Is it wrong to spank your child?

[tiggersmom2]

Spanking does not = beating. It really bothers me when people who choose not to spank equate it with beating or child abuse. Hitting your child is totally different from spanking your child, I don't care how you try and rationalize it.

With that said, yes I spank my children occasionally. When time outs and being sent to their rooms multiple times don't work, and taking things away don't work, a good swat on the butt usually does the trick. I also believe in soap. Works wonders for name calling and back-talking.

Amen sistah!!! You and I use the same method.

 

[Planogirl]

I remember once when I was a kid that I decided that I didn't want to be hit any more. So when it happened again I just remained defiantly quiet and glared at my father. He finally muttered to my mother that spanking wasn't working any more and they stopped doing it. I was weird because spanking just made me more defiant while losing privileges and so forth worked much better.

But kids are different. If spanking works well, I see nothing wrong with it.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I remember once when I was a kid that I decided that I didn't want to be hit any more. So when it happened again I just remained defiantly quiet and glared at my father. He finally muttered to my mother that spanking wasn't working any more and they stopped doing it. I was weird because spanking just made me more defiant while losing privileges and so forth worked much better.

But kids are different. If spanking works well, I see nothing wrong with it.

Dh was the same way. he would ask for his spanking before he was bad, so he could do it anyway...lol. Time out worked best for him. I believe it all depends on the child. Time out did NOT work for his brother...he liked peace and quiet and that's what time out was to him, it didn't teach him not to do something....but even threaten to spank him and he would behave.

We swat Ds on the hand or his diapered but if he is getting into something dangerous. Like a lamp in the living room, the tv plug, etc. I don't automatically spank him, I tell him no or to not do it. At this age he is stretching the boundaries to see how far he can go. So he usually does it anyway. I have tried time-out but he doesn't understand it quiet yet. He cannot link why he is in another area with what he did wrong....although he does understand the little swat to what he did.

 

[TinkTatoo]

Spanking does not = beating. It really bothers me when people who choose not to spank equate it with beating or child abuse. Hitting your child is totally different from spanking your child, I don't care how you try and rationalize it...............

I've only just come in on this thread and haven't read all of the posts so apologies if I am repeating something said already.

First of all hitting and spanking are not different - they are just different words to describe the same thing (and perhaps assuage a parents conscience)

How would you feel if another adult hit you just because you didn't comply with his or her wishes. I believe that the law is very strict in America and that hitting another adult is classed as assault. So how come this is not the case when a parent hits (or smacks) their child.

Surely the message being sent to the child is.... I can't deal with your behavior therefore I am resorting to psychical violence to solve this problem..... Now that's going to give them the message that when they can't solve an issue with another child they should hit them and what would happen if the child struck the parent back? where would it end.

I am a mum of two children who both have autism and I can't even begin to describe some of the challenging behavior I have to deal with at times, but hitting them has never been an option and never will.

To the OP - a child should be raised with love and guidance not violence (of any kind)

 

[ChrisnSteph]

First of all hitting and spanking are not different - they are just different words to describe the same thing (and perhaps assuage a parents conscience)

How would you feel if another adult hit you just because you didn't comply with his or her wishes. I believe that the law is very strict in America and that hitting another adult is classed as assault. So how come this is not the case when a parent hits (or smacks) their child.

Surely the message being sent to the child is.... I can't deal with your behavior therefore I am resorting to psychical violence to solve this problem..... Now that's going to give them the message that when they can't solve an issue with another child they should hit them and what would happen if the child struck the parent back? where would it end.

I am a mum of two children who both have autism and I can't even begin to describe some of the challenging behavior I have to deal with at times, but hitting them has never been an option and never will.

To the OP - a child should be raised with love and guidance not violence (of any kind)

I do not "assault" nor am I "physically violent" with my child when I give him a firm swat him on the butt. Hitting is done out of anger - spanking is not. It's one thing to not agree with spanking, it's quite another to label it violent and abuse, and that children who are spanked will be violent when they are older. Give me a break. My parents spanked me as a child - and I didn't grow up resorting to "physical violence" to solve problems. The message I got was that I better listen to my parents and knock it off or I was gonna get my butt whooped, lol! I respected and loved my parents very much then, as I do today. They did a fine job of raising me, and I hope that my kids feel the same way about me when they are older. My children are raised with plenty of love and guidance, and are very happy and content. My conscience is very clear!

 

[TinkTatoo]

............Hitting is done out of anger - spanking is not. ..............................

