Kids Moving?

[mhsjax]

I need opinions please. What does everyone think about kids and moving? We have the opportunity to move to a city that we have always wanted to live in. Jobs are not an issue and we will be close to our kid's favorite relatives.

Now, DS is in 8th grade, he is undecided, DD is in 6th grade, she says no way, DS is in 4th grade and is very excited about moving. The place we are going has better schools, better colleges and in our opinion will be better off in the long run for the kids.

The mom in me is freaking a little, because of the kids. They have been here all of their lives. But we are still the parents and we think moving may be best. Anyone with experience in moving with kids that are a little older?

 

[Hannathy]

My vote is IF you are going to move do it now before your oldest starts High School. It is hard coming into HS after the social groups are established and the curriculum has been started and if they are into sports that connection has been made..

I think it is a bit harder on girls because well because they are girls! Girls make friends and keep friends differently,can be much more cliquey, catty, secretive, chummy, excluding, etc. So unless she doesn't like her group right now expect the most push back from her at her age.

You need to do what is best for the long run but like I said earlier I feel strongly that if you are going to move it is best before they start hig school

 

[pyrxtc]

If it will better the family as a whole, then I would move.

personally, I would move my family right now but can't due to custody issues so we have a 5 yr plan. In 5 yrs our DD's will be out of high school and my oldest DS will have just graduated 8th grade and we are definitely moving south to warmer climates ! Kids are resilient and will adjust to change and it will be better for them with the better schools and more family. Do what it is best for you and DH, I've never read a story that said someone became a thief or serial killer because their parents moved when they were kids.

 

[georgina]

First, let me say that you need to decide what is best for the family. The kids will adjust in time.

A lot of the adjustment depends on the children. Around here, starting high school is a good time to move because there are a lot of newer kids and they seem to make new friends in high school. Junior high can be harder. My family moved in the middle of my 7th grade year. I was shy and quiet, moving from a class of 15 kids in a small town to a school with over 100 kids in my grade in a large city. 7th and 8th grades were difficult for me, but once I got to high school it was much better. If your new location has better schools that can be a real plus. Your youngest should be fine, especially as he is excited about moving.

Good luck!

 

[mhsjax]

My vote is IF you are going to move do it now before your oldest starts High School. It is hard coming into HS after the social groups are established and the curriculum has been started and if they are into sports that connection has been made..

I think it is a bit harder on girls because well because they are girls! Girls make friends and keep friends differently,can be much more cliquey, catty, secretive, chummy, excluding, etc. So unless she doesn't like her group right now expect the most push back from her at her age.

You need to do what is best for the long run but like I said earlier I feel strongly that if you are going to move it is best before they start hig school

Thanks. We would be moving this summer, just before HS starts., I told DH that this was the cut off time. We figured that would give him time to meet some kids. DD is the one that I am worried about. She has lots of friends here, but she also has never had trouble making new friends.

 

[golfgal]

Kids adapt. No one "likes" moving but I do think it is something everyone should do at least once in their life-moving to a new area where you have to meet new friends, not just moving across town.

We moved when our oldest was going into 9th grade and our twins were going into 6th grade. Our kids had also lived there pretty much their whole lives. The schools here are better, more offerings, have the activities, etc. our kids like, etc. In the long run they have figured out that they are better off going to the schools here but they do miss our old town. We are still in contact with many friends from our old town and see our closest friends quite often. With Skype, IM's, texting, etc. it is very easy to keep in contact with old friends.

How far away is this new town from where you are now?

 

[monkeybug]

We are a military family, and we have no choice, we have to move every 3 to 4 years.
There are parts that are tough on the kids and it does take them time to adjust, but there are lot's of positives to moving as well.
If this is the best thing for you and your family, your kids will adjust and be just fine, so go for it! It might be a bumpy road for a bit, but we all need bumpy roads in our lives, and at least for this one you will be there to help your kids out.
Way's that we have helped my daughter (my son was really too young to be impacted by our last move) is to keep in touch with friends we made at each place (pretty easy this day and age), put her into situations where she meets other kids with similar interests right away (girl scouts, ballet, soccer...that sort of thing), and try to keep a family routine that stays the same no matter where we live.
I agree with the poster that said to move before they start high school. I will do everything in my power to insure that none of my kids have to switch schools during high school if they don't want to.

 

[mhsjax]

Kids adapt. No one "likes" moving but I do think it is something everyone should do at least once in their life-moving to a new area where you have to meet new friends, not just moving across town.

