Is it weird my son wants to do BBB as a princess?

[Aunt Bee]

Well, seeing as how they got rid of the "Just Married" Cindy & Prince Charming buttons because they were not gender/race inclusive, I don't think they'll have a problem making a little boy into a Cinderella.

Disney accepts you no matter what sort of "alternative lifestyle" you live- gay money, straight money, single parent money, nuclear family money, foster parent money, adopted parent money, transracial family money, goth money, punk money, jock money, cheerleader money, and sisterwives money all spend the same.

 

[nytimez]

There are always consequences for your actions.

I know plenty of folks on Wall Street who would beg to differ.

 

[angierae]

so by your logic, you would like a future where our guys wear flowing, flouncy, lacy, satin, froufrou dresses as a norm? NO Thank you.

Wouldn't bother me a bit. I'm sure back in the 50's when my mother had to wear skirts to school people thought it would be JUST AWFUL if women started wearing pants and men's cut shirts. Looking around, I see that society has handled women being able to wear whatever they want just fine. Why is it okay for women to wear pants but not okay for men to wear skirts? "Because that's how it is?" But that's not how it has always been. Things change, people change, society changes.

The problem being, of course, that if no one had allowed their daughters to wear pants, it wouldn't be considered normal now. Somebody has to lead the parade - why not a four year old kid inn a Cinderella costume?

Exactly!

It's not weird that your son wants to do it, but I find it a little strange that you would let him.

Would you put your son in a dress and send him to daycare just because he asked to you? I don't think it is an issue of sexual identity or anything - way to young for that. It just seems inappropriate. I would just say to him "Girls dress like princesses, boys dress as princes." and leave it at that.

And girls play with dolls and boys play with trucks? I have raised my DD16 that there's no such thing as "girl toys" or "boy toys" and when she dressed almost exclusively in teeshirts from the boy's department at Target I never blinked, because the shirts there were "cooler" than all the pink crap in the girls dept (her words, not mine) and if I had a son I wouldn't have done anything differently, because why should it be different because he's a boy, not a girl?

For what it's worth - I agree with this 100%. If one of my children were to mock a boy in a dress, I would put a swift and complete end to such mockery. I absolutely believe in tolerance and acceptance - I personally am not offended if the boy wears a dress.

My own opinion is not incompatible with my parental advice.

This too. Even if you disagree with the fact that a boy is wearing a dress in public, it's still not acceptable to publically mock him, and kids should be taught that. You can say "I know that's strange and not how we do things in our family, but it's none of our business." and move on.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

It's funny...not too long ago there was a thread about letting a little boy dress up as a princess at Disney and it got pretty heated. A majority of the ppl said YES you should let your boy child dress up in a dress if he wants to. Don't stifle his creativity and his expression of his self. Some ppl even got way out on a limb and tried to imply that princess dresses aren't even really meant JUST for girls, that nobody ever said dresses were meant for girls only, blah blah. Any dumb little tactic to support their own position. It was quite amusing to watch ppl try to seem so open minded. However, when the POLL was created to back up the thread and the poll asked everyone WOULD YOU let YOUR SON dress up like a princess at Disney, an overwhelming majority of the respondents said NO, or not in public ONLY at home. SO ppl speak a good game but when it comes down to it in reality, most ppl are NOT going to let a BOY dress up like a girl anywhere in public.

I wouldn't do it. I am sure it is liable to make those young CM's quite uncomfortable too trying to make a little boy look like a little girl. It might get very awkward.

 

[mb187143]

here's my $.02 - I don't have kids, so I'm definitely not going to weigh in on what you should do/shouldn't do. I can't relate to any of that.

I will share my experience as a visitor - I have been to the parks many, many times. Every time we go, we see kids dressed up as various princesses, pirates, and at halloween time, anything else you can think of. Not once have I ever even looked closely enough at anyone's child to determine whether it was a boy or a girl. This is just my perspective, but I'm on MY vacation, so really, i don't care what anyone else is doing, saying, eating, wearing, because frankly I'm not invested in your day or your vacation. I know many people feel differently, and I would hope that even if someone does feel differently, they would be respectful to you and to your son (though reality may present a different experience). I just wanted you to know that in at least this one case, it wouldn't even cross my radar, because i wouldn't give it a passing thought to look. I know many people feel differently, just giving you one "neutral" opinion i guess, as it is something I wouldn't even pay attention to. Good luck!

 

[KellyNY]

Well, seeing as how they got rid of the "Just Married" Cindy & Prince Charming buttons because they were not gender/race inclusive, I don't think they'll have a problem making a little boy into a Cinderella.

