Is it wrong to spank your child?

[lw49033]

because we aren't responsible for the adults actions. We are responsible for our children.

Exactly! Glad some parents still get it!

 

[lw49033]

In my eyes my father was a monster and that is the first time I have ever said that. It has taken a lot to do so and it actually makes me weep having just got that out of my system.
Maggs

I don't know your dad, so I am not going to contradict you. I will simply state that my mom, who paddled our butts with enthusiasm when we were bad, was no monster and no abuser.

 

[glass-slipper]

Moreover, the "beating" part remains to be seen. I've met people--always women--who claimed to have been "beaten" when they were spanked less severely than I was--so it's a matter if interpretation to a point.

IMO, this statement is offensive, sexist and self-centered.

 

[glass-slipper]

I don't know your dad, so I am not going to contradict you. I will simply state that my mom, who paddled our butts with enthusiasm when we were bad, was no monster and no abuser.

And you are ok with that? Paddled your butt with enthusiasm?

 

[VSL]

lw49033... you started posting yesterday and have only posted on the CB. How odd, as the rest of us came to the Disboards looking for WDW info, yet you seem to be focusing most of your efforts on about three threads (with this being the one that has got most of your attention). I may have missed it previously, but I can only assume that you're a regular poster using another name?

WRT spanking/smacking, I personally do not plan to use it with my future kids (and if I do it will be the absolute last resort). I understand both sides of the argument.

Also... 'spanking' in the UK implies that it is sexually related (we say 'smacking' in the UK - talking about 'spanking' your child would maybe raise a few eyebrows!).

 

[lw49033]

I'm not sexist--it would be sexist if I said that all women exaggerate and whine about the punishments they got. Saying that all the people I've known who've exaggerated and whined about the punishments they got are women is not sexist, it's a fact.

Many women, of course including myself, feel their childhood discipline was well intended and well warranted. Yes, including the enthusiastic butt-paddling. Or smacking, or whatever the accepted non-fetish term is.

 

[MAKmom]

LOL. Children's Services will say anything that will put a buck in their pockets, and "child abuse" reports do just that. They get funding by caseload, so if there isn't enough abuse going on, they'll no doubt be happy to stretch the definition until there is.

Moreover, the fact that they want you to report at a certain level does not mean they can substantiate an abuse claim at that level--it simply means they want to take a look at the family. Still less does it mean they can build a criminal case on it.

I would suggest you look into a few cases like Hildreth v. Iowa DHS, Cobble v. Massachusetts DSS, Raboin v. North Dakota DHS, Calabretta v. Floyd, etc. because you seem to have an overly expansive view of the powers of child welfare workers. Parents do not even have to let a social worker in their house without a warrant or a bona fide emergency, I hope you realize that?

TROLL! A Troll with experience with Children Services.

 

[lw49033]

TROLL! A Troll with experience with Children Services.

Try a "troll" with a brother who is a police officer and an uncle who is a judge and a sister-in-law who is a paralegal in a family law firm...

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

WOW! Am I late for this thread or what?

I spanked DS a handful of times when he was a preschooler. Once was for running in the street.

The thing is, I found that I resorted to spanking when I couldn't think of anything else. I also found it wasn't all that effective except in very limited situations. DS didn't ever run in the street again, but I will never know for sure if the spanking was the reason.

DH and I were both spanked occasionally as kids, and we don't have strong feelings about it one way or another.

I can only actually remember being spanked ONCE, by my father, because he was showing off in front of his siblings. I was an only child and at a family gathering one of the younger cousins did something to me. I was NOT used to younger kids getting in my face - I was never around younger kids. I shoved my cousin or shouted at him or something, and to prove his superior parenting skills my father yanked me up by my arm and whalloped me on the bottom. I think the only reason I remember it is because I was far too old to be spanked - maybe around 7. I think spanking an older child is silly. It would have made more sense to separate me from the cousin, explain that my behavior was unacceptable, and revoke some privilege so I would remember it next time. Spanking me just made me furious and gave me one more reason to despise my father.

 

[lw49033]

7 is far too old? Wow, I was 15 when I got spanked last--and that was far from unusual in the town where I grew up.

 

[dis ms.]

TROLL! A Troll with experience with Children Services.

Whether or not she is a reincarnated banned member (as someone said) or not, all she has done is present her opinion. I don't see why a person with a low post count who voices an opinion is automatically labeled a troll.

