Is this appropriate? (long)

[WDWAurora]

I am starting grad school (tomorrow is the first day of class) and I'm at a school we always considered to be a party school when I was in high school (I grew up nearby). Well, I didn't place too much importance in that, as my program here is accredited by the association, and that's all I'm here for. So here's the thing...I don't drink. At all. I'm fine with other people doing it, but I don't. My boyfriend isn't fine with being around alcohol. My dept. is having a "mandatory" party on Sept. 10th, and we're all supposed to be there and bring our significant others. They also told us we're having a keg there....Not only do I feel a little uncomfortable about that (I hate all the "why aren't you drinking" questions) but I know my boyfriend would not understand why this would be something I would have to do for school....and he would want me to leave this school, as he would consider it a "joke." I wouldn't, but it would still upset him greatly. I don't know what I should do, I mean, I have to go I guess, but do other schools do this? Does anybody else think it's weird to have a keg with your teachers? At my alma mater, this would've been against rules, but it's not here (I've read them) so I'm not sure how it would work. Thanks for any comments!

Edited to attempt to fix all the misunderstanding-wish I'd done that already

 

[arminnie]

Just go without your boyfriend, have a soda, meet some people and try to have a good time. We did this every Friday when I was in grad school. It's just an excuse to socialize and get to know each other better outside of the classroom.

When I was an undergraduate (and the drinking age was 18) we used to have meet the faculty parties with wine or sherry once a semester.

If anyone asks you why you are not drinking just tell them that you are driving or that you prefer soda or whatever you feel like. No one really cares - they are probably just making conversation.

Most people think I do not drink because I drink so seldom, but I never feel like I'm weird for not drinking. It's really no one's business.

 

[GoodFairies]

With all due respect, this is graduate school and everyone is an adult. There is no reason your boyfriend should freak out in the presence of a keg?!? To me that seems more than a bit immature. You don't have to drink just because it's there, and more importantly, you don't have to take him with you if he is going to be that uncomfortable. Sorry if it's harsh but the situation just sounds so strange to me.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I think it is odd that this school is having a mandatory party - but I think it is even more odd that your boyfriend has such a problem with alcohol being served!!! How does he go out to eat in restaurants!!! They do serve alcohol in many restaurants. If you don't want to drink - don't, but do not expect others to abstain.

If it were really that much of a problem, I would just say that I did not have a significant other and go alone.

 

[lulugirl]

I would go and just politely decline all offers of alcohol. I am also a non-drinker, I always showed up at parties w/ my own bottled water. If anyone ever pressed me on why I wasn't drinking (I just don't care for the taste) or just tried to push alcohol in general I wouls just say "well jeez, I thought peer pressure ended w/ high school".
You say you are fine w/ other people drinking, but your boyfriend will "freak" and want you to switch schools???!!! Forgive me, but that sounds rather extreme and controlling. You are an adult and it seems you are capable of making your own mature, responsible decisions.
Good luck in grad school!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Go without him and enjoy meeting your future classmates and professors. You'll see a lot of them in the next few years, so it's good to get to know them now.

Heck, in MBA school, it was commonplace to go out for drinks after class with your professors.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would say this is probably one of the first of many things you will have to attend where you are around drinking.

You and your BF need to develop a mature attitude toward handling this kind of situation. "Freaking out" is probably not the best adult way to handle this. Time to grow up...

I know you are still young but soon it will be "old hat" and you will give your standard line to others as to why you don't drink and no one will care. Right now in the college you are at, it will be questioned alot I am sure and I think you will get good at handling it.

 

[WDWAurora]

It is with all the faculty, I think that's why I think it's so weird. If other people have heard of it, maybe it's not all that strange. This school is much more casual than my old school (as in calling ALL professors, not just a select few by their first names, teachers in shorts and flipflops, etc) and as I said before, my old school did not allow drinking at ANY university function, aside from tailgating.

I think with my boyfriend he associates kegs with drunkeness (as do I, most people don't get kegs if they're just going to have a drink or two, there aren't that many of us, so it would still be a LOT of beer for so few people) and he wouldn't see why that would have anything to do with academia.

I've been in situations where I'm the only one not drinking many many times, I was in a coed fraternity in undergrad, but it was always by choice...As long as other people have heard of this, maybe I'm just assuming all schools are as conservative as my last (and it was 28,000 large, and a public institution, so don't think it was a conservative school by any means) I know I'll go and be fine, just not sure what to think about it still...

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
Heck, in MBA school, it was commonplace to go out for drinks after class with your professors.

When I was in B school getting my MBA we had an LPF every Friday (Liquidity Preference Function.)

 

[WDWAurora]

My boyfriend does NOT have a problem with others drinking in general, but a party for school with a keg he would deem more like a frat party. and to this comment:

You and your BF need to develop a mature attitude toward handling this kind of situation. "Freaking out" is probably not the best adult way to handle this. Time to grow up...

I am not at all immature, thank you very much for your opinion. I have been around alcohol on numerous occasions and I just don't feel it has anything to do with my school experience. We attended my party for work last Christmas which had an open bar and he had no issues with that, but it's drunkeness he would take issue with, which is again associated with a keg, in my opinion at least. What "grown up" in your terms, party has a keg? None I, nor anyone I know, has been to. We are fine at restaurants, we just prefer avoiding drunkeness.