Disney accepts you no matter what sort of "alternative lifestyle" you live- gay money, straight money, single parent money, nuclear family money, foster parent money, adopted parent money, transracial family money, goth money, punk money, jock money, cheerleader money, and sisterwives money all spend the same.

Generally agree with "money" statement, but if BBB agrees to do it I do not think it would be because of possible alternative lifestyle, he is 4 after all, what lifestyle? And if they do not agree due to possible ugly comments from other customers and we all know how cruel our little princesses can be, nobody even scream "discrimination" because again, he is only 4yo, no lifestyle yet.

 

[Babbletrish]

The problem being, of course, that if no one had allowed their daughters to wear pants, it wouldn't be considered normal now. Somebody has to lead the parade - why not a four year old kid inn a Cinderella costume?

Followed by...

So by your logic, you would like a future where our guys wear flowing, flouncy, lacy, satin, froufrou dresses as a norm? NO Thank you.

Why do I suspect you also assume people will start marrying goldfish and trees and anything else they want because my cousin wants to marry her girlfriend of twenty years?

Real men don't wear pants?

(Ignoring the Mel Gibson factor. I'll just pretend it's Duncan MacLoud.) Best. Reaction. Ever.

You know, I was just about to bring this up. Yes, folks, wearing a dress was utterly normal for very young boys long ago. In fact, the first time they got to wear pants was treated as a big coming of age ritual. Furthermore, pink was once considered a good masculine color (derived from red, which is like blood and violence and other manly man things).

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

I'm sorry I would find it "weird" and I would find it odd that someone would allow their son to dress like that. I'm not sure the motivation behind encouraging a boy to dress like a girl.

Because parents are too worried trying to be the kid's friend instead of the kid's parent and don't want to tell them NO because it might hurt their little feelings for a minute. This new generation of parents seem to let the kids do what they want when they want and coddle them so badly. If the situation warrants telling your kid no, tell them NO and move on with your day. There doesn't have to be any lengthy discussions explaining yourself to a 3 or 4 year old.

Regardless of how many OPEN MINDED ppl think little boys should be able to wear dresses in public if they want to, there ARE gender roles in our society and it is NOT NORMAL ATTIRE for boys to wear dresses. This isn't a wedding in Scotland where you might see a few guys in a skirt out in the countryside. This is the USA. No matter how you want it to be, this is how it is.

 

[nytimez]

As long as we're posting photos...

 

[Bettie]

My 6yo daughter was Darth Vader for Halloween last year, and she wore her costume to do the Jedi Training Academy. (Her twin sister was Princess Leia.) Do people have a problem with that? If not, why the double standard?

I don't have any sons, but if I did and one of them wanted to get the princess makeover, I would absolutely let him. And if any adults or children gave him any grief about it, I would let him know that it was THEIR problem, not his.

And if my children made any comments like that about anyone else, I would certainly have a long conversation with THEM about how their behavior was inappropriate.

 

[Sunny37]

Yeah, I think it's odd that he would want to do that, but he's not my son. Neither of mine would have ever wanted to do BBB...my oldest still hates it when I pull out one of his baby pictures in which he's dressed in what he calls a "girly" outfit.

I think you should probably tell him no on this one...

 

[Crystal824]

No, I wouldn't think it was werid. If it were my child, I'm not sure I would let him do BBB but that is mostly due to the cost. Other than that, I would be ok with it. I'm pretty sure DH would throw a fit about it. We have different stances regarding gender roles.

We only have a daughter, but for what it is worth, if she wanted to do Pirates League or dress up like Buzz Lightyear or Woody, I would let her. I don' t think DH would have a problem. Unfortunately, society has different rules for girls and boys with this type of thing.

 

[t_catt11]

My 6yo daughter was Darth Vader for Halloween last year, and she wore her costume to do the Jedi Training Academy. (Her twin sister was Princess Leia.) Do people have a problem with that? If not, why the double standard?

I don't have any sons, but if I did and one of them wanted to get the princess makeover, I would absolutely let him. And if any adults or children gave him any grief about it, I would let him know that it was THEIR problem, not his.

And if my children made any comments like that about anyone else, I would certainly have a long conversation with THEM about how their behavior was inappropriate.

Really?

There are so very many double standards in our society. Surely this did not just now occur to you?

I would think that one of the reasons behind that has been the (very positive) message of the past couple of decades that "girls can do anything boys can do". Note that there is no inverse to this.

