Is It That Hard To Ask? A Pregnant Vent ;)

[Mouse House Mama]

You should try reading before you post I mentioned in my OP that he's been awesome. Seems like you are always trying to start things on my threads...

Honey let me give you a little advice. Do with it what you want.

The only person who should be helping you is your DH. While you say he is awesome I am not totally buying it. If he is awesome you wouldn't even need someone to offer to help you. You don't even have any other kids to take care of. He can cook and clean. His arms won't fall off from doing that. He shouldn't need anyone to do those things for him. He is a grown man. If he cannot manage these simple tasks now while you are pregnant then I would prepare for all that he won't be able to manage once the baby arrives. This is not meant as a nasty post. This is simply fact. So while he may be caring etc. he needs to buck up and do what is needed in the house. You complain about him not having a hot meal etc. Well, he can take himself into the kitchen and make it. Anyone can follow a recipe so even if he doesn't know how to cook I am sure he can read and figure it out.

As for people not being sympathetic I think you are misconstruing things. Yes, people agree that being sick while pregnant stinks. Nobody thinks hugging the porcelein throne is fun. That being said - I think you have to have a better attitude about it. While it may feel terrible, at the end of all this sickness you will have something so wonderful that words cannot describe it. There are many people who feel this sick and the end of them being sick is simply the END. Now I am not trying to say that just because other people have something worse that what you have doesn't matter. I am just saying that in the case of pregnancy you are sick but the reward is well worth it so in the scheme of things it isn't so bad.

I also think you are looking for things to be offended about with your MIL. She shouldn't have to ask if you need help. You are pregnant. You have no other children that need your care. You have a husband who should be capable. She tells you to rest because she means it. She expects her son to do the work. It is also not anyone's job to help you. If people offer that is nice. If not then it is nothing to be offended by.

Good luck.

 

[RitaE]

Well - I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.

But really it would never occur to me that a young couple (two adults) living in a house with no children etc would need my help cooking and cleaning because of morning sickness. In my experience (me, my sisters, my friends) the woman just pukes her way through it and the man fixes sandwiches and if he didn't know how to before - he learns where the On Button on the washing machine is located.

I will make note of this however for that someday in the future when I have pregnant DILs that might feel hurt over my neglect.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Scurvy]

But really it would never occur to me that a young couple (two adults) living in a house with no children etc would need my help cooking and cleaning because of morning sickness. In my experience (me, my sisters, my friends) the woman just pukes her way through it and the man fixes sandwiches and if he didn't know how to before - he learns where the On Button on the washing machine is located.

I agree with this. I was the pregnant wife who was living with her husband and no children and suffering from miserable morning sickness. It never occurred to me that anyone ought to be offering to help me. I would have found it odd if anyone had offered, honestly. Of course most people didn't realize how sick I was because I didn't mention it to them, and they only realized if they spent time around me. But the most anyone other than my husband did was offer to turn the air conditioner cooler when I was visiting, or ask what foods I could or couldn't tolerate smelling if we were having dinner together. Why would anyone help with our household chores? My husband was perfectly capable of doing most of it, and I was able to do quite a bit between bouts of throwing up.

OP, I"m sorry you aren't feeling great right now, but I think you are letting your feelings about your mother-in-law color your reaction to this situation. I'm sure when she told you to rest, she just meant you should rest and she didn't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to. She knows you have an awesome husband there to pamper you and to take care of your household if you're not feeling good. It probably hasn't even crossed her mind that you expect her to offer to help as well.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

See, that's what sort of pisses me off... She will call and say, "Don't work to hard, you're growing my grandchild, get some rest!"

Okay...

I think that's her cue for you to ask for help. I'd just ask her.


*edited to add, I've been there, done that. I was super duper sick with DD, and most people didn't know how sick I really was, and that I really did need help. No one I know was ever as sick as I was, they just threw up once or twice and that was it, so I had to explain it. Then, I learned to ask for help with pregnancy #2!

 

[Metsfan520]

Well - I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.

But really it would never occur to me that a young couple (two adults) living in a house with no children etc would need my help cooking and cleaning because of morning sickness. In my experience (me, my sisters, my friends) the woman just pukes her way through it and the man fixes sandwiches and if he didn't know how to before - he learns where the On Button on the washing machine is located.

I will make note of this however for that someday in the future when I have pregnant DILs that might feel hurt over my neglect.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm still trying to figure out what the OP wants her MIL to do? what could she need help with that she didn't need help with before she got pregnant. Nothing has changed it is still 2 adults living alone. If your DH wasn't married he would do everything himself so where is there help needed?

