Is this strange or is it just me?

[ChickyRootie]

I wouldn't allow my child to go away alone with a boy until she was able to pay her own way home if things got bad and she needed to get out of there...the first time I went away with a guy was when I was 21 and I ended up marrying him...my point isn't judging the fact that you allow your child to date, that's up to you...but going away on a vacation is an entirely different situation. This isn't some little thing where you can hop in the car and pick up your child if she gets in a fight with her friend at the pizzaria, you know? This is a full blown multi day vacation. I'm sure if the parents are wealthy their personal experiences at WDW would be a once in a lifetime thing, however perhaps if they were so bold to pay your daughter's way without consulting her MOTHER, perhaps you can be so bold as to say, "I appreciate your gesture, however I do not appreciate you going behind my back, if you truly want to bring my daughter on your vacation, you will understand that as her mother I would like to be there to chapperone my child and will also be need accomodations for both my child and myself, and yes, I will be in the same room as my child...thank you for your generocity by the way ' Now obviously that is a tongue in cheek silly response, but hey, if you're so bold go for it...or not...but yes it is weird that someone would do that, and unless they were going to extend the offer to you, as her mother, and chapperone, I would NOT allow it.

 

[maiapapaya]

Okay...I just got off the phone with BF's mom. They did book the flights with travel insurance in case someone cancelled, and as for the rooms, the mom has one room with the girls and the dad is with the boys. And as for money, they said that they were paying for everything and not to worry about sending any with her (but of course we will send something). She apologized for not asking permission, but said they are so used to DD being there that they feel like she's part of the family. I feel so much better about this now and I'm sure she'll have a great time.

This would really irk me. She's not their daughter. The attitude is almost like, "oh, ya, I guess you are her parents. Sorry. Didn't think we need to ask ..." They're taking your 15 year old daughter on a week long trip out of state and they didn't think they needed to ask?! IMO this is not the answer I would have wanted to hear. Not trying to stir the pot, but we went through a difficult situation many years ago with my stepdaughter and a very controlling mother of her boyfriend. I know this is your family, but in my experience this is a bit of a red flag.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Okay...I just got off the phone with BF's mom. They did book the flights with travel insurance in case someone cancelled, and as for the rooms, the mom has one room with the girls and the dad is with the boys. And as for money, they said that they were paying for everything and not to worry about sending any with her (but of course we will send something). She apologized for not asking permission, but said they are so used to DD being there that they feel like she's part of the family. I feel so much better about this now and I'm sure she'll have a great time.

So it was an oversight and actually a compliment that your DD is so welcome with them she is like one of their own. She will have a great time...having read the whole thread I have to say the answer below was my absolutely favorite response..especially the part I put i bold..

So, it seems to me they're interpreting your DD's close relationship with their son(s) and daughter as license to treat her like one of the family. This apparently rubs you the wrong way.

Suggest you throw a barbeque and discuss it over dinner.

It is very generous of them to invite your daughter; naturally, you'll want to work out the details (tickets, liability, long-term employment prospects managing one of their restaurants, etc).

 

[amberpi]

In the 90s/early 00s, my folks wouldn't have batted an eye and expected me to get the first permission and would have filled in details with the parents as they were set. I took friends, BFs, cousins, etc. on trips and they took me on trips. I had a much fuller traveling experience because of the opportunities other families offered and my family always repaid them. My mom for instance NEVER wanted to go skiing and my early high school bf (they knew the family a long time) never wanted to do WDW. BF and I got to do both and we still stay in touch today! We were never allowed in the same bedroom without the door open but got to have way more experiences than we would have...its takes a village, right? I don't see this as strange and your daughter sounds very responsible. Go mom!

 

[dae3dae3]

The thing with the "obligation" is just silly. Teach your sons and daughters that they are not prostitutes to be bought with dinners and trips. Gifts are not obligations and if someone tries to make you feel obligated because they gave you a "gift" then it was not a gift. Walk away without any guilt that you owe them anything.

