I've HAD it. Parents v. Non-Parents at work

[mjkacmom]

I've never been able to schedule when any of my kids get sick EVER... how about be aware of your words... Consider others feelings. We care about our children. We love them more than words can say. We'd do anything for them including breaking down and asking others to cover for us when we need to go tend to junior. Heck I dont even work and you offended me...

LOL - I haven't worked in 14 years, and I'm trying to think of a job I wouldn't rather do than be home with a sick kid! I'm not talking about a simple cold, when they could stay in school, but nasty sick, like a stomach virus. I worked many years before having kids, and as much as I like being a SAHM, there were many days that I envied DH, going off to work.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I have the opposite problem. I am the only employee with young children, but no one will cover for me. Yet, because I am the "dependable" one, I am expected to be able to drop everything and run when one of them calls in sick/ hungover/ or just "needs a break" (yes, that's happened before.)

 

[Art 1]

Kind of like smokers going out for a smoke while the others are in working.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have to agree somewhat...there are parents at work that do hardly ever call in and work really hard but there are some that you know they just don't want to come in, but their kid is suddenly sick. The ones that abuse things are the ones that ruin it for those that are responsible and have kids. There are always a couple different groups. If you work hard as a parent, I have no problem with you leaving early to go support your kid at school, take them to the doctor, etc. But, there are people that I at least work with that purposely got pregnant for the extra freedom - their words not mine - granted, I guess it backfired in that their children seemed to be the ones that could never sleep through the night.

I have worked in environments where things were pretty even, but my latest environment has more abusers than I ever thought I would see. Things happen, but if you just don't feel like coming into work, why blame it on an excuse involving your child? I have yet to see it even out for me - but that is just my experience. I work a lot more than the parents in my area and they never cover me enough to call it even. I am not talking about overtime, I am just talking about helping out when you need it.

Huh? I'm guessing that didn't work out for them.

 

[ZuZugal]

To the OP - you have been very direct with all of the posters here and their responses. Your attitude seems misplaced with us because you obviously have a problem with a co-worker or two and you need to have a conversation with your superior if you are tired of filling in for said people without a return of the favor.

Am i wrong?

 

[ols386]

If it bothers the op so much, when a parent has to leave work and asks her to cover for them, why can't she say, 'no I can't cover for you'? I don't know exactly how her office is set-up, or how many people work there, but if it bothered me that much, I'd probably just tell them no, or speak to the supervisor/manager about it.

Personally, I've covered for people lots of times at work, and there have been times when I had to leave, and they covered for me. My dad was critically ill last year, and I had to be away from work for a month, and I know it was an imposition and inconvenient for my co-worker, but I didn't have any control over it, I had to be away. When I returned to work, I did order flowers and had them delivered to her, to try and show my appreciation for her covering for me.

I actually think these types of situations have a way of evening out...over the course of time, for the most part.

 

[Missy1961]

Years ago, I was one of the few non-parents at work. I never minded filling in for parents of sick kids. But it drove me nuts to fill in for the non-parents who partied too hard & called in 'sick' on Monday. It did even out. When my mom died, they all filled in for me for a week. I will admit to being annoyed at one of the parents who told me "You don't have kids, you don't need time off during the holidays." Well, my family is coming in from out of town & I asked for the time off a month before--I didn't wait until the last minute. I didn't say anything to her, just told her to talk to our manager.

 

[LaraK]

WOW! That was really really offensive.

I work and I'm a parent. I have a very responsible job and I believe I am very good at what I do. It's hard to juggle both. I have had to take time off for my kids. I have a chronically ill son. He goes for his ninth surgery next month. I'll be taking a day off (just one) to get his next set of biopsies. What I look SO forward to the day after the surgery will be the idiots who ask me if "I enjoyed my day off". I would trade everything in the world to avoid my child suffering for one moment. I often wish I could take his pain and suffering into my own body. Gladly. I don't enjoy having to take the time off. I'd rather cover for you.

A little understanding goes a long way. Karma will bite you in the behind one day...I'd go repent a little.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Kind of like smokers going out for a smoke while the others are in working.

don't think its the same thing at all

 

[Luvchefmic]

WOW! That was really really offensive.

