Is it possible

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Here's what works for us (and no, I am not a perfect parent by a long shot, but this really does work.) Have your kids blame you for things. My DD15 does this. "My Mom..." It works. They get to handle it themselves but if need be blame mom. Doesn't bother me, I can be the mean mom, and she gets to handle things on her own. So next time maybe a "my mom saw it and was so mad so I have to delete you as a friend" would work better.

I hope this does blow over, going through this for the second time and girls are so cruel at that age. Thankfully I can tell you in our experience anyway, they do grow out of it and become nicer to each other again in high school.

 

[livie1205]

I have 2 12 yr olds and they both agree...they would get picked on if I would have done that...also have you ever been to a middle school? hang out at one for a few hours,some of the things comming from the mouths of the little angels would blow your mind! I imagine that word or a few other choice ones have come out of her mouth a time or two when just her friends are around.
I dont like the word either but I would NEVER contact a child and scold them for saying a WORD..it is not ok.I would also feel silly calling a parent I did not know "telling on" their child for something so small.

 

[kellyg403]

I, also, am in total awe that there are 7 pages of everyone agreeing!

OP, sorry but I agree with them. You taught your dd that she doesn't have to live by the rules, just the rules she/you decides for everyone else. If you haven't been to a middle school before today, you might want to bring earplugs. Not only do they know the F word, but they ALL know how to use it! Since this is an older girl, I am going to assume in the heirarchy of things she is an 8th grader to your 6/7th grader. You can spell miserable anyway you want but your dd is in for a rough few weeks of school. They might not say anything directly to her but at his age they are perfecting the art of making sure that anyone still tied to mama by apron strings doesn't get a whole lot of interaction.

In the end, you did what you wanted to do. I have been on the opposite side of a parent calling my child on the telephone and letting her have it because of teen drama at 14 that involved a boy who did not want to date her dd any longer. At 14 they were not 'dating' it was just a status at school. Said mama found out real quick who I am and just exactly where I stood on discussing ANYTHING with my dd before she was 18. You are not out of the woods yet on that one, because most parents don't care when it was sent but you making contact in a negative way wit their child.

My kids have facebook, they followed the rules and didn't get them til 13. Sometimes my hair gets a little curlier when I read some of the postings from the friends but if I have an issue, I have their password etc and I personally go in and block said friend. The kids have no idea and I just alleviated any greif from them or their friends.

Try it...the next few years of your kid being perfect and noone else's are is going to be REALLY REALLY rough!

Kelly

 

[jrmasm]

It seems like the simplest solution would have been for your daughter to remove her as a friend.

And the best way to avoid drama. But where's the fun in that?

 

[rgf207]

I, also, am in total awe that there are 7 pages of everyone agreeing!

OP, sorry but I agree with them. You taught your dd that she doesn't have to live by the rules, just the rules she/you decides for everyone else. If you haven't been to a middle school before today, you might want to bring earplugs. Not only do they know the F word, but they ALL know how to use it! Since this is an older girl, I am going to assume in the heirarchy of things she is an 8th grader to your 6/7th grader. You can spell miserable anyway you want but your dd is in for a rough few weeks of school. They might not say anything directly to her but at his age they are perfecting the art of making sure that anyone still tied to mama by apron strings doesn't get a whole lot of interaction.

In the end, you did what you wanted to do. I have been on the opposite side of a parent calling my child on the telephone and letting her have it because of teen drama at 14 that involved a boy who did not want to date her dd any longer. At 14 they were not 'dating' it was just a status at school. Said mama found out real quick who I am and just exactly where I stood on discussing ANYTHING with my dd before she was 18. You are not out of the woods yet on that one, because most parents don't care when it was sent but you making contact in a negative way wit their child.

My kids have facebook, they followed the rules and didn't get them til 13. Sometimes my hair gets a little curlier when I read some of the postings from the friends but if I have an issue, I have their password etc and I personally go in and block said friend. The kids have no idea and I just alleviated any greif from them or their friends.

Try it...the next few years of your kid being perfect and noone else's are is going to be REALLY REALLY rough!

Kelly

This is a great post but honestly it's going to fall on deaf ears with the OP. She had every intention of doing what she did well before she posted. I feel sorry for her daughter and what drama this will cause.

 

[jazzielady]

I have 2 12 yr olds and they both agree...they would get picked on if I would have done that...also have you ever been to a middle school? hang out at one for a few hours,some of the things comming from the mouths of the little angels would blow your mind! I imagine that word or a few other choice ones have come out of her mouth a time or two when just her friends are around.
I dont like the word either but I would NEVER contact a child and scold them for saying a WORD..it is not ok.I would also feel silly calling a parent I did not know "telling on" their child for something so small.

Sorry, I had to LOL at your first paragraph. I taught middle school for over 23 years until I had to retire for disability reasons!

 

[DVCLiz]

Wow - I read the OP and had to leave yesterday for the day, so I missed the responses, but I bet myself there would be at least one or two who agreed with the OP's actions. So glad I was wrong!!

