Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[Gracie09]

Well yeah I was responding to the fact that people were saying but it's disney world the safest place on earth. Everyone there is a Grandpa! and the post that said that women commit just as many sex crimes as men which is ridicoulus.

wow way to take it out of context. (and misquote to boot). Women can commit sex crimes just as easily as men. Female sex crimes against males are under reported for a number of reasons (do some research) Any mens bathroom at Disney will contain grandfathers, uncles, fathers, nephews, sons, cousins etc most of who will help a child in need of assistance. Grandpa is actually more likely to be a molester than a perfect stranger at disney. If you are determined to keep your preteen child perfectly safe, then bring him in the stall with you. I don't know how you plan on protecting your child from behind a locked door with your pants down. I sorry (not sorry) that I refuse to dismiss half the population of the country and likely child predators just because of their sex. Stranger danger is no longer taught because the person likely to help a child out of a bad situation would be a stranger.

Its the dismissive attitude toward girls and their feelings that annoys me. Girls are repeatedly told during the course of their lives they should be quiet, demur and act like ladies. That boys will be boys and they should tolerate it. That is simply wrong. I teach my daughters to stand up for themselves and when they see a kid their age in the ladies room they think nothing of saying what are you doing in the girls room to them.

 

[Tara1988]

When i referenced girls in puberty, I'm referring to any girl who may be in the restroom. Your son may be under 10, but that doesn't mean all the girls in the restroom are under 10. I also was not referencing a 5 year old. I have no issue with a 5 year old boy in a ladies room. An 8 year old is an entirely different story.

As for the other part..I never discounted the discomfort the boy may feel. I was responding to you because you did discount any discomfort young girls may feel, saying they shouldn't feel that if the boy us behaving appropriately. Whether gyou think they should feel a certain way, gyou don't get to make that decision for them.

Neither child's comfort should negatively affect the other. The compromise of bringing a boy into the stall with you addresses it somewhat..not entirely, but it's at least a compromise. If gyou isn't comfortable having the boy in the stall with gyou, then they shouldn't be in the ladies room at all. Just saying that girls need to suck it up and deal is not an appropriate way to handle it, IMO.

But you're doing the same thing to the boy's comfort and feelings. You're saying if he isn't comfortable going alone by a certain age, he has to deal with it. That's like punishing him for not having a male role model. I remember being in my teens and my brother would still come in the women's bathroom with us at Disney world and universal, he was around 8-10. He would have rather let his bladder burst than go into a bathroom alone in crowded place like that. Family bathrooms were never available or convenient to where we were. He will be 20 this year and still will not use a multi-stall bathroom in an unfamiliar place. So I guess you saying a child should be comfortable by age 8 is the same as me saying a child should not be bothered by another child in the bathroom who isn't paying them any attention.

 

[Hikergirl]

But you're doing the same thing to the boy's comfort and feelings. You're saying if he isn't comfortable going alone by a certain age, he has to deal with it. That's like punishing him for not having a male role model. I remember being in my teens and my brother would still come in the women's bathroom with us at Disney world and universal, he was around 8-10. He would have rather let his bladder burst than go into a bathroom alone in crowded place like that. Family bathrooms were never available or convenient to where we were. He will be 20 this year and still will not use a multi-stall bathroom in an unfamiliar place. So I guess you saying a child should be comfortable by age 8 is the same as me saying a child should not be bothered by another child in the bathroom who isn't paying them any attention.

He does have to deal with it by finding an alternative that doesn't involve using the female restroom and making the females in there uncomfortable. That isn't punishment, that is life, its being responsible, its being considerate of those girls in there that don't expect to see a boy in there. The 8 year old may not be capable of realizing that but his parents sure are.

The fact is that in the woman's restroom their comfort comes first.

 

[cruisingtwins]

wow way to take it out of context. (and misquote to boot). Women can commit sex crimes just as easily as men. Female sex crimes against males are under reported for a number of reasons (do some research) Any mens bathroom at Disney will contain grandfathers, uncles, fathers, nephews, sons, cousins etc most of who will help a child in need of assistance. Grandpa is actually more likely to be a molester than a perfect stranger at disney. If you are determined to keep your preteen child perfectly safe, then bring him in the stall with you. I don't know how you plan on protecting your child from behind a locked door with your pants down. I sorry (not sorry) that I refuse to dismiss half the population of the country and likely child predators just because of their sex. Stranger danger is no longer taught because the person likely to help a child out of a bad situation would be a stranger.