We moved when our oldest was going into 9th grade and our twins were going into 6th grade. Our kids had also lived there pretty much their whole lives. The schools here are better, more offerings, have the activities, etc. our kids like, etc. In the long run they have figured out that they are better off going to the schools here but they do miss our old town. We are still in contact with many friends from our old town and see our closest friends quite often. With Skype, IM's, texting, etc. it is very easy to keep in contact with old friends.

How far away is this new town from where you are now?

6 hours away.

I moved also, I was only in 1st grade, it was hard at first, but I have been here ever sense. Everyone seems really nice there. DD is in cheerleading and we called the local gym and spoke to the owner. She was very sweet and said that most of the girls in that gym live in that area and actually go to the school that we are looking at. She says that they have new kids all the time and to just bring her by and let her check it out. We will be going up there during Spring break, and I will take DD to the gym. Also one of her best friends here is actually from the area, and her mother(who is a friend of mine also) told us we had to get an extra bedroom cause they are up there about every 6 weeks to visit family and they would just stay with us. So at least she will get to see one of her friends fairly often.

I am rambling. Trying to make myself feel better. lol

 

[golfgal]

Thanks. We would be moving this summer, just before HS starts., I told DH that this was the cut off time. We figured that would give him time to meet some kids. DD is the one that I am worried about. She has lots of friends here, but she also has never had trouble making new friends.

If he is into sports or activities check to see when fall sports start-usually before school starts. Even if he doesn't normally do something in the fall, have him sign up for something. It's a good way to meet some kids before school starts. Our oldest started marching band when we moved here-that started in Mid July so by the time schools started he knew 185 kids from the band and had spent a month and a half at the school so it wasn't quite as intimidating.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I need opinions please. What does everyone think about kids and moving? We have the opportunity to move to a city that we have always wanted to live in. Jobs are not an issue and we will be close to our kid's favorite relatives.

Now, DS is in 8th grade, he is undecided, DD is in 6th grade, she says no way, DS is in 4th grade and is very excited about moving. The place we are going has better schools, better colleges and in our opinion will be better off in the long run for the kids.

The mom in me is freaking a little, because of the kids. They have been here all of their lives. But we are still the parents and we think moving may be best. Anyone with experience in moving with kids that are a little older?

Let's see we moved several times. The stinger was moving my oldest in her SR YR of HS. We had no choice so she had to suck it up. She was pretty mad for awhile. I can't say I blame her. However my youngest was going to be starting middle school so the timing was good for her.

Kids adjust and life goes on. You make it work. Youngest is in 8th now and we have promised to stay put until she graduates from HS. After that we will probably move again because we want to downsize to a smaller home.

Kids do adjust and they learn to make it work.

If anything if you are moving to a better HS setup, it is a no brainer to move.

We moved to TX when older dd was at the end of 8th grade. If you can move sooner and get your son into the curriculum sooner would be better than later. That way he can get into the system there so he can take advantage of any required classes he may need to get him on track with the new HS.

 

[java]

Kids are very resilient. The new kids in our school are always the HOT ticket every year. It's not like when we little. My daughter came home all excited yesterday because there were 2 new kids in her grade.

The other thing to think about is do you want to live near your relatives?

 

[mhsjax]

Thanks everyone, I feel better. I would LOVE to move, but the kids were holding me back. they are all into different sports and we would sign them up for these before we get there if possible. We would move in June and really just jump right into life there, so that they will be comfortable when school starts.

They do spent quite a bit of time in that general area, because of their aunt and uncle living there. In fact it is their favorite place to vacation, so I think this will help them out.

In case anyone lives in this area, we are moving from Jacksonville, FL to Waxhaw, NC. Hopefully.

 

[mhsjax]

Kids are very resilient. The new kids in our school are always the HOT ticket every year. It's not like when we little. My daughter came home all excited yesterday because there were 2 new kids in her grade.

The other thing to think about is do you want to live near your relatives?

My DH tells me the same thing about being the new kid.

As far as being near this relative, YES YES YES. And the real kicker, she is an In-law. But I am crazy about her and her hubby.

 

[mickeysgal]

In this day and age, you have to go where the jobs are.

It's not a kid decision - it's an adult decision.

We moved twice. DD was going into middle school, DS into high school as a freshman. Moved cross-country due to a job change. Then moved again when DD was going into high school and DS as a junior in high school.

No, they didn't like it but it taught them how to deal with change. In the end, it was the best possible thing that has could have happened to us - and them - because of the new experiences and how they had no choice other than to learn how to deal with it. We figured it was good practice for when they grow up and have to leave for college and/or possibly move away for their career.