This is the kind of righteous indignation repsonse of a parent with children who are just entering a particular stage. By the time a parent has a few years under his or her belt, this kind of stuff rolls off your back and I suspect the OP will look back and laugh at herself for being so over the top.

And yes, your daughter is going to be made fun of - that is a 100% certainty unless you pull her our of school and homeschool her for the rest of her life. So when it happens, take that opportunity to practice staying out of it - which you should have done in the first place. If anything, let her role play a few choice phrases to use when it starts - "Oh my God, I know - my mom was a psycho about it!!" would be a good start.

 

[luvmy3]

I just took a poll of one 12 year old that lives in my house.

Most assuredly your DD12 will be made fun of. Maybe not to her face, but it will be talked about. Have you missed out on tween drama? If so, get ready, it's a'comin.

Yes the OPs dd will be talked about, I have a 12 year dd and I have overheard many conversations about someone's mom getting involved in things like this. Honestly, in the grand scheme of things someone saying **** you to your dd is nothing, definitely not something to get involved in. I don't know what grade your dd is in but here 12 is 6th or 7th (Jr High) and if all I had to worry about were kids saying that to my kids I'd be relieved. OP, you need to teach your dd have thicker skin and it wouldn't hurt for you to layer up either, if you feel you need to involve yourself in your dd's life over something so trivial as a curse word directed to her, you are in for a very long and stressful next 6 years.

 

[kellyg403]

Wow - I read the OP and had to leave yesterday for the day, so I missed the responses, but I bet myself there would be at least one or two who agreed with the OP's actions. So glad I was wrong!!

This is the kind of righteous indignation repsonse of a parent with children who are just entering a particular stage. By the time a parent has a few years under his or her belt, this kind of stuff rolls off your back and I suspect the OP will look back and laugh at herself for being so over the top.

And yes, your daughter is going to be made fun of - that is a 100% certainty unless you pull her our of school and homeschool her for the rest of her life. So when it happens, take that opportunity to practice staying out of it - which you should have done in the first place. If anything, let her role play a few choice phrases to use when it starts - "Oh my God, I know - my mom was a psycho about it!!" would be a good start.

Oh yeah...definitely. Or even maybe "she is not my real mother, I have no idea who she is'....

Kelly

 

[jazzielady]

Unless one of us swears at her.

What I suspect happened is that this poster, a grown woman, intimidated a 13 y/o into apologizing for making a remark on FB by threatening her. No more, no less. What I believe her daughter may have learned is that in any situation, no matter how innocuous, you can browbeat, intimidate, or threaten others in order to get your way.

That's just how I see it. YMMV.

I did not threaten her. I simply asked the ? here about HOW I could report her.

In my msg I simply told her that I didn't appreciate her insulting and swearing at my dd, and asked her to remove her as a friend as my dd would be doing after school. She DID apologize and also told me something about my dd, to which I took my dd to task.

I guess I did overreact, but I'm not as stupid as some of you seem to think. Oh well.

 

[kellyg403]

I did not threaten her. I simply asked the ? here about HOW I could report her.

In my msg I simply told her that I didn't appreciate her insulting and swearing at my dd, and asked her to remove her as a friend as my dd would be doing after school. She DID apologize and also told me something about my dd, to which I took my dd to task.

I guess I did overreact, but I'm not as stupid as some of you seem to think. Oh well.

Not stupid...just not thinking clearly! By telling you something your dd did, this girl is already dealing in 'revenge', her apology was moot because she was speaking to an adult. In the teen version of life she now is telling people yeah, so and so's mom got on me but I got her in trouble too...and who the F does her mom think she is and her dd isn't perfect..' You have to remember the drama NEVER ends until about 10th grade. You have to pick your battles wisely when getting involved...for your dd's sake. It is the most important lesson to learn when dealing with the TEEN years.

Kelly

 

[elizke]

Wow. OP's overreaction is nothing compared to the parenting judges here!

OP I don't blame you for being bothered. I personally don't allow even my DS14 to use FB yet, since even some of my relatives are potty mouths and post some crazy things, and his life really is okay without FB in it yet. But you make your own parenting choices, and I don't see why people are so indignant. Disagree, sure, but what's with all the sneering and venom and dramatic scenarios? If another child said FU to my 12 year old daughter openly in real life in my earshot, sure I'd say hey, watch the language girl! And saying it openly on FB is like out loud in my mind.

I usually stay far away from arguments here, and probably after this I'll regret breaking that rule.....

 

[livie1205]

Sorry, I had to LOL at your first paragraph. I taught middle school for over 23 years until I had to retire for disability reasons!

you have taught middle school since you were 23? wow...then you should KNOW how the kids are and if not you did not pay attention.It only took me 15 minutes of being in the office of my kids middle school to hear how bad these kids talk and this is a so called " school in the good part of town" so they say....rich kids or not (mine are not haha) they talk like grown men! some of these sweet girls talking more about sex then adults...if she told you something about your dd then it has ALREADY started, now it will get to other girls who will take sides and it gets ugly fast.I would have stayed out of it and just shut down the page if I did not like what was being posted.
There is No way to control the way OTHER kids talk to your dd and to think other wise is just silly.....enjoy middle school because its going to be a long rode ahead if this is how you are going to handle things.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Wow. OP's overreaction is nothing compared to the parenting judges here!