So you shouldn't lash out at a child but premeditated hitting is OK??

..............My parents spanked me as a child and I didn't grow up resorting to "physical violence" to solve problems..........

But you have - instead of solving the "problem" you choose to resort to physical means as a way to deal with it.


I have not said that you have "assaulted" your child - I am just stating the facts about smacking as I see them. The bottom line is that it is not OK for one adult to hit or "smack" another so why on earth is it OK to hit a child?

 

[ChrisnSteph]

So you shouldn't lash out at a child but premeditated hitting is OK??

But you have - instead of solving the "problem" you choose to resort to physical means as a way to deal with it.

I'm in a real punchy mood tonight, and it's obvious that we aren't going to agree, so I'm just gonna walk away from this kind of nonsense.....

 

[maggs]

So you shouldn't lash out at a child but premeditated hitting is OK??




But you have - instead of solving the "problem" you choose to resort to physical means as a way to deal with it.


I have not said that you have "assaulted" your child - I am just stating the facts about smacking as I see them. The bottom line is that it is not OK for one adult to hit or "smack" another so why on earth is it OK to hit a child?

I couldnt agree more.

Maggs

 

[lw49033]

Did you read all of her post? She clearly states she was beaten. You do not have to honor your parents unless they are honorable.

But she also made abundantly clear that what was true of her beatings is true of spanking in general. Moreover, the "beating" part remains to be seen. I've met people--always women--who claimed to have been "beaten" when they were spanked less severely than I was--so it's a matter if interpretation to a point.

 

[lw49033]

I have not said that you have "assaulted" your child - I am just stating the facts about smacking as I see them. The bottom line is that it is not OK for one adult to hit or "smack" another so why on earth is it OK to hit a child?

LOL. For smacking kids substitute "taking them to the doctor", "making them eat vegetables", "making them go to bed at 8", "taking away tv privileges", "making them take a bath", etc. All things you can't do to another adult.

Adults are not, as a rule, in the same relation to other adults that a parent is to a child. That shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp.

 

[shortbun]

IMO people that use these statements don't have kids or if they do, are responsible for the high number of kids in the youth detention centers.

NO spankings in our house and we worked VERY hard find natural consequences. No horrible behavior either - anywhere. Matter of fact, the teachers say my child is a "gracious and generous" leader in his school. He's a great student, a wildly active and successful athlete and a son who makes me proud. He was a very active and challenging toddler. Respect responds with respect. On my bus, the kids who get hit(yes, your children tell your secrets) by their parents ARE the kids who might be seeing the inside of the juvenile detention center. We had a seminar a few weeks ago for all public school employees about child abuse. We discussed parents who are determined to spank their children. Honestly, I think a swat in a safety situation is warranted if nothing else works. BUT- a swat is very different than a regular spanking expected in ordered discipline. AND, I agree that parents who regularly or routinely use spanking as discipline need to work WAY harder at parenting or reconsider their lifestyles; slow down. That was my opinion prior to parenting and after being a parent for 10 years I believe it more than ever!!!

 

[lw49033]

We had a seminar a few weeks ago for all public school employees about child abuse. We discussed parents who are determined to spank their children. Honestly, I think a swat in a safety situation is warranted if nothing else works. BUT- a swat is very different than a regular spanking expected in ordered discipline.

I hope you realize that a "regular spanking expected in ordered discipline" is also not child abuse, unless the kid is getting beaten black and blue or something like that.

We're "regular" spankers, raised by regular spankers, and doing quite all right.

 

[maggs]

NO spankings in our house and we worked VERY hard find natural consequences. No horrible behavior either - anywhere. Matter of fact, the teachers say my child is a "gracious and generous" leader in his school. He's a great student, a wildly active and successful athlete and a son who makes me proud. He was a very active and challenging toddler. Respect responds with respect. On my bus, the kids who get hit(yes, your children tell your secrets) by their parents ARE the kids who might be seeing the inside of the juvenile detention center. We had a seminar a few weeks ago for all public school employees about child abuse. We discussed parents who are determined to spank their children. Honestly, I think a swat in a safety situation is warranted if nothing else works. BUT- a swat is very different than a regular spanking expected in ordered discipline. AND, I agree that parents who regularly or routinely use spanking as discipline need to work WAY harder at parenting or reconsider their lifestyles; slow down. That was my opinion prior to parenting and after being a parent for 10 years I believe it more than ever!!!

Whta an articulate and erudite reply. No spanking in this house either and no need for it either. I am a very firm parent and disciplinarian will never resort to violence to resolve a problem or instill discipline.

