Just Venting About Those Dreaded Teenaged Girls!

[Christine]

Wow. Sorry. I wasn't intending to get you all worked up. I have just found that, in my experience, the less involved I got with my teenaged daughter and her friend problems, the better. I found that whenever I tried to "help", the situation would change and my brilliant solutions were moot. I feel like they need to learn how to solve problems themselves, with the exception of dangerous or illegal situations obviously.

People like me?

Yes, you did get me worked up! Sorry. I can't tell you how many times I've been on "vent" session threads--and that's all they are. Some mine, but mostly others and the person is just complaining, like I'm doing. And someone will come on and say they shouldn't get involved, shouldn't overreact, etc. When all they are doing is unloading. That's what I'm doing and, you know, I felt IMMEDIATELY better after typing it out. I do hate to see my son fretting over how uncomfortable this girl can make everyone.

But, bottom line is, I do know that he has to work it out himself and I would not dream of intervening unless she truly took it up a notch to a really bully factor that some kids can manage to do.

I apologize if I bit your head off, but sometimes on these types of threads people aren't really involved in anything--just letting off steam.

 

[Christine]

OP, as other DISer's have said....SCHOOL ACTIVITIES.
Both my DS' were in private elementary school. One went onto public h.s. and one went onto private h.s. They both got involved in so many school organizations and met so many awesome friends through those groups.

That's our intention and that was the "deal" my son and I made for him going to this school (although we knew sports were not going to happen). The problem is, so far in week 3, there have been NO activities. Seriously.

 

[Christine]

I guess I should say a bit about my son.

He truly hates anything competitive. Anything. He comes by that naturally as I never enjoyed sports. I didn't mind them if they were recreational, but I hated any team sport. With a passion. My son is just like this much to the chagrin of his father who was on the high school football team. He just didn't inherit the sport-loving gene.

So at 5 years old, we put him on a kiddie co-ed soccer team. He wasn't bad at it but hated it and when he was on the field and the coach was urging kids to kick and run, he just cried.

He will play casual, pick up basketball at recess with some friends but that is it. He has big, long, floppy feet and has foot problems when he runs for any length of time.

He is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and did that for 4 years until one of his Masters was arrested and the whole dojo kind of fell apart. He tried a few other dojos and could just not get that good feeling he had in the old one, so he has stopped that.

I wanted to get him into yearbook, which is now a class and not a club, and he did not get into that. I don't know how you get picked for that but he didn't. He has very good grades and is a good student. He is well-liked by all his classmates but, because of his lack of sports, doesn't really "mesh" well with the athletes. There's no problems there but no real commonality.

He's pretty happy, not lonely, kind of a homebody, and he's okay with all that. Has enough friends, goes out and does things here and there and always gets invites to parties. No real problems.

It's just this girl. I really am perplexed over her behavior towards him (a male) specifically. I thought the girl drama didn't extend to boys.

 

[joyjoy]

I apologize if I bit your head off, but sometimes on these types of threads people aren't really involved in anything--just letting off steam.

No problem. I'm sorry that I came across all judgey. I hope it all works out at school. My dad used to say we should bury them when they're ten and dig them back up when they're 25.

 

[Christine]

No problem. I'm sorry that I came across all judgey. I hope it all works out at school. My dad used to say we should bury them when they're ten and dig them back up when they're 25.

Thanks for understanding. You probably weren't judgey. It's probably just me today and having a bad knee-jerk reaction.

 

[momrek06]

That's our intention and that was the "deal" my son and I made for him going to this school (although we knew sports were not going to happen). The problem is, so far in week 3, there have been NO activities. Seriously.

Actually, OP, that is GOOD. The school may be still be working out all the logisitics about each activity...from who will moderate the activity to what time and date of the week the activity will meet.

