Its taken me awhile to get up the nerve to post this, but..

[sorcerormickey]

I am so sorry for you and the girls. Hang in there!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Be sure your lawyer is familiar with the Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Overview.

Link : http://www.military.com/benefits/legal-matters/usfpa-overview

This is good information for you to have and bring with you to an attorney's office.

 

[KerriSue]

WOW!

As Princess Michelle said, you will get HALF his retirement if you have been married 10 years or more!!!! Do it----

Utilize everything the military has to offer. Has he been investing in the Thrift Savings Plan. Make him cash it out for you. Sell the house, dont rent it out--take half of any profit. I just hate when I hear things like this happening. Take him to the cleaners. Use the legal office there just as a consulting type of thing. Get figures from them, how much he will pay for child support, spousal support, insurance and all that jazz. You dont necessarily need to use them for the divorce just for someone to write the figures down and present them to your soon to be ex and say HEADS UP LOSER this is what you are going to be paying per the military just wait until I get a civilian layer.

Good luck to you and your daughter. Hugs to you all

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

So sorry that you have to go through all of this! So sorry for the girls too!

I didn't read through all the posts so I'm not sure if this was mentioned or not but:

This might not help you now, but some good news is that since you did stay married for atleast 10 years when you are much older you will be able to file a claim on his Social Security acct! That won't help you anytime soon, but I thought it might just cheer ya up a little to know that he's not done paying just yet!

I would contact a lawyer. Also I would or have a lawyer contact the military because I'm sure they won't let him get away with no responsiblity towards his family-- he is in the military correct?

Best wishes to you and your girls. They're very lucky to have such a great mom!!!!

 

[phamton]

Sell the house, dont rent it out--take half of any profit.

I thought she mentioned on another thread that she is renting the house and doesn't own it but I may be mistaken. I thought she said they just moved into the house a month ago.

Be strong and know that a lot of people here care for you and will give you moral support through this whole ordeal.

 

[4nana]

Angela, I am so very sorry to learn your heartbeaking news. Having always enjoyed your family adventures and pictures, I am in shock. I know military life is not an easy route, but admit as a Mom, I would be truly heartbroken and so disappointed if my military son ever pulled anything like this on his dear family.

I have no advise or words of wisdom sweetie, but I know there are many here who feel your pain and heartbreak and can offer theirs. I am relieved to hear you are blessed to have family to depend on who are able and willing to help you through this most difficult time.

Please know that you, your darling girls, Remy and Holly, are in our thoughts and prayers. I know you are in shock and heartbroken, but pray you can stay strong, keep the faith, and rise above as you protect your family. Know your Dis friends are always here for you and that you can always come here to vent. Take care sweetie and Godspeed. Big 's to Remy and Holly too.

 

[MissMinnie]

 

[Robinrs]

Angela:

My heart just breaks for you and you girls... the story about Remy... I can't believe anyone could be so cold to their own child.

You've gotten awesome advice on this thread, please heed to it. I know you will because you sound strong and determined... Mama Bears SURVIVE!

Mama Bears have baby bears, too, who suffers sometimes more from the break up of a family than any spouse can. This is their Daddy, no matter what a jerk he is. Give them a big HUG from me and no matter how angry or disgusted you are remember, they need to know that you will never leave them, too.

Hold onto whatever higher faith you have to make you strong through this. Men have a way of separating their lives in a way that woman cannot... it's the survival of the fittest code they exist on. We have a need to nurture and protect our brood and family, they have a need to hunt.. and we know what for.

He has $2000 to spend on fun but $600 he offers his family? Sorry, we know what and who his priority is.

It's not up to him to decide. It's up to the courts. I'd ream him like a colonoscopy. He'll be singing It's Cheaper to Keep Her when he's finish... uh, just like MY EX!

Stay strong... hold on... hug those babies.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. What a jerk he is!
The only legal advice I can give you is to do EVERYTHING through the court system. Don't make any agreements with him that are not documented and approved by the courts, especially since you already feel he will renege.
Get yourself into counseling to help you deal with the emotions you are feeling. I'd be MAD, scared, and hurt all at once. Get your kids into counseling, too, so they have an unbiased outlet to express their feelings. Also, as much as it's probably true, do NOT disparage your STBX in front of the kids. They will figure out what he's made of soon enough, and then they'll also realize how classy and strong you were not to put him down in their presence.
Finally, know that you WILL make it. In the long run, I suspect you'll be much better off without him in your life. You deserve happiness, and it doesn't seem like you were ever going to find it with someone so controlling and emotionally disengaged. GOOD LUCK to you!