I feel like people are reading all their secret fears and worries into this.

 

[OurBigTrip]

I wouldn't allow my child to go away alone with a boy until she was able to pay her own way home if things got bad and she needed to get out of there...the first time I went away with a guy was when I was 21 and I ended up marrying him...my point isn't judging the fact that you allow your child to date, that's up to you...but going away on a vacation is an entirely different situation. This isn't some little thing where you can hop in the car and pick up your child if she gets in a fight with her friend at the pizzaria, you know? This is a full blown multi day vacation. I'm sure if the parents are wealthy their personal experiences at WDW would be a once in a lifetime thing, however perhaps if they were so bold to pay your daughter's way without consulting her MOTHER, perhaps you can be so bold as to say, "I appreciate your gesture, however I do not appreciate you going behind my back, if you truly want to bring my daughter on your vacation, you will understand that as her mother I would like to be there to chapperone my child and will also be need accomodations for both my child and myself, and yes, I will be in the same room as my child...thank you for your generocity by the way ' Now obviously that is a tongue in cheek silly response, but hey, if you're so bold go for it...or not...but yes it is weird that someone would do that, and unless they were going to extend the offer to you, as her mother, and chapperone, I would NOT allow it.

You wouldn't allow your 15 year old to go on a trip with another family unless they invited you (all expenses paid) to chaperone? I'd say "Never mind, she can stay home", because that's insulting, IMO.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

You wouldn't allow your 15 year old to go on a trip with another family unless they invited you (all expenses paid) to chaperone? I'd say "Never mind, she can stay home", because that's insulting, IMO.

She said tongue in cheek silly response

 

[OurBigTrip]

She said tongue in cheek silly response

She didn't say that for the last part - she said she wouldn't let her child go unless she was there to chaperone.

 

[mefordis]

My husband wont even let our 20 year old daughter bring her boyfriend on a weekend camping trip with us and they've been going out for 3 years.

I'm with your husband. Family trips are for the family.

 

[ChickyRootie]

She didn't say that for the last part - she said she wouldn't let her child go unless she was there to chaperone.

Yes that's DARN RIGHT I...I wouldn't let MY 15 YEAR OLD child...key word CHILD go unless I was there to chaperone!! Me personally, what OP does with her own child is her business...You are 100% right, I completely stand by that statement...how is that odd or better yet 'rude' to want to chaperone your own child on a vacation with an opposite sex 'friend'? And yes, the all expense paid vacation for me was a ridiculous tongue in cheek response, however, IMHO I think it's just as ridiculous to assume you can take away a 15 year old child without consulting her parents first...according to the OP the situation is resolved and she is completely fine with it, so all is well that ends well I suppose, however she came here looking for opinions and she got plenty of them...I don't think I'm among the minority who would want to keep tabs on my child during an extremely hormonal age. I find it funny that you think I would be rude not to be all grateful if some rich kid wanted to bring my daughter along on a vacation and shoo aside the parents with the excuse 'oh she's always here, she's like my own child..' Personally that would not fly with me...because she is NOT their child. Period. The OP is obviously fine with it, so whatever, but I will not back down from my personal opinion...

 

[OurBigTrip]

Yes that's DARN RIGHT I...I wouldn't let MY 15 YEAR OLD child...key word CHILD go unless I was there to chaperone!! Me personally, what OP does with her own child is her business...You are 100% right, I completely stand by that statement...how is that odd or better yet 'rude' to want to chaperone your own child on a vacation with an opposite sex 'friend'? And yes, the all expense paid vacation for me was a ridiculous tongue in cheek response, however, IMHO I think it's just as ridiculous to assume you can take away a 15 year old child without consulting her parents first...according to the OP the situation is resolved and she is completely fine with it, so all is well that ends well I suppose, however she came here looking for opinions and she got plenty of them...I don't think I'm among the minority who would want to keep tabs on my child during an extremely hormonal age. I find it funny that you think I would be rude not to be all grateful if some rich kid wanted to bring my daughter along on a vacation and shoo aside the parents with the excuse 'oh she's always here, she's like my own child..' Personally that would not fly with me...because she is NOT their child. Period. The OP is obviously fine with it, so whatever, but I will not back down from my personal opinion...

