Is it wrong to spank your child?

[catherine]

Well it's my belief that it is a fact. And so do an increasing number of people with each successive generation. Humanity as a whole is becoming more and more enlightened with respect to freedom and human rights. Spanking is becoming illegal in more and more countries and I believe in time, it will be outlawed in North America (starting with Canada).

It is illegal in the UK to spank your child! In fact a man was arrested and charged a couple of years ago when he was spotted (by an off duty policeman) spanking his child, after the child almost ran in the road. I believed that he was convicted, and sentenced.

I personally don't spank my children, even though sometimes they drive me to the edge of despair! I also believe that it is violation of their basic human rights. I would never hit an adult, if they were driving me up the wall, so what is the difference? However I would never try to tell others how to parent their children.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

My time-out spot is on our bottom stair and if he didn't stay put, I would physically hold him there. My time-outs lasted only a minute per age (so 4 minutes for a 4 year old) On the few occasions he kept thrashing around and getting more and more upset, I put him in his room and held the door closed until he calmed down.

I felt worse the few times I did this with my son than when I spanked him because he got in such a rage that he was throwing himself up against the door. He hurt his hands, his head, his feet. He threw his furniture all over the room - all this and he was only 4! (And yes, we have seen a Dr. about his temper)

I have rarely spanked other than the reasons of their safety. My son thought it was funny to run away from me into the street for awhile and he also thought it was funny to 'pretend' like he was going to stick his hand on our gas stove, too. Sometimes he had no concept at all that things could hurt him.

 

[va32h]

one day hopefully in the near future, spanking will be illegal.

Sweden passed laws prohibiting corporal punishment in 1979. Parents were encouraged to "inhibit their children as little as possible". The following two decades showed a fourfold increase in cases of child abuse.

(source Journal of Family Relations Oct 1996 p412).

There is no causal relationship shown - the statistics could be merely the result of "spankings" being reported as child abuse.

If such a law were to be passed here, who would be responsible for investigating these cases? Our social services systems are already overburdened. Would you really want a child who is being molested, or whose parents use drugs, or leave abandon them in squalor - should those children be left waiting while social workers investigate the case of a healthy, well-fed, cared-for child who got a spanking for talking back to his mommy?

My time-out spot is on our bottom stair and if he didn't stay put, I would physically hold him there. My time-outs lasted only a minute per age (so 4 minutes for a 4 year old) On the few occasions he kept thrashing around and getting more and more upset, I put him in his room and held the door closed until he calmed down.

Not to be argumentative, but one could argue that physically restraining a child, or holding him captive against his will are also violations of his human rights. People say "would you hit another adult if they upst you?" Well, if an adult refused to sit where you told him to, would you hold him down?

I was spanked as a child, and I do not feel that I was abused. I love my mother dearly, and think she did a wonderful job raising her children.

I have spanked my children. I do not consider those occasions to be stellar moments in my mothering career - I would prefer that my children not misbehave at all - or that I would have been able to get a handle on the situation right away - but I am not losing sleep over them either.

 

[ely3857]

This discussion came up with my siblings when we were all vacationing together this last week. My son is known as the "best behaved" child, but I am the only one who thinks spankings are sometimes warranted. DH and I will spank if we have sent DH to timeout, but, well, it doesn't work. He is a very stubborn child, there are rare occasions when he will be sent to timeout, refuse to stay there, we will sit there with him to make him stay, and then he will do something like bite us. That is when he gets the spanking, and he knows it. My siblings tell me I am wrong (we come from an abusive home), but at that point I believe he needs it. Opinions? (Flame suit on)

Spanking a naughty child as a last resort is very very very different from been an abusive parent.

I was spanked on occasion after other methonds had failed and I can say it did work.

On a more recent note my df niece ALWAYS does as her grandma says due to a one off spanking a few years ago, but never ever listens to her parents who have never spanked her.



Jodie

 

[LoraJ]

I am not a parent, but plan to have kids at some point in the future. I think spanking is acceptable in very rare circumstances - when absolutely nothing else works, and it is to enforce a rule that is for their own protection. And when I mean spank, I mean a quick swat on the bottom, not an outright hit or smack - that imo is abuse.

 

[ely3857]

It is illegal in the UK to spank your child! In fact a man was arrested and charged a couple of years ago when he was spotted (by an off duty policeman) spanking his child, after the child almost ran in the road. I believed that he was convicted, and sentenced.QUOTE]

This is true. And although the man was in a very happy marriage with the mother, while he was on trial he was not allowed any contact with his son(perhaps 2-3 years old) nor was he allowed to go to the family home.

