Jennifer's Journal - I don't want to die, I want to go to Disney! (comments welcome)

[jwann]

This is Day 1

How many "Day 1"s have I had before? Probably more than there are people in a 90 min. queue for Test Track! Here's some of my story....
I am 38, married, with 2 children (7 & 9). At my most recent Dr.'s visit I weighed 240 pounds (ouch!). I have been visiting the doctor lately because out-of-nowhere I suddenly got dangerously high blood pressure (165/118). I have had sonograms, CT scans, been on 5 differend medicine combinations and my BP has only come down slightly. Also, we have discovered that my blood sugar is borderline diabetic. I feel horrible! The doctor said that I MUST lose weight! I want to but I am SO tired! I just want to eat and make myself numb with food. Obviously, I have a long way to go!

My relationship with food is not good. I am a compulsive overeater and a binge eater. I live to eat NOT eat to live.....Obviously, I have a long way to go!

I am committing to exercise - 30 min of brisk walking - each day. I am also committing to taking my days one at a time. Can I NOT overeat or binge for 1 day? YES! Sometimes I will have to committ to making it until noon and then committ again I go to bed. I will string together as many days as I can.

Finally, I want to make THIS time different. The Lord has placed on my heart that my spiritual walk is being hampered by my relationship with food. I must obey HIM. I must not rely on food to cover my feeling but FROG (fully rely on God!). I have done the Bible Study "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. FOOD is my strong-hold. I am telling the mountain of FOOD to "MOVE"!! My Bible verse for this journey is....

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." Psalm 81:10

In this verse I am not only recognizing that my God is who He says He is (He brought his people out of bondage like He said He would) but also that He can do what he says He can do (I see myself from His perspective - already out of my bondage). It says to me that God's word is alive and active in me! I will open my mouth only for God to fill. (Can you tell that I have done the Beth Moore study "Believing God"? I HIGHLY recommend it!)

This is my forum to journal my road out of Egypt. Thank you DIS boards for allowing the space.

We are planning a week-long trip to WDW in the middle of October. My goal is to be in the 100s for that trip. And my goal is to have normal blood pressure for that trip. I want to enjoy our vacation!!

To anyone who has decided to read this - thanks - may God richly bless you!

 

[septbride2002]

Hi Jennifer and Welcome to W.I.S.H.!

Your strory is not much different then my Dad's. He was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes. He has had to make a major lifestyle change - as will you. I highly suggest reading either Atkins, South Beach, or Protein Power. These books talk about how lowering bad carbs and refined sugars can help those in the boderline diabetes health issues to over come them without medication. Also it will help you lose weight. Walking is an excellent form of exercise - especially those with diabetes. It helps the blood pump through the body and to the feet which is where most diabetics injur themselves and have the hardest time to heal. I am also a BIG proponent of Curves - if you can afford it we have several diabetics in our club. Building muscle mass will help your body to 1) burn weight faster and 2) help level out glucose in your system naturally.

You will be tired in the beginning of any diet - however you will also have a burst of energy in about 2 weeks. Drink lots of water, limit the junk food, take a daily vitamin, and exercise. Those are the basics!

~Amanda

 

[Lesli54]

Welcome to WISH!

Your tiredness is the same that most of us have before we begin the weight loss journey. It will only take a short time for you to turn that around some and begin to feel like you have energy. Here are a few ways to do it:

1. Portion Control - I can't say that enough. Look at the back of the box to see what an actual serving size is and measure it out until you can start eye balling it. You will be very surprised at how little a serving size is for pastas and other foods and how large it is for fruits and veggies. Amazingly enough it is very filling.

2. Drink Alot of Water - It's refreshing, gets rid of water retention, flushes out your system and is much better for you than soda. If you drink soda, even diet, I would suggest quiting as you can lose a lot of lbs quickly.

3. Eat 5 to 6 small meals daily - Go for at least 5 small meals a day rather than three large ones. I was borderline gestational diabetes with my DS and ate 6 small meals a day per doc's orders. It will help keep your blood sugar leveled out through the day so that you have more energy and don't have as many slumps. Also, it keeps your metabolism going so you don't go into starvation mode and allows you to lose more weight. Sounds strange, I know, but it works. A small meal at snack time can consist of 1 piece of fruit or veggies and 1 oz hard cheese.

4. Exercise - The more you move the less tired you will be. It gets more oxygen into your body and wakes you up.

Ask your doctor if you can get an appointment with the hospital nutritionist. That person will be able to help set you up on a "diabetic" menu where you learn about carb exchanges (very easy to follow). You are allowed so many exchanges a day and they teach you how to spread out your meals. It is a very well balanced menu with protein, fruits, veggies and grains, so you don't feel deprived. I did this during my pregnancy with DS and it worked great! The best part was having information that I could take home to use as a guide line.

Hang in there. You will make it this time.