No one is asking you to back down from your opinion - you're welcome to have it, just as I'm welcome to have the opinion that you saying that you are the only person that can adequately chaperone your child, thereby implying that the other parents are bad parents, is insulting.

I would hate to be any person that dared try to date your child.

 

[mefordis]

I agree. Lack of respect there.

This would really irk me. She's not their daughter. The attitude is almost like, "oh, ya, I guess you are her parents. Sorry. Didn't think we need to ask ..." They're taking your 15 year old daughter on a week long trip out of state and they didn't think they needed to ask?! IMO this is not the answer I would have wanted to hear. Not trying to stir the pot, but we went through a difficult situation many years ago with my stepdaughter and a very controlling mother of her boyfriend. I know this is your family, but in my experience this is a bit of a red flag.

 

[OurBigTrip]

I'm happier every day that my kids were born in a hospital where they cut the cord immediately after birth. Makes life so much more pleasant for everyone down the road.

 

[mefordis]

I agree, Chicky. I have two daughters and that's pretty much how I feel.

Yes that's DARN RIGHT I...I wouldn't let MY 15 YEAR OLD child...key word CHILD go unless I was there to chaperone!! Me personally, what OP does with her own child is her business...You are 100% right, I completely stand by that statement...how is that odd or better yet 'rude' to want to chaperone your own child on a vacation with an opposite sex 'friend'? And yes, the all expense paid vacation for me was a ridiculous tongue in cheek response, however, IMHO I think it's just as ridiculous to assume you can take away a 15 year old child without consulting her parents first...according to the OP the situation is resolved and she is completely fine with it, so all is well that ends well I suppose, however she came here looking for opinions and she got plenty of them...I don't think I'm among the minority who would want to keep tabs on my child during an extremely hormonal age. I find it funny that you think I would be rude not to be all grateful if some rich kid wanted to bring my daughter along on a vacation and shoo aside the parents with the excuse 'oh she's always here, she's like my own child..' Personally that would not fly with me...because she is NOT their child. Period. The OP is obviously fine with it, so whatever, but I will not back down from my personal opinion...

 

[ChickyRootie]

No one is asking you to back down from your opinion - you're welcome to have it, just as I'm welcome to have the opinion that you saying that you are the only person that can adequately chaperone your child, thereby implying that the other parents are bad parents, is insulting.

I would hate to be any person that dared try to date your child.

Wow that is an extremely abrasive comment to a total stranger...

I guess being a protective mother is frowned upon now adays...

 

[niffer5150]

i wouldn't blink at letting my daughter go. it's a chaperoned family disney trip, with the sexes sleeping in separate rooms even. it's not sending the kids alone to burning man. some teens are quite mature and responsible.

i would probably call to ask specifics and to work out what will be paid for by them and what part i would shoulder. that alone would verify that yes, there is a trip and yes, i give permission. some parents don't second guess info given to them by teens they trust and when the tickets were bought is irrelevant. no need to read malice into something where none may exist.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Wow that is an extremely abrasive comment to a total stranger...

I find it to be no more abrasive than telling people that you actually know "I don't trust you, as parents, to chaperone my child".

I guess being a protective mother is frowned upon now adays...

Not at all - but there is protective, and there is over-protective.

To me, the OP is protective, and understandably so. She had questions and concerns that she wanted addressed prior to giving her consent. I would have had the same concerns and asked the same questions, and the let my DD go on the trip.