Here are a couple of other double standards, in case you missed them:

A women-only fitness club? No problem - women need a chance to get away from leering men. An all-men fitness club? Lawyers will line up to file your lawsuit.

Women interviewing naked male atheletes in locker rooms? Part of the job. Men interviewing naked female atheletes in locker rooms? Bwahahahahahaha! Whew, that was a good one! What's your next joke?

I could go on...


In short, a girl dressing up as a pirate won't get a second look (hello, every PotC movie after #1 featured a female pirate lead). A boy dressing up like a princess will. That's just the way it is.

If someone wants to use their child as an agent of social change, good for them, I suppose. Me, I'll work on it from the other end by teaching my kids to not mock the boy in the dress. However, I won't allow them to be subjected to the negative aspects that coming from said wearing of the dress when it could be avoided.

If that somehow makes me a lesser person, I'll live with that. I happen to think that it makes me a better parent.

 

[Magpie]

There are always consequences for your actions.

The consequence here could very well be that one little boy has a fun day at the parks, being a beautiful princess. Meanwhile the mean people continue on in their lives, never guessing they've been fooled, and that ONE of the many princesses they saw that day was a small boy. End of story.

It's funny...not too long ago there was a thread about letting a little boy dress up as a princess at Disney and it got pretty heated. A majority of the ppl said YES you should let your boy child dress up in a dress if he wants to. Don't stifle his creativity and his expression of his self. Some ppl even got way out on a limb and tried to imply that princess dresses aren't even really meant JUST for girls, that nobody ever said dresses were meant for girls only, blah blah. Any dumb little tactic to support their own position. It was quite amusing to watch ppl try to seem so open minded. However, when the POLL was created to back up the thread and the poll asked everyone WOULD YOU let YOUR SON dress up like a princess at Disney, an overwhelming majority of the respondents said NO, or not in public ONLY at home. SO ppl speak a good game but when it comes down to it in reality, most ppl are NOT going to let a BOY dress up like a girl anywhere in public.

I wouldn't do it. I am sure it is liable to make those young CM's quite uncomfortable too trying to make a little boy look like a little girl. It might get very awkward.

Oh lordy... you think those "young CM's" have never seen this situation before? You think they'll be traumatized by a 4yo in a princess dress? And that they're too unprofessional to keep their opinions to themselves if they are? I have rather more faith in Disney's CMs.

I like a PP's suggestion that the OP call BBB before hand and ask. I'm sure they'll welcome her and make arrangements to ensure everyone has a wonderful time, but if they don't, I'd love to hear about it.

Also, I remember that POLL. Feel free to link and prove me wrong, but in my recollection there wasn't an overwhelming majority saying they wouldn't allow their children to dress up at all. At best it was a 50/50 split, and some of the reasons against princess dresses were cost and practicality (they're not good to play in, they're too hot, etc...).

I know I started my own poll asking, "Would you mock a little boy in a princess dress?" and only a couple said they'd point and laugh or say anything mean. The vast majority chose to mind their own business.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Because parents are too worried trying to be the kid's friend instead of the kid's parent and don't want to tell them NO because it might hurt their little feelings for a minute. This new generation of parents seem to let the kids do what they want when they want and coddle them so badly. If the situation warrants telling your kid no, tell them NO and move on with your day. There doesn't have to be any lengthy discussions explaining yourself to a 3 or 4 year old.

Regardless of how many OPEN MINDED ppl think little boys should be able to wear dresses in public if they want to, there ARE gender roles in our society and it is NOT NORMAL ATTIRE for boys to wear dresses. This isn't a wedding in Scotland where you might see a few guys in a skirt out in the countryside. This is the USA. No matter how you want it to be, this is how it is.

I couldn't agree more.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

I don't think that there's anything "weird" about a four-year-old child wanting to play dress-up. As some others have said, this doesn't mean that I would let my son do this in Disney World. My main reason is that I really want my kids' Disney experiences to be as positive as they possibly can be, and I would expect at least some kids and adults to openly display/share their disapproval of this.

Do I want my kids to desperately seek the approval of strangers and not be themselves? No. But at four years old, I personally think it's a little early to fully get this message across -- I don't think they're equipped yet to fully understand the reaction they might get when deciding whether they still want to do it or not. I have very frank discussions with my kids about a whole host of topics... including not judging people based on how they look or what they wear -- people will surprise you. The guy full of tattoos or piercings might be a nicer person than the guy in the three-piece suit. Important to keep an open mind and judge people based upon how they act, not how they look.