One of my DS' (23yo now) was sitting in the cafeteria first week of school when the head of music came in and asked if there were any boys that would like to join chorus (teacher already had so many girls all signed up). DS thought about it and decided to check it out. Figured he could not carry a tune to save his soul BUT wanted to get involved with as much as he could. Well, he went on to have the best time in chorus for those 4 years in h.s. meeting so many great friends. The chorus traveled everywhere performing. It was so much fun. When he was a Junior he tried out for "Guys and Dolls" and got one of the leads "Nathan Detroit"....to think back that he was just going to "check it out that one day in Sept as a freshmen".....

DS also wanted Student Government. He worked hard at that. Year after year. He wanted government more than he wanted chorus. By the time he was a Junior he was Student Body President of the entire school voted in by the entire student body. He was Student Body President again his Senior year.

One day he was walking in the hall and one of his friends approached him. She was kinda of sad. She said she was on the Girl's Tennis Team and it was getting close to Spring and they had NO manager. Looked like the team would not be able to pull together a schedule and/or compete that Spring. DS said he would do it....he had NO clue what to do BUT the excitement on her face was all he needed. He had a blast that one Spring being the Girl's Tennis Team Manager.

Bottomline is to have your DS get involved in everything he can at school!! He will meet NEW friends while having allot of fun at the same time!!

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

I guess I should say a bit about my son.

He truly hates anything competitive. Anything. He comes by that naturally as I never enjoyed sports. I didn't mind them if they were recreational, but I hated any team sport. With a passion. My son is just like this much to the chagrin of his father who was on the high school football team. He just didn't inherit the sport-loving gene.

So at 5 years old, we put him on a kiddie co-ed soccer team. He wasn't bad at it but hated it and when he was on the field and the coach was urging kids to kick and run, he just cried.

He will play casual, pick up basketball at recess with some friends but that is it. He has big, long, floppy feet and has foot problems when he runs for any length of time.

He is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and did that for 4 years until one of his Masters was arrested and the whole dojo kind of fell apart. He tried a few other dojos and could just not get that good feeling he had in the old one, so he has stopped that.

I wanted to get him into yearbook, which is now a class and not a club, and he did not get into that. I don't know how you get picked for that but he didn't. He has very good grades and is a good student. He is well-liked by all his classmates but, because of his lack of sports, doesn't really "mesh" well with the athletes. There's no problems there but no real commonality.

He's pretty happy, not lonely, kind of a homebody, and he's okay with all that. Has enough friends, goes out and does things here and there and always gets invites to parties. No real problems.

It's just this girl. I really am perplexed over her behavior towards him (a male) specifically. I thought the girl drama didn't extend to boys.

OP, your son sounds sooo much like ours
No competitive sports here either, DS does Kung Fu, and I believe that our DS enjoys it so much b/c it is an individual sport. DS is a homebody too and has plenty of friends. I wanted to tell you something that my DS said just about 10 days ago. In DS's Kung Fu class there is a girl, we'll call here the queen bee and in the beginning, she was giving my son all kinds of grief, he just couldn't win with that girl. Finally, he decided to ignore her and not speak, respond or listen to her for a week. In the end, after class one day last week, DS gets in the car and says, "Girls are insane!" and I burst out laughing and of course asked why, he says, "Since I started ignoring (girl) she's being so nice, I almost think she wants me to ask her out, she won't stop being sweet and nice, it's crazy. Mom, I thought she hated my guts." I was rolling laughing. DS gets home and mentions this at the dinner table to his Dad, and DH sort of grunts in agreeance and quiet understanding and DS nods his head. Maybe your DS will come up with his own way of giving the queen bee a taste of her own medicine. Sorry this was long, just wanted to share that with you, so you'll know there are plenty of mom's of teenaged boys dealing with drama queens. Good Luck!

 

[Christine]

Well--an update:

My son said he went to lunch today and the girl said "I don't want him to sit here" to everyone at the table. So my son went and sat at another table with some other friends. Everyone at "queen bee's" table got mad at her and told her to leave. My son then got up and moved back to the original table.

