Its taken me awhile to get up the nerve to post this, but..

[Princess_Michelle]

I haven't read the responses, so sorry if someone said this....As an Army veteran, I can tell you that you are lucky that he is in the military You need to talk to his command and/or the chaplain in his company and ask them for help ASAP. The Chaplain will be better equipped for this, but you should also inform his commander or First Sgt. of the situation. You should be able to use JAG and other military services for free. Also, as military, it will be MANDATORY for him to pay required child support, they can even take it out of his paycheck if he doesn't do it himself. ALSO, he may be keeping this from you, but, if he does his full 20 years, YOU will be ENTITLED to half of his retirement pay when he retires. I know these things for a fact b/c I had several friends in one or more of these situations. If someone tries to tell you otherwise they are lying or uninformed. You DO NOT need him to be with you when you go in to request these services. They can also get you and your girls counceling. Please do not pass up these options, the military is serious about helping families and making their soldiers abide by the law. Like I said, the first stop you should make is the Chaplain in your hubby's comapny. If you are met with resistance or lack of help in any way, shape, or form, you just head up the chain of command. Worthless people are the exception, not the rule in the military. The higher up you go, the more ticked off they will be at the lower half of the chain for failure to take care of the issue and the more help you will get Good Luck!

 

[tiggersmom2]

Hey, if you ever need to vent or talk a little more come see me in Niceville, I'm at Ruby's. My name is in my post. I'll buy lunch for your girls and you a drink. I know it's not much, but I'm a great listener. Blessings to all of you.

Denise, you are so sweet and I hope Angela takes you up on your offer. I hope your pregnancy is going great (I'm so excited for you!) and I hope Angela finds someone worthy of her.

 

[lindalinda]

I havent read the whole thread, just your initial post, but I am livid!!!! All I can say is get a lawyer immediately! He doesnt get to make the decisions here.

As far as everything else, be strong! You will survive this. Lots and lots of hugs to you.

Ask for help and accept help thats offered.

 

[Princess_Michelle]

OK, I just read through the responses.............. I saw that he is away on TDY...right now is the PERFECT time to march your hiny into his company's office. You need to inform the Commander and First Sgt. what has happened. Ask if they can get him a room in the barracks for when he returns b/c he is trying to get you out of YOUR house. Please do not leave from the Base area while you can utilize all the free services that you get b/c of being a dependent. And I can't stress enough that you need to see the Chaplain. He/She (if they are a good chaplain) can walk you through the whole thing and show you where to go to get help. I agree with some that it would be better to get a non-military lawyer, but one that knows how the military works. I know that a lot of this will depend on what kind of people are in his chain of command.....For instance, I was in Military Intelligence and this kind of thing would NEVER fly. They would be behind you 100% and his butt would be pulling all kinds of extra shifts and PT. It all depends on the people, but usually, they are good about it.

 

[DawnCt1]

I am so sorry you and your children are going through this. Stay put and get a very good lawyer. It isn't just to look out for your rights but those of your children. Copy everything, even if it doesn't look important. It might be.

 

[Tinkerbell_Tiffany]

First off, to you!
second, take everything you can!

 

[darlak]

OK, I just read through the responses.............. I saw that he is away on TDY...right now is the PERFECT time to march your hiny into his company's office. You need to inform the Commander and First Sgt. what has happened. Ask if they can get him a room in the barracks for when he returns b/c he is trying to get you out of YOUR house. Please do not leave from the Base area while you can utilize all the free services that you get b/c of being a dependent. And I can't stress enough that you need to see the Chaplain. He/She (if they are a good chaplain) can walk you through the whole thing and show you where to go to get help. I agree with some that it would be better to get a non-military lawyer, but one that knows how the military works. I know that a lot of this will depend on what kind of people are in his chain of command.....For instance, I was in Military Intelligence and this kind of thing would NEVER fly. They would be behind you 100% and his butt would be pulling all kinds of extra shifts and PT. It all depends on the people, but usually, they are good about it.

That's great advice. I agree totally.

 

[TheGottis]

Be sure your lawyer is familiar with the Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Overview.

Link : http://www.military.com/benefits/legal-matters/usfpa-overview

 

[Rence]

One thought on the personality changes that you may not have considered. It may not be someone else, but instead could be some type of substance abuse. I've seen this before.

He seems to like the party lifestyle. His focus could now be on alcohol or drugs which can have an impact on a person's personality and make them more detached etc. Whatever the addiction is, it would be more important to him than his family.

My sister went through a divorce years ago, and her husband had changed totally. I brought up this as a possibility but everyone said absolutely not. BIL had always been so opposed to drugs of any kind etc. etc. Well it turned out that he had gotten involved wtih cocaine and it had a big impact on his personality. Fortunately there were no kids so sister was able to get rid of him and move on.

