Is it ok for spouse to go to lunch with co-worker of opposite sex?(Inspired by RIDISN

[dizagain]

Just can't quit thinking about this issue...

My DH is a District Manager with his HUGE company. Over half of the group of employees under him are female (and most have been with the company longer and make more $) and his direct boss is also female. He probably eats lunch with co-workers three out of five days a week - often with one or two females. Many times this is necessity, not social...I mean, they're on the road alot (in town and out) and they have to eat! He even travels with them and stays in the same hotel. This is HIS JOB...male or female isn't exactly a choice - thank goodness IMO!!

I have never even questioned this practice and even after reading recent posts, I still don't. I've been trying to find a problem with it, but I can't!! Once, he even called from his hotel to let me know where he was staying and he said, "We're in room..." He was with a female that trip!! I did actually call both of them IN THEIR SEPARATE ROOMS to tell them what he said in a JOKING WAY...still wasn't worried. DH still has to live that one down at work though, cause everyone heard about it!

Anyway, my DH works very, very hard for us. I trust him completely. I will say that I personally know his direct co-workers and we do family get-togethers every so often with kids and all. Very comfortable situation! Just wondering what others think!

By the way, DH doesn't know my DIS name nor would he even think to care to. He could ask and I'd tell of course, but HE JUST DOESN"T CARE!!

 

[helenabear]

Actually my husband and I were just talking about this yesterday (prompted by the post truthfully) and both of us agree, we are totally fine with the other going out with a co-worker of the opposite sex. I have been in tech type jobs for a long time and while I do have female co-workers who are friends, I have more male co-worker friends. We totally trust each other and if the person is there to go to lunch with, the sex of the person is never an issue. I think we figure just because they are the opposite sex doesn't mean it will lead to anything at all... never once crossed my mind really before yesterday that it was bad.

 

[snoopy]

If you are fine with your husband going out to lunch on a regular basis with a member of the opposite sex, then its o.k. It all depends on what the agreement is between the two people who are married.

I would not be comfortable with my husband going out to lunch on a regular basis with a member of the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with not trusting him, I simply find it inappropriate.

 

[LScot]

Well, we don't do it. For some people it may be fine. OK by me. DH and I have been together 17 years on Sunday. We chose not to. Trust isn't the issue. I think a couple has to decide what is best for them. I doubt there is a standard response for everyone.

 

[Saffron]

This should be interesting. I'll post my opinion, then I'll let my SO post his tonight and let's see if we don't start arguing right here on the CB!

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I trust him completely. Right now he works construction and I don't believe he has any female co-workers, but in a little while, after he gets out of school, he'll have tons of them. It would be fine with me! But ... I understand why other people would. Each relationship has to set boundries for what is and what isn't appropriate for them.

 

[meandtheguys2]

It depends who it was! He is in a small area of a big campus. If it were his secretary, or someone on his floor that I know and love, go for it!

If it was the 21 year old student worker I would have issues!

 

[SC Minnie]

I work in a male dominated industry(transportation) therefore many of the vendors that come in for lunch meeting are male. DH doesn't have a problem with it.

A funny thing. One week I have 2 sales reps come in and we had people in from our corp office. I had to go to lunch with them -- 3 different lunches I was the lone female and 2 times it was only me and the rep. We live/work in a very small town. Two if the 3 times I saw our preacher at the restaurants. It was a little embarrassing but I said hello and went about lunch.

 

[grinningghost]

When my DH went out of town for a few months to train for his job, there was a female in his class who often studied with him (and a bunch of other guys). I must admit, although I trust him, it was a little difficult to deal with sometimes.

As it is, he's on the road constantly, and if I were to worry about every female co-worker (even though most of them are male), I'd probably give myself a nervous breakdown.

If lunch is a once-in-awhile thing, I'm OK with it. Like Snoopy said, if it's regularly, that is a different story.

 

[DMickey28]

I think it depends. I, personally, would not be comfortable with it if it was on going. I can understand business trips and such when two or three people are out on the road and need to eat.

There are two co-workers of mine that go to lunch everyday together. EVERYDAY, just the two of them. They are both married! A few times they ask someone to join them, saying they are always welcome. Last week I asked what she was doing and she stated that she would be able to eat because she had to many errands to do. They left together again.

They both arrive early (about 1/2 hour) and take their breaks together.

Do I think something is going on? Possibly, however I can't imagine what he sees in her. (That's mean but I've met his wife and she is lovely.) Is it wierd? I think so. Would I be comfretable if it was my husband? NO WAY.....

However, on the flip side and a little off topic. She doesn't have a problem with her husband going to strip/nudi clubs with the reasoning that he comes home to her. Personally, I don't go for that. I don't want to take care of someone else "business" I want to be the cause of it as well......

To each his own.....

 

[missypie]

I am a partner at a large law firm. I've worked here for 19 years. Because women have a higher attrition rate than men, there are a lot more male partners than women partners. I go to lunch with my male law partners on a regular basis. When I am out of town on business, I am often alone with a male client. What are we supposed to do? Not eat? Bring a stranger with us?