Maggs

 

[lw49033]

I've experienced violence, and I've experienced spankings, and I know the difference quite well, thanks.

 

[shortbun]

I hope you realize that a "regular spanking expected in ordered discipline" is also not child abuse, unless the kid is getting beaten black and blue or something like that.

We're "regular" spankers, raised by regular spankers, and doing quite all right.

Your definition of child abuse does not match that of the Children's Services personnel conducting our seminar. So, 'I hope you realize' that times have changed since you were little and spanking more than a swat or leaving any mark AT ALL could be considered child abuse by legal authorities. Public School employees are mandated by law to report ANY suspicion of abuse. They were quite thorough with us. I'm not saying you are abusing your children, I'm saying "beaten black and blue" is way past the legal definition of abuse. Also, we thoroughly discussed intimidation with threats of beatings or spankings. If your children fears a parent or guardian, Children Services considers that person abusive. Many of the people in the room did not like or agree with the definitions given but those are the facts.

btw, you and I are in the same state so I imagine our rules are the same-legally. They also told us that any tools used to "spank" a child were abuse. Ie, never 'spank' your child with anything other than your hand.

 

[lw49033]

Many of the people in the room did not like or agree with the definitions given but those are the facts.

LOL. Children's Services will say anything that will put a buck in their pockets, and "child abuse" reports do just that. They get funding by caseload, so if there isn't enough abuse going on, they'll no doubt be happy to stretch the definition until there is.

Moreover, the fact that they want you to report at a certain level does not mean they can substantiate an abuse claim at that level--it simply means they want to take a look at the family. Still less does it mean they can build a criminal case on it.

I would suggest you look into a few cases like Hildreth v. Iowa DHS, Cobble v. Massachusetts DSS, Raboin v. North Dakota DHS, Calabretta v. Floyd, etc. because you seem to have an overly expansive view of the powers of child welfare workers. Parents do not even have to let a social worker in their house without a warrant or a bona fide emergency, I hope you realize that?

 

[TinkTatoo]

LOL. For smacking kids substitute "taking them to the doctor", "making them eat vegetables", "making them go to bed at 8", "taking away tv privileges", "making them take a bath", etc. All things you can't do to another adult.

Adults are not, as a rule, in the same relation to other adults that a parent is to a child. That shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp.

None of the above "punishments" can physically hurt or mentally scar a child (unless they are "enforced" with malicious intent) in fact the only one I see as a punishment would be to take away the TV - all the rest are part of the normal routine in our house. I never make the children eat anything they don't want to - going to bed at 8 is about right as they are 7 & 8 and bath time is always fun time.

So they are hardly in the same league. I stand by my comment which is..... If it is not OK for one adult to hit or "smack" another so why on earth is it OK to hit a small defenses child?

 

[kristen821]

None of the above "punishments" can physically hurt or mentally scar a child (unless they are "enforced" with malicious intent) in fact the only one I see as a punishment would be to take away the TV - all the rest are part of the normal routine in our house. I never make the children eat anything they don't want to - going to bed at 8 is about right as they are 7 & 8 and bath time is always fun time.

So they are hardly in the same league. I stand by my comment which is..... If it is not OK for one adult to hit or "smack" another so why on earth is it OK to hit a small defenses child?

because we aren't responsible for the adults actions. We are responsible for our children.

 

[lw49033]

None of the above "punishments" can physically hurt or mentally scar a child

I didn't say they were punishments. I said they disprove the principle that "you can't do x to your child if you can't do x to an adult." And they do.

Obviously I don't think spanking "mentally scars" a child. But if you do, that should be the basis of your opposition to it--not this silly adults v. children argument. (We shouldn't do things to "mentally scar" adults either!)

 

[maggs]

Its just so sad that there seems to be a culture of smacking kids as a first resort. Even as a last resort I wouldnt dream of it. Violence (and yes, smacking/spanking is violence) never works. Only yesterday my son saw a man whack his kids around the head in a book shop because they didnt come to him first time he shouted at them. He should have gone to his children and brought them with him, not shouted and lashed out The kids didnt even flinch since they looked as if they were totally used to it. I only wish my son had reported it.
Oh BTW spanking has scarred me for life. As I said I had one parent who spanked and an effective disciplinary mother who didnt. I know who was effective and who I respected having both methods in operation side by side.
In my eyes my father was a monster and that is the first time I have ever said that. It has taken a lot to do so and it actually makes me weep having just got that out of my system.

Maggs