Is it inappropriate to have a big wedding if-

[EMom]

The bride and groom have the right to do anything they want.

I also have the right to think it's tacky. Personally, if I went in the non-traditional order I would choose a less traditional wedding.

Exactly. Of course they have the right to do exactly as they please, in whatever order they please. And clearly, they did.

And it is my right to think it is inappropriate and somewhat silly. I could go into detail as to WHY I find it objectionable, but all I'd hear then is how intolerant I am from people who can't seem to tolerate anyone not having an "anything anyone wants to do is fine" attitude.

They paid for it and I didn't attend it, so it's all good.

 

[KandD]

Are they getting married or just having a wedding?

I am going to a wedding where the bride and groom are already married but never had a wedding (they have children together). I don't really know what to think of it, and I have NO idea what kind of gift to get.

I guess my answer to the original question is no, I do not find it inappropriate.

 

[kpm76]

I am going to a wedding where the bride and groom are already married but never had a wedding (they have children together). I don't really know what to think of it, and I have NO idea what kind of gift to get.

Sounds like a fundraiser.....

 

[KandD]

Sounds like a fundraiser.....

The whole idea is bizarre to me, I thought that it was like a vow renewal but no, it is a "wedding" with a ceremony. Like I said, I have no idea what kind of gift is given for this sort of event.

 

[kpm76]

The whole idea is bizarre to me, I thought that it was like a vow renewal but no, it is a "wedding" with a ceremony. Like I said, I have no idea what kind of gift is given for this sort of event.

I agree, it's bizarre. I have been to a few of these and essentially they are looking for checks. Hate to say it, but in my experience that is what was "expected." You're certainly under no obligation to give money though....

 

[Scurvy]

I am going to a wedding where the bride and groom are already married but never had a wedding (they have children together). I don't really know what to think of it, and I have NO idea what kind of gift to get.

That isn't a wedding. A wedding is a ceremony where two people get married. These people are already married. Sorry, but you get one wedding per marriage. If they throw a wedding at this point, they are just playacting. If they wanted a big wedding, then that's what they should have had - but it's too late now. This sounds like a gift grab to me. I wouldn't attend, nor would I send a gift.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

Are they getting married or just having a wedding?

I am going to a wedding where the bride and groom are already married but never had a wedding (they have children together). I don't really know what to think of it, and I have NO idea what kind of gift to get.

I guess my answer to the original question is no, I do not find it inappropriate.

now THAT would irritate me. I wouldn't give a gift in that situation- there is no occasion to give a gift for; no wedding, no vow renewal, just a person fulfilling her inner child princess-for-a-day fantasies. No thanks.

As far as a bride and groom with a child go; I don't think there's anything wrong or strange about it. I attending such a wedding last year. The couple had been planning a wedding, found out they were pregnant, and decided to wait until after the baby was born to have the kind of wedding they wanted. It was the grooms first marriage and a big wedding was important to his family. People pass judgement all the time (as I did on the faux wedding couple). Those people have the right to politely decline to attend and shut thier trap.

 

[Jennasis]

Exactly. Of course they have the right to do exactly as they please, in whatever order they please. And clearly, they did.

And it is my right to think it is inappropriate and somewhat silly. I could go into detail as to WHY I find it objectionable, but all I'd hear then is how intolerant I am from people who can't seem to tolerate anyone not having an "anything anyone wants to do is fine" attitude.

They paid for it and I didn't attend it, so it's all good.

Of course you have "the right" to feel however you want. But I can't imagine anyone frowning upon this couple the OP mentions without knowing the full details of why they waited to get married.

My cousin had a big wedding *her second, his first). She had a 4 year old from her previous wedding and a few months old baby with my cousin. They got married in that order because;

a) that's when everyone's various schedules meshed.

b) the hall could accommodate them

c) they had the money to cover it.

 

[Stitchfans]

It's fine. It's wonderful. It's nobody's business but the bride and groom (or whomever foots the bill). Your MIL sounds like a joyles old fart.

I agree. Again too much judging of others. Whatever.

 

[EMom]

Of course you have "the right" to feel however you want. But I can't imagine anyone frowning upon this couple the OP mentions without knowing the full details of why they waited to get married.

My cousin had a big wedding *her second, his first). She had a 4 year old from her previous wedding and a few months old baby with my cousin. They got married in that order because;

a) that's when everyone's various schedules meshed.

b) the hall could accommodate them

c) they had the money to cover it.

You see, that's what I think it all boils down to in many cases. The wedding becomes more important than what ought to be front and center......the MARRIAGE. If I was unmarried, pregnant, but my BF and I were already planning to get married when we got the baby news, then "the wedding" would be the last thing on my mind. I wouldn't be concerned with anyone's schedules except the one that added up to 9 months. Simpy put, I'd want to be legally married before that baby arrived, provided he was someone I'd marry at all. If he was a loser, then all bets are off.

Over the past 15 years or so, I have seen a disturbing trend among couples in which the wedding is a near obsession and it seems precious little thought is given to the actual marriage and what it means. The wedding is one day and in truth, insignificant to your lives in total. Whether there is a baby involved has nothing to do with it, BTW. Pregnant, not pregnant...it doesn't matter. There is a reason the term "bridezilla" has been coined. Too many people are somehow under the delusion that the goal is a fancy, glorious wedding and once that is achieved.....Oh.....Well, what DOES happen after that?