Anyhoo...I got the occasional (deserved) spanking. Was I abused? No. I don't think you can find a person closer to her parents than I am. I only hope I'm as good a parent as they were to me.

I'd say I turned out pretty well. I respected my parents a great deal. Still do. I spank my kids on occasion. I also hug and kiss them a bazillion times a day. They know I love them, but they also know certain behavior won't be tolerated.

Spanking is a choice my DH and I made. I really don't care if anyone else likes it or not. And I couldn't care less if other people choose not to spank. But to label someone a child abuser because they spank their child is unwarranted.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

7 is far too old? Wow, I was 15 when I got spanked last--and that was far from unusual in the town where I grew up.

15 year olds can drive cars and have jobs! There are WAY too many other options for disciplining a teen. By that point spanking is just ridiculous! I remember in middle school they gave "swats" to kids who got in trouble. The kids laughed about it! It didn't deter them from repeating the offense!

DS9 will never have another spanking. He is too old for that. DH and I will revoke his privileges, discuss his behavior with him, whatever, but we won't spank him because he is past the age where it would make a difference. I think there is a point where spanking becomes a cop out for parents who are too lazy to find a constructive way to discipline.

Madelyn Swift is a wonderful author/speaker and she says that you never want to do anything disrespectful to your child, and you always want them to learn a lesson from the things they do wrong. What on earth could a teen possibly learn from being spanked?

 

[chobie]

I have given my kids the occasional smack when they were little, but for the most part I do think it is wrong to go any further than that. I do think spankings can be abusive and excessive, but most don't rise to that level.

To the remark about kids who are not spanked ending up in detention centers... Actually I believe the statistics indicate a high level of juvenile offenders having been physically abused. Quite sad really. Just as it is absurd to say that any smacking/spanking rises to the level of abuse, it is equally absurd to say that not spanking your kids will lead to juvenile delinquency.

 

[lw49033]

Just as it is absurd to say that any smacking/spanking rises to the level of abuse, it is equally absurd to say that not spanking your kids will lead to juvenile delinquency.

Amen!

 

[lw49033]

What on earth could a teen possibly learn from being spanked?

What I learned is that I was still under my mom's control and had to obey her rules as long as I wanted to live in her house. I also learned that she loved me enough to risk making me angry with her when she felt I was taking a wrong step. Not bad things to learn, are they?

 

[birdiesunshine]

I hope you realize that a "regular spanking expected in ordered discipline" is also not child abuse, unless the kid is getting beaten black and blue or something like that.

We're "regular" spankers, raised by regular spankers, and doing quite all right.

Hmmm if you are spanking "regularly" I assume it's not working for you. Or do you just like spanking "regularly"??

 

[lw49033]

Hmmm if you are spanking "regularly" I assume it's not working for you. Or do you just like spanking "regularly"??

I'll ignore the implied insult and answer: a spanking is as "regular" as the misbehavior which is known to be spankable. In the context I said it, "regular" was being contrasted with "a swat for safety reasons" or something like that. If the kids do something that earns a spanking, they get a spanking--as a punishment, not because there's an immediate safety problem or because we don't know what else to do.

 

[VSL]

What I learned is that I was still under my mom's control and had to obey her rules as long as I wanted to live in her house. I also learned that she loved me enough to risk making me angry with her when she felt I was taking a wrong step. Not bad things to learn, are they?

In this country (UK) she would have to have looked after you in her house until at least 16yrs of age (I believe). It wouldn't be a case of wanting to live in the house, it's a point of law.

I can only presume that you had trouble communicating, as, IMO, a teenager is way too 'learn' from being smacked.

Hmmm if you are spanking "regularly" I assume it's not working for you. Or do you just like spanking "regularly"??

Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

 

[VSL]

I'll ignore the implied insult and answer: a spanking is as "regular" as the misbehavior which is known to be spankable. In the context I said it, "regular" was being contrasted with "a swat for safety reasons" or something like that. If the kids do something that earns a spanking, they get a spanking--as a punishment, not because there's an immediate safety problem or because we don't know what else to do.

If you need to spank regularly though then surely it means that it's not all that effective

 

[lw49033]

If you need to spank regularly though then surely it means that it's not all that effective

As I said, it's as "regular" as a punishable offense is. I don't think we punish more often than any of our non-spanking friends punish.