Is it wrong to spank your child?

[MAKmom]

I don't spank....my kids are to fast I can't catch them.

I think when a parent says nothing else works they mean. I'm tired & upset.

Kid are really annoying but they grow out of it ...into another annoying behavior. I do yell, I'm not sure thats much better. I'm trying to work on that.

 

[Banshee]

I think there are children in this world who have temperments that are more likely to be obedient

I absolutely completly 100 % agree with this! My oldest DS has his moments now that he is approaching his tween years but the majority of the time my DH were given a very mild mannered easy kid! Now DS number 2 is a whole other matter! Whenever he gets the chance to be bad he takes it!! I am a stay at home mom we walk to the park everyday weather permitting so he can blow off steam we also live on 350 acres farm with a huge play system but yet this child still feels the need to be wild!! And it is not just little things like making messes or hitting his brother (which he does!) It is scary things on example is when I had a stomach virus and on one of my many trips to the bathroom returned to the family room where I was laying on the coach to keep an eye on him well He was sitting on top of the entertainment center!!! Which is over 6' tall!! It terrified me and yes he got a spanking. All I could see was that whole thing TV stereo dvd's cd's falling on him and crushing him!! He loves to climb. He has since figured out how to grip with his little toes on the drawers in the kitchen to get on the counter and then climb the open shelves to get on top of the fridge!!! And there is NO child safety lock that stops him!! So yes when I have firmly told him NO and explained what would happen if he keeps doing what he is doing and he continues anyway then yes he gets spanked. And No not beaten not smacked not screamed at. So I guess I am a bad parent but if it keeps him from stopping what he is doing and not getting hurt then I will do it.

 

[snowwite]

I do not think spanking or not spanking makes any of us a better parent. Everyone needs to do what is best for thier child and thier family. What I was upset about is comments that make parents who dont spank sound like they are not disciplining thier kids and somehow the cause of all the riff raff.We all were raised differently. Some parents will choose to do things just like thier folks did and others will do completely the opposite or find a place in the middle. I was spanked. I survived it but I do recall stewing in my room hating my parents and wishing I were bigger.I just cant do it to my kids. It is harder to remove the child from the situation and have an immediate consequence than it is to spank them while you are angry.

 

[kristen821]

I absolutely completly 100 % agree with this! My oldest DS has his moments now that he is approaching his tween years but the majority of the time my DH were given a very mild mannered easy kid! Now DS number 2 is a whole other matter! Whenever he gets the chance to be bad he takes it!! I am a stay at home mom we walk to the park everyday weather permitting so he can blow off steam we also live on 350 acres farm with a huge play system but yet this child still feels the need to be wild!! And it is not just little things like making messes or hitting his brother (which he does!) It is scary things on example is when I had a stomach virus and on one of my many trips to the bathroom returned to the family room where I was laying on the coach to keep an eye on him well He was sitting on top of the entertainment center!!! Which is over 6' tall!! It terrified me and yes he got a spanking. All I could see was that whole thing TV stereo dvd's cd's falling on him and crushing him!! He loves to climb. He has since figured out how to grip with his little toes on the drawers in the kitchen to get on the counter and then climb the open shelves to get on top of the fridge!!! And there is NO child safety lock that stops him!! So yes when I have firmly told him NO and explained what would happen if he keeps doing what he is doing and he continues anyway then yes he gets spanked. And No not beaten not smacked not screamed at. So I guess I am a bad parent but if it keeps him from stopping what he is doing and not getting hurt then I will do it.

My kids are complete opposite from eachother too. My ds is for the most part very well behaved. He hates to disappoint anyone so a firm warning is all that is needed for him most of the time. My dd on the other hand is very stubborn and needs a spanking every once in awhile to keep her from getting hurt. So I completely agree with you.

 

[lw49033]

When I was a kid and me or my brothers were bad, mom bent us over the couch and whacked our bare butts with a paddle--it hurt like heck, and we cried, but we knew what not to do. Now, that might not work in your house, but it worked in our house. If you can raise a well-behaved kid without spanking, that is terrific. Nobody should say a thing against that. But nobody should say a thing against parents who do spank. It's just a difference in technique, that's all.

 

[KathyTX]

A gentle reminder:::

Posts need to be respectful toward other posters. Argumentative, insulting, attacking posts are not permitted.

I'm deleting a couple of posts from today on this thread.

 

[maggs]

It is always wrong - always. I was beaten as a kid and grew to hate my Dad. When he died I felt nothing except sadness for my mother. For me the beatings stopped. I have never smacked my kids and even when I felt like it I stepped back. My neighbor on the other hand spanked her kids so much it had no effect. They knew how to be violent towards my kids as it was all they knew.Spanking was always the first resort - never the last.
My kids are mannerly, quiet and well behaved and yet again the latest school report complimented them on their behavior. I was recently taken aside by the year tutor who knew all of my kids who told me they were such nice kids - I felt so good! I am widowed with four kids(when my youngest was just four) so you can imagine it would have been easy to resort to spanking when things got too much for me. I never did and I am so glad. I am firm and strict. I used words not violence and I can tell you my kids know never to get on the wrong side of me. Maybe that comes from being a teacher! lol
Strangely enough I have used many methods similar to Supernanny. (I developed them myself) When I look at the families she works with and the way she resolves situations with WORDS and appropriate actions I am positive I have made the correct choice.
Good luck to you with your choices and your child rearing.

Maggs

 

[2sweetangels]

I have spanked my DD when she really deserved it, all other times I just put her on time-out and tell her what she did wrong. I don't see spanking them on the butt as any kind of abuse, I don't spank hard and I never spank on bare skin. Now when I say when she really deserves it, Im talking about like when she pulled a tumb tac out of my wall to poke her 6 month sister in the head with, yes I spanked her for that, but if she just colors on my walls, then I show her what she did was wrong and take her colors away and put her in time-out.

