I'm 99.9% that all of you have seen Shrek or at least a preview or picture of the movie, so you must all know what Princess Fiona looks like after sunset, right? For those of you who haven't seen her after sunset, just picture Shrek with hair.... yep, that should do it.....everybody got the picture now? Okay.....carry on.
So.... I know you're not going to believe this, but it's the honest to Pete truth....... Princess Ogre Fiona's UGLIER twin sister works in our warehouse!!! It's true.... I swear!! I've seen people ask for her autograph.... she's almost famous..... the almost famous "Viola Shrek". Now, before you all decide that I'm superficial and shallow, please keep in mind that I have absolutely NO right to pick on how someone looks. This fact is directly responsible for the lack of a picture in my signature.

I however, look in the mirror every morning and long ago ceased grieving the fact that God forgot to send me to his Beauty Parlor before releasing me to the world. And every morning after I've consulted the mirror for any changes in visual status, and chide myself for entertaining even a spark of hope, I still retain the presence of mind to NOT don a pair of skin tight spandex shorts that will show EVERY single one of her...... I don't even think you could call those ripples..... more like trenches..... and a T-shirt that does no less. I'm quite sure no one feels it necessary to inform her that bathing in 3 bottles of cheap perfume will do NOTHING to compensate for the lack of natural beauty, but maybe someone should.

She's a neckless, unattractive thing with hair that needs help and a wardrobe that needs expanding in more ways than one. I am well aware that some of this is no fault of her own, but what I don't understand is why she claims (out loud in public, mind you) to be "weary of being the Warehouse Sex Goddess." (Deb..... you promised!!! Hold GP back please.) And that she tires of being so attractive. Much to my dismay, my mental security system has blocked out her last ludicrous quote, in a valiant effort to protect me from further psychological damage. Maybe Tamie remembers it..... none-the-less, Tamie has a lot to be thankful for.... Viola Shrek needs a mirror...... and I probably do deserve soap for all the nasty things I just said.
So there it is.... Tamie is a beautiful person inside and out!!!