Is It That Hard To Ask? A Pregnant Vent ;)

[ols386]

And some people are just selfish and don't care if someone DOES need help. MIL never once offered to help me out when I was pregnant and VERY sick (yes you can be sick & pregnant!!!), after DS was born OR when I had knee surgery & a 2 year-old at home. BUT she sure expects help when she needs it and on her schedule! SO maybe AKL_Megs isn't just overly sensitive or hormonal. Maybe her MIL just isn't a very thoughtful person!

Hang in there AKL_Megs! Hopefully you'll get over the sickness soon & your baby will be worth it!

Maybe she isn't thoughtful....or maybe she is. We're only hearing one side of the story, and there ARE two sides to every story. The MIL might tell a completely different story. And there usually is some history involved in these types of situations.

 

[AKL_Megs]

But yet you expect her to ask.

Poor woman.

No again, I don't expect it, just think it would be a nice sentiment!

 

[SaraJayne]

No again, I don't expect it, just think it would be a nice sentiment!

So you want her to ask so you can say "no"? And why can't your husband help you?

It isn't your MIL's job to help you out...but it IS your husband's. Vent about him not offering to help.

 

[Kellydelly]

If your pregnancy is making you so ill, how on earth will you be able to go on a road trip to Florida with your parents? I'm surprised that you are even considering it.

 

[AKL_Megs]

So you want her to ask so you can say "no"? And why can't your husband help you?

It isn't your MIL's job to help you out...but it IS your husband's. Vent about him not offering to help.

You should try reading before you post I mentioned in my OP that he's been awesome. Seems like you are always trying to start things on my threads...

 

[GJM]

If you aren't going to accept her help if she does offer - let it go.

As someone else mention - why can't your DH make his own meals or go food shopping?

 

[AKL_Megs]

If your pregnancy is making you so ill, how on earth will you be able to go on a road trip to Florida with your parents? I'm surprised that you are even considering it.

I'm HOPING this goes away in a couple months, as it usually does. I sincerely hope it goes away!

 

[Hannathy]

Are you sure she hasn't said to your DH do you guys need anything? And in a typical male way he has said no we're OK what would we need?


Because in his mind you guys are OK and he never thought of telling you of her offer because you didn't need anything.

 

[Ceila]

Is your morning sickness back? I remember you posting a thread just a few days ago that your morning sickness was gone and you were starving. And in that thread you said you were sick for one month, but in this thread you say you've been sick for 2 months. I guess I'm just confused...

ETA: OK, I knew I wasn't crazy, lol. Here's the thread I remembered reading: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2629940

 

[Jennasis]

Dudes...anyone trying to point out the possibility that the OP may be in the wrong can just go pound sand. You're attempting to argue with what appears to be a very emotional and hormonal pregnant woman. There will be no winning this fight.

The MIL is a thoughtless, insensitive, selfish clod. Feel better?

 

[AKL_Megs]

Is your morning sickness back? I remember you posting a thread just a few days ago that your morning sickness was gone and you were starving. And in that thread you said you were sick for one month, but in this thread you say you've been sick for 2 months. I guess I'm just confused...

I had a good couple days, but damn if it didn't come back...

 

[AKL_Megs]

Dudes...anyone trying to point out the possibility that the OP may be in the wrong can just go pound sand. You're attempting to argue with what appears to be a very emotional and hormonal pregnant woman. There will be no winning this fight.

The MIL is a thoughtless, insensitive, selfish clod. Feel better?

Damn straight. But don't talk about my MIL like that

 

[JOCAmom]

OP, I think you said you don't/didn't have the best relationship with your MIL but you are working on it. Maybe she is just afraid of ruining what bond is developing between the two of you? You know...."gosh, I am finally talking with my DIL on a consistent basis and I don't want to overstep her boundaries"

Does she call you also to share funny things? If she does, maybe that is the extent of what she feels comfortable doing for the time being. She may think that a phone call every couple of days to take your mind off of being so sick is good thing. You may want her to offer more but that may not be her comfort level at this time.

 

[kirstenb1]

Maybe she's waiting to jump in after the baby is born?

