I've HAD it. Parents v. Non-Parents at work

[lacrosse_lady72]

No but there may be more flexibility. My single employee has told me twice now that she plans on quitting and moving back to have her mother support her until she figures out what she wants to do with her life. She's 27 with a college degree. Not saying every single person is like this but it's the same as painting all parents with one brush.

Just because someone has more flexibility doesn't mean more work should fall upon them. Or that someone with kids can get away with more.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I truly think there are bad apples in every demographic of worker, usually more bad apples than good. And it's sad.

But, I think this sniping at each other isn't productive. Especially as it's one of those no-one-is-going-to-win situations. Just like many kid issues... such as kid-only sections in airplanes or restaurants.

Maybe we can all stop telling each other how those other people have less of a work ethic, or poor attendance. And I know I've added to that conversation.

If someone does a favor for you, such as making up the work you missed while away, maybe let them know you appreciate it. Or that you have their back if they have an emergency as well.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I have been on both sides of this argument. I didn't have my DD until I was 35, and both my parents died when I was 19, so I was the non-parent who always covered for parents having to rush off for family emergencies. I'm a nurse so I worked shifts at that time and was always the one who worked holidays like Christmas, easter etc, However I didn't whinge and moan I just got on with my job. Now my DD is 9 and I'm the one who sometimes has to rush off - and I don't feel guilty in any way as I've done my share of covering.

I don't know if you intend to have kids OP but I'm very much a believer in not criticising unless I've walked a mile in the other person's shoes...I suggest you do the same. Or how about ASKING the people you have problems to cover for you occasionally rather than coming on here and generalising about parents!

 

[teacher100]

If you think the parents have it better have kids and you can join the group of people who rush out to take care of their kids

 

[debster812]

At my former job, I had a co-worker with a chronic health issue, and she was usually out 4 or 5 times a month due to this. She burned through her PTO (sick, personal, and vacation time) in about 6 months.

We did similar jobs, on different sides of our systems, but both knew how to cover each others' area of expertise.

In the last few years that we worked together, my former boss, and her boss would pull me in for a quick meeting around June/July and tell me how much 'come time' I had earned for covering for her.

Part of the issue they had with her was that although she suffered from this condition, she never did anything for herself medically or lifestyle-wise to alleviate her symptoms. Just enjoyed playing the martyr.

And, FTR, I am a parent of one, and have certainly had to leave early, come in late, etc when DS has been sick, or whatnot.

 

[Tracy Savage]

And single people don't? I guess we just work for the hell of it!

If you have dependants or are a care giver to someone, you should understand what I meant.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

.

If someone does a favor for you, such as making up the work you missed while away, maybe let them know you appreciate it. Or that you have their back if they have an emergency as well.

Absolutely! It's all about give and take. If only everyone could follow this advice. Appreciate the act and return the favor.

 

[Tracy Savage]

Well, everyone have a wonderful day, I have to pack up the kid take him to the sitters and then go to work. I sure hope he doesn't get sick!

 

[shortbun]

I remember my BIL being really angry because his younger, childless workmates left early to go drinking while he, father of two, was left behind to do their work. Ya know? I've worked in offices where people left early to get ready for a date, go skiing, catch a flight, beat rush hour traffice and on and on.

 

[HelenePA]

Well, everyone have a wonderful day, I have to pack up the kid take him to the sitters and then go to work. I sure hope he doesn't get sick!

Ah come on you know you want him to get sick so you can get out of work early.. its a perk of being a parent it seems Yes what parent doesn't want to go home and take care of a sick child?

 

[Pigeon]

I cover for childless coworkers all the time. I find that it's a much more pleasant place to work if we all act collegially.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I wish I could find doctors with Saturday hours. I had one when we lived in FL! I'm tired of taking off almost a half day because of a doctor's appointment.

I have a teen, and he's involved in sports. I work 7 to 3:30 in order to be able to shuffle him where he needs to be. When work sent me working at another facility 32 miles from home, I was less than thrilled. I had to rely on others to do the shuffling. Not their responsibility!!! We had a change in bosses in the past few months. Now we have two who are childless. It was easier before. The previous boss was childless, but she had nieces and nephews and could understand it much better than the current ones. Ugh...I'm looking!!!!!!

