see how serious a person's intent is to go to school and stick it out? I hate seeing kids throw away the funding (seen alot lately) just because they aren't ready and then you have kids who are fully ready, who don't get the funding breaks. It just irks me. I would have given anything at the age of 18 for a whole year pd at U of I. Ok, enough of the rant.

Everyone have a great and wonderful day!

 

[pearlieq]

Good morning! Yesterday sounds like a good and productive day for you!

I too am amazed at how much you accomplish between the family, the business, and all of your activities! You're a pro!

I totally hear your point about college. Sometimes I wonder how smart it is to have kids leave for college fresh out of high school. I really wasn't ready--I picked a college close to home so I wouldn't have to leave my church and friends and the boy I was so in loooooove with (who, of course, was a total disaster). I got almost a full ride from the college, and they had an outstanding faculty, but aside from that it was a terrible choice for me. The atmosphere was all wrong for me. Plus, I was still deep in an adolescent funk and had little life direction. To say that those three years were wasted would be an understatement. Yeah, I have a degree, but I don't remember getting all that much out of the experience.

I kind of wish we'd get back to the idea of the gap year--I think one matures quite a bit when out of institutional education. I think kids who have to find some direction on their own for a year would do much better with the independence of college. Of course there are kids who have plenty of direction and are well-prepared for college, but I think most founder for at least a year or two. Why spend the money when they're not getting all they can out of it? I think you raise some very good points!

 

[rcyannacci]

Morning, Lesli. Sounds like an emotionally exhausing week, but you're doing great. That emotional eating is a hard one to look in the face, I've found. We like to think we are so much more in control. I had one of those same moments a few weeks ago, and it shook me a little. But it seems like writing some of those feelings out here is really productive for you.

The home-away-from-home package for your DD sounds wonderful. The hardest moment moving in, as I remember, is the hour after your parents leave and you'll make that a lot easier with this. Does she have a phone card? If not, that would make a good addition.

Remember 6 pound is still a lot for the July challenge...you are continuing to move forward toward your goal and looking and feeling better with each step.

BTW- I see tons of freshman students in my classes who aren't ready to be there yet. Many of them come up to me at the end of the semester in tears because they are about to lose their scholarships because they can't maintain the required average. 18 is a tricky age; some are ready to take on responsiblity and some aren't...and even the ones who can will have some missteps. Hopefully once your friend's daughter gets there, she'll awaken to the possibilities.

Anyway, hope you have a good week. Good luck with continuing to organize