Kind of OT: I am numb

[Pooh_Friend#1]

To start off, my family is a very close family. I have a twin sister and that is my only sibling. She is my best friend (along with my mom) and we have never lived more than 10 miles away from each other. Almost 2 years ago she had b/g twins and I go over Tuesday/Fridays to hang out with them. I babysit my niece and nephew at the drop of a hat whenever they need me. My niece and nephew are like my own children to me. We have never been apart. Obviously my sister is my Matron of Honor, she has been going dress shopping with me and looking for places to have our receptions and going to all the tastings, bridal shows, etc.

I just found out that my BIL lost his job today and they are moving far away from me. I am devastated, the distance is too far away to be able to continue these things. I had envisioned in my head that I would be camped out at her house making things (party favors, flowers, etc) for the wedding and now that can't happen. No more taste testings or wedding dress shopping. I wanted to be the favorite aunt to my niece and nephew and have them comfortable enough to tell me anything and to come to me. I wanted to take them to McDonalds, Chucky Cheese, etc when they got older. She is hurting as well as me and I want to be strong for her, but all I can do is cry.

My DFi response is, "well at least they are not dead" which hasn't helped me at all. He didn't come from a close family so he does not understand. She is a DISer so I posted on here so that she doesn't see it since she doesn't come over here. This week is being spent on prepping their house to sell. I can't concentrate at work, I am so upset. Not only am I losing my sister but also my niece and nephew that I have devoted all my free time too. I just can't stop seeing them because it is now such a routine. How do I not lose the bond?

Thanks for listening and letting me get it out and cry on your shoulders.

Mods - if this can't be here, please just delete it instead of moving it on the community board. Thanks.

 

[tmli]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I understand the bond that can develop with neices and nephews and would be devastated as you are if I couldn't see them regularily. I don't have any words of wisdom, or some brilliant piece of advice. I just wanted to say I am sorry.

 

[DisneyFairy19]

I am so sorry to hear about that. My sister and I are very close too, though we dont have children, but I am sure I would be devasted if she had to move far away from me. Do you have a webcam you can talk to her live through the computer and see your niece and your nephew. I know it wont be the same.. I hope everything works out with your sister and her husband.. GL to you..

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

Im sorry to hear this is happening, keep your chin up & try & stay positive

I know it sounds bad now, but things happen for a reason.

Why do they have to move?
Where are they moving too?

Dont let this get you too upset, think about the postitive things

Right now she needs your support, so try & be there for her.

Everything will be ok & you can always come here for a cyber shoulder

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is not having that best friend with you when you are doing all the preparations for your wedding. Just try and find some new ways of making things special for you and your sister. Lots of hugs to you!

 

[Raspberry Bubbles]

I was in exactly the same situation as you - I have only one sibling and we lives hundreds of miles apart. I had visions of being able to pop around to each others' houses, and me to be the "favourite aunt" but I had to move right down the other end of England from my sister. I too had all of the same worries as you.

The simple truth is, I AM the favourite aunt - my two nieces and two nephews have two other aunts who live in very close proximity, but I am the one they consider their favourite - and although I'm not there very often, I talk to them on the phone, I send them packages of photos and letters and little gifts, even cookies that I have baked, and in the holidays the older ones come and stay with me (I'm a teacher) and we have the best time because I am able to save all the great activities that they really love to do and I can spoil them rotten! It's kind of a rite of passage - as soon as they get to school-going age, they "qualify" for the trip to see me, and it's fantastic.

My sister is very involved in my wedding - try and stop her! She phones to check on what I'm up to and we have a wedding site that we exchange opinions on. Technology means we are never really apart. When she needs to be there, like fittings, she will. We just make what we have work. After 5 years, it feels very easy to do

Me and the children have the best relationship and whenever I show up I'm guaranteed the biggest smiles and the warmest hugs and kisses.

Love will survive over ANY distance.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Thank you guys for understanding. Your words have touched my heart.

Rasberry Bubbles - I am defintely going to send them care packages and I am in the same situation because they are moving to where my BIL's family is (right down the street from his family.) I am afraid they will replace me when I have worked so hard to be a major part of their lives even though they are only almost 2 years old....they won't remember that time, but I sure will. I am very thankful I got to see all the major stages of sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, etc.

You guys are great, thank you so much.

 

[Raspberry Bubbles]

Of COURSE they will remember you - my one niece is only 3, my one nephew is only 4 and my youngest nephew is 3 months old, and I've been here for six years without them nearly - they sure know who I am! They remember kindness and love, and the sound of your voice, and they NEVER forget someone they are fond of. Children are amazing. They can feel love so much! I was so worried when I moved and all I kept saying to my mum is "They'll forget me!" Mum just laughed, I guess she knew. They COULDN'T forget me, and they CAN'T forget you - I promise you that I had so many silent calls from my little guys when they could barely speak and I would just talk and talk to them, and they loved it, although they could not answer back - but now they do! They tell me all kinds of things, just to keep me in touch with their everyday lives. You're going to remain completely loved, no matter where you are You sound like a terrific aunt

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I had so many silent calls from my little guys when they could barely speak and I would just talk and talk to them, and they loved it, although they could not answer back - but now they do!