It's all about how you wrap it and your general attitude toward it. If the parents are all flipped out over it, the kids will pick up on it. If the parents present it as an adventure and a fact of life, the kids will pick up on this positive side also.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Thanks everyone, I feel better. I would LOVE to move, but the kids were holding me back. they are all into different sports and we would sign them up for these before we get there if possible. We would move in June and really just jump right into life there, so that they will be comfortable when school starts.

They do spent quite a bit of time in that general area, because of their aunt and uncle living there. In fact it is their favorite place to vacation, so I think this will help them out.

In case anyone lives in this area, we are moving from Jacksonville, FL to Waxhaw, NC. Hopefully.

This is not a "kid" decision, this is an adult decision. Most kids given the choice would say no but just like most things the parents make the best decision for the family.

I moved a lot when I was a child. In fact, I ended up attending 5 different High Schools because my father's job required him to move. I wouldn't say I liked it, but it really wasn't up for a vote either.

Looking back it was very positive in many ways. I grew very close to my sister and my parents since I only had them until I made friends. And I did learn to be outgoing, make friends, approach people, etc. Academically, it didn't really effect me either as I graduated with honors.

So if it is the best decision for your family, I wouldn't worry about the kids. Get them involved in finding a new house, looking at schools, etc.

The kids will be great.

 

[golfgal]

Thanks everyone, I feel better. I would LOVE to move, but the kids were holding me back. they are all into different sports and we would sign them up for these before we get there if possible. We would move in June and really just jump right into life there, so that they will be comfortable when school starts.

They do spent quite a bit of time in that general area, because of their aunt and uncle living there. In fact it is their favorite place to vacation, so I think this will help them out.

In case anyone lives in this area, we are moving from Jacksonville, FL to Waxhaw, NC. Hopefully.

We moved in June and wished we would have waited until closer to the school year. The kids spent the whole summer being pretty bored. We did have them in various activities but even then they didn't really meet any kids to hang out with until school started. Just something to consider. Our oldest was fine once band started but our younger two really had a boring summer. Hindsight we should have sent our oldest up right before band started with DH (who was already living in our new house and working here) and the twins and I should have moved up in mid-August.

 

[mhsjax]

We moved in June and wished we would have waited until closer to the school year. The kids spent the whole summer being pretty bored. We did have them in various activities but even then they didn't really meet any kids to hang out with until school started. Just something to consider. Our oldest was fine once band started but our younger two really had a boring summer. Hindsight we should have sent our oldest up right before band started with DH (who was already living in our new house and working here) and the twins and I should have moved up in mid-August.

Something to consider. I will have to look and see when the activites start. I know that school starts around the 20th of August, give or take a few days. Also they will have their favorite play thing, their aunt and uncle.

 

[mickeysgal]

This is not a "kid" decision, this is an adult decision. Most kids given the choice would say no but just like most things the parents make the best decision for the family.

Was talking to an acquaintance at the high school. I remember when her husband was out of work for a long time. She told a story where he was offered a good job but it would require them to move. Their teenaged daughter said no and "wouldn't let them". Blew my mind. He turned down the job.

Not good. Putting food on the table, secure employment, heath benefits, etc all took a back seat to what the child would allow. We all knew who was running that household.

Now I realize that it's tough on the kids at that age. Very tough. And it is nice to talk to the kids about the possibility as long as they realize that ultimately the final decision is not theirs.

 

[kymmyk13]

My husband was transferred with his job from a big city to a very small town. My Dd was in the 6th grade and we stayed behind until teh summer and then moved up. She came home crying from school the first day saying that everyone already had friends and didn't want anymore(not many people move into this town) . She was a girl scout and once they started for the year she made many friends that then branched off to more friends. She is still friends with many of these girls and DD is now 19 and oin her 2nd year of college. I don't know if you are a family that attends chuch but that will also help them meet new friends.

 

[Katy Belle]

It takes effort, but your kids will be fine. You have the right idea, get them signed up for the activities that they have done in the past.

We move every 3-5 years for DHs job. We just moved to Oklahoma a month and a half ago. I have 3 boys, ages 15,13,10. They are fine. Things are not perfect. They do not have loads of friends yet, but they are fine. I tell them that it will take a year for it to all feel normal. It really does take that long.

Getting them involved and making an effort to invite their friends over helps them out a lot. Church, Scouts, Sports, school, neighborhood, community center, pool, ... all good places to help them make a friend.

We are in a hotel, still. I wouldn't recommend that We came from overseas, so our furniture, etc is still on a boat coming slowly to us. Living in a hotel has made the transition more difficult. Get into your new house as soon as you can!

Good luck!