Is it weird my son wants to do BBB as a princess?

[t_catt11]

This is in large part why I would no allow my son to do this. Most people will see a child in a dress and assume it is a girl, just as you stated you wouldn't even think it was a boy. At Disney, many random strangers make comments, especially about how cute a child looks after going to something like BBB. So, you have strangers making comments about a child in a dress. Most of those comments are going to be along the lines of "Isn't she so cute" or "She looks precious in her Cinderella dress". Those are likely to be the comments coming from well meaning adults trying to compliment the child or even from characters at meet and greets.

If Mom, Dad or DS are okay with this then I say go for it. However, if they are going to be offended because people keep referring to him as her or if he is going to have his feelings hurt by being referred to in this way repeatedly I would recommend saving those hurt feelings and gently persuading him to a different activity.

I didn't even consider this - and you are dead on. Another layer of potential issues; BBB princesses *do* attract attention, and if it's not apparent that he's a boy, people will certainly comment on what a pretty girl/princess he is. How will DS feel about this?

 

[nytimez]

And what that suppose to mean besides that you are probably very bored this morning?

Exactly what it says. It never crossed my mind -- until you wrote that, anyway. What else could it possibly mean?

 

[KellyNY]

Exactly what it says. It never crossed my mind -- until you wrote that, anyway. What else could it possibly mean?

I felt sarcasm, that why I asked.

 

[Dr. M]

I'm really mystified by this point of view. Understand, I'm not attacking you - but just like you don't understand my point of view, I don't understand yours.

A boy in a dress doesn't hurt anyone, agreed. I don't think that anyone who finds this unusual - or feels that this is flying in the face of societal norms - is "sexualizing a child from birth".

People love to spout that the only differences in men and women are those imposed by society. Um... really? There are obvious physiological differences. There are numerous studies about the different ways that the brains work in the respective genders - btoh in the areas of logic and emotion.

Different is NOT bad. Different is different. The genders are different, ergo societal norms for genders are different.

Yes, those norms evolve over time. Currently, a boy in makeup and a dress flies in the face of that norm.

Good on the boy if he is oblivious now, but I think that you trivialize the embarassment he will almost certainly feel looking back on this - teaching moment or not.


Let me make a (hopefully) less controversial comparison. When DD15 was twelve years old, she decided to start expressing her "individuality" and dressing in all black, hanging out with the weird kids in school, etc. She was shocked to discover that other kids treated her differently, that even adults no longer reacted as positively to her.

It took a while for her to understand, but the fact is, society tends to view the "kids in black" as troublemakers and underachievers. The fact that quite a few in her peer group fit this mold (held back a grade, in trouble with drugs, not completing school assignments, etc) only served to cement the negative effects of her dress choices.

Should DD be able to wear whatever she wants? Sure. But she needs to be prepared to deal with the consequences of her actions. As an aside, DD no longer dresses this way.

Exactly. And to the poster who commented that she should be able to wear whatever she wants, and shame on the people who treated her that way, I understand how you feel, but life isn't about doing whatever you want, whenever you want. You do have to deal with the consequences. Just like a girl I know who couldn't get a job as a waitress in a high-end restaurant because she wouldn't remove her lip and nose ring. That's the same reason I will not let my daughter, who may chose to go to medical school, get a nose ring. My sister-in-law who is a successful lawyer, is desparately trying to get the tattoos on her ankles removed through painful procedures. She would like to be able to wear a skirt in court, but has to stick with pant-suits till her tatoos are gone.
It is pointless to say "shame on them" to those who treat one differently because they refuse to adhere to society's norms. Rather most would question the wisdom and the motivation for rebelling against these norms. Someone mentioned Rosa Parks and that going against the norm is a good thing. Well in her case, the motivation behind her rebellion was to stand for equal rights. However there are many "rebels without a clue". My children will be taught to dress appropriately for their gender in public, no matter what their age.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'm sorry I would find it "weird" and I would find it odd that someone would allow their son to dress like that. I'm not sure the motivation behind encouraging a boy to dress like a girl.