I'm sorry....when friends/family are pregnant, (we don't live that close by), I tend to just wish them well. I step up after the baby is born, and cook meals or help clean the house, or hold the baby, entertain any older siblings, etc.

 

[mtblujeans]

I'm HOPING this goes away in a couple months, as it usually does. I sincerely hope it goes away!

I haven't read this whole thread but, as I recall from years past , morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy. I also remember that feeling sick for so long is VERY irritating! Here's hoping that the ickies lighten up and you get a chance to enjoy the process.

 

[npmommie]

OP how many weeks along are you?

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Well, I AM sick and tired of being sick and tired... Does that count?

And I WAS really sick one weekend, I was put on modified bed rest for dehydration one weekend.

You are having a baby, not dying! You are simply pregnant and going through what millions of other women have gone through and will continue to go through from now till the end of time. Morning sickness or all day sickness (like I also had with my 2nd child) is horrible but it's just part of it. You have to accept you may have it when you decide to have a baby. It's a choice you make really.

People with actual illnesses such as cancer sure as heck don't choose it. I also know a whole lot of women who would gladly trade places with you to have the kind of sickness that you have, as many women want nothing more than to get pregnant and throw up all day knowing there is a baby growing inside them and they simply can't get pregnant.

As far as your MIL, I guess I'm going to be the one that seems insensitive but I don't think she has any obligation to even offer to help you. She did not choose for you to have a baby, you did. Therefore she does not have to offer help. I think you are beyond lucky to have all of the people you do offering to help. I think the only one that should be pampering you is your dh. Anyone else is just a really nice bonus.

Just a heads up, it also will not be your MIL's responsibility to babysit her grandchild no matter how much you think she should want to. A lot of grandparents do want to babysit but not all do.

I really do hope you feel better soon as morning sickness can be miserable. I promise it does get better eventually. There may even come a day where you forget how bad it was and decide to have another child and then wonder what the heck were you thinking when you have the m/s all over again!

 

[kellyg403]

As a mom and a mil I will chime in. My dil was very ill when she was pregnant with my grandson. Her mom lives 3 blocks away and eats dinner at her house 3 days a week. I never asked her if she would like me to do something for her because her mom was pretty much THERE. If she needed something I would offer to do it, I would pick up my grandd if she called and needed me too. Honestly, I would have loved to do more but she really didn't ask me and I knew that my son and her mother had it under control. I wasn't trying to be unkind or not care about her, but honestly...what more could I do?

Does your mil work? Maybe she also has a lot on her plate. Maybe she has seen/heard you decline other offers of help and has decided when you need her you will let her know. As others have mentioned, this new relationship you have together may just be too new and she is unsure what she is supposed to do.

I hope that your morning sickness goes away. I have had 7 children and a few pregnancies were very difficult in that sense. You really should speak with your dr if you have lost a lot of weight or may have such serious problems you can not eat or do normal activity. Its very important for you to reach out at least to your OB about the possibility of taking a medication that will put you on the right track and get you through. If you are even considering that this might end soon...please don't take it for granted. It could come back. I was seriously naseaus for 4 months with my first ds. It went away only to return in my 7th month. Because I was so ill, I started fainting everywhere and anywhere. It was horrible. Be very careful and really really discuss with your OB.

Kelly

 

[Styx Fan]

Also, this whole "you're not allowed to complain because lots of pregnant women had it worse than you" vibe? SO preachy and annoying.

AMEN! Nothing like a bunch of women who can't even find it in themselves to give a cyber pat on the back to a fellow women in the thick of it. Does a little empathy cost something?

I can't believe someone basically said she asked for by getting pregnant So what? You go into pregnancy hoping for the best and accepting it may be very hard. I guess anyone who gets hurt doing a sport doesn't deserve any compassion b/c they asked for? You know, if you play you may have to pay.

Some pretty cold people around here.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

AKL Megs, I would feel the same way you do if my MIL didn't offer any help, especially when you haven't been feeling well! What's her problem? Doesn't she remember what it was like to be pregnant?? Well, at least you have friends who are treating you like the pregnant woman you are!