Is it ok for spouse to go to lunch with co-worker of opposite sex?(Inspired by RIDISN

[SunshineSis]

I think it depends a lot on the particular situation. I work with one woman and 10 men, so very often I end up eating with one or more of my male coworkers.

My husband is in construction, and he works with something like 100 men and 1 woman. I would have issues if he ate alone with her more than just occasionally.

 

[snoopy]

Well, yes, if he were to have an affair, then I think it goes without saying that there is problems in your relationship, sue.

What I take exception to is you saying that those of us who would be bothered by our husbands having a standing order date with a member of the opposite sex have problems in OUR relationship. I've known my husband since I was 11 years old and trust him explicitely, but I still don't want him to have that sort of a relationship with another woman. Period. It doesn't mean that our marriage is in trouble, it simply means that we have agreed this is something that won't work for US.

 

[Keli]

I'm one of those that fall into the catagory of not minding if my dh has one lunch alone with a female co-worker or even if they do it occasionally. But I would very much mind if they did it frequently.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by snoopy
It doesn't mean that our marriage is in trouble, it simply means that we have agreed this is something that won't work for US.

Everyone is different and I think what Snoopy said here is right on the money. People need to do what is best for their personal situation and if this is mutually agreed upon by Snoopy and her DH , then good. Just liek for me and my BF we are okay with having lunch with whoever we want to. I was just curious why people thought it was innapropriate. Several people have given good answers and I understand where they are coming from, but I don't nessecarily agree. Which is also fine. Everyone is different.

I think the only time it becomes a problem, is when one person in the relationship thinks it's okay, and the other does not.

 

[LScot]

Originally posted by missypie
IWives, relax! Most of us don't want your husbands!

The the heck?! No, most women wouldn't want my DH for long! To those who think there are problems in the marriage because some couples don't eat with memebers of the opposite sex on a regular basis--you are wrong. And the comment was condescending.

My mother ate lunch with her boss (alone) for 10 years every day. Do I think she had an affair with him? No. But I'll tell you--I still didn't like it. It is my OPO.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm just curious, do you know what your spouse/so does during lunch each day? Sometimes DH and I might ask each other or bring up it up ourselves but not on a regular basis.

 

[HollyJoy]

My husband does it all the time! He works with mostly women.. I think there are only 3 men in his office right now (and that includes him). I don't have a problem with it at all. I've met all of them, and I trust him.

 

[GEM]

Nope. Usually not. If he happens to ask, "What did you do today?" I might say, "Oh, I had a few meetings this morning, and I had lunch at Applebees with Ben," or something along those lines. Mostly, though, its so much NOT an issue for us that we don't even bother reporting on it.

 

[dizagain]

I'm LOL, Gem, that's EXACTLY how it is with us!!! This is why I started this post! To each his own, I guess!

 

[missypie]

Okay, so if you think that it was condescending for me to say that we don't want your husbands, what IS the issue? I sincerely don't get it. We can work with your husband 8-10 hours a day, every day, for years and years...that won't breed too much familiarity or too close a friendship, but then we eat lunch and it does?

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Okay, I'm not married and it's probably going to be open season on me after my response. I'm liberal about this kind of stuff.

Sure, hang out with anyone you want to. If someone I'm dating wants to have lunch with all women thats fine with me. If someone I'm dating wants to have relations with other women thats fine with me too. If thats what someone wants, then why stop them. Just go out and find what you want!

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by CEDmom
I'm just curious, do you know what your spouse/so does during lunch each day? Sometimes DH and I might ask each other or bring up it up ourselves but not on a regular basis.

I know what mine does, he works out in the gym. In fact, I just talked to him, that was where he was coming from.

 

[Strawberry Lemonade]

To those who think there are problems in the marriage because some couples don't eat with memebers of the opposite sex on a regular basis--you are wrong. And the comment was condescending.

I don't know if you are referring to my comment, since you used the plural, but that is not what I said. What I said was that IF your spouse or SO cannot be trusted, THEN you have cause for concern. The lunch part is merely an example.

If you weren't referring to me, then in defense of the other posters, I don't think anyone is saying specifically, "if you don't let your SO eat lunch with members of the opposite sex, you are having problems". I think the general meaning is that if there is a trust issue, it could lead to bigger problems.

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by missypie
Okay, so if you think that it was condescending for me to say that we don't want your husbands, what IS the issue? I sincerely don't get it. We can work with your husband 8-10 hours a day, every day, for years and years...that won't breed too much familiarity or too close a friendship, but then we eat lunch and it does?

The issue has nothing at all to do with you. It has to do with me and my husband. Or any one person and their spouse.

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
I think the only time it becomes a problem, is when one person in the relationship thinks it's okay, and the other does not.

Bingo!!! Ding ding ding, I think we have a WINNER!

 

[Oh Kay!]

Originally posted by dizagain
Once, he even called from his hotel to let me know where he was staying and he said, "We're in room..." He was with a female that trip!! I did actually call both of them IN THEIR SEPARATE ROOMS to tell them what he said in a JOKING WAY...still wasn't worried. DH still has to live that one down at work though, cause everyone heard about it!

You may not had any worries, but it seems to me you did put up a big DO NOT TRESPASS sign nonetheless. I think that was rather smartly done. Of course trust is important in any relationship, but so is defending one's turf.

Now, if someone will lend me a flashlight, I'll try to come out of the Dark Ages.

 

[LScot]

Tell you what. I'm leaving this discussion because it doesn't even concern me. My DH is a firefighter who works with all men. He works at a plant and isn't even allowed to leave the building for lunch. This isn't an issue in my life even. We don't do it, it is our choice and I have no problem with those who do do it.

 

[poohandwendy]

Too many variables would affect my answer...totally depends on the lunch date person and the situation.

 

[poohandwendy]

Too many variables would affect my answer...totally depends on the lunch date person and the situation.

 

[aprilgail2]

Where I work I am one of about 2 females who work there, all the rest are men. I go to lunch alone with guys there all the time...we go out to eat, talk (just like if I was out with a female!) then go back to work.....most of the guys are married, some are not and I have the same lunches with the single guys as the married ones....I have NO desire to have anything more than lunch with them all either LOL....I've met most of there wives and been to parties with their wives and only one of them has ever had a problem with it and boy when her husband let that be known at work was it ever a laugh..the guys are STILL making fun of him a year later about his over possive wife!