 

[disney_mommy]

You get more of the support you crave from a board dedicated to pregnant women. Right now your pregnancy is the center of your life. The rest of the world isn't as wrapped up about it as you are.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm still trying to figure out what the OP wants her MIL to do? what could she need help with that she didn't need help with before she got pregnant. Nothing has changed it is still 2 adults living alone. If your DH wasn't married he would do everything himself so where is there help needed?

I don't think the OP wants the MIL to do anything. From what I have read it seems like she just wants the MIL to ask to help so she can turn her down and get annoyed that the MIL thinks she needs help. Of course I could be wrong but that is what I took away from this thread. YMMV.

 

[AshleyW]

Threads like this make me terrified to get pregnant and go crazy with hormones.

 

[castleview]

AKL Megs, I would feel the same way you do if my MIL didn't offer any help, especially when you haven't been feeling well! What's her problem? Doesn't she remember what it was like to be pregnant?? Well, at least you have friends who are treating you like the pregnant woman you are!

Sweetheart, you seem like a nice, adorable person. But the expectations to be treated like a queen just because you're pregnant are really outlandish. I never expected help even when I was bed rested the first pregnancy. People just came around probably because I wasn't demanding they did.

If the OP can't reach out to her MIL, maybe her husband can drop a few hints. Plus even good MILs know that a first pregnancy can be a big bonding time for the expectant mom and her own mother. I've had some issues with my MIL, but I have to give it to her that she gently filled in "slots" to help out where she wouldn't be crowded/crowding or stepping on toes. She gets along well with my own mother, but learned from her other son's family, how possessive and competitive people can be when it comes to a new baby and just didn't want the drama.

OP, learn to let this go. If you're upset you're not getting help with a first pregnancy - just wait to the second or third because no one (even your own parents) is going to care anymore!

 

[castleview]

Threads like this make me terrified to get pregnant and go crazy with hormones.

Threads like this I hope to bank in my memory so I know what NOT to do with my son's wife…and hope he finds a wife who isn't so negative.

 

[cabanafrau]

You get more of the support you crave from a board dedicated to pregnant women. Right now your pregnancy is the center of your life. The rest of the world isn't as wrapped up about it as you are.

I almost posted something similar earlier, but never hit submit. Pregnancy is a normal, human condition. Even those who love you aren't going to be as all-consumed with your pregnancy as you are.

My magic 8-ball says sometime after baby is born we're going to be reading lots of vents about not being appreciated for being a person in her own right, not just a wife or a mother.

 

[jrmasm]

Threads like this make me terrified to get pregnant and go crazy with hormones.

Plenty of women don't go crazy.

 

[robinb]

I don't think the OP wants the MIL to do anything. From what I have read it seems like she just wants the MIL to ask to help so she can turn her down and get annoyed that the MIL thinks she needs help. Of course I could be wrong but that is what I took away from this thread. YMMV.

I just think she wants her MIL to offer help and has hurt feelings that she didn't offer. I also think that her pregnancy hormones and exhaustion are making her more sensitive about the whole thing. It makes me sad that some woman can be so hateful (not you, Mama) and pile on to the OP when it's clear to me that these feelings may be out of her control. I'm cutting her some slack for a while yet as I'm sure she won't be such a Pregzilla once her hormones even out a bit.

 

[SaraJayne]

Threads like this make me terrified to get pregnant and go crazy with hormones.

Not everyone goes crazy when they get pregnant.

 

[robinb]

Not everyone goes crazy when they get pregnant.

Some people don't have morning sickness ... I didn't but I don't discount how debilitating it can be.

 

[phorsenuf]

Some people don't have morning sickness ... I didn't but I don't discount how debilitating it can be.

It can't be that debilitating for her if she's working full-time. Meg-has the Dr given you anything for it?

 

[Hannathy]

It can't be that debilitating for her if she's working full-time. Meg-has the Dr given you anything for it?

That is what I said also.

 

[Agri]

My only advice is to sign up for www.livejournal.com if you haven't already. There are a ton of pregnancy communities that you can vent to who will take you seriously if you don't get the response you have here. And no, I haven't read the thread. (My friend LOVED lj for all the advice and support she got during her pregnancy.)

 

[robinb]

It can't be that debilitating for her if she's working full-time. Meg-has the Dr given you anything for it?

That is what I said also.

I guess I don't get why working full time precludes her morning sickness from interfering with her life . Maybe she's just barely making it through the day, puking all the time or dry heaving. Like I said before, I didn't suffer from morning sickness so I have no personal experience with driving the porcelain bus and trying to work at the same time.