A little back info. I know I will get flamed but what the heck, I need some advice because I am now caught in LIMBO and feeling worse every single day.
Some months ago, dsd (17) told her bio mom some things that were untrue. Some things were outright lies, but some of them were from a teenage, one sided perspective. I am old enough to understand that teens come from a point of angst, drama and woe is me. Teenage girls are tough cookies. Anyway, to make a long story short she was called on some of it by her dad. To understand, her mom called and more or less reamed me a whole new one. I was completely innocent. I have worked two jobs to get the money together for her to go to school. I WILL admit I bought the basic school supplies and told her if she wants anything special, she would have to purchase them herself. I covered tuition and all books and basic school supplies. She basically told mom I said she was on her own. She does have a job etc. She does not do anything but save and by whatever she would like with her money. I never said that. There were some other things that were hurtful but ya know, sometimes you just have to live with it. Anyway, to make a long story short after crying for a little while I told dh to handle it. It was unfair. Now, dsd is not speaking to me, basically has said I am no one and that whether I like or not I should be doing everything. I 'owe' her. Ummm...no I don't. She has taken driver's ed and has worked for 2 years. (she is 18 next month), the deal with her dad she has to have enough saved for one years insurance and backup cash for maintenance before he get her a car. So, everyday one of us takes her to school, or work, or her religious hall. Everyday. Because she has 700 in the bank after 2 years of working. Next week, her schedule for college startes with a 7am class and ends with a 3pm class. I work varying shifts, so some days will be doable but some days I have to go in at 6am. Her dad leaves at 4/5 am usually. Anway, this morning I am taking her to work and I ask if she has found the last book she needs and how much. One word answer. Yes. I say again how much. She says 150.00. I say o.k. I ask if she anything is left undone for the college, I am off today and want to get everything taken care of, a fee or something I may have missed. No she says. I drop her off at work, she gets out and walks into work.
Honestly, she is a teen, but this business of treating other people like crap..I hate it. Its not just me either. Her mom has never had custody of her, is more like a friend to her. She is allowed to speak to her anyway she wants and I have cautioned her more than once that it is disrespectful.
Anyway, today I feel like just not doing anythig for her for awhile. Its not a step child thing, I have raised her since she was 8. Its the whole I owe her attitude that is killing me. The fact that she tried to make up some stories so her mom would be oh you poor poor thing drives me insane. We should be passed that phase. Lately, I have been making her dad do all the work revolving around picking up and dropping off. I can't stand the whole no speaking and clipped replies. I know I know, I should be the bigger person and I am trying...really trying but...I am tired and feeling put out. The worst part is the catalyst for the whole darn thing was that my ex sent our dd who is also in college a new laptop. Hers was a few years old, and he wanted her to have it. My sdd has complained that it isn't fair and she should also get a new one. Hers is one year old, I bought it for her in Jan. This is her freshman year, I think a one year old laptop will be fine for a little longer. It is not top of the line but I specifically bought one that would work for students at the advice of a few friends.
So you think its just me getting old and fuddy duddy, unable to handle teenagers even though I have two more to go, or do I really need a come a Jesus moment with dear sd?
Kelly
Some months ago, dsd (17) told her bio mom some things that were untrue. Some things were outright lies, but some of them were from a teenage, one sided perspective. I am old enough to understand that teens come from a point of angst, drama and woe is me. Teenage girls are tough cookies. Anyway, to make a long story short she was called on some of it by her dad. To understand, her mom called and more or less reamed me a whole new one. I was completely innocent. I have worked two jobs to get the money together for her to go to school. I WILL admit I bought the basic school supplies and told her if she wants anything special, she would have to purchase them herself. I covered tuition and all books and basic school supplies. She basically told mom I said she was on her own. She does have a job etc. She does not do anything but save and by whatever she would like with her money. I never said that. There were some other things that were hurtful but ya know, sometimes you just have to live with it. Anyway, to make a long story short after crying for a little while I told dh to handle it. It was unfair. Now, dsd is not speaking to me, basically has said I am no one and that whether I like or not I should be doing everything. I 'owe' her. Ummm...no I don't. She has taken driver's ed and has worked for 2 years. (she is 18 next month), the deal with her dad she has to have enough saved for one years insurance and backup cash for maintenance before he get her a car. So, everyday one of us takes her to school, or work, or her religious hall. Everyday. Because she has 700 in the bank after 2 years of working. Next week, her schedule for college startes with a 7am class and ends with a 3pm class. I work varying shifts, so some days will be doable but some days I have to go in at 6am. Her dad leaves at 4/5 am usually. Anway, this morning I am taking her to work and I ask if she has found the last book she needs and how much. One word answer. Yes. I say again how much. She says 150.00. I say o.k. I ask if she anything is left undone for the college, I am off today and want to get everything taken care of, a fee or something I may have missed. No she says. I drop her off at work, she gets out and walks into work.
Honestly, she is a teen, but this business of treating other people like crap..I hate it. Its not just me either. Her mom has never had custody of her, is more like a friend to her. She is allowed to speak to her anyway she wants and I have cautioned her more than once that it is disrespectful.
Anyway, today I feel like just not doing anythig for her for awhile. Its not a step child thing, I have raised her since she was 8. Its the whole I owe her attitude that is killing me. The fact that she tried to make up some stories so her mom would be oh you poor poor thing drives me insane. We should be passed that phase. Lately, I have been making her dad do all the work revolving around picking up and dropping off. I can't stand the whole no speaking and clipped replies. I know I know, I should be the bigger person and I am trying...really trying but...I am tired and feeling put out. The worst part is the catalyst for the whole darn thing was that my ex sent our dd who is also in college a new laptop. Hers was a few years old, and he wanted her to have it. My sdd has complained that it isn't fair and she should also get a new one. Hers is one year old, I bought it for her in Jan. This is her freshman year, I think a one year old laptop will be fine for a little longer. It is not top of the line but I specifically bought one that would work for students at the advice of a few friends.
So you think its just me getting old and fuddy duddy, unable to handle teenagers even though I have two more to go, or do I really need a come a Jesus moment with dear sd?
Kelly
.
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She didn't want to get into trouble so she "tried" to make it so DM & DH would feel guilty about other things. I also sent an email to both DH and his Ex. I basically reminded them of the facts and reminded them that before we go around accusing eachother we should probably communicate better to get a better perspective. It doesnt' always work. . . I was told last year that my DSD wasn't there to clean my house during the summer. 
What DSD had neglected to tell her mother was that she had a chore list. Each chore was assessed a value. If she completed the chore she got paid for it. Her paydays were on Wednesdays. Chores did not have to be done every day that she was there and were up to her. Well, DSD got upset because I asked her after one week when nothing was done if we were still doing the program and she said yes. I reminded her she had to work to get paid. There was no free lunch. She was 13 and it wasn't as if I was making her dust the crown moldings or mow the lawn! After DH received the email from Ex regarding "cleaning my house everyday" chores were taken away and so was her money earning ablility for the rest of the summer. She lied because she got into trouble and didn't want to work for the money so therefore no more jobs, no more money. I explained this concept to her, with her dad present, and told her that under no circumstances was I going to play that game. 
bull WHACKY!!! 