 

[catherine]

So sorry to hear that you and your children are having to go through all this. I had to help my sister when her ex husband left her with a 5 year old DS and a 5 week old DD. He'd been having an affair while she was pregnant! Eleven years later and the family is a strong unit. My neice and nephew are doing really well in school and with their other activities. My sister was a SAHM and is now a physiotherapist. Having seen what type of person her ex turned out to be, she has said that leaving was the best thing that he did for them!!

My very best wishes to you and your DDs

 

[RNMOM]

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Chin up and stay strong. You're getting a lot of invaluable advice from women that have gone down this road. There are many smart women on this board to turn to for support.

Lori

 

[littleteapot]

One thought on the personality changes that you may not have considered. It may not be someone else, but instead could be some type of substance abuse. I've seen this before.

He seems to like the party lifestyle. His focus could now be on alcohol or drugs which can have an impact on a person's personality and make them more detached etc. Whatever the addiction is, it would be more important to him than his family.

My sister went through a divorce years ago, and her husband had changed totally. I brought up this as a possibility but everyone said absolutely not. BIL had always been so opposed to drugs of any kind etc. etc. Well it turned out that he had gotten involved wtih cocaine and it had a big impact on his personality. Fortunately there were no kids so sister was able to get rid of him and move on.

My first thoughts were drug/alcohol abuse as well.

Hugs to you and your babies.

 

[Mkrop]

One thought on the personality changes that you may not have considered. It may not be someone else, but instead could be some type of substance abuse. I've seen this before.

He seems to like the party lifestyle. His focus could now be on alcohol or drugs which can have an impact on a person's personality and make them more detached etc. Whatever the addiction is, it would be more important to him than his family.

My sister went through a divorce years ago, and her husband had changed totally. I brought up this as a possibility but everyone said absolutely not. BIL had always been so opposed to drugs of any kind etc. etc. Well it turned out that he had gotten involved wtih cocaine and it had a big impact on his personality. Fortunately there were no kids so sister was able to get rid of him and move on.

I thought this too!

Please get this lawyer and go talk to his commanders, if he does have a substance abuse problme on top of all this you need to protect yoursleves and your kids!

 

[dizneenut]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Pooh93]

I am so sorry you and your girls are going through this. Take one day at a time. You will make it through.

 

[Southern4sure]

Angela, Im so sorry to hear about this. Be strong for you and your girls. Start a diary of everything from how your feeling to the stress this is causing for you and the girls. Hold your head high and be confident in all you do.

Do not leave the house as it can be used against you as abandonment (happened to a friend of mine). He might know this and could be why he is trying to force you to leave now. Stay put until the divorce is settled and the courts determine who gets the house. Move at this point if you do not want the house. Do not be afraid to put your wants in writing to your lawyer. Let your lawyer and the court work for you.

Start your emergency fund now but dont tell him about it. Do not pay any attention to what he says he will pay. It is not up to him. Anytime he gets a raise, you can have CS amended (make sure this is in the decree though).

If you moved back to Ocala, you are only an 1 1/2 hour north of me. You are more than welcome to visit here for a day or a week or we can go out with the girls to entertain them for a few hours or a day.

PM me anytime.

 

[Disney Doll]

I haven't read the responses, so sorry if someone said this....As an Army veteran, I can tell you that you are lucky that he is in the military You need to talk to his command and/or the chaplain in his company and ask them for help ASAP. The Chaplain will be better equipped for this, but you should also inform his commander or First Sgt. of the situation. You should be able to use JAG and other military services for free. Also, as military, it will be MANDATORY for him to pay required child support, they can even take it out of his paycheck if he doesn't do it himself. ALSO, he may be keeping this from you, but, if he does his full 20 years, YOU will be ENTITLED to half of his retirement pay when he retires. I know these things for a fact b/c I had several friends in one or more of these situations. If someone tries to tell you otherwise they are lying or uninformed. You DO NOT need him to be with you when you go in to request these services. They can also get you and your girls counceling. Please do not pass up these options, the military is serious about helping families and making their soldiers abide by the law. Like I said, the first stop you should make is the Chaplain in your hubby's comapny. If you are met with resistance or lack of help in any way, shape, or form, you just head up the chain of command. Worthless people are the exception, not the rule in the military. The higher up you go, the more ticked off they will be at the lower half of the chain for failure to take care of the issue and the more help you will get Good Luck!

Please take this advice.

 

[piglet too]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have always struck me as a strong person and I know you will be so now. It seems like you have gotten some great advice, listen to it. Also, get the girls (at least Remy) into counseling soon. I know she has had problems before, so get help before it is needed.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I just saw this and I am SO sorry! I don't have any great words of advice, but how sad that he seems so willing to write you and the girls out of his life. How can they not take this personally?