I do the same thing and they only live 8 miles from me!!!!! My sister will put me on speaker phone and I talk to them and they babble to me. Just yesterday my niece was telling me she loved me and my nephew was blowing kisses to me while I was on speaker phone.

 

[Raspberry Bubbles]

See? My nephew is only four and has informed me of what he would like his wedding clothes to look like - he's getting involved as quickly as he can! They will always be a major part of your life

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am so furious right now. I am so mad that I am physically shaking. When I toldmy DFi about why I was crying last night, his response was "well at least they are not dead." I tried to explain to him how I am feeling and I told him that I am feeling probably the same way he would be feeling if his daughters moved out of state and he couldn't see them once a week. He told me that there is a difference because they did move out of state and he followed them. I told him just to try and be in my footsteps right now and try and imagine what I am feeling and he told me that there was another difference, that my niece and nephew are not my Biological kids. So because they are not biologically mine that I should not be sad or love them like they are my own. I am so upset....so does he think because I am not his daughters biological mom that I can't love them as much as the biological parents do? Or their step dad that raised the girls do not love them as much as my DFi does? Some support he is giving me during this hard time.

 

[happylalagirl]

I am so furious right now. I am so mad that I am physically shaking. When I toldmy DFi about why I was crying last night, his response was "well at least they are not dead." I tried to explain to him how I am feeling and I told him that I am feeling probably the same way he would be feeling if his daughters moved out of state and he couldn't see them once a week. He told me that there is a difference because they did move out of state and he followed them. I told him just to try and be in my footsteps right now and try and imagine what I am feeling and he told me that there was another difference, that my niece and nephew are not my Biological kids. So because they are not biologically mine that I should not be sad or love them like they are my own. I am so upset....so does he think because I am not his daughters biological mom that I can't love them as much as the biological parents do? Or their step dad that raised the girls do not love them as much as my DFi does? Some support he is giving me during this hard time.

Heidi - sorry about your DFi being like that. I don't agree with him at all. I believe anyone can love a child, no matter if they are biologically connected or not... if that were true, nobody would adopt children. Since you've already stated your husband didn't come from a close family, he is probably going to have a tough time putting himself in your shoes because he has nothing even close to compare this to. Plus, the closeness of twins is altogether different. You and your sister share a bond that only a few people ever get to experience in their lifetime. You are blessed. Not to give him an excuse for being a jerk, but guys don't put as much effort into trying to see where we are coming from as we, as women, do. They think we're just emotional creatures and we'll get over it. I would say find a good friend to confide in instead of your DFi. One day he'll get it, or maybe he won't, but at least you'll have someone on your side. When all else fails, you have your sister, your best friend, to lean on for support. Good luck and know that we are here for you.

 

[heatherlynn444]

so sorry you are going through this. i have one sibling, a sister two years apart from me, and when i got married I moved to mississippi and she is in Louisiana. not too far, but her husband works for shell and will probably move to houston in a few years, right when they have kids, and i will be devestated not to see my first niece or nephew. i know that means we will ahve lots of fun roadtrips though! also, sometimes kids love their family more whenthey dont see them every day. for example, my husband has 1 nephew from a brother and 2 and a niece from another brother. he loves them equally, but one lives 15 mintues away and we see all the time, the otehrs are in South carolina and we see 2-3 times a year. those are the most special times b/c we don't see them as often! (just trying to put a positive spin on it!) and sorry your DFi doesn't understand....men...all the same. mine would say the same thing probably

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

I am sorry you are having to go through this. I am so ised to leaving behind loved ones that I sort have got used to it. As a family we have moved back and forth to Australia, Scotland and Malta and I have had to say goodebye to my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and even my brother at one point.
To be honest though i never forgot them and they never forgot me, we wrote all the time, called, and with the internet you're only seconds away. Try to think positive, this is a great opportunity for them and it's not so far that you and her can't visit every now and then.
I know this has came at an awful time with the wedding and I wish your DF was being a bit more supportive. It is hard when things like this happen, basically because you do not have any control in this situation. I wish you all the best, talk to your sister, I'm sure she feels exactly the same and has the same worries as you. Support eachother and you will get past this, it may even bring you closer.

 

[MissKris721]

Guys are dumb and sometimes (most of the time) they can't understand our emotional breakdowns (which are very much justified). Don't be too upset with the FH and try to lean on friends (and us here) as much as you need!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Thanks ladies. I have a huge knot in my stomach, but I know things will get better. I know my sister feels the same way as I do and she has a much harder time than I do. She actually has to move from the area she grew up in and go to a completely new place. Your support means so much to me.