 

[Barbossa]

How a man can leave his children is beyond me. Those who do are a lower form of life.

 

[tevagirl]

I have no words of wisdom for you but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you and your daughters are going through this.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Thanks for the support..you don't know how much it means. I swear I just feel so stupid, like how could I not see this coming. I let him put me into a position where I don't have a job or any schooling to get a good one..I know better! I am sure the emotional stuff will hit me eventually, but right now I am so darn angry at the position I allowed him to put me in...the total unfairness of it KWIM? I had planned to go back to school years ago, but with all the deployments and bills "we" decided it would be best to wait until we paid down the debt and Holly was old enough to go to school for me to go to school as well. Then we found out we were coming to FL which was perfect since this year we paid off so much and Hol could start school..plus his job was easier hour wise to work around. I just feel like I wasted 13 years of my life with him, put my wants aside while he went through college (I worked 50 hours a week full time) then he joined the military right when he graduated from that so I had to wait longer since there were deployments/etc to worry about. I am just ticked to say the least.

I tried to explain to him that 600/m would not cut it since rent in our hometown is around 800/mo alone. Even with a full time job I couldn't make enough for us to live on..until I get schooling in I can't qualify for higher paying jobs. He keeps whining he barely makes enough to give 600/m let alone more than that which is total BS! 3000+/mo is good money IMO! If he has to give up some extras like wasting 2K on partying, well thats his problem not mine. I am more worried about feeding my girls! Plus he is hoping he passed his staff sgt test he took in May so that is another 500/mo..he said he wants to get the divorce soon so that if he did get the pay raise it wouldn't go towards more CS! Hello, the courts adjust CS when you earn more! I plan on getting a lawyer since my girls deserve to get as much support as they can! The whole personality change is amazingly creepy..the man I have been with for 13yrs would not act like this..

So far he is supporting us like usual but is already asking how soon we can get the heck out of HIS house so he can move back in. He is about to leave for a 6wk TDY but said we need to figure out where the girls and I will go when he gets back. Previously he'd said we had until Nov to make arrangements but now I think that isn't going to happen.

Whatever you do, don't move out of the house. Let him go somewhere if he wants to.

Talk to a lawyer ASAP.

Your husband sounds a little nutty. What does he expect you and your kids to do? Just disappear because he says so?

Talk to a lawyer ASAP.

 

[JadenLayne]

I'm so so sorry!!!! I hate to say this but could you possibly move in with your family. With him acting the way he is I would want to go anywhere to get away from him. I agree with the above poster, he sounds kind of nutty! Hugs to you and those beautiful girls!!!!

 

[KristinBelle]

Do you think maybe he's been gambling all that money away? My DH knows 2 guys at work that are addicted to online gambling and one has lost a small fortune doing so.

So sorry you're going through this.

 

[Kimberle]

Many prayers as you work this through.

 

[lil mermaid]

Angela,

I don't have any other words of wisdom for you, just a

I am so sorry.

 

[bettyann29]

So sorry to hear this.. Keep your chin up.. I've been there before and you'll look back in years and see how much better of a person you will become

 

[kimmikayb]

I'm so sorry, it's hard...no doubt. You've gotten great advice. I think I've read most and I don't recall seeing anything about documentation. Start documenting everything. How he treats you, the girls, his demands, etc. It will be priceless to you during the hearings.

 

[Charade]

 

[Olaf]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I've seen this happen more times than I have fingers.

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. Men don't leave established relationships unless they have a sure bet on the outside. If his girlfriend is in the military, he's in trouble.

GET TO A LAWYER TOMORROW! How long have you been married and how long has he been in the military? Call his squadron commander tomorrow as well. Let him know what's going on.

LET HIM KNOW YOU MEAN BUSINESS. Don't start arguing with him about how much money he says you need, the courts will decide that. And believe me, he won't be happy with it.

BE TOUGH. I know you feel like you've been hit with a brick truck, but don't let him know that. You're holding the cards here, I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but you are. You have his children and he's responsible for them.

I really feel for you. It's going to rough, but all of my girlfriends who have been through this have been better off, smarter and stronger for it in the end. You don't need to be with a creep who treats you like that.