Is this school "punishment" acceptable?

[nliedel]

Sometimes it is personal and sometimes teachers do play favorites and while it is not some conspiracy everyone who has been in school knows that. I have been personally told by a teacher (in the dark ages of high school) that she did not like me. She made a lot of assumptions about me that were very unfair and inaccurate and while it does not "haunt me to this day" it has bothered me on and off over the years.

My eldest son had a teacher that did not like him. You could see it when she interacted in the classroom with him. The same year my second oldest had a teacher that adored and favored him. We gently spoke to both of them and it got better on both sides. Teachers are human with human thoughts, belief and feelings. They do like some students more and some less. We all encounter people we have those feelings for every single day in all of our workplaces.

 

[Cinderella94]

Seems to me that many parents are totally unrealistic in thinking that the teachers have the time or the responsibility to coddle their childrens egos.

Exactly...which is why I stated in an earlier post that these people should try being a substitute teacher in the classroom. Some of them would not last the day.


**This is daisyduck123 signed in on her DDs computer.

 

[Christine]

Sometimes it is personal and sometimes teachers do play favorites and while it is not some conspiracy everyone who has been in school knows that.

True, but this doesn't seem to be the case here.

Also, I wonder just how much of this has to do with being a bit *too* sensitive?

My best friend's two girls are VERY sensitive kids for some reason. You can't even look at them funny and they get their feelings hurt. I remember one particular incident where my friend had brought her 5-year-old daughter into our office. Her DD said to me "Do you want to play 52 Pick Up?" Knowing what it was and going along with her little joke, I said "sure." Of course, the deck of cards went all over the floor. I made a "mock" surprised look and said "Oh my, look at the mess you made!" The girls face just dropped, cheeks got red, and she refused to speak to me the rest of the day. I asked my friend about it later, and she talked to her DD and her DD thought that I had "gotten her in trouble" and sulked all night.

Believe me, I was not harsh with her at all. But, some kids are really sensitive and that sounds like what is going on with the OP's DD.

I know that, at that age, both of my kids were reprimanded in similar ways. In my son, for the very same thing. He did not care for being reprimanded, but basically let it roll off him like water on a duck's back. But those are my kids, and they don't get their feelings hurt real easy nor do they dwell on this type of stuff. Not that either way to be is right or wrong--it's just part of who we are. However, I will agree with one of the posters WAAAAYYY back in that some of these kids who are sensitive do need to learn to let it roll.

 

[poohandwendy]

Sometimes it is personal and sometimes teachers do play favorites and while it is not some conspiracy everyone who has been in school knows that.

I agree that sometimes teachers have favorites. There are also parents who 'assume' the teacher does not like their child without merit. Some people do not ant to face the fact that their children are being disciplined because they are breaking the rules.

However, the issue here is whether or not a teacher is 'hellbent on shaming 5 yo's" by enforcing a classroom policy to children who do break the rules. There is no evidence that the Ops DD is being singled out because of personal reasons.

 

[Bob Slydell]

DD was fine today, but the first thing she said was "I didn't get my name on the board." Every day, it's that overriding thought for her - not her letters, numbers, music, science she is learning, but that she towed the line enough to not get written up. To me, that is is the biggest disservice to these kids.

It's the first thing my 5 year (he's in Pre-K and they use an apple method, similar to the colors mentioned by others) tells me when I pick him up from school. He'll tell me if he had to pull any apples and, if so, what he did in order to have to pull an apple (usually it's talking in class).

Thing is, he still manages to learn a lot of stuff every single day, even with this whole apple thing hanging over his head.

 

[Christine]

Thing is, he still manages to learn a lot of stuff every single day, even with this whole apple thing hanging over his head.

 

[VSL]

Thing is, he still manages to learn a lot of stuff every single day, even with this whole apple thing hanging over his head.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Boy, there are a lot a assumptions and exagerations here from folks on both sides of the fence!

There has to be a middle ground here. I do beleive that a 'name' system is perfectly appropriate, if used correctly and positively.

And, thanks just SO much for the poster who is acting as if he KNOWS what side of the fence I am on!!!

I will say that there has always been a similar system in my DS classroom. And, it has not been a problem for him. He never gets his name 'moved'!!! But, yes, you can bet that kids understand this. And, they do come home saying.. so-and-so had to move their name two times today, etc... As a parent, we quickly find out thru the grape-vine who the less disciplined 'trouble-makers' are. The name moving is a general topic of conversation!

Back to my DS.... He does have a learning disability. So, I do know, first hand, what it is like to have a child with issues... If I thought that this system was not being used positively and it was causing problems and stress for my child. Yes, I would be concerned. I would have to speak with the teacher about how this was affecting my DS.

The big thing here is that there is a LOT we do not know.

We do not know how this system is being implemented by the teacher.
We do not know if this child is indeed 'upset' and hypersensitive. (Which, IMHO, SHOULD be accomodated by the teacher, if this is true.)
We do not know if this is just the DD's adjustment to the new system.
We do not know if she is, like many other kids, simply telling about the 'names' each day. (as has been described in recent posts...)

Going by the OP's comments about the teachers negative teaching and discipline style. I am still holding out the possibility that there could be a problem?

 

[jodifla]

"Hellbent on humniliation?" Are you kidding me? Do you actually know how teachers deal with the whole board thing?

Child talks...Stacy, you need to raise your hand...