Its the dismissive attitude toward girls and their feelings that annoys me. Girls are repeatedly told during the course of their lives they should be quiet, demur and act like ladies. That boys will be boys and they should tolerate it. That is simply wrong. I teach my daughters to stand up for themselves and when they see a kid their age in the ladies room they think nothing of saying what are you doing in the girls room to them.

But they don't. And yes I've done plenty of research. Men will commit most of the sex crimes reported and unreported it's just a fact whether you like it or not. I'm ok with not trusting half the population on this issue. When men stop doing the horrifying things they do then I can trust them. I'm ok on bringing a whatever age kid into the stall with me if I felt he would not be safe in the men's room.

I have never seen a boy peeking through the gaps but I feel that is a parenting issue that can be solved simply by telling the kid to stand by the sink or whatever.

 

[Tara1988]

He does have to deal with it by finding an alternative that doesn't involve using the female restroom and making the females in there uncomfortable. That isn't punishment, that is life, its being responsible, its being considerate of those girls in there that don't expect to see a boy in there. The 8 year old may not be capable of realizing that but his parents sure are.

The fact is that in the woman's restroom their comfort comes first.

What is the alternative? A family restrooms is not always an option and not always available. I guess he could pee in a bush, but that actually would be inappropriate. Or I could take him into the men's restroom, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be okay either.

 

[Angel Ariel]

But you're doing the same thing to the boy's comfort and feelings. You're saying if he isn't comfortable going alone by a certain age, he has to deal with it. That's like punishing him for not having a male role model. I remember being in my teens and my brother would still come in the women's bathroom with us at Disney world and universal, he was around 8-10. He would have rather let his bladder burst than go into a bathroom alone in crowded place like that. Family bathrooms were never available or convenient to where we were. He will be 20 this year and still will not use a multi-stall bathroom in an unfamiliar place. So I guess you saying a child should be comfortable by age 8 is the same as me saying a child should not be bothered by another child in the bathroom who isn't paying them any attention.

I didn't actually discount the boy's comfort or feelings. I even specifically said (see bolded phrases):

When i referenced girls in puberty, I'm referring to any girl who may be in the restroom. Your son may be under 10, but that doesn't mean all the girls in the restroom are under 10. I also was not referencing a 5 year old. I have no issue with a 5 year old boy in a ladies room. An 8 year old is an entirely different story.

As for the other part..I never discounted the discomfort the boy may feel. I was responding to you because you did discount any discomfort young girls may feel, saying they shouldn't feel that if the boy us behaving appropriately. Whether gyou think they should feel a certain way, gyou don't get to make that decision for them.

Neither child's comfort should negatively affect the other. The compromise of bringing a boy into the stall with you addresses it somewhat..not entirely, but it's at least a compromise. If gyou isn't comfortable having the boy in the stall with gyou, then they shouldn't be in the ladies room at all. Just saying that girls need to suck it up and deal is not an appropriate way to handle it, IMO.

Never once did I say that a child should be comfortable by age 8, so please don't put words in my mouth.

What I said was that if the mom isn't comfortable having their son in the stall with them, then they shouldn't be in the ladies room at all. There is quite a difference between those statements.

I'm not saying that by age 8 he needs to be comfortable with it. But by age 8, compromises need to be made to take into account BOTH gender's feelings. Whether that's finding a companion restroom, going into the stall with the mother, or something like what was discussed earlier in this thread with safe words the boy can use when in the men's room with the mom standing outside the door. Is it perfect? No. No compromise is. But it's better than telling one or the other they just need to suck it up and deal.

 

[Hikergirl]

What is the alternative? A family restrooms is not always an option and not always available. I guess he could pee in a bush, but that actually would be inappropriate. Or I could take him into the men's restroom, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be okay either.

Its not my job to figure out an alternative its yours as his parent. I realize your son is older, but if you know your child has issues, then its your job to help him with those. If you think that includes making other's uncomfortable in a place where they shouldn't have to be because you think you are entitled too, then I just don't even know what to say.

 

[Gracie09]

But they don't. And yes I've done plenty of research. Men will commit most of the sex crimes reported and unreported it's just a fact whether you like it or not. I'm ok with not trusting half the population on this issue. When men stop doing the horrifying things they do then I can trust them. I'm ok on bringing a whatever age kid into the stall with me if I felt he would not be safe in the men's room.