 

[lulu201]

Hi, Jennifer, and welcome to the WISH! You're going to find lots of loving support here. I applaud your decision to begin taking care of YOU! You can do this, Jennifer, one day at a time, looking Upward to find your strength.

I only have one bit of caution: we're talking about a major lifestyle change--exercising and eating right--so maybe you might want to take it in manageable steps. Set a realistic goal (like walking 5 times this week?) for yourself and celebrate your success when you accomplish it. Our bad habits don't happen overnight and they don't disappear overnight, so take your time and have faith. It's going to happen for you, Jennifer! Soon you'll be looking like banana man!

Congratulations on making the first step of the healthy living journey!

Erin

 

[calena]

I'm new to WISH too. I'm also here for similar reasons - my bp is too high and I want to make lifestyle changes to become healthier.
Have you heard of the DASH diet? It helps lower blood pressure. The focus is on low fat dairy, fish, chicken, veggies and fruits and whole grains.
I'll be watching for your progress and maybe we can encourage each other as we strive to be healthier!
I love your Bible verse. As a Christian I also feel this is a spiritual journey. It is more than about weight or size, it is about being who God intended me to be. "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."
Have a great day Jennifer. I'll be in touch again!

 

[TigerCheer2009]

Hi!!! Best of luck with your journey. I LOVE your starting sequence!

A good attitude goes FAR!

 

[mking624]

Hi Jennifer! Welcome to WISH!!!

You may think you have a long way to go, but you just took a huge first step by deciding that you're gonna do this and getting support for it!! You CAN and WILL do it!! You're on the right track and it's good to just tak eit one day at a time!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Jennifer!

Welcome to WISH! You are going to find a lot of support and encouragement here.

I think it's great that you are taking the first steps to a healthier you. : I love the Bible verse that you are claiming on your journey too! I think I may copy it down on a piece of paper and put it on my refrigerator. I've got the exercise thing down, but food is an entirely different story. Thank you for the verse!

Have a great day tomorrow!

 

[jwann]

Oh, Dear DIS friends, Your words of encouragement are like music to me....like a no-wait, ride and ride until your dizzy, 999,999 point score, Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin!!

I did great today! I even walked 2 miles. I remembered Lesli54's warning about portion control at dinner and refused seconds! I remembered calena's message about God completing a good work and I wanted to COMPLETE this day in such a way that God would say "Good Work"!

This is how I feel about everyone who has sent me words of encouragement


I have ordered a book on eating for diabetes and I have a book about eating every 3 hours. I have also looked into the DASH diet as well. For this week, I will eat three decent meals and have a small snack in between. NO BINGEING! STOP WHEN I'M FULL! As I consider which diet to adhere to.

I'm so glad I found this journal place. It seems that I often use the computer as a place to binge eat and "numb" myself as I surf the web, etc. Now I can use it as a reminder of my new lifestyle. I'll still surf but I won't eat when I surf. I've also considered getting a timer for my computer useage. It seem that I often escape to the computer when I've got something on my "to do" list that I am avoiding.

Ah, well, baby steps...........like riding Goofy's Barnstormer before you try Rock n Rollercoaster!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Jennifer!

Aren't journals great?! It's a great place to try and work out our thoughts and feelings and how they affect our eating and exercise habits. Plus, the support and encouragement is wonderful!

Congratulations on a great day yesterday! Keep it up and you will definitely meet your goals!

Have a wonderfully blessed day today, Jennifer!

 

[jwann]

Having a good day.

B - bread w/ pb, banana
S - 2 C. popcorn
L - bread w/ pb, carrots, chips

For the rest of the day...
I committ to having a strawberry tofu smoothie for snack, chicken, broccoli, and 1 roll for dinner and an apple while watching The Amazing Race!

After AR, I will walk 2 miles.

I can do it.
I will not binge.

 

[jwann]

Well done, good and faithful servant....

I walked again tonight and I stuck with my eating plan with the exception of some unsalted peanuts with my apple while watching the Amazing Race. It almost started a binge but I stopped myself.

I started reading the book "The 3-Hour Diet" by Jorge Cruz. Sounds good but requires more veggies than I'm used to. I suppose I'll have to experiment with the different sorts of ready-made salads.

Tomorrow will be a challenge because I am on the road for work until noon. I pass LOTS of fast food restaurants. I have to keep telling myself -- even thought I COULD stop and get something to eat doesn't mean that I SHOULD stop. I will say "I CHOOSE NOT to turn my car into that drive-thru'". Then I am in a play/musical at church in the evening. I'll be going over my lines and want to escape with food. Instead, I will go for a walk with my script in hand. Who cares if the neighbors think I'm crazy - talking to myself!

I am wondering.....should I weigh myself at home or just go from the doctors scale when I go for appointments. I should say that I am usually in favor of very INfrequent weighing. I could never do those programs that weigh you every week in front of people!!!