 

[wscato]

WDWAurora, I see you are in NC. You didn't say if your college was a state school or a private school. But I think I remembered hearing on the news that all NC state colleges/university had a no alcohol on campus policy. I know when we go to UNC Chapel Hill football games, the campus security will come up to your tailgate party and see if there is any alcohol. If this is a state school and the party is on campus, it may be against the law.

Having said that, when you get there get a cup, put some water or soda in it and don't worry about what people think. If you feel uncomfortable, leave. Good luck.

Ginger

 

[Crankyshank]

The comment you made about him freaking and wanting you to leave the school because faculty/student gatherings have alcohol really raises a red flag with me.

He really needs to learn how to act appropriately and handle a situation where people are drinking socially. Just because there is alcohol doesn't mean people are going to be out of control. My classmates and I would often go out for drinks with my history prof after class and this is undergrad (continuing ed). We always had a great time and it was a fabulous way to get to know each other.

I would go. If he can't handle the situation then I would leave him at home. I have yet to feel pressured to drink at a party after I left High school

As far as grown up parties not having kegs? I have been to many cookouts that have had one

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by WDWAurora
We attended my party for work last Christmas which had an open bar and he had no issues with that, but it's drunkeness he would take issue with, which is again associated with a keg, in my opinion at least. What "grown up" in your terms, party has a keg? None I, nor anyone I know, has been to. We are fine at restaurants, we just prefer avoiding drunkeness.

Our Christmas parties for work have had kegs. All a keg means is that it was more cost efficient to have a keg instead of cases and cases of beer in bottles or cans.

A keg does not equate to drunkenness. It's really simply just another way of serving beer.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

In the undergrad world now this would be odd because most universities are under extreme pressure to limit underage drinking. But things are much different for Post Graduate work.

When I was in Grad school for an MBA we frequently went out after class for a drink and the Professor offer bought the first round. In the adult and business world, alcohol is often present --- you are free however to drink whatever you want.

I prefer not to drive even if I have had only one drink and I often ordered diet coke or ice tea. Nobody thought it was odd.

 

[Disfan1]

I just tell people I don't drink because of health problems - that usually ends all of the questions right there.

 

[snoopy]

If you aren't bothered by other people drinking alcohol, why should it matter what your boyfriend thinks? I'd just leave him at home and go have a club soda or something. I never understood why people take issue being around others who drink, unless of course they are in recovery, and even then, its something that they eventually will have to come to terms with.

 

[WDWAurora]

The comment you made about him freaking and wanting you to leave the school because faculty/student gatherings have alcohol really raises a red flag with me.

No flags needed, the concern is appreciated. I think a better way to phrase it is that he would find it to be inapropriate and think the school is a joke since alcohol is the first thing on their minds. He would want me to change schools because he would think that it is indeed a "party school" as it is known to be.

wscato-I think it's only at certain schools, because this one does have an alcohol policy, but it is allowed on campus. This particular event is held off campus, but alcohol is permitted on campus, so as long as teachers foot the bill and the keg doesn't come out of school funds, it is perfectly "legal"

Like I said before, I was mainly looking to see if this was a common practice, I have seen it is, and that's fine. I'm not here to defend myself or my boyfriend. We are happily in a very comfortable relationship, and just because we are more conservative than many people does not make us "weird."

And snoopy-some of us are uncomfortable around alcohol sometimes due to knowing people who have recently been killed by drunk drivers or alcohol poisoning. (both of which have recently happened with me)

 

[tar heel]

I don't know where you're going to school (I'll admit that since I live in North Carolina, graduated from one of the universities and have worked at two universities and a college, I'm trying to guess), but you will find grad school to be a LOT different from undergrad. You will be treated as an adult. Some of your classmates will be much older than you (I'm assuming you're young.) At adult parties, alcohol is often served. No one will make you drink it. Like arminnie, I drink very little and often drink soft drinks when other people are drinking beer. It is absolutely no big deal. It doesn't bother me and no one else cares.

I grew up in a dry county (no longer) in a teetotaling household. I might have worried about such an invitation when I was 18 but not by the time I was ready for grad school. Of course, I may have gone to college at the school you're talking about! Is your boyfriend younger than you? His reaction seems very extreme for someone 22 or older. How has he been so sheltered? There are only five dry counties in North Carolina -- does he live in one of them? Do you avoid restaurants? Grocery stores? Disney World (except for MK)?

 

[snoopy]

Fair enough, aurora, but many people drink alcohol responsibly. Most, in fact. I'm sorry that has not been your experience.

 

[WDWAurora]

I grew up in a dry county! He did not, but did grow up in a teetotaling household. Like I said, we do NOT, absolutely NOT avoid any and all situations where alcohol is served. We just don't go places where we think there will be lots of actual drunkeness (and from the descriptions of last year's party, I don't think I'm wrong to draw that conclusion). We're not as young as you think we are, we just don't understand what it has to do with school. I understand social events, but not why this is the only one we're required to go to.

LIKE I SAID-We DO NOT avoid all contact with alcohol.

tar heel-his brother is actually about to marry a girl from Concord.

Thanks snoopy. I do agree that many people do, but working with the statistics for this age group, it's not most. In general, most may be true, but college students, graduate or not, aren't responsible drinkers, and according to my professors, neither are they, as each of them had a drunken story to tell on the other about last year's party.