OP I don't blame you for being bothered. I personally don't allow even my DS14 to use FB yet, since even some of my relatives are potty mouths and post some crazy things, and his life really is okay without FB in it yet. But you make your own parenting choices, and I don't see why people are so indignant. Disagree, sure, but what's with all the sneering and venom and dramatic scenarios? If another child said FU to my 12 year old daughter openly in real life in my earshot, sure I'd say hey, watch the language girl! And saying it openly on FB is like out loud in my mind.

I usually stay far away from arguments here, and probably after this I'll regret breaking that rule.....

Awwwww.....there goes the unanimous thread

Throwing out a "watch your language" in public is normal and probably something all of us do. It is totally different to get on your child's facebook page and message one of her friends and reprimand her.

All she had to do is tell her daughter to delete the friend herself. Absolutely no reason to ask the girl to unfriend her. Once her DD did it, the connection is severed. And the OP was given links to tell her how to do this.

The wanting to report somebody for doing something that is completely within the allowances of Facebook is crazy, especially when you are the one breaking Facebook rules.

She was given several links on how to report and info about unfriending, but it is quite obvious that was not her intention as she went ahead and messaged the girl anyway. That is what people are shaking their heads at.

OP - glad you realize you overreacted.

Luckily school is almost over and teen memories are fleeting. The summer should erase this faux pas. Your daughter should be fine next year as long as you allow her to fight her own battles with guidance on the sidelines from you.

It is tough when the middle schooler is yours, isn't it?

 

[phorsenuf]

I did not threaten her. I simply asked the ? here about HOW I could report her.

In my msg I simply told her that I didn't appreciate her insulting and swearing at my dd, and asked her to remove her as a friend as my dd would be doing after school. She DID apologize and also told me something about my dd, to which I took my dd to task.

I guess I did overreact, but I'm not as stupid as some of you seem to think. Oh well.

Well there ya go. She already started making your daughter miserable. Just think how it will be when she goes to school.

Just curious, if the girls do give her crap would you be brave enough to tell us or would you be afraid of all the "told ya so's."

 

[marcyinPA]

As a side note per Facebook rules NO ONE under the age of 13 is to have a Facebook account. They have a forum/contact us section where you can report those under the age of 13 who have a FB account. They recommend parents "help" their child under the age of 13 to remove the account instead of reporting them.

Your daughter shouldn't have a FB account per the rules. Additionally, if the child in question who posted the profanity is under the age of 13 then you can report her and they will remove the account.

 

[Mermaid02]

All I have to say is hang out in the hall at the middle school for a few minutes- you'll hear all kinds of bad words.

I might have mentioned the girls language to her face, said "you do realize EVERYONE could see that right?" but I would not have taken her to task on FB and I would not have made dd delete her. The curse word reflected on her, not your daughter. See, knowledge is power- - I'm always checking my son's fb page and the kids he's "friends" with, tells you a lot about what's going on.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I wouldn't allow a child to have a fb account. After 8th grade graduation, maybe . . . Also, I wouldn't report anyone for saying something I don't like unless it were a threat or something like that. I don't actually think reporting her will do anything except get both girls accounts deleted for age. I don't think an account can be in trouble for using profanity, can it? Personally, I would delete the comment and possibly delete the friend or make it so the "friend" can't see the wall, but if it is your daughter's fb, it is her call, I guess. I don't think you're stupid, I think you are a good mom for monitoring your child's online life, but I do think you will run into more problems with cursing on fb in the future. I see some teens' fb pages and every other word is a profanity! I will tell you that I don't like a lot of profanity on my own page so I just message people or tell them "Hey, my whole family is on fb, keep it PG " and problem solved.

 

[jazzielady]

Well there ya go. She already started making your daughter miserable. Just think how it will be when she goes to school.

Just curious, if the girls do give her crap would you be brave enough to tell us or would you be afraid of all the "told ya so's."

No, not at all. It was about something completely different from Facebook and I'm glad because it's something she's been forbidden. I'm glad she told me.

How many times do I have to say that this girl is not in the SAME school nor even the SAME district?? If there are repercussions I will come back and eat crow, not that I expect to.

 

[elizke]

Awwwww.....there goes the unanimous thread

Sorry!


And I don't disagree with the disagreement completely. I just thought the incredulous, condescending, and bashing nature of some posters was unnecessary. If you're not used to FB and used to a clean forum like this one for example, your first reaction might be to want to report it. People here would do that here in a second. But FB is different and all of this takes some navigating, not only through current teen rules but also those of the internet world.

I think the OP couldn't find a good way to report it since it does not in fact break a FB rule, and meanwhile thought better of it thanks to the more reasoned responses here. Many still disagree with the message, but all we parents make choices we think are best and none of us do it perfectly I'm sure. I think all will still be okay and maybe the girl will realize that even parents read FB duh.