He then said there were two announcements today about two groups: a service group that works with the homeless or an environmental group that beautifies the area. I told him that he needed to join one of these.

So I guess the day ended on a better note.

 

[georgina]

Glad to hear the others at the table stood up for him! I have a freshman DD who has social troubles frequently, so I understand how it feels when your child is having difficulty with the friend group. Every week has its ups and downs.

 

[Christine]

OP, your son sounds sooo much like ours
No competitive sports here either, DS does Kung Fu, and I believe that our DS enjoys it so much b/c it is an individual sport. DS is a homebody too and has plenty of friends. I wanted to tell you something that my DS said just about 10 days ago. In DS's Kung Fu class there is a girl, we'll call here the queen bee and in the beginning, she was giving my son all kinds of grief, he just couldn't win with that girl. Finally, he decided to ignore her and not speak, respond or listen to her for a week. In the end, after class one day last week, DS gets in the car and says, "Girls are insane!" and I burst out laughing and of course asked why, he says, "Since I started ignoring (girl) she's being so nice, I almost think she wants me to ask her out, she won't stop being sweet and nice, it's crazy. Mom, I thought she hated my guts." I was rolling laughing. DS gets home and mentions this at the dinner table to his Dad, and DH sort of grunts in agreeance and quiet understanding and DS nods his head. Maybe your DS will come up with his own way of giving the queen bee a taste of her own medicine. Sorry this was long, just wanted to share that with you, so you'll know there are plenty of mom's of teenaged boys dealing with drama queens. Good Luck!

Funny!!! Girls are definitely a trip, are they not...

Sometimes I wish my DS could be a bit more hard-hearted. He told me that yesterday after the girl was shunned (the kids told her she was being a witch and if she was going to act that way they didn't want her around) that my son felt bad for her and then HE wanted to go over to her and tell her it was okay. I just told him to leave it alone for now and see how Monday goes. This girl *might* learn her lesson about being a bully if she gets enough reinforcement from the other kids. Fortunately, my son does have many other friends in this group so, thank goodness, it doesn't come down to him being totally shut out. But reading all the other DIS threads I can certainly see how this happens.

This is probably the third incident over the last 4 years that this girl has done this to him and it's basically due to her being jealous over his relationship with the other girl. I think this queen bee finds them "too close" or something. I don't know. I just never thought this kind of drama was directed to males. I KNOW how girls are with groups of three. A surprise everyday!

I am glad that he did find two clubs that he can join next week and he's waiting for the student government announcement to come out.

SplshMtnCrew: How long has your son been in Kung Fu? Mine was in for about 4 years and was on the demo team before he stopped going. They had such a shake up in personnel after the arrest of one of his instructors and it was not for the better. We keep going back up there to see if there have been more positive changes but, now, there's hardly any teens in the dojo so something's up?

In your son's school do they have a lot of kids his age? I was just wondering if the drop off in teens is normal or if this is just going on at this place?

 

[tomthebarncat]

that the shreiking sounds the same in any language. Teenage girls shreiking is just as irritating in the states as it is in Cairo, or any other place around the world. It sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard

 

[englishteacha]

I hate the queen bees. There was one in my group of friends in high school and she just made me miserable. I'm glad your son's friends stood up for him at lunch. Unfortunately, everyone in my group of "friends" were so afraid of being treated horribly that they just watched it happen. I found new friends after that.

 

[Christine]

I hate the queen bees. There was one in my group of friends in high school and she just made me miserable. I'm glad your son's friends stood up for him at lunch. Unfortunately, everyone in my group of "friends" were so afraid of being treated horribly that they just watched it happen. I found new friends after that.

I actually didn't expect that but glad it happened. Probably because they've all been together for so long. Maybe most of them are just tired of her. I never understood those types of girls. You know, 80% of the time she seems like a nice kid but she has her episodes of "stirring the pot". I guess some people just need the excitement or have a requirement to try to manipulate things. It's great training for later in life though--because it doesn't really ever stop!