Kids inviting themselves over..does it bug you?

[MI mom of 3]

You know, I have just realized I have a huge double standard here! It would not bother me at all for some kid to call and ask to come over but I would never let my own kids call up and invite themselves to somebody elses house.

I feel the same way. Of course there are some kids who get on my nerves. When they call it bugs me and when other kids call it's no problem. I guess that is just human nature.

When the kids were younger mine was always the 'kool-aid house'

 

[1of6]

I don't like it when my friends' children invite themselves over, especially the one that not only invites herself, but asks me to come pick her up!

DS has a friend that will call and ask if he can spend the night. If I say yes he usually asks for a ride. If not the ride, he will ask for a later pick up time from his parents the next day. (I say noon and he says well how about 3?)

 

[dreamcometrue]

at least they call and don't just show up! My DS and DD always have friends over here too. We have a pool and during summer, we had kids over literally every single day, except for when we were on vacation! I honestly don't mind it! It keeps my kids busy, they are mostly outside in the backyard anyway.

 

[DaisyD]

Doesn't bother me. I'd rather have them over my house so I can keep an eye on things. At least he calls and asks which is not rude at all. We have a lot of kids that just come to the door and ask if they can play.

 

[Lachesis00]

We are the fun house here too. Always have been. He use to go over to other kids houses until I found out it was unsupervised. I told him I would must rather them being at our place if there was no adult.

He has a friend who is living on his own and my son hates going over there. The kid supports himself by working minimum wage which I commend him but he has very little. The parents do not help him out AT all (not even food). J hates going over there. Nothing for him to do. So they hang out here.

NOW the only problem is, the friend mentioned above has tried more then once to move in... well not really but he will stay days on end, eats more then my son (helps himself to any and all food and drinks, even after we've asked him not to take say my husband Arizona Tea or my mom's coke-a-cola, but still does), takes long showers, just really takes advantage of us. I finally wrote a note from our 'landlord' stating we can not have guest over more then 4 days a month LOL.
We tried to tacfully tell him he couldn't spend SO much time (aka spending the nights) here and it did not work. He did not get the hint AT all. My mom lives with us and it is a tight squeeze. Add another adult and 1/2 (seriously that is what it is like) and it gets to be too much. My heating bill has almost doubled, my water bill tripled (he likes long hot baths), my food bill at least doubled, probably tripled (and he eats expensive food-- like steak and stuff we save for special occasions), he does nothing to help out when asked (simple things like taking out the trash).
The other night was a night he was going to stay here, he got SO angry when I said MY son had to sleep in HIS bed (his neck is all funky) and he (friend) was welcome to the futon. He stomped out of here.

Becareful... they CAN spend too much time in your home LOL

MOST of my son's friends are NOT like this. This kid... I dunno!?

 

[SwedishMeatball]

It just seems natural to me that kids at that age suggest it to each other. It's also a compliment if they want to come to your house. Maybe his parents don't like guests over, but he really wants to spend time with your son.

 

[bettyann29]

It doesnt happen to me as far as kids inviting themselves.. DD15 is always asking for one of her friends to spend the night.. We always have teenagers hanging here.. However something that happened last week just floored me.. Me, DD9, DD15 were sitting in the living room and I have a glass front door and then a wood door .. I had just gotten home from work and picked up the kids from school which was about 4:00 when one of DS13's 2 friends just walk in my front door! They didnt knock or ring the door bell.. Just walked right in.. I couldnt believe that they would be that rude.. When they left I told DS that if any of his friends ever behaves like that again they are not welcome in my home.. He told them the next day.. I havent seen them since..

 

[CheezDoodle]

I always used to just go knock at the neighbor kids' door and ask if they could play. They did the same at my house. My mom never minded, and my friend's mom never seemed to . If it wasn't a good day to play, my friend's mom would politely let me know and I would go away. My mom did the same.

 

[dreamcometrue]

I always used to just go knock at the neighbor kids' door and ask if they could play. They did the same at my house. My mom never minded, and my friend's mom never seemed to . If it wasn't a good day to play, my friend's mom would politely let me know and I would go away. My mom did the same.

well, if it's just a neighbor from across the street or next door, they don't call either, they know and ask if the kids can play. I don't have a problem with that at all, we just tell them no if the kids can't play. My DD has a friend from school who lives about 5 minutes away and her parents have to bring her. She used to come unannounced, just knocked on the door, and sometimes her mom/dad had already driven off! I called the parents after a few times and asked them nicely to please call before they drop her off! They have been calling ever since!

We moved here in July and my kids started playing with a boy across the street. We did not know this boy before! Within a week of moving in and them playing together, he all of a sudden just started walking in, without knocking. I did not like that at ALL. I told him he needs to knock or ring the doorbell!