I have never seen a boy peeking through the gaps but I feel that is a parenting issue that can be solved simply by telling the kid to stand by the sink or whatever.

. I am sorry you feel you cannot trust half the population of the country but women commit just as horrible crimes as men. Being a criminal is not gender specific. Crimes women commit against males are some of the most underreported crimes for a variety of reasons most because the males feel they will not be believed. But that doesn't change the fact that a child is much less likely to be abused by a stranger in a bathroom than in his neighbors house school church his own house etc. it doesn't matter where that bathroom is. And like it or not Disney by virtue of being expensive to enter and being monitored by camera and security personnel and yes by being attractive to families makes it statically less likely than most other places of having a child attacted in a bathroom. Millions of people visit Disney every year. If boys were being molested in the bathrooms it would make the news. They make the news for less all the time.

 

[Gracie09]

What is the alternative? A family restrooms is not always an option and not always available. I guess he could pee in a bush, but that actually would be inappropriate. Or I could take him into the men's restroom, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be okay either.

I assume he uses the appropriate gender bathroom at school or when on a field trip. Most children, my own included, are capable of much more than we give them credit for. They just need the confidence to do it

 

[mjkacmom]

But you're doing the same thing to the boy's comfort and feelings. You're saying if he isn't comfortable going alone by a certain age, he has to deal with it. That's like punishing him for not having a male role model. I remember being in my teens and my brother would still come in the women's bathroom with us at Disney world and universal, he was around 8-10. He would have rather let his bladder burst than go into a bathroom alone in crowded place like that. Family bathrooms were never available or convenient to where we were. He will be 20 this year and still will not use a multi-stall bathroom in an unfamiliar place. So I guess you saying a child should be comfortable by age 8 is the same as me saying a child should not be bothered by another child in the bathroom who isn't paying them any attention.

It appears your brother has anxiety issues that are not the norm. There is no reason to assume you son will inherit them.

 

[Tara1988]

Its not my job to figure out an alternative its yours as his parent. I realize your son is older, but if you know your child has issues, then its your job to help him with those. If you think that includes making other's uncomfortable in a place where they shouldn't have to be because you think you are entitled too, then I just don't even know what to say.

I have figured out the alternative. Until he's comfortable going alone, he will use the bathroom according to the adult that is with him. My oldest is 5 by the way, so I don't know what you consider older.

I assume he uses the appropriate gender bathroom at school or when on a field trip. Most children, my own included, are capable of much more than we give them credit for. They just need the confidence to do it

His classroom has 1 bathroom that they all share. And as I stated, the issue is with unfamiliar crowded places. Ones that I wouldn't allow him to walk around unattended.

 

[cruisingtwins]

. I am sorry you feel you cannot trust half the population of the country but women commit just as horrible crimes as men. Being a criminal is not gender specific. Crimes women commit against males are some of the most underreported crimes for a variety of reasons most because the males feel they will not be believed. But that doesn't change the fact that a child is much less likely to be abused by a stranger in a bathroom than in his neighbors house school church his own house etc. it doesn't matter where that bathroom is. And like it or not Disney by virtue of being expensive to enter and being monitored by camera and security personnel and yes by being attractive to families makes it statically less likely than most other places of having a child attacted in a bathroom. Millions of people visit Disney every year. If boys were being molested in the bathrooms it would make the news. They make the news for less all the time.

Women commit crimes as well but not even in the same ballpark as men. And sex crimes not even in the same planet as men. ANd yes female sex offenders are under reported so are the male ones.

 

[Tara1988]

It appears your brother has anxiety issues that are not the norm. There is no reason to assume you son will inherit them.

He walked in on 2 men engaged in inappropriate activity in a public bathroom when he was 4, so his issues are understandable. But the reason for the discomfort isn't the issue. I just said that to say age doesn't determine when a child is comfortable with or capable of using the bathroom alone(in an unfamiliar crowded place)

 

[snowman]

You could also give him one of your cell phones since you'll have two adults. He can take one, which would allow him to call you if he happens to get lost or separated and/or goes out the wrong exit.

Again, you're answering based on your feelings with your 5 year old. I don't think there's a single post in this thread about an 8 year old boy being totally fine going into the ladies.

LOVE the idea of letting him take one of our phones. I never even thought of that. Thank you so much!!

And I can't speak for other 8 year olds, but my son would opt to hold it all day and let his bladder burst if his only option was the ladies room.