I work and I'm a parent. I have a very responsible job and I believe I am very good at what I do. It's hard to juggle both. I have had to take time off for my kids. I have a chronically ill son. He goes for his ninth surgery next month. I'll be taking a day off (just one) to get his next set of biopsies. What I look SO forward to the day after the surgery will be the idiots who ask me if "I enjoyed my day off". I would trade everything in the world to avoid my child suffering for one moment. I often wish I could take his pain and suffering into my own body. Gladly. I don't enjoy having to take the time off. I'd rather cover for you.

A little understanding goes a long way. Karma will bite you in the behind one day...I'd go repent a little.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

WOW! That was really really offensive.

I work and I'm a parent. I have a very responsible job and I believe I am very good at what I do. It's hard to juggle both. I have had to take time off for my kids. I have a chronically ill son. He goes for his ninth surgery next month. I'll be taking a day off (just one) to get his next set of biopsies. What I look SO forward to the day after the surgery will be the idiots who ask me if "I enjoyed my day off". I would trade everything in the world to avoid my child suffering for one moment. I often wish I could take his pain and suffering into my own body. Gladly. I don't enjoy having to take the time off. I'd rather cover for you.

A little understanding goes a long way. Karma will bite you in the behind one day...I'd go repent a little.

I'm sorry your little dude is still having these awful issues. Prayers to both of you! Miss you!

 

[Tink888]

Why is it that when someone has a new baby, or a kid issue, or whatever, they get to leave work and rush home right away...leaving the rest of us to do their work to cover and we don't get any compensation of time off?

I understand. Stop it, don't try to explain. I know that kids need care outside of work. I know that when there is a newborn, you might need more time off of work. I'm not begrudging you the time off.

But why, oh, why, do you think we like to cover for you for nothing?

Does it EVER enter your head that maybe one or two days a month those of us without kids would like to be told, "Hey, you covered for me when my kid was sick/colic-y/pregnant wife was hormonal, take the last two hours off and I'll cover for you?"

Not sure how it works at your job, but at my last job, when I had to rush out early on account of my kids and my co-workers had to cover for me, that time either came out of my PTO time or was made up by coming in early, staying late or working through lunch. And I hated when that happened because I felt guilty for sticking it to my co-workers.

Thing is, I had to work and I had to be responsible for my kids. When it comes to kids, parents don't always have someone to COVER for parenting them.

And I can't tell you the number of times that I had to "cover" for my single, childless co-worker who was consistently a few hours late once a week due to her hangover, or who had called off for one crisis after another.....or just because. The one who blew through all 19 days of her PTO time by May, and then exceeded those days.

It goes both ways. There are a lot of working parents who do more than their share of covering for their non-parent co-workers. We're actually pretty good with our time and we're pretty productive at work too. Because not only is that paycheck for us, but there's a few other people depending on it too.

 

[TwinsinCA]

If it bothers the op so much, when a parent has to leave work and asks her to cover for them, why can't she say, 'no I can't cover for you'? I don't know exactly how her office is set-up, or how many people work there, but if it bothered me that much, I'd probably just tell them no, or speak to the supervisor/manager about it.

I'm amazed it took this many pages for someone to say this. Just tell them no. You don't owe them an explanation.

I fail to see how this kind of thing falls on your shoulders at all. It should be between your co-worker and boss to determine if they can have the time off and the boss to find someone to cover.

Even if the boss asks you to cover, maybe you could get comp time or the co-worker could be assigned some of your duties you could not finish because you were doing their work.

This seems less than a non- parent vs. parent issue and more like an issue with a company that needs to have a better system in place when people are out for whatever reason.

 

[NMAmy]

I do have to say that reading this thread has made me grateful for the places I've worked where this kind of thing wasn't an issue.

I'm past the stage where I have to leave for an emergency with my child. I'm grateful that I've had co-workers who have shooed me out the door when I got the call saying that my dd was throwing up at school or that my mother broke her ankle or that my dad had a stroke.

And I'm the one shooing them out the door when they have their own family emergencies.

Wanting to duck out early to avoid traffic on a Friday is SO different than having one of the above phone calls and if the OP can't tell the difference, then all the discussion in the world isn't going to make her change her mind about parents waltzing off to care for a sick child or to the ER to assist a parent without a care in the world.

If you have a problem with the way your office is run, then go to your supervisor and share your concerns.

 

[JerseyJanice]

WOW! That was really really offensive.

