Is it wrong to not invite everyone?

[Inkmahm]

I would also be concerned about how her DH will feel about it. Will he want her and baby to go without him or will he feel jealous and left out? You said you would be willing for him to go but couldn't pay for him. Sounds like they would not have the money to pay for him to go. Young people can be very sensitive (and sometimes immature) about these types of situations and it could cause trouble between the couple. He may not want baby to experience his/her first Disney trip without both parents along. (I'm speaking from experience with a very similar situation).

Same here. Many years ago, I offered to take my sister and her daughter to WDW with our parents. She wouldn't accept unless her DH was also invited. It would have been a frozen day in hell before
I invited her husband on a trip with me (long story.) She declined the trip and I took my parents and another niece instead.

Soon after that trip that she skipped, she filed for divorce. The next year I did take her and her daughter as well as my parents again to WDW. Would you believe that even then her soon to be ex husband thought I should have invited him, too? The man never did have a clue.

 

[Inkmahm]

I'd like to know where everyone is getting that her having a baby is bad thing ??!! If you thread the OP's thread, 18 yr old is married ! Everyone is so quick to jump to the bay so young, out of wedlock scenario, but if you really read the OP's post, she mentions the DH.

Now, for the OP, I think it's fine that you take her and the baby. Depending on how much older the older sibling is but if over 18, she is old enough to understand life is not equal. Maybe she does not want to go. Maybe at some point you will take her? Maybe you are just closer to this 18 yr old niece and nothing is wrong with that. As for the 9 yr old brother, maybe let him in know in a few years that you will take him ?? Depends agian on what kind of relationship you have with him and what kind of kid he is. Just take your niece and have fun ! Can't always invite everyone !

I didn't say anything about her having a baby out of wedlock. I said I wouldn't ever suggest to the OTHER kids that the way to get to Disney was to have a baby. Not the same thing at all.

 

[permavac]

I would also be concerned about how her DH will feel about it. Will he want her and baby to go without him or will he feel jealous and left out? You said you would be willing for him to go but couldn't pay for him. Sounds like they would not have the money to pay for him to go. Young people can be very sensitive (and sometimes immature) about these types of situations and it could cause trouble between the couple. He may not want baby to experience his/her first Disney trip without both parents along. (I'm speaking from experience with a very similar situation).

I agree wholeheartedly to be careful the way this is approached. I personally would never invite my niece and then tell her husband he can come if he pays for himself. I've been on the receiving end of this (in this instance, I am the hated spouse ) and when my husband and I were having financial difficulty a few years back his sister offered to pay for his plane ticket to a family gathering but I would have to get my own. For me, I didn't care because my husband's family makes no secret about how they feel about me (the feeling is mutual by-the-way and I'm a big girl so I can take it. Anyway, whether you dislike your niece's husband or not I think a better way to approach them is to ask them together and tell them that you wanted to do a fun thing with the niece and her child in Disney but you only have the money to pay for her. What would they like to do? Does the niece just want to come herself, does the husband want to come too and pay his own way, or do they want to decline at this time since they don't want to be apart? That way you don't cause any hard feelings between you and the husband and, more importantly, you and the niece. It's true that hard feelings from situations like these could take years to heal, if ever. Funny how stressful vacation can be, huh?

 

[allshookup]

I didn't say anything about her having a baby out of wedlock. I said I wouldn't ever suggest to the OTHER kids that the way to get to Disney was to have a baby. Not the same thing at all.

And I NEVER suggested that the way to get to WDW is to have a baby. I said consider it a gift for having a baby & they will get another turn some other time. Perhaps as a birthday or Christmas present as another poster suggested. If you give a gift to someone because they had a baby, which I don't find unusual at all, it gives the impression that everyone should have a baby to get a gift?

 

[KelNottAt]

I Anyway, whether you dislike your niece's husband or not I think a better way to approach them is to ask them together and tell them that you wanted to do a fun thing with the niece and her child in Disney but you only have the money to pay for her.

No. Say you can only pay for HALF! Don't pick/favor one person over the other. Just say HALF.

 

[permavac]

No. Say you can only pay for HALF! Don't pick/favor one person over the other. Just say HALF.

I agree! Didn't think the exact wording through very well obviously...

 

[twinklebug]

No. Say you can only pay for HALF! Don't pick/favor one person over the other. Just say HALF.

Which brings us back to the no-money thing which can cause trouble in a relationship too.

Again, OP, you know your family best & need to trust your own judgment when dealing with them. Best of luck making your decision - let us know what you decided and how it works out

 

[crisi]

Why wouldn't you wait a few years until the baby is old enough to give everyone the joy that a three year old on Dumbo gives?