 

[Magpie]

Whoops, duplicate post.

 

[Magpie]

When my son was in first grade, the children had to make up a story, and then read it to the class (parents were invited). One child, a boy named "M", wrote about the princess he wanted to be when he grew up - came in wearing a pink top, too. A few of us have noticed that "M" seems a bit more sensitive then his male classmates. Hey, it is what it is from an early age.

Most of the parents didn't bat an eye, but all of his classmates were giggling and pointing at him. They continued after class to talk about how girly he was...after all, when have any of them seen a male princess??!! They weren't being mean or malicious - they were only 6. This was a big shock for them. Two years have passed, and they STILL talk about it. It was just something they have never experienced before. They don't know about cross-dressing or gender identity issues yet. They see a boy wanting to be a girl.

You know your child best - you know what he could handle as far as giggles, stares, and anything else. You also have to think of how you will feel. Will you be on the defensive the whole time? Will you be shooting glares at people just daring them to say something?

Except, the OP's son would be doing this at Disney, not at school. So it's different. None of the other kids know him, or will remember him years down the road. It's practically consequence-free!

This is in large part why I would no allow my son to do this. Most people will see a child in a dress and assume it is a girl, just as you stated you wouldn't even think it was a boy. At Disney, many random strangers make comments, especially about how cute a child looks after going to something like BBB. So, you have strangers making comments about a child in a dress. Most of those comments are going to be along the lines of "Isn't she so cute" or "She looks precious in her Cinderella dress". Those are likely to be the comments coming from well meaning adults trying to compliment the child or even from characters at meet and greets.

If Mom, Dad or DS are okay with this then I say go for it. However, if they are going to be offended because people keep referring to him as her or if he is going to have his feelings hurt by being referred to in this way repeatedly I would recommend saving those hurt feelings and gently persuading him to a different activity.

I agree with this post - if you're not comfortable with people mistaking your child for a girl, then this may not be a good idea. But if it doesn't bother you, and it doesn't bother him, then go for it!

I had one of those seventies bowl cuts when I was a little girl, until I was about 11. EVERYONE thought I was a boy, even some of my same-age friends! I was fine with that, and I thought it was hilarious when one of the little boys I played with said, "Wait... You're a GIRL!?" after I'd commented that I liked Princess Di's hair.

When I was little I loved holding doors open for strangers so that they'd pat me on the head and say, "What a nice boy!" I never corrected anyone, because I didn't think there was anything wrong with being a boy. If the OP's son doesn't think there's anything wrong with being a girl, then go for it.

Fwiw, when I got to be about 11, I finally started wanting to be a girl. Actually, I wanted to be Daisy Duke. So I let my hair grow out, and I've never looked back. I guess the hormones finally kicked in, or something.

 

[TheMaxRebo]

Just wanted to add my thoughts

I think it is tough b/c of the age. If he were older I think it would be easier to have a conversation discussing the potential consequences of his actions.

As much as people might want this to be a perfect society where people are able to wear whatever they want with no consequences, that isn't the case

This might sound bad, but I personally would have trouble letting my son go through with this. I personally wouldn't have an issue with him wearing a dress (though I admit it wouldn't be my first choice) but I'd hate for him to even have to suffer one negative comment/experience knowing I could have prevented it

Would it be great if he could go through the day and only get positive reactions? sure. Can you guarantee that will be the case 100%? I don't think so

 

[OrangeCat04]

I would let my son do this and wouldn't even think twice about it. Kids need to be free to explore and discover the world on their own. That includes letting them feel free to try things that interest them.

Don't let any of the negative comments on this site stop you. I am shocked at how much some people get all riled up about another person's child that they don't even know. It's really not as serious as some of the drama queens are making it out to be on here.

Have fun!

 

[blondemom]

Did a search for The Boutique:

Description: The Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique salon transforms little girls into Disney princesses with hairstyling, make-up, and manicures with the help of a "Fairy Godmother-in-Training." The Fairy Godmother herself "owns" the new Boutique, which offers a menu of salon services designed to pamper princesses age 3 and up.