I work and I'm a parent. I have a very responsible job and I believe I am very good at what I do. It's hard to juggle both. I have had to take time off for my kids. I have a chronically ill son. He goes for his ninth surgery next month. I'll be taking a day off (just one) to get his next set of biopsies. What I look SO forward to the day after the surgery will be the idiots who ask me if "I enjoyed my day off". I would trade everything in the world to avoid my child suffering for one moment. I often wish I could take his pain and suffering into my own body. Gladly. I don't enjoy having to take the time off. I'd rather cover for you.

A little understanding goes a long way. Karma will bite you in the behind one day...I'd go repent a little.

I'm sad to read this post.

Wishing you and your DS lots of luck with everything.

 

[wilderness01]

It's funny that this was brought up.

Just last month my unmarried, no kids coworker was moaning up a storm how unfair it was for women to take maternity leave, have to take the day off if their child was sick, etc. I was floating to a different department that day and listened to her rant for close to an hour.

The end of the shift came and we were both waiting for our replacements. One of the oncoming shift workers came and took report for her two patients and one of mine. She LEFT report on her other patient because she had to run out the door to get home to her dogs. Technically, you are not ever supposed to do this, but are to wait until you speak to the oncoming shift.

SHE was supposed to stay and wait until the entire shift was covered, not me, the FLOAT. I guess it wasn't important to her that my children or dogs were home all alone, it was only important what mattered to HER and SHE needed to get home to her pets. I was stuck at work an extra hour before the floor was entirely covered while she was long home.

Pot meet kettle.

 

[Skywalker]

Maybe it just hasn't been my time yet. Also, it never enters the minds of these people to think to offer.

"Offer"? Well, did you walk around the office and officially "offer" to cover for people if their kids were sick? I'm guessing not. But when situations come up you help out. Same with them, while they may not give you an engraved offer, if you really needed time off for something, I'm betting they'd gladly cover. If not, then you can rant about them. Right now its all in your head.

 

[amg35]

Kind of like smokers going out for a smoke while the others are in working.

Nothing personal, but I always hated this argument.

Does your company have a "smokers may leave to smoke, but anyone else may not leave unless it is for a smoke" clause? I doubt it.

If it bugs you so much when a smoker takes a smoke break (which the boss is obviously letting them do), get up at the same time and take a walk or whatever you want to do. I can guarantee your boss won't say anything to you if he/she doesn't say anything to them.

I see people walk away all the time to make personal calls on their mobile. Who cares? If it's okay with the boss, then it's okay for me to do it when I want to too.

 

[Scurvy]

Does it EVER enter your head that maybe one or two days a month those of us without kids would like to be told, "Hey, you covered for me when my kid was sick/colic-y/pregnant wife was hormonal, take the last two hours off and I'll cover for you?"

I have to say it would never in a million years cross my mind to tell a coworker to take a couple hours off. If someone was nice enough to cover me when I needed them to, I would assume that they would ask me to cover for them when they needed me to. That's what coworkers do, in my experience. And it isn't all because of kids, either. It's because of sick kids, sick parents, sick spouses, dentist appointments, doctors appointments, hair appointments, appointments with contractors or repairmen, visits from the cable guy, shopping for a car, and anything else that has to be taken care of during business hours. And you know how many of those are exclusive to parents? Just one.

It sounds to me like you're either working with a bunch of users (and trust me, those come in both the "parent" and "non-parent" varieties) or you're expecting your coworkers to be mind readers. Most people aren't going to think they should tell you to leave so they can cover for you, they're going to think you'll ask when you need them to. Either way, you are the one who can change things. Either stop letting them use you if that's what they are doing, or tell them you need to leave early occasionally and see if they will start covering for you sometimes. And if they routinely say no to your requests then you need to routinely say no to them as well. And if you can't say no because your boss won't let you, then maybe it's time to look for a new job.

 

[pixiewings71]

Ummm at my office 3 of us have kids at home, 1 has a kid in college, 1 should BE in college. LOL We all cover for each other for everything. I'm currently going to a LOT of dr's appts (work injury (carpal tunnel) plus my own personal health issues) and I'm out of the office a lot.....we had an incident in our neighborhood today and I thought I was going to have to come in late Monday, that would mean I was late Monday, late Tuesday, late Thursday, and my co-workers all said "do what you need to, we will cover you" which is EXACTLY what I say to them when they need time (in fact 1 gal also has a dr's appt Tuesday am). If you need time let them know, take it, don't wait for them to offer it. That's just seems very passive aggressive to me......really, it's not a big deal if you want/need to leave early, just let others know and arrange it.