Over-protective, again, IMO, is saying that no one but you is capable of adequately chaperoning your child. That only you have her best interests in mind when making decisions. Saying that a 15 year old can't go on a vacation with another family unless Mommy is there to protect her.

Huge difference between the two, and while I parent in the mold of the former, you are absolutely free to choose to parent in the mold of the latter. But my experience with over-protective parents is that it adds an unnecessary layer of angst and difficulty for future significant others.

 

[boltfan]

Just the idea that a young girl has been going steady since 13 is sad to me

The trip insures that she will stay with him (what if she meets a cute boy when school starts???)and continue to feel a sort of debt to parents, like a pressure never to date others. I don't find it to be a good experience at all

I also get a vibe from the Moms bragging about rich friends that take them anywhere that they let things slide that other parents wouldnt

Interesting attitude. Who's bragging? It's just a fact that the parents are rich. All of her other friends are not. And she's almost 16, so they started going out when she was 14. And she would never feel IN DEBT to anyone just because they took her on a trip. We go to Disney every other year, we used to go to the Outer Banks every summer, and we took our daughters to London last year. She truly cares about this boy, so what's your problem with that? And as for letting things slide, they aren't even allowed to be alone at either home without an adult present.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Interesting attitude. Who's bragging? It's just a fact that the parents are rich. All of her other friends are not. And she's almost 16, so they started going out when she was 14. And she would never feel IN DEBT to anyone just because they took her on a trip. We go to Disney every other year, we used to go to the Outer Banks every summer, and we took our daughters to London last year. She truly cares about this boy, so what's your problem with that? And as for letting things slide, they aren't even allowed to be alone at either home without an adult present.

Keep up the good work Mom, IMO you're asking all the right questions, and doing just the right things.

Kids live up, or down, to expectations. Unless/until we have reason to not trust our kids, I think we need to let them know that we do trust them. After all, if they're going to be accused or suspected of doing the wrong thing, without reason, then why shouldn't they?

 

[ChickyRootie]

I find it to be no more abrasive than telling people that you actually know "I don't trust you, as parents, to chaperone my child".



Not at all - but there is protective, and there is over-protective.

To me, the OP is protective, and understandably so. She had questions and concerns that she wanted addressed prior to giving her consent. I would have had the same concerns and asked the same questions, and the let my DD go on the trip.

Over-protective, again, IMO, is saying that no one but you is capable of adequately chaperoning your child. That only you have her best interests in mind when making decisions. Saying that a 15 year old can't go on a vacation with another family unless Mommy is there to protect her.

Huge difference between the two, and while I parent in the mold of the former, you are absolutely free to choose to parent in the mold of the latter. But my experience with over-protective parents is that it adds an unnecessary layer of angst and difficulty for future significant others.

It's not a 15 year old going away with 'another family'...it's a 15 year old child going away with her BOYFRIEND of 18 months...booked by his wealthy parents who didn't even respect OP enough as the child's MOTHER to INFORM her of the trip...You seriously would be fine with this? Look, you obviously have decided that, for whatever reason, you dislike my posts most of all out of the several other posts that have stated basically the exact same things that I've said in different ways...whatever. You are saying that I'm over-protective...perhaps, I'm just running my family in a way which is appropriate for US. The OP asked an opinion and I was giving it...you then saw fit to attack me, for what my 'opinion' indicated to YOU as what kind of parent I must be...In all honesty, I'm sorry, but I do not think it's appropriate for a 15 year old to go away with a boyfriend, In my opinion that is too young...perhaps, being the cool, hip, non over-protective, mom that you must be maybe your 15 year old has a job, and perhaps can pay for an unplanned pregnancy, or I don't know comes and goes as they please...great...but in my 'backwards' child rearing my over-protected little prisoners are doing things like going out to the movies in groups, playing softball with her friends, and painting each other's nails at sleepovers while giggling about boys they are too shy to talk too yet...you're right. My daughter is going to have a lot of problems...she's growing up WAY too slow...(said no mother...EVER.)