 

[Lesli54]

You are doing good. As for the fast food, I have found that if you keep eating your healthier meals and snacks you are not as hungry for the fast food as you once were. Also, believe it or not, you will lose your taste for it. Try finding a fresh food place that can be fast, such as Paneras or another deli-style place. Yes, you have to walk in and can't drive through, but that is exercise and will make you re-think whether driving through the taboo places is worth it. Soon, you will only go for the fresh places.

Good job at stopping the binge. After next week, I am going to have AR withdrawals, until it airs again. Being on that show after losing weight would be a great reward for me!

 

[eeyore45]

Hi Jennifer,

I'm also starting my journey, again. I love your attitude! Have you read the "Weigh Down Diet?" I like the principles she brings out, and I hear a lot of the same message in your post! I too am clinging to prayer to get me through cravings, and poor choices. I know my mind is messed up at times, I know I love to eat. I know I need to do this for me! I know I fail every time I try... so I know I'm scared!

I'm also hoping the journal will help. I dont eat when I'm online, but I also dont exercise!! I'm having a hard time getting up and going over there and set that dvd player...

OK, I've peeked here, I've been renewed. Your Bible verses and attitude inspired me, and I wanted to let you know. We are not alone!!

 

[TigerCheer2009]

You're not alone, Jennifer. You sound SO upbeat and positive. Keep it up!
Your goals are really something to strive for. If you really want this, you can get it. Plus, I like all of your associations w/Disney (never been! )

 

[jwann]

Our musical went well tonight. I DID end up walking 2.5 miles this afternoon going over my lines! 3 days exercising! I don't know what my BP is but I am already feeling more energetic! I didn't go through a drive-thru' (thanks Lesli54 for your words of encouragement - lose my taste of fast food?? Can't wait for that!). I did pretty good with my eating today. I added a handful of chips after I finished my plate at lunch and I had an extra handful of peanuts when I got home after choir. I'm gonna have to get to the store to get some veggies!

eeyore45 - yes, I've read "weigh-down" and I like alot of the principles in it! Your nice words brought a smile to my face!

TigerCheer2009 - ooooooooh, are you in for a treat when you get to "the World". My dh and I were SO skepticle when we went to Disney the first time (my sister's family were Disneyholics and we just rolled our eyes at them). It was a paid for business trip so how could we say "no"? Well, we had the most magical time. My boys were 3 and 6 - perfect ages. Of course, we had to eat some serious crow with my sister and her husband!

Tomorrow:
breakfast - cereal
snack - tofu smoothie
lunch - something at church for National Day of Prayer
snack - carrots and dip
dinner - taco roll-ups, salad

Oh - I came across a Bible verse that reminded me of my "old" self (yes I know my "old" self was ME four days ago..)
"Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things." Phillipeans 3:19

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that I am NOT one of those people. My destiny is heaven, You are my God, and my glory is in YOU. My mind is on Your word. Amen

 

[eeyore45]

Good Morning Jennifer,

Thank you again for including your prayers, you are reaching me! May God shower you with Blessings today!! I was heading over to my online journal, and I'm in a "Hurry" (substitute teacher for 2nd grade today! Lots of blessings there!) so I just look for the arrow, and I forgot I responded here!!

Sandy
(Have you heard "I'm a Princess, my Father in Heaven is the King of Kings!!)

 

[mking624]

Hi Jennifer!!

You have such a positive attitude and I love that!! What an amazing verse...wow, that part about the stomach being their god...oh man did that hit home with me. I'm so glad I'm shedding that old skin off!!

Have a wonderful day!

 

[jwann]

Well....yesterday wasn't so great. I did great until about 3:00. I had my carrots and dip...and then I had pretzels. "Oh no, I am NOT going to binge!," I thought. So I went and brushed my teeth. Okay, that did it. But then, at dinner I snacked on tortilla chips (SALTY - NOT good for my BP). I was full when I sat down for dinner but still ate my taco rolls. Then, at the ball park I had popcorn and a hot dog. Then when I got home I had a handful of chips and a handful of pretzels. To top it off, we were at the ball park until after 9:00 and I didn't get to walk.
Okay - yesterday is over! Today is DAY 1. I can make it through the day without bingeing. I will stick to the following plan:
B - cereal
S - slice of banana bread
L - out with friends
S - orange
D - lasagne with salad
treat - diet strawberry limeaid

I am going to put my walking clothes on right now. Turn on my favorite Travis Cottrell CD and walk 2 miles. Since we are having a yard sale tomorrow - I know I'll be too busy tonight to walk.

 

[Lesli54]

Don't worry about yesterday. It is over, these things happen, let it go and move on. The most important thing about the weight loss journey is picking yourself back up and continuing to move forward. If I hadn't done that so many times already, I would still be 14 lbs heavier.

Hope today is better for you.