Kids stealing... is this a stage??

[kdibattista]

My friend has an 8 year old son and for the past several months has had incidents of stealing. He stole from his mom's purse a couple of times, stole change from the change jar, stole a child's lunch money a few weeks back and just this morning she found out that he used his lunch money for things other then lunch and told the staff that he had no money for lunches all last week and she had to repay his lunch money again. He will lie when questioned but will eventually admit the truth. My friend is at a loss and has scheduled a meeting with both his guidance counselor as well as a psychologist.

My question... is this a phase that any of your children went through or should she be really concerned that there is something serious going on with him?

 

[bananiem]

It may be a phase he is going through, but it's not a normal phase.

 

[noodleknitter]

Stealing a candy bar once, is something that is pretty standard. A behavior pattern, however is a cause for concern. Good for her for getting some help.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'd be concerned. My brother was like this growing up, and it did not get better until his adult years (I'm talking 40's), and I still don't trust him.

My kids are 18 & 17, and I have never had that issue with them - never had to hide my money or credit cards from them.

 

[ChristmasElf]

I help out in my childs classroom (3rd grade, 8-9 years old) and there is a little boy in the class that I have to keep an eye on when we do "store"
The children are all given money that they earn for classroom chores, homework handed in on time, etc. and they keep their own money in little treasure chests.
This one boy is constantly trying to take another childs play money or trying to grab extra items from the "store" when I am busy doing something else and not watching every move he makes.
Must be something with the age as the teacher was telling me that she has at least 1 in her class every year that acts this way.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It does seem a bit extreme for 8yo. I remember being about the age and stealing returnable bottles for the deposit money, but I was so afraid of being caught that I gave the bottles away (1-2 bottles) and that was the end of my petty crime career. The guilt was too much.

My niece was a stealer, though. One time she was about 13yo and visiting me (I'd flown her to visit me) and she took money from my purse. That was the first time that I realized that she had some issues with that and I never trusted her with my things again. She was old enough to know better and we're not talking taking a candy bar from the drug store as a dare.

I'm glad that your friend is not sticking her head in the sand and ignoring the problem. I don't know what a person does in a situation, though, other than watch their belongings. If it were my child they would be grounded and have to earn back privileges since since they would have breached the trust. He needs to realized that if he steals, people will not trust him. That seems so obvious to an adult mind, but kids don't always see it that way. They don't connect the dots from one event to the next. I hope they can nip this in the bud! to your friend!

 

[kdibattista]

That's the thing.. he has been punished, had priviledges taken away, etc and nothing has worked. I told her that I would get a local policeman to come to the house to "question" him next time this happens and put the fear of God in him but I don't know that it would fix any underlying issue.

Hopefully the counselors will help.

 

[tkd lisa]

I wouldn't consider it a phase. Encourage her to get professional help. I've been around an awful lot of children as a scout leader, TKD instructor, and parent and I can't think of one instance where one of the kids has stolen from an adult.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that professionals are the answer in this case. My gut says to strip his room of anything except a bed and a few sets of clothes and not let him have any privileges at all--no tv, no video games, no computer, etc. Make him earn back those things, one by one. But he's only 8yo and I don't know if that's too drastic for a child that age. BUT, I'm sure they don't want to get a call from the police about him shoplifting when he's 12yo. Professionals can help figure out why he's doing this and develop a game plan. I admit, this one would stump me.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it is a pattern, not a phase. I would be questioning him about where the money is going and seeking a professional opinion.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No this is not a phase. Something is going on....I hope the mom gets good help.

 

[barkley]

the fact that he's stepping it up to lying to the lunchroom staff to cover his tracks seems to indicate he's thinking things out, so it's not just an impulse thing. he's also venturing outside his home to do it (with the other kid at school)-shows he may be becoming more comfortable and adept at it (and he may have stolen allot more and not been caught at it).

i think seeing a counselor or therapist would be a good idea.

neither of my two have ever done it, but at age 8 neither had the opportunity to go anywhere alone that involved spending money-so if they were buying something i already knew how much they had. unless he's spending it on food i'de wonder how his mom would'nt notice/he could get away with-new items in the home she had'nt bought and she knew he did'nt have the means to purchase (i don't frisk my kids but if there's something new in their backpack or room i'm sure going to see it and question them about it).

 

[HeatherFeather]

DD did this for a couple of months last year when she was 5. First, it was a Ross GC she found on the floor and brought home in her pocket. Then, it was little things like crayons and supplies from school. DH and I talked to her and punished her each time. When she started bringing school supplies home I told her kindergarten teacher and she talked to her. Still kept happening, so I took her to the principal and had her talk to her. Still kept at it! I had a local policeman talk to her about it...lots of tears, but still bringing stuff home from school!

Finally, the teacher's aide in her classroom heard what was happening and asked if she could talk to her. I told her to go ahead and try. To this day, I do not know exactly what the teacher's aide said to her but she has not taken anything that is not hers since. The teacher's aide has been at that school for over 20 years dealing with kindergartners, so I guess she knows her stuff. DD is now in 1st grade, but still just adores this woman...sees her in the hall and hugs her everyday. Wish I had had her talk to DD first....would have saved me a lot of headaches.

 

[HeatherFeather]

Oh yeah...forgot to mention there was no lying or trying to cover it up. I'd find the stuff and ask her and she would just be like, "Oh, I wanted to bring it home."

 

[Trish Bessette]

I've never had this happen and my DD's are 10 & 13.

 

[Keli]

I have a cousin who started doing this at the same age. My aunt did everything she coudl think of to get him to stop. It was terrible. I am the same age as this cousin and since our mom's were close we spent a ton of time together and were very close growing up.

I'd ask Mike why he stole this or that and he'd always say "I don't know". I got to where I couldn't trust him not to steal my stuff but I still wanted him around because I loved him.

Mike's life has been a disaster of drugs and crime. He made a couple of attempts to turn his life around but went back to his bad ways after a while both times.

I don't know what your friend can do but I would encourage her to try EVERYTHING possible to try to stop this bahavior now. It is worthy of the biggest effort possible because I think it does get much worse in some children and starts them down a road that seems impossible to get them off.

Note: Mike's parents divorced when he was young and his dad absolutely stepped out of his life. I know that deeply troubled Mike and he made many attempts to contact his dad. His dad lived in the same neighborhood and Mike would sneek off and walk to his dad's house to try to see him, his dad would talk to him if his new wife wasn't there (his dad had an affair and left my aunt for this woman) but he wouldn't answer the door if she was even when Mike could see him through the window. It was a terrible situation and I'm sure it had something to do with Mike's actions.