 

[mking624]

At one place I worked as an assistant manager, the manager hated children. And it's not my assumption of him, he willingly admitted that he detested them. At the time, DH and I were trying to adopt so there were a couple of times I needed to take off work so we could take care of things. We lived in Kentucky and needed things that were in Chicago...and it was MUCH cheaper and faster if we drove up there to take care of it rather than waiting via courier. I always tried to arrange these quick trips on weekends or our days off...but that's hard to do when DH was in school and we both worked retail. I never took off without trying to prearrange something or using my PTO or making sure that I would help out the person covering for me later. The manager would always sneer at me any time I was trying to work on adoption stuff (which was never on the clock). He, on the other hand, was not quite as "kind." regarding taking off. He's a single, childless guy and is obsessed with college football. I point out the football part because he'd take off early without a second thought if a game was on...whether to attend or just watch it on tv. As if that wasn't bad enough, he actually got angry at me for not rescheduling my surgery because he wanted to see a game. Priorities mixed up, much? He made a 2 day new employee work the entire evening by himself and close by himself when the guy had no idea what he was doing because the manager refused to miss the game. The guy messed up on several things, which got him unfairly chewed out by the manager. I called the guy up while I was at home recovering and profusely thanked him and I gave him a gift card to a restaurant when I got back. This same manager also would stress to us how we can't use all our PTO in the summer, to spread it out fairly so everyone had time off during the summer. Made sense to us until he started denying everyone's summer requests. Why? Because apparently he made his own plans and literally took off most of the summer. At the end of that summer, I quit.

I also worked with an adult girl who would come in as she pleased and left as she pleased...and I was always the one who covered for her. I wound up staying at my job two hours late one day (and therefore being extremely late for plans I had made). Her reason? "My mom didn't set my alarm." The girl was in her 20s...set your own stupid alarm! Ugh.

I now have a 13 month old that I stay at home with (and another due in 3 weeks). I can definitely understand if a parent needs to leave for necessary reasons. I have worked with parents that would leave me with their work because they had promised their kids a trip to the park. Something like that really irks me. I've never gotten upset at parents who needed to leave for what I saw as much more legitimate reasons (sorry, but I don't view leaving suddenly leaving work early to play at the park as being a legitimate reason). But, this is a two way street. Parents are definitely not the only ones who leave early...regardless of the reason.

 

[Christine]

Basically, this is all the fault of management. You should be directing your anger toward them.

A good manager would not allow a "parent" to consistently "get over" on the other employees without some sort of compensation to the employees that are constantly covering for them.

This should not be left to the employees to work out amongst themselves because that just doesn't work, especially, when there is an abuser in your midst.

I have a few abusers (non-parents) in my organization and my manager deals with it, not me.

 

[Pastamom]

Perhaps the OP should find a new job that is better suited to her needs/wants.

When I had my 1st DS, I decided that I needed a job that was more family friendly. I found one that doesn't pay as well, but the family-friendly environment more than makes up for the loss of income.

 

[mill4023]

The OP's rant is directed at the wrong people.
If your employer if flexible enough to allow people to take time off when they need to take care of their kids, than that is the employers choice.
If you are being expected to work more because you don't have kids, I would definitely take that up with your employer. It has absolutely nothing to do with your co-workers.

 

[Mermaid02]

As many others have pointed out- this needs to be taken up with your boss. It has nothing to do with your coworkers and everything to do with management.

 

[KandD]

OP, not every place is like your current workplace.

At my last job I felt the SAME exact way that you did. I remember specifically a night when I had a final, I had known about it for about a month and a half and had scheduled myself to be the early person that day. About a week before a woman says that she is taking her kids to Sesame Place and she can not work late that night and my boss EXPECTED me to do it despite the fact that I had a final. This was just one of MANY instances when I was EXPECTED to pick up the slack.

It has not been this way at any other place since (I work fulltime and have a part time job right now and NEITHER of these places expect non parents to pull more weight than parents).

It really is a management issue and most parents don't take advantage...there are just as many nonparents that do the same thing BUT it is the way the management handles it that effects you directly.

 

[scottishduffy]

I have never has this issue so far at my jobs. Once or twice mom's had to leave but it wasn't a big deal as everyone had to cut out/go home sick at some point.

My husbands job is terrible for this though! We jokingly refer to it as the "Golden Uterus" Syndrome. His boss is hugely biased toward females (he is in sales). The women will always get out first, she lets them leave to get manicures or hair cuts because 'mommies need to relax'. The boss now brings her grandbaby (about a year old) into the office a couple times a week and all the ladies will play with the baby, while the 2 guys are told to pick up all the incoming calls. She always lets the women leave first so they can go home and cook dinner for their men (seriously.. her words) while the men are always expected to stay late. The excuse is just that 'mommies' need to de-stress. One of the girls is a hardworker, the other 3 are habitually late and leave the office *all the Time*. The youngest kid for ANY of them is 17! All their kids are grown for crying out loud.

It is a problem with his boss.. and he hopes to be finding new employment in the near future.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I'm a parent who sometimes has to leave work due to my daughter. That said, I don't expect anyone to pick my slack---if there were any.

I would gladly have my productivity and work ethic measured against anyone I work with.