 

[Inkmahm]

You might want to reconsider saying that

Glad to see you read that the same as I did... they get a turn when they have a baby, too.

 

[Mississippian]

I would also be concerned about how her DH will feel about it. Will he want her and baby to go without him.....

I see you're not a man.

 

[Inkmahm]

I see you're not a man.

Why does it matter if she is a man or not?

 

[DisneyQueen1320]

Maybe you can talk with the nephew's parents and ask if there is something they can pay, so he can go too. I think it's great if you invite your niece, her baby and husband. If the nephew's parents can't pay then I would pay for him this time, and take your niece next time, when the baby a little older.

Good luck

 

[allshookup]

Glad to see you read that the same as I did... they get a turn when they have a baby, too.

I apologize profusely to the OP if I somehow gave the impression that you should encourage your 9 y/o nephew & older niece "to have babies just so they could get a trip to WDW, too." It's not unusual for people to never have children so I thought that it was understood when I said eventually that it just meant on some future vacation. I never assumed that was what would be inferred by my post, because someone would have to be a complete idiot to tell anyone it was only if or when they had children could they get a trip to WDW too, but you know what happens when you assume.

It looks like you've received some sound advice on how to include the DH if you choose, so I'd just like to wish you all the best with your vacation & I hope it all works out with no hurt feelings!

 

[Mississippian]

Why does it matter if she is a man or not?

The average man isn't going to be upset over his wife and child going with one of her relatives to WDW for a few days. It's more like "Woopee!"

 

[twinklebug]

The average man isn't going to be upset over his wife and child going with one of her relatives to WDW for a few days. It's more like "Woopee!"

I actually know quite a number of men who would feel left out. I think it all depends on what "average man" demographic you're talking about.

 

[Inkmahm]

I apologize profusely to the OP if I somehow gave the impression that you should encourage your 9 y/o nephew & older niece "to have babies just so they could get a trip to WDW, too." It's not unusual for people to never have children so I thought that it was understood when I said eventually that it just meant on some future vacation. I never assumed that was what would be inferred by my post, because someone would have to be a complete idiot to tell anyone it was only if or when they had children could they get a trip to WDW too, but you know what happens when you assume.

It looks like you've received some sound advice on how to include the DH if you choose, so I'd just like to wish you all the best with your vacation & I hope it all works out with no hurt feelings!

I agree. Only a "complete idiot" would tell a kid that they could have a trip to WDW when they had a baby, too.

 

[wulfekamp]

I still think your skating thin ice here. Some people might say sure go ahead but still be hurt. Please tread lightly stepping on someones feelings can take years to fix if ever. As you can tell I wear my feelings on my sleeve and get hurt really easy. It makes me very sensitive to others feelings.

 

[allshookup]

I still think your skating thin ice here. Some people might say sure go ahead but still be hurt. Please tread lightly stepping on someones feelings can take years to fix if ever. As you can tell I wear my feelings on my sleeve and get hurt really easy. It makes me very sensitive to others feelings.

I was reading your previous post & I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you're right that's it's a good idea to talk to everyone. Discuss all expenses & who is paying for what right up front.

 

[cindymouse6]

I'm laughing and shocked at how offended everyone seems to be.. and off topic.. so I'll stay on topic. I own the timeshare and bring my step sis, her kid and stepmom with my family... stepmom always pays for stepsis passes, food, everything and never gives me a dime and I am paying for the room... and my kids sleep on the floor and couch to make room for them....

is that fair? no, and I have stopped inviting them this past year... life isn't fair, but this is your gift to give... give it with the spirit you initially had when deciding to invite her.... I have brought all 3 of my kids at 6weeks old to WDW (during the end of maternity leave) and I have to say, it is a different experience and I loved it.... you will get to experience it as well. You realize WDW it is not all about rides and character breakfasts... sometimes it's about relaxing in a beautiful park or by a beautiful pool and just breathing clean air and celebrating a new life... creating dreams for one day .... you will not be encouraging anyone to "have a baby" to get to go to WDW... but I bet you'll give them a gift they want one day that fits their needs at the time... and needs are different and gifts are different.

Do what you want... give what you want to give and the rest of the family has to get over it.... there will be pangs of jealousy, but they'll get jealous over other things like Xmas presents as well. And the husband is probably glad that his wife and newborn will have a chance to do something they probably would never have been able to do and wishes he could join but can't. Mom will come home more relaxed and enjoyable I bet... stop trying to keep everything perfectly even... life isn't that way...

enjoy giving your gift!

 

[eliza61]

I would probably wait until I could offer the trip to the entire family. While adults might be able to understand, I imagine my 9 yo would have a hard time figuring out why his sister got to go on a family vacation and I couldn't.