 

[jimmiej]

It is always wrong - always. I was beaten as a kid and grew to hate my Dad. When he died I felt nothing except sadness for my mother. For me the beatings stopped. I have never smacked my kids and even when I felt like it I stepped back. My neighbor on the other hand spanked her kids so much it had no effect. They knew how to be violent towards my kids as it was all they knew.Spanking was always the first resort - never the last.
My kids are mannerly, quiet and well behaved and yet again the latest school report complimented them on their behavior. I was recently taken aside by the year tutor who knew all of my kids who told me they were such nice kids - I felt so good! I am widowed with four kids(when my youngest was just four) so you can imagine it would have been easy to resort to spanking when things got too much for me. I never did and I am so glad. I am firm and strict. I used words not violence and I can tell you my kids know never to get on the wrong side of me. Maybe that comes from being a teacher! lol
Strangely enough I have used many methods similar to Supernanny. (I developed them myself) When I look at the families she works with and the way she resolves situations with WORDS and appropriate actions I am positive I have made the correct choice.
Good luck to you with your choices and your child rearing.

Maggs

My kids are well-behaved, made good grades (they're both grown now), and I've received many compliments over the years from their teachers and employers, but I used spanking as an discipline method (as did my parents with me). Hmmm... Will wonders never cease?

 

[maggs]

Different horses for different courses. However when it instills hate and loathing against a parent and does no good whatsoever then the method is questionable. I loved my mother who was a great disciplinarian but never laid a hand on me.Am I surprised you came back with that retort? Not at all! I still say that violence begats violence.I certainly know from teaching that the kids who hit others have been hit themselves at home - the parents have told me they hit their kids!Thankfully, here in England we are debating bringing into law banning spanking. Although we arent there yet, more and more people are coming round to the idea which is fantastic. It will happen one day!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/607889.stm

I know only one parent in my social circle who spanks and she has made a lousy job of parenting.
It is not commonplace in the UK so for me to understand why anyone would even consider doing it is beyond me. I developed strategies which worked for me. I did on my own without violence and it worked for me. I am no woolly liberal - tough as old boots my kids say and I know that my methods work for me. I have dealt with far too many kids in school who have been spanked and I suffered it so badly myself I can never even think of it. Why would I when non violent methods have worked for me. Im sure you have a lovely grown up family and well done for carrying out your parenting role so well. I cant retort with sarcasm as I dont do that either. Off to have a drink of wine - 9.15 pm here and I deserve it after a hard day with the kids on my own.

Maggs

 

[Stacerita]

I think spankings are fine when needed. Nothing wrong with dicipline. And there is a difference between spankings and beatings. There seems to be some in this thread that say no to spankings because they dont belive in beating/abusing their child. No one is advocating abusing a child or that one should beat a child. A spanking is a spanking. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[eyeoreismyhero]

Actually I do have kids. Beautiful amazing kids that I could never imagine HITTING!

And people who make statements like yours about the population in youth detention centers have obviously not done their research in that area. The VAST majority of these children have suffered some form of abuse or another.

Ever heard anybody that didn't spank ever have anything but perfect children.

 

[MAKmom]

My kids are well-behaved, made good grades (they're both grown now), and I've received many compliments over the years from their teachers and employers, but I used spanking as an discipline method (as did my parents with me). Hmmm... Will wonders never cease?

Did you read all of the post you gave this reply too? Maybe this poster made a mistake & did not mean this as ar reply to you.

 

[maggs]

Did you read all of the post you gave this reply too? Maybe this poster made a mistake & did not mean this as ar reply to you.

Youre right. I just jumped in when I saw the thread. I didnt actually read any posts before posting my tuppence worth . Interesting reading everyone
! I think I'll stick to the restauramts board. We only disagree over which are good and bad eateries!

Maggs

 

[lw49033]

Personally, I never experienced the "hate and loathing" one poster spoke of when I got spanked...and seems to me that to feel that way about one's parents says more about the person than about the parent, unless they thrashed you silly all the time for no good reason...but that's just my take on it.

 

[THE HAT]

i fig to each their own, not my place to every judge. but....dh and i don't believe in spanking in any form for our son. (we were both spanked as kids and don't hold any grudges) time outs always worked with ds, but if they had not we would have found another way to work it out. this is what worked for us and how WE want to parent.

 

[MAKmom]

Youre right. I just jumped in when I saw the thread. I didnt actually read any posts before posting my tuppence worth . Interesting reading everyone
! I think I'll stick to the restauramts board. We only disagree over which are good and bad eateries!

Maggs

There was nothing wrong with your post. I think jimmiej did not mean to respond to you the way she did.

 

[MAKmom]

Personally, I never experienced the "hate and loathing" one poster spoke of when I got spanked...and seems to me that to feel that way about one's parents says more about the person than about the parent, unless they thrashed you silly all the time for no good reason...but that's just my take on it.

Did you read all of her post? She clearly states she was beaten. You do not have to honor your parents unless they are honorable.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

my daughter caught it once on the butt from my wife when she was 3. I don't care if you spank or not, they're your kids. the only thing I don't like is when people do it in public. reserve your anger and take it somewhere private where you can deal with it with your child.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Spanking does not = beating. It really bothers me when people who choose not to spank equate it with beating or child abuse. Hitting your child is totally different from spanking your child, I don't care how you try and rationalize it.

With that said, yes I spank my children occasionally. When time outs and being sent to their rooms multiple times doesn't work, and taking things away doesn't work, a good swat on the butt usually does the trick. I also believe in soap. Works wonders for name calling and back-talking.