 

[Angel Ariel]

I just said that to say age doesn't determine when a child is comfortable with or capable of using the bathroom alone(in an unfamiliar crowded place)

No one ever said age determines when a child is comfortable or capable of using the bathroom alone. Age does play a part, though, in determining when it is no longer appropriate to be in the opposite gender bathroom. A teenager, for just 1 example, should not be in the opposite gender bathroom. The teenager may not be comfortable with going alone to their own gender's bathroom, and in that case family or companion restrooms, or finding the smallest bathrooms (# of stall wise) possible, or visiting a restaurant bathroom, etc, may have to be done., or getting therapy to address the cause of the discomfort (for much older children..not talking about 5 or 8 yearly olds there) No one ever said that accommodations for the boy should never be made, but they shouldn't be made at the expense of someone else. There are ways to respect *both* boys and girls.

 

[aaarcher86]

But you're doing the same thing to the boy's comfort and feelings. You're saying if he isn't comfortable going alone by a certain age, he has to deal with it. That's like punishing him for not having a male role model. I remember being in my teens and my brother would still come in the women's bathroom with us at Disney world and universal, he was around 8-10. He would have rather let his bladder burst than go into a bathroom alone in crowded place like that. Family bathrooms were never available or convenient to where we were. He will be 20 this year and still will not use a multi-stall bathroom in an unfamiliar place. So I guess you saying a child should be comfortable by age 8 is the same as me saying a child should not be bothered by another child in the bathroom who isn't paying them any attention.

If your brother is 20 and still won't use a restroom out of some odd fear.... I don't even know what to say. That's bizarre. Honestly, that sounds like the type of kid another poster will raise with their outrageous fear of men. ETA: saw why he's uncomfortable, but personally, it's still odd to have that lingering fear at 20.

At the end of the day, we have to figure out how to get our kids needs taken care without causing a negative experience for someone else. It just is what it is. If at 8+ your son still needs a bathroom buddy, find a companion restroom or first aid. No, they aren't as abundant. It becomes YOUR responsibility to seek them out and stick him on the toilet.

I mean, imagine if we all just did what we needed to do without any regard for anyone else with our kids. There's just a politeness factor that after a certain age that I think needs to be acknowledge. If your son is out of the norm with his comfort, it's not everyone else's issue to deal with. It's yours. And by taking your son into a public restroom where you may be making others uncomfortable, you're making it theirs. Seeking out private restrooms puts the responsibility back on yourself.

 

[aaarcher86]

But they don't. And yes I've done plenty of research. Men will commit most of the sex crimes reported and unreported it's just a fact whether you like it or not. I'm ok with not trusting half the population on this issue. When men stop doing the horrifying things they do then I can trust them. I'm ok on bringing a whatever age kid into the stall with me if I felt he would not be safe in the men's room.

I have never seen a boy peeking through the gaps but I feel that is a parenting issue that can be solved simply by telling the kid to stand by the sink or whatever.

I think you just have a weird thing with men. You're aware your child is going to be one? I'm sure you wouldn't want women treating him with the same regard you're treating other men.

 

[aaarcher86]

What is the alternative? A family restrooms is not always an option and not always available. I guess he could pee in a bush, but that actually would be inappropriate. Or I could take him into the men's restroom, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be okay either.

Why can't you go into the men's restroom? Nothing to be ashamed of. Grown men shouldn't be bothered by a woman escorting her son, minding her own business. Right?

 

[BJ7644]

LOVE the idea of letting him take one of our phones. I never even thought of that. Thank you so much!!

And I can't speak for other 8 year olds, but my son would opt to hold it all day and let his bladder burst if his only option was the ladies room.

You could also consider a necklace whistle, like those used in camping/hiking. He could wear it or keep in a pocket but having it on him at all times would also be handy if he were separated from you both in another non bathroom situation and may prove quicker to use in any distress. I'd also use a safe word, as someone suggested earlier.

 

[cruisingtwins]

I think you just have a weird thing with men. You're aware your child is going to be one? I'm sure you wouldn't want women treating him with the same regard you're treating other men.

Being aware that men commit thre grand majority of the sex crimes is trating men badly? They are jsut facts nothing else. I treat men as I treat everyone.

Did you know that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse. Excuse me but i'm going to do the best I can to keep my children safe and I hope my son does the same if he decides to have kids. Sorry if that hurts the feelings of men.