One very good friend of mine at work with made a deal with his wife that he would never go to lunch alone with a woman. It's just plain weird...we can be working away together, then each of us will go our separate ways for lunch. He'll ask if I have lunch plans, but then if we can't find a 3rd, he'll have to cancel.

Wives, relax! Most of us don't want your husbands!

 

[Hillbeans]

I met many BF's and eventually my DH when I was younger and on the job. It's a known and common fact that office relationships can and do happen frequently - look at the stats.

If your DH has no interest in starting up a relationship, he won't. Unfortunately we spend the better part of our day out of the house and away from our loved ones trying to earn a living. If the marriage is in trouble, then I could see how it would be easy to start a work relationship.

Personally, I don't eat lunch with men at my work, and i'm not attracted to any men here either.

 

[Nebsky]

I work in HR and have women all around me. My wife works in the same building about 200 feet away. I go to lunch with the girls sometimes. Its really no big deal.

I think they forget who I am alot.
I see alot of things I shouldnt. One lady who works across from me has a habit of wearing short skirts. I usually get panty shots at leasts 3-5 times a day. And Im not looking on purpose. If I see it, i quickly avert my eyes/look away. I have gotten to where I look over at head level and never look below the desk. The only problem is that I look like a robot when I do it.

Its a big joke between my wife and I. I usually send her the color of the day.

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by missypie
Wives, relax! Most of us don't want your husbands!

Who said we think you want our husbands?

I think most of us who said we weren't comfortable with it said it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with the boundries we have set forth when we said I do.

 

[kimwim8]

DH has a lot of women co-workers that he occasionally goes to lunch with (he's usually the only guy). But I am friends with most of them, so I think it's fine.

The only problem I had once was in his previous job, when he'd want to hang out after hours with a group of co-workers, one of which was his ex-girlfriend. Thank goodness she moved out of state!!!

 

[dizagain]

I totally agree that this has to be decided upon by each couple, however, now that I think about it, DH and I never found it necessary to discuss! Last night was our first discussion about it and it lasted about 90 seconds.

He did bring up the point that all working environments are different. He brought up the example that if I worked in one "cubicle" of 50 on a floor in some big office building, he wouldn't like it much if I CHOSE to go out of my way to eat with some guy. Of course, he doesn't have to worry - I teach K with a bunch of women!!!

Anyway, my DH doesn't have much choice. He works closely with the same 6 or 7 people day in and day out and half of them happen to be women. I sorta like it because if something WAS going on, they'd be the first to spread the word!!

 

[CamColt]

DH goes on a lot of business lunches(people come in from out of town...or even out of the country), and Id guess sometimes they are with females. Weve never really discussed it. I wouldnt think twice about it if ithey were females. In fact a while back the company was having their annual Sales Meeting in a hotel in Boston. One morning before work(very early) DH went to a local mall to meet a woman he works with so she could follow him into the hotel. Of course I joked about that with him, but had no problem.
I have a male friend who lives a little distance away from here, but sometimes hes in the area due to work. When he is, DH doesnt mind me going to meet with him.

 

[Saffron]

Originally posted by Nebsky
I work in HR and have women all around me. My wife works in the same building about 200 feet away. I go to lunch with the girls sometimes. Its really no big deal.

I think they forget who I am alot.
I see alot of things I shouldnt. One lady who works across from me has a habit of wearing short skirts. I usually get panty shots at leasts 3-5 times a day. And Im not looking on purpose. If I see it, i quickly avert my eyes/look away. I have gotten to where I look over at head level and never look below the desk. The only problem is that I look like a robot when I do it.

Its a big joke between my wife and I. I usually send her the color of the day.

I can't help it, I'm sitting here roaring! ROTFLOL! I swear ... forget about the lunches with your co-workers, I'd have a problem with your desk position! Hahahahahahahah!

 

[cvemom]

My DH and I don't have a problem with that at all. We love and trust each other. If you have trust and faith in each other that's all that matters. Don't be concerned about what others think if "OK"

 

[Danauk]

I would not have a problem with this. I had a male work friend (actually he was the only male at our place of work) who I became good friends with. We would often go out for a drink after work with the other females at our work or sometimes on our own. On staff nights out he would stay over at my house as he lived over half an hour away (in the spare room obviously) and his wife was OK with this (I became friends with his wife too and he became friends with my husband.) He has now left our place of work as he got a promotion to a place closer to where he lived but we are still in contact and are good friends. I think our friendship worked well because our partners trusted us and we all knew one another. Also we were very open about our friendship to our partners so we were not hiding anything from them. I think if my husband had a similar relationship to a female coworker I would not be bothered as long as they were open about their friendship.

 

[clutter]

Since I'm the only person of the opposite sex at a professional level in my department, I don't have any other choices. Generally, we go in a group, but still. But you're penalized if you're not part of the group. You're not in on the jokes, the office grapevine, and sometimes what business is coming down the pipeline. I'm not going to sacrifice my job just to appease someone's wife. (Especially for one of these guys. Yuck.)

Frankly, in over twenty years of experience, I've never seen a professional woman make designs on a co-worker. We're all here to work.