Child talks again...All right, Stacy...writes name on board...(5 seconds lost)

Class goes on with lesson!

Teachers have to have a way of dealing with even little disruptions so that they can do their job...educating children.

If Stacy, and the other 20 kids in the class continue to talk out of turn, no one learns anything. The class is a farce, and the parent is on the Dis saying the teacher has no control over the calssroom.

Actually, rather than the teacher, I was more talking about several posters on this board, who seem to like the public shaming thing all too much.

And the one poster who said the shame of a name on the board was a good thing. I stick by my guns that 5 years old is too young to start this.

My first recollection of anything like this is 3rd grade.

 

[BuckNaked]

Actually, rather than the teacher, I was more talking about several posters on this board, who seem to like the public shaming thing all too much.

Believing it is effective and necessary is quite different than liking it "all too much". Kids, yes even 5 year olds, need to learn to follow the rules. And if putting their name on a board will do it, then I'm all for it.

 

[cardaway]

I have yet to see anybody come up with an alternative that isn't the same thing as the name on the blackboard system in some fashion. All but impossible to single out one kid in a class without creating the same kind of "shaming" situation.

As others pointed out, IMO a small degree of "shaming" is actually beneficial.

Last I checked, blackboards could be erased. Nobody is getting branded, blackballed, or forced to wear a scarlet "B" to recess.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Actually, rather than the teacher, I was more talking about several posters on this board, who seem to like the public shaming thing all too much.

Most of those posters (including me) would take issue with the disciplinary techniques mentioned as being "public shaming".

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Actually, rather than the teacher, I was more talking about several posters on this board, who seem to like the public shaming thing all too much.

OMG this whole thread is just so overly dramatic. "Public Shaming?" LMAO

I would bet you the balance of my checking account that almost every kid in that class doesn't even remember who got their name on the board Monday.

It is just something that happens in class. You talk and the teacher writes your name on the board. The next day, maybe you remember and it happens to somebody else. They all know it and they all pretty much know that it will likely eventually happen to them because 5 year old kids chatter like crazy. It isn't like they all group together at the end of the day and mock and fingerpoint at the kids who have their names on the board.

The only "shame" involved would be a parent and teacher who would allow a child to psychologically develop in a manner that they cannot function after experiencing this "horrible trauma" without intervention. Because quite honestly, not be able to handle an incident like this is NOT developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old child nearing the end of Kindergarten. Children need to be able to live their lives in front of other people and making mistakes is part of living your life.

If having their name written is truly is such a life altering obsession causing drama for a child, then I suggest therapy.

 

[BuckNaked]

OMG this whole thread is just so overly dramatic.
If having their name written is truly is such a life altering obsession causing drama for a child, then I suggest therapy.

I think PoohandWendy had better add this to her signature as another of the traumas she suffered as a child...

 

[In a hurry]

I think PoohandWendy had better add this to her signature as another of the traumas she suffered as a child...

Too funny! I love her signature.

 

[jodifla]

As for being shamed, sorry, but I don't see anything at all wrong with kids being made to feel ashamed when they do something wrong.

?

telling. a 5-year-old should feel "ashamed" when she forgets to raise her hand in class?

 

[BuckNaked]

telling. a 5-year-old should feel "ashamed" when she forgets to raise her hand in class?

I guess I missed that part - did the teacher tell her that?

If seeing her name on the blackboard makes her feel ashamed because she broke a rule, then fine. Maybe she'll remember next time not to do it.

I'm with cardaway on this - there is nothing wrong with a little shame when it helps teach a lesson.

 

[Christine]

telling. a 5-year-old should feel "ashamed" when she forgets to raise her hand in class?

Telling of what?

A 5 year old *will* feel shamed when they break a rule and the teacher calls them on it. Period. If you believe in any basis of discipline you will know or have heard that children require boundaries. They need to know their limits. Talking out of turn is overstepping one of those limits. Teacher puts name on board, ALL the kids see child's name go on board, spotlight is on child for 2 seconds, she's embarrassed. Depending on the sensitivity of the child, the embarrassment lasts for a minute or it can last for a day. This is not abusive or demeaning. It is discipline.

When I go to a store and my child starts acting up and I correct him verbally, in the store aisle, in front of the 5 other people, he gets embarrassed. Is that wrong also?

 

[Bob Slydell]

Telling of what?

A 5 year old *will* feel shamed when they break a rule and the teacher calls them on it. Period. If you believe in any basis of discipline you will know or have heard that children require boundaries. They need to know their limits. Talking out of turn is overstepping one of those limits. Teacher puts name on board, ALL the kids see child's name go on board, spotlight is on child for 2 seconds, she's embarrassed. Depending on the sensitivity of the child, the embarrassment lasts for a minute or it can last for a day. This is not abusive or demeaning. It is discipline.

When I go to a store and my child starts acting up and I correct him verbally, in the store aisle, in front of the 5 other people, he gets embarrassed. Is that wrong also?

I'll go one step further. Even without the blackboard or some other visible form of who's been disciplined that day, kids will (and do) know exactly who got in trouble that day -- even at 5. Heck, I get the daily report from my 5 year old everyday about who did what during that day in school.

 

[jodifla]

I'll go one step further. Even without the blackboard or some other visible form of who's been disciplined that day, kids will (and do) know exactly who got in trouble that day -- even at 5. Heck, I get the daily report from my 5 year old everyday about who did what during that day in school.

So, what's the point of the blackboard then?