The salon also offers the Cool Dude experience -- hair styling, colored gels/sparkles and Mickey stencils for young men looking to enhance their appearance.

Based on the wording, I would call to see if they would tranform a young man into a princess.

 

[MusiqChic99]

Exactly. And to the poster who commented that she should be able to wear whatever she wants, and shame on the people who treated her that way, I understand how you feel, but life isn't about doing whatever you want, whenever you want. You do have to deal with the consequences. Just like a girl I know who couldn't get a job as a waitress in a high-end restaurant because she wouldn't remove her lip and nose ring. That's the same reason I will not let my daughter, who may chose to go to medical school, get a nose ring. My sister-in-law who is a successful lawyer, is desparately trying to get the tattoos on her ankles removed through painful procedures. She would like to be able to wear a skirt in court, but has to stick with pant-suits till her tatoos are gone.
It is pointless to say "shame on them" to those who treat one differently because they refuse to adhere to society's norms. Rather most would question the wisdom and the motivation for rebelling against these norms. Someone mentioned Rosa Parks and that going against the norm is a good thing. Well in her case, the motivation behind her rebellion was to stand for equal rights. However there are many "rebels without a clue". My children will be taught to dress appropriately for their gender in public, no matter what their age.

Let me clarify....I never said the world was perfect and people don't judge other's.

I do find it a shame that so many people do so though.

And I still feel bad that adults and the poster's friends treated her differently. Obviously this was a girl they knew before she wore black. I myself would have had to find a better reason to treat someone differently. But that's me...and as it's been stated not all feel that way.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Why would he be upset if people call him a "she" when he is dressed as Cinderella? Cinderella is a "she" and that is who he would be pretending to be.

 

[Aunt Bee]

Did a search for The Boutique:

Description: The Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique salon transforms little girls into Disney princesses with hairstyling, make-up, and manicures with the help of a "Fairy Godmother-in-Training." The Fairy Godmother herself "owns" the new Boutique, which offers a menu of salon services designed to pamper princesses age 3 and up.


The salon also offers the Cool Dude experience -- hair styling, colored gels/sparkles and Mickey stencils for young men looking to enhance their appearance.

Based on the wording, I would call to see if they would tranform a young man into a princess.

The wording is is misleading, though. There's no age limit at BBB; it's not just for little gilrs. My 35 year old was turned into a princess along with her 3 year old. I thought it was unusual, but they both loved it.

 

[stargazertechie]

Did a search for The Boutique:

Description: The Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique salon transforms little girls into Disney princesses with hairstyling, make-up, and manicures with the help of a "Fairy Godmother-in-Training." The Fairy Godmother herself "owns" the new Boutique, which offers a menu of salon services designed to pamper princesses age 3 and up.


The salon also offers the Cool Dude experience -- hair styling, colored gels/sparkles and Mickey stencils for young men looking to enhance their appearance.

Based on the wording, I would call to see if they would tranform a young man into a princess.

Well, seeing as how they got rid of the "Just Married" Cindy & Prince Charming buttons because they were not gender/race inclusive, I don't think they'll have a problem making a little boy into a Cinderella.

Disney accepts you no matter what sort of "alternative lifestyle" you live- gay money, straight money, single parent money, nuclear family money, foster parent money, adopted parent money, transracial family money, goth money, punk money, jock money, cheerleader money, and sisterwives money all spend the same.

 

[yesiamcrazy]

For everyone's who's worried about the cruel comments other people would make to this child...

Would YOU be the one making those comments?
Do you have family members who would make those comments?
Do you actually know anyone personally


Had to respond to this.

Would I, no. my children, I hope not

Other family members... well yes.

Anyone personally? Yes, plenty I can think of.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Except, the OP's son would be doing this at Disney, not at school. So it's different. None of the other kids know him, or will remember him years down the road. It's practically consequence-free!




I agree with this post - if you're not comfortable with people mistaking your child for a girl, then this may not be a good idea. But if it doesn't bother you, and it doesn't bother him, then go for it!