This situation is disgracefull and parents should be allowed to discipline thier children as they choose.



Jodie

 

[robinb]

I voted "Other".

I used to think that spanking was not OK in any situation. Then I spanked my then 2-year old when she bolted away from me in Lyon, France. I continued to spank on and off until this year when I stopped. First of all, spanking just doesn't work for my DD. She is a very head-strong girl and it is not an effective punishment for her. Secondly, I just didn't like myself when I spanked. I see spanking as a failure on my part because I almost always spanked in anger after all other options didn't seem to work. And then, spanking didn't work either .

Now that she is almost 6 we have moved from time outs and spanking to removal of privileges. It works much better for us.

 

[chyam]

IMO people that use these statements don't have kids or if they do, are responsible for the high number of kids in the youth detention centers.

Oh how I agree with this.............I know many on these boards are near my age, and during our "formative" years spanking was still acceptable. Also IMO we all grew up with better morals and manners than what the kids today have. I am not for child abuse and there is a point when actions work better than words. In my day when my dad touched his belt we knew to straighten up or face the consequences, also during my day we had respect for other adults and our teachers! I wouldn't want to be a teacher these days for anything. Children need descipline and sometimes "time out" just does not work.

 

[ktink]

Sweden passed laws prohibiting corporal punishment in 1979. Parents were encouraged to "inhibit their children as little as possible". The following two decades showed a fourfold increase in cases of child abuse.

(source Journal of Family Relations Oct 1996 p412).

There is no causal relationship shown - the statistics could be merely the result of "spankings" being reported as child abuse.

If such a law were to be passed here, who would be responsible for investigating these cases? Our social services systems are already overburdened. Would you really want a child who is being molested, or whose parents use drugs, or leave abandon them in squalor - should those children be left waiting while social workers investigate the case of a healthy, well-fed, cared-for child who got a spanking for talking back to his mommy?



Not to be argumentative, but one could argue that physically restraining a child, or holding him captive against his will are also violations of his human rights. People say "would you hit another adult if they upst you?" Well, if an adult refused to sit where you told him to, would you hold him down?

I was spanked as a child, and I do not feel that I was abused. I love my mother dearly, and think she did a wonderful job raising her children.

I have spanked my children. I do not consider those occasions to be stellar moments in my mothering career - I would prefer that my children not misbehave at all - or that I would have been able to get a handle on the situation right away - but I am not losing sleep over them either.

 

[lil mermaid]

I have never spanked any of my three children- DS13, DS8 & DD5. They are great kids but have all pushed me to the edge at one point or another but yet I have chosen not to spank. I can't imagine hitting my children. I don't think I could live witht the guilt. That's just me. Hopefully it works out and the all end up being happy and balanced in their adult lives...

I am one of the people who voted that spanking is never okay. Now admittedly, DD is only 13 months old so we haven't run into much trouble yet. At this point, if I tell her no, she will listen to me.

I just can't see myself ever hitting her, for any reason. Hopefully I will be able to find other methods of discipline as other posters here have.

 

[PoohnPglet]

IMO people that use these statements don't have kids or if they do, are responsible for the high number of kids in the youth detention centers.

I have NEVER spanked my son (almost 15) and he is FAR from going to a youth detention center - just accepted into the IB program, 2 ranks away from his Eagle, has volunteered much of his summer vacation away this year. He is a good kid.

I, however, was not. I spent time in detention centers, group homes and foster homes (mainly for running away from home) as well as at home. I was spanked and hit at just about all of them. Physical violence is never the answer. Even if the strike itself is slight and causes little pain or is on the behind and not the face, it is still received as an assault. This is my personal experience and why I have chosen to never use physical punishment.

 

[katerkat]

Just curious here...I don't hit/smack my pets either. Do those of you who spank your children also use physical punishment with your pets?

Actually, I base all my parenting on the techniques I learned from the cats. I never physically hit my cats, but the stubborn one has been squirted with water guns, which I'm sure he would compare to a spanking. To me, the point of a "spanking" is to get their attention FAST and let them know that what they're doing is wrong - after other methods to do so have failed or if their life is in danger. A sharp stream of water, a quick swat at the butt - that's a spanking to me. I don't plan to sit Russ down and get out the belt and smack him a couple times for a minor infraction the first time he does it.

 

[Laurajean1014]

I do not disagree with spanking children. However, I have not yet found a reason to with my DS9.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

If you had of asked me 5 years ago I would have said that spanking is not something that I believed in. My older 2 kids were each spanked probably once. My 3rd child was never spanked. Then I had Jake... I still not a big believer in spanking as a regular form of discipline, however, there are times that a swat on his behind has driven the point home. He is the most headstrong child I have ever met and very opinionated and has an enormous temper.