 

[Aidensmom]

We often have the neighborhood kids come over if we are outside....they just come in the yard and ask if they can join us, sometimes if it is just me in the yard! I've had neighborhood kids help me garden, put up holiday decorations, and do yard sales, in addition to the times they come over to play with my son. Most of the time I don't mind at all, especially because our son is still young enough we keep a pretty close rein on him, and this gives him a big opportunity to play with the other children. It is a compliment to me that they enjoy our company and feel comfortable being at our home. I also think part of it is just our location....we are on the corner and our "backyard" is actually on the side of the house and in full view of most of the kid's homes so their parents can feel comfortable with them being there because they can still see them.

I have, however, been trying to teach my son that he is not allowed to invite himself anywhere...usually he asks if he can go to a friend's house he knows from school, and my answer is always "if xxxx's mom calls me and asks, you can't just go somewhere unless you are invited."

I guess it is just more informal within the neighborhood, especially because we are outside alot. I would feel a little different about a child just asking to spend the night, but on the other hand, I would wonder if they had a bad home life and maybe just felt secure in my home.

 

[THE HAT]

We are the house that every kid loves to be at......we did our basement over to be kid friendly so that they can have a place to hang out. we live very close to the schools, so I am sure this is a reason that ours is the stopping ground.
I am also a room mother, and have been evey year plus, go in 2-3x a week to lend a hand so all the kids know me very well, as do most of their parents.
We love being this house, and knowing what is going on, and where our son is. I always say we only "had" one but we "have" tons!!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I don't have kids, but I will say that this was a HUGE no-no when I was a kid. You NEVER invited yourself to other people's houses or my mom would do some cleaning up, if you get my drift. I never forgot that.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My son's best friend always invites himself over. I am happy that he feels comfortable enough with me to ask. I have no problem telling him no if it isn't convenient. I love that child as if he were my own.

I don't know how I would feel if I didn't particularly care for the child.

Lori

 

[VSL]

I always used to just go knock at the neighbor kids' door and ask if they could play. They did the same at my house. My mom never minded, and my friend's mom never seemed to . If it wasn't a good day to play, my friend's mom would politely let me know and I would go away. My mom did the same.

Same here!

I find these kinds of threads quite interesting sometimes - it shows how different the UK/Europe and US really are in some aspects.

 

[aprilgail2]

I always used to just go knock at the neighbor kids' door and ask if they could play. They did the same at my house. My mom never minded, and my friend's mom never seemed to . If it wasn't a good day to play, my friend's mom would politely let me know and I would go away. My mom did the same.

Thats how we did it too! My daughters age kids (2nd grade) are just about getting to the point now where they will stop over (the ones that live where they can walk over) and knock and see if she can come out and ride bikes or play. Doesn't bother me at all, if its not a good time I just say "not today " or " not right now but if you come back in an hour she will befinished with what she is doign and can play"- I didn't realize that in some places people need appointments for their kids to come over and play....

 

[DawnCt1]

At least they call and ask first. There are a few kids in our neighborhood that would just show up and not leave no matter how hard we hinted at it. We even had one that tried to stay at the house alone even when we were taking off(so did not happen).

The one that really bothers me though is when it is the parents that are telling their kids to just come over without asking. One lady wanted to sleep rather than watch her kid and sent him our way all the time.

I am not picking on you, your post just happens to highlight what seems to be the new thinking in 'play time'. When my kids no one waited for an invitation to come over to play. The door bell rang and it was "can DS come out to play", etc. The same was true for our DSs. If it was raining, they would come in and visa versa. When it was time for them to go home no hinting was required; it was "Ok Johnny, its time to go home now, we will see you tomorrow".

 

[MushyMushy]

I am not picking on you, your post just happens to highlight what seems to be the new thinking in 'play time'. When my kids no one waited for an invitation to come over to play. The door bell rang and it was "can DS come out to play", etc. The same was true for our DSs. If it was raining, they would come in and visa versa. When it was time for them to go home no hinting was required; it was "Ok Johnny, its time to go home now, we will see you tomorrow".

I think it's because so many parents try to be friends to kids -- and you certainly wouldn't tell a friend, "Go home!" But back when I was a kid, parents didn't think twice about it, and we kids certainly didn't flinch. It's just the way it was.

I have a friend whose house is overrun with kids all the time. She likes it to a degree, but I know it gets old for her after a while. She can't seem to bring herself to tell any of them to go home when she's had enough.

 

[shortbun]

It doesn't bother me one bit. I like having a bunch of kids around and I like knowing where they are too.

That's us too! Sometimes my son likes to have alone time though. He has to tell me so when they call I can say, "we're not entertaining visitors today love." I think it's funny that it's the child who limits the guests, lol!

 

[newholidayx2]

You know, I have just realized I have a huge double standard here! It would not bother me at all for some kid to call and ask to come over but I would never let my own kids call up and invite themselves to somebody elses house.

Seems we're the one who's usually having DSs friend sleepover. But Id rather them here than not knowing what DS is doing. And yes I agree. I dont want DS calling to invite himself over anyones house. DS is an only child so I really dont mind having his friends over.

 

[disykat]

It's one thing going to someone's house to see if they can play or calling someone to play and then deciding whose house to play at - but another thing calling to invite yourself over and then bringing along your sibling.

IMO, one is playing together, and the other sounds like someone wanted a free babysitter!