I had one of those seventies bowl cuts when I was a little girl, until I was about 11. EVERYONE thought I was a boy, even some of my same-age friends! I was fine with that, and I thought it was hilarious when one of the little boys I played with said, "Wait... You're a GIRL!?" after I'd commented that I liked Princess Di's hair.

When I was little I loved holding doors open for strangers so that they'd pat me on the head and say, "What a nice boy!" I never corrected anyone, because I didn't think there was anything wrong with being a boy. If the OP's son doesn't think there's anything wrong with being a girl, then go for it.

Fwiw, when I got to be about 11, I finally started wanting to be a girl. Actually, I wanted to be Daisy Duke. So I let my hair grow out, and I've never looked back. I guess the hormones finally kicked in, or something.

There are always consequences for your actions.

 

[DRDISNEYMD]

DS wants to be "Luigi" from Super Mario and DD wants to be Dorothy--ruby slippers and all.

Gender issues are hot right now. There seems to be a movement to challenge gender bias and the more traditional gender roles. Like it or not, it is becoming more of an issue. I am witnessing more and more families who are specifically choosing a "gender neutral" approach to parenting.

"Princess Boy" ~ His family, community and school supports him. And yes, he dressed up as a princess for Halloween and even some the men employee's of the school dressed up as ballerinas to support him.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2013366629_princessboy07m.html

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/princess-boy-transgender-kids-primetime-nightline-14425305

 

[Sinderelly]

Do not let him do this! Children want to do many things. As a parent it is your responsibility to teach them what is acceptable. By allowing him to get a girlie makeover you make boys dressing as girls acceptable in his developing mind. During the early years you are shaping his mindset on what is okay and not okay. Children want to eat junk food and keep all their toys to themselves, as parents we teach them to eat a balanced diet and to get along with others and share. If he wants to do something that goes against societal norms it is your job to take that opportunity to teach him what is acceptable and what is not. Boys dressing as girls is not okay and not accepted by society, he will have a much easier time learning this at 3 than if you shape his mind to believe it's okay and then he finds out the hard way when he's 7.

 

[michsig]

Ah, socialization. I would let him wear what makes him happy! It's a shame that people judge others - but that is the reality of our society. He's a kid - let him do what makes him happy! He's not hurting anyone by doing it.

 

[Babbletrish]

(A note: I hadn't read anyone else's reactions yet.)

So, my 4 year old wants to do BBB and dress up as Cinderella. I have offered Prince Charming or another character costume but he keeps saying he wants to be Cinderella. He has done the Pirate League 2x this past year and doesn't want to do it again. Has anyone else had this experience with their little boys? I am an open minded mom and would possibly let him but I don't want him to be made fun of. I know, I would be taking my chances-lol. Help!

(Puts on her Minor in Child Psychology Hat )

Four-year-olds are strange creatures, aren't they? Everything is still pretty new to them, but they are becoming more and more self-aware now. This is why they love dress-up and role-playing games (in the "running around the backyard pretending to be a whatever" sense, though apparently there are little kids who like D&D too). So the issue is not with your kid, and thankfully it looks like you already realize this.

I'd suggest calling the BBB and asking what to do (guarantee they've encountered this request before) well in advance of the trip. And pick up a copy of Amazing Grace, a children's book that deals with a similar situation head-on.

The problem is, and this makes me very sad, going to be other people. In a perfect world, your son would be able to go to the BBB and be Cinderella for a day and there'd be no problem. But unfortunately, we live in a world where gender roles are enforced to the point where a major website has banned all mention of a certain animated series popular with children and adults that happens to be mostly marketed towards girls (and yet it's still okay to talk about cartoons aimed at boys, but that's another issue). And we live in a world where what you wear is Serious Business (tm).

As to that last issue, here's food for thought before you make your final decision. My mother's favorite hat happens to have a Red Sox logo on it. When she wears it in Disney World (which you'd think would be a "Star Trek"-esque Neutral Zone), EVERY visitor from New York has something to say to her. So if a grown woman is given grief because of what baseball team she roots for, imagine the hard time a little boy innocently dressed as a princess would get.

Good luck, whatever you do!