My DH was against spanking even more than me, but does see the value (for lack of a better word) in the occasional swat. By the way, we are talking about on the tush, with an open hand.

I do think that, depending on the child, it can be useful. I also believe that many parents over use it.

T&B

 

[alliecats]

I am one of the people who voted that spanking is never okay. Now admittedly, DD is only 13 months old so we haven't run into much trouble yet. At this point, if I tell her no, she will listen to me.

I just can't see myself ever hitting her, for any reason. Hopefully I will be able to find other methods of discipline as other posters here have.

WHAT a beautiful daughter!!!

 

[Sleepy]

My mother was a firm believer in spanking. She used everything but the belt.......twig from tree, paddle ball paddle, her hand, but her favorite was the wooden spoon. To this day I refuse to have one in my house. My mother seemed to use it on us on a daily basis. We were good kids, but maybe there was something wrong with mom and she just had stresses in life where she used this spanking as a form of releasing her anger or stress. I don't know.
I looked at the way my brother behaved and the way I behaved and compared. I really was a good kid. Rarely gave my mother any problems, yet she seemed to spank me almost as often as she spanked my brother. We both turned out to be good teens and adults. I had my own kid and just did not feel the need to spank him the way my mother routinely spanked us. I found that there was other ways to work out problems.....my son seemed to be on the level as my brother in many ways. How come my son, who has only been spanked maybe a handful of times (there was reason as I feel sometimes you do have to resort to it, but I don't think you need to use kitchen tools or limbs from trees)...how come my son turned out just as good as my brother did, yet my brother got daily swats.......one which actually broke the spoon (I made the mistake of laughing, which started my brother to laugh and boy, we BOTH paid for that one).

 

[ktink]

I am one of the people who voted that spanking is never okay. Now admittedly, DD is only 13 months old so we haven't run into much trouble yet. At this point, if I tell her no, she will listen to me.

I just can't see myself ever hitting her, for any reason. Hopefully I will be able to find other methods of discipline as other posters here have.

I can relate to how you feel. At that age I could never imagine doing anything other that smiling and hugging my children, which I still do mutiple times a day. But please understand, when I have spanked my children I do it out of love and respect for them. I want them to know what's ok and what's not. They have been spanked 4 or 5 times their entire lives and I would say that is a total between the 2 of them. Sure there are other methods that I use on a daily basis but sometimes spanking is more effective than time out when a lesson really needs to be taught. BTW, your DD is beautiful.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it is a mistake to use the method of discipline as a gauge of good/bad parent. I think it is more about the overall parent/child relationship.

I hate to generalize because I think there are so many variables that we cannot say which method will result in a more well adjusted child.

But I do think the common denominator seems to be that parents who are cold, quick tempered, inconsistent and unloving will end up with worse results than those who are warm, patient, consistent and loving. You can have each type of parent in each camp here.

So, I think it is shortsighted to think the actual disciplinary technique is the real issue.

JMHO

 

[cstraub]

Well it's my belief that it is a fact. And so do an increasing number of people with each successive generation. Humanity as a whole is becoming more and more enlightened with respect to freedom and human rights. Spanking is becoming illegal in more and more countries and I believe in time, it will be outlawed in North America (starting with Canada).

In another part of the world, I could be having this same argument with a man who believes it's within his rights to beat and punish his wife. It would be legally and culturally acceptable for him to do. And I would argue it's against that person's human rights from assault and physical pain. Basic human rights must overide culture, tradition, religion, and parental will. It's only a matter of time before we recognize that children are entitled to the same protection of rights.

I love this!!

 

[kessieann]

Dh & I just had this discussion. I was spanked as a child...not beaten just spanked. I vividly remember having a what I would call a "healthy" fear/respect of my father. I did not become an abuser because I was "hit" but I sure did listen to my parents more when I knew what the end result of my misbehaving might be.

My dd has an attitude that surpasses that of her 16 year old cousin. I swear her eyes are going to get stuck in the top of her head as much as she rolls them at me. Her friends moms tell me the same thing. I sometimes wonder if she was spanked in the manner I was as a child if she would behave better (I have read many many books with limited or short lasting results). We have spanked her a few times in the past few years.

I personally think that all this mumbo jumbo of today that kids need their self-esteem pumped up is garbage. All you have to do is look at kids today and see that all this "self-esteem" is creating a large group of self-centered hooligans.

I am happy for you that have children who respond to time outs or whatever else the so called "experts" have to say....unfortunately my child is not one of those. So anyone know if a good book I could use