And I'm personally a fan of "weird" and "different"! I'm conscious of the fact that many others don't share my perspective, though, and at four years old I think it's still my job to protect my kids from that - especially at WDW where I just want them to have a FUN time!

 

[Dr. M]

Just started a poll on this topic. Go vote

 

[pbrim]

My 6yo daughter was Darth Vader for Halloween last year, and she wore her costume to do the Jedi Training Academy. (Her twin sister was Princess Leia.) Do people have a problem with that? If not, why the double standard?

Because we as a society value upward mobility and stigmatize downward mobility. And we still, to a certain extent, value men over women. So a girl dressing as a male character is striving for something higher, and we see that as good and cute. (Also, most main characters and action heros/super heros still tend to be male, so if you want to be a star, you choices are limited unless you want to dress male.) A boy dressing as a female character is deliberatelly degrading his status, and our society has a real problem with that.

In other societies where downward mobility was easy and upward mobility hard, the bigger issue is women dressing as men. While a man dressing as a woman might lead to devastating and permanent loss of status for him, it is not something the law would concern itself with. Whereas a woman dressing as a man is harshly punished under the law. It threatens society because she might just get away with it!

Now I'm not saying that is what's going through peoples heads -- societal norms are deeply ingrained, and people usually just know what feels right, not why. And as our society is increasingly valuing women equally with men and stigmatizing downward dips in status less and less, it's becoming less of a big deal. And it varies among sub-groups: I know men who wear kilts on occasion, and men who wear skirts on occaison (and a few who love to don a corset and fishnets as Dr Frankenfurter on occaison). It's no big deal to us, but it would horrify my nephew and his family (but then, so does women in pants).

Oh and to the OP-- tell your little boy that some people might think he's a girl because he's pretending to be Cinderella and she's a girl. If he's ok with that, let him do what makes him happy!

 

[t_catt11]

I don't think that there's anything "weird" about a four-year-old child wanting to play dress-up. As some others have said, this doesn't mean that I would let my son do this in Disney World. My main reason is that I really want my kids' Disney experiences to be as positive as they possibly can be, and I would expect at least some kids and adults to openly display/share their disapproval of this.

Do I want my kids to desperately seek the approval of strangers and not be themselves? No. But at four years old, I personally think it's a little early to fully get this message across -- I don't think they're equipped yet to fully understand the reaction they might get when deciding whether they still want to do it or not. I have very frank discussions with my kids about a whole host of topics... including not judging people based on how they look or what they wear -- people will surprise you. The guy full of tattoos or piercings might be a nicer person than the guy in the three-piece suit. Important to keep an open mind and judge people based upon how they act, not how they look.

And I'm personally a fan of "weird" and "different"! I'm conscious of the fact that many others don't share my perspective, though, and at four years old I think it's still my job to protect my kids from that - especially at WDW where I just want them to have a FUN time!

Exceedingly well spoken. Experience has taught me that the tattooed, scruffy biker - while shunned in general sociey - is often an extremely nice guy who simply doesn't care about societal norms.

I know I started my own poll asking, "Would you mock a little boy in a princess dress?" and only a couple said they'd point and laugh or say anything mean. The vast majority chose to mind their own business.

I don't think that a single person in this entire thread has stated that it is acceptible for anyone to be the one who points and mocks the little boy. The fact that you mind your manners and don't make fun does not mean that the behaviour in question won't be socially challenged or embarass the child. You are equating two different subjects.

 

[Magpie]

I don't think that a single person in this entire thread has stated that it is acceptible for anyone to be the one who points and mocks the little boy. The fact that you mind your manners and don't make fun does not mean that the behaviour in question won't be socially challenged or embarass the child. You are equating two different subjects.

People have been insisting that other people will mock the child and make fun of him and ruin his day at the park.

One person admitted her own relatives might do that, and that she could only hope her own children wouldn't.

But I think that person is in the minority, and the fear of social ridicule ruining a little boy's day (or even his whole life) is overblown. My poll bore that out, as I didn't ask what would be "acceptable" - I asked what people would actually do.

BTW, look what I found!

This is Brandon Simms, and he's five in that photo. Now, he's transgendered, but they couldn't know that when he was five. His mom is just awesome, and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/11/a-boy-apos-s-life/7059/)

He's a lucky boy.

I really don't see why anyone would challenge Brandon or his parents, or tease him, or whisper, or ask confused questions, or make any other comment than, "What a pretty princess you are!" There's nothing freakish looking about that kid, and nothing to upset CMs, either.