Is there something I can do with my spoiled children?!?!?!?!

[Disney Doll]

I have no children, but I can tell you that my mother owuld have handled me having a screaming fit the same way TobysMom would. Whatever I was screaming about would disappear. Period. There would be no discussion, there would be no conniving to get it back. My mother always remained perfectly calm and in control, she did not "argue" with me. If I tried to argue with her, her response would be "I see no reason to explain myself to a 9 year old. I have said no, and that is the end of the discussion". And that would be the end of the discussion. You will need to take back control in your home, because at this point you have given it up to the 9 year old who knows if she screams, whines, and carries on enough, she'll get her way.

As far as how to teach her how fortunate she is...have her volunteer at a soup kitchen, nursing home, or homeless shelter. I don't mean take her whe you drop soem stuff of. I mean have her stand there and serve those who are so much less fortunate than she is.

 

[Beauty]

My child is a flip-flop, I swear hes two different people at times. Hes 13 and is very active in his church youth group. They have a child that they are buying Christmas for and he is so excited about it. He has even put some of his own toys that are brand new in with the others.

Now on the other hand, hes 13 and he KNOWS what he Christmas presents are. First off it wasn't my fault he went snooping, I told him not to. So now hes see all of his Christmas Presents and hes whining because he doesn't have any surprises. Well if you want surprises DON'T SNOOP! Hes old enough to know that.

I guess some days I'm so proud of him because of his big heart for helping others and then the next day I'm ready to strangle him because he does something as dumb as snoop for Christmas presents and then complain WHEN HE FINDS THEM!

 

[poohandwendy]

First of all, you've got to mean what you say. And I agree. Take every summer thing out of her closet. If it's not there, she can't put it on. Next time she has a fit, let her. Walk away and go do something else. Wear earplugs if you have too. Her fit is her problem. It becomes your problem when she sees it rattles you. Ignore it. If she starts tearing things up, empty her room so she doesn't have that problem anymore.

She sounds like she's at the stage where pushing mom's buttons is fun and it gets her what she wants. It's always succeeded in the past, you have to show her it's not working anymore. Have a talk with her, tell her you've made some mistakes and it's making you both miserable. Tell her it stops now.

It'll be ok. We learn as we go. So do they. You've taught her how she can get what she wants, you've got to change the game to your new rules. Not hers.
Btw, it's easier said than done. It will be rough as she figures out it doesn't work anymore, you just have to be strong and make sure you follow your new rules too. And buy earplugs.

Well said Laurie...and others also have given great advice. Stick to your guns...earn the respect you deserve by being the authority.

Trust me, doing this NOW it will pay off in droves over the next few years. Good luck to you!

 

[Nancy]

My kids are always complaining how we are "so poor we never get anything or go anywhere" we are far from poor, I just choose not to get them everything they want and we choose to not spend all our money on vacations..we go but we only do an expensive one every 3 years or so. (we save so we don't charge) I'm thinking of taking them to a soup kitchen so they can see what poor really is. My middle Ddf is understanding some of it because she belongs to the Community Club at school and they are throwing a Christmas party for under priviledged kids.

My oldest DD thinks my greastest joy in life is to deny her everything she wants...she is the original drama queen. She had a job at the store I work in...didn't like it so quit with no notice. She was told if she gave no notice she would be placed in the "do not rehire" file. Now she is looking for other work, but can't get a job because her availability has to work around my work schedule. So now she tells people that I won't "let" her get a job because I won't let her get her license and get her a car! (can't get her permit because she is not showing me that she is responsible enough for it) I finally told her that she "had" a job and it was with a good company and maybe one of these days she will realize that Mom knows what she is talking about. It's been about 2 weeks since I've heard the Mom won't let me story
come out of her mouth. maybe there is hope for her after all.

Youngest Dd so far complains the least and hardly asks for anything.

There is also something my DD's pediatrician told them way back when (2 of them were saying how I make them sad because I don't buy them what they want...yep, they complained to the doctor!) She told them, "It is not your Mother's job to make you happy. Only you can do that. her only job is to keep you healthy and teach and help you grow up to be adults that can get along in the world"

 

[poohandwendy]

My oldest DD thinks my greastest joy in life is to deny her everything she wants...she is the original drama queen.

LOL Nancy, sounds like you are doing your job perfectly!