If I'm understanding the OP correctly, she's saying that she had TWO opportunities to switch to her preferred resort or a better room at a new resort and the TA failed to respond to her request while those options were available, and since she could not make either change independently the OP is stuck with her second choice resort. Sure, some of the requests are things that could wait (the birthdays and ME) but they are also things that could have been done at the time of the initial reservation which would put the OP's mind at ease about them. That TA's failure to respond and get her client a better deal - or the deal she preferred! - is completely irresponsible and there is just no excuse. I'd be furious, especially after the SECOND time.
My understanding is that Disney TA's do not charge for their services as they are paid by Disney, and I know Disney packages can be cancelled without penalty up to a certain time frame before the trip - but either way, this should not apply to a September trip at this early date. I'd be quite suspicious of a TA who is telling you that you would lose money in this situation; it surely does not sound like a Disney TA!! Disney should know that she is double dipping - charging you AND Disney for her services!!