I'm a practical person. If I was pregnant, I'd want to be legally married for many reasons. (again, assuming he's marriage material.) Some of them are moral, but many are for the protection of the child, legally and financially. I could quote all sorts of stats, but I have solid reasons for this opinion. Long story short, most girls who get pregnant without benefit of marriage find out the guy just isn't that dependable. The girl ends up bearing the burden of raising the child. In this case, the couple did get married, albeit when the child was a year old. For me, that's bassackwards, but it looks to be a solid foundation for the child, so that's a positive thing.

Look, I'm not going to pick up a rock and start stoning someone for getting married after they have a baby. The OP asked if it was appropriate to have a big wedding when the couple has a one year old and I'm sure she was aware that some would say, "Absolutely" while some would say, "No." Heaven knows it's better than what happens in many instances when the couple splits up and the baby winds up having very little contact with the father, and often little support of any kind. So overall, I think it's good that they got married, but truly....They don't care what I think.

Would I refuse to be friends with someone over this? No. I'm sure there are things I've done that others aren't thrilled with. I don't expect to please everyone. I do what I believe is right because at then end of the day, I'm accountable to ME. This couple did the same. They just didn't do it the same way I would have. I have no idea why they did things the way they did, so like everyone else on this thread, I'm speaking in generalities.

As I often tell DD, if everyone was exactly the same, the world would be a very boring place.

 

[Handbag Lady]

It's fine. It's wonderful. It's nobody's business but the bride and groom (or whomever foots the bill). Your MIL sounds like a joyless old fart.

Agreed.

 

[Freyja]

You are marrying the father of your 1 year old?



My coworker/ friend shared the photo file of her sister's wedding with me. They were such amazing, wonderful and happy pictures. She was so excited to be the maid of honor. Her sister's one year old was in the wedding. This was a big Catholic Church wedding with a wonderful reception.

Well-to brighten my semi-shut-in MIL's day-I shared the pictures with her.(big mistake)
She went on and on how she didn;t like the bridesmaids dresses

Then told me she was old fashioned, and dint think it right to have a big

wedding if they had a child.




Is that a "no-no"?

(To me if a priest married them-it was ok with the Church-right?)

Definitely ok in my books. I had a big church wedding when I had two kids

 

[Colleen27]

I don't see a problem with it, but I'm biased - my kids were 4 & 1 at my wedding. We had just set a wedding date when we found out I was pregnant, and that changed up the order in which we planned to do things. We spent the money we'd planned on using for a wedding on our first house, and scheduled the wedding for the following year. Weddings and showers are the only happy occasions that bring the whole family together, and although it wasn't huge or formal, we did want to have a somewhat traditional ceremony and reception to bring everyone together to celebrate with us.

 

[tzolkin]

Lucky they were able to get married in the Catholic Church. My brother and SIL were refused by the Priest because she was pregnant.

The Catholic Church has a series of questions they ask you and some of them deal with being pressured or forced to be married. Some priests may question why you're entering the marriage if there is a pregnancy involved. I would think a shotgun wedding is grounds for an annulment.

Also, most churches have some schedule for marriage preparation. Many will not alter this process. So if you want to get married right away because you're pregnant, but your church requires a year of preparation you would not be able to be married before the baby arrived.

 

[purplebelle]

I think if I were a mom before I was married I would have a small ceremony. I figure I'd feel silly being a blushing bride with a whole entourage of bridesmaids and everything. Kind of like going to Senior Prom when you're 25.

 

[bgirl29]

Exactly. Of course they have the right to do exactly as they please, in whatever order they please. And clearly, they did.

And it is my right to think it is inappropriate and somewhat silly. I could go into detail as to WHY I find it objectionable, but all I'd hear then is how intolerant I am from people who can't seem to tolerate anyone not having an "anything anyone wants to do is fine" attitude.

They paid for it and I didn't attend it, so it's all good.

Very well said!!!

 

[alexandria674]

I think that if the couple were planning on getting married anyways and found out she was pregnant but wanted to wait until after the baby is born, then that is fine. Nothing wrong with that, maybe the couple decided to put the wedding budget to make a nursery instead or perhaps the bride didn't want to walk down the aisle pregnant looking, there is no big deal about a bride who already had her child. Maybe she was waiting to slim down after birth to look nice on her wedding day. It's the bridal couple's choice. I would love to overhear someone griping about it at the wedding though, let's see how long that conversation would go on until some drama occurred.

Personally, I am engaged and I have my plans for my wedding already set but if I were to find out I was pregnant then I would probably go along with my wedding plans (unless I was too sick or near my delivery date or something, then I would put the wedding on hold for a while)

 

[Scurvy]

I would love to overhear someone griping about it at the wedding though, let's see how long that conversation would go on until some drama occurred.

I would certainly hope that no one would be rude enough to choose to attend a wedding and then gripe about it while they are there (or anywhere else that their hosts might find out about).

I am seeing lots of posts about "judging people" - I'm not understanding where that's coming from. Everyone on the thread is sharing their opinions about a situation. At most, people are judging the situation, not the people involved. Although I have noticed lately that as soon as people start disagreeing on this board, one side is immediately accused of "judging" or "flaming". Not sure why that is, but I think it's a shame.

 

[jme829]

My sister had her daughter at 17, got married a week after she turned 18 and had a full out Catholic wedding that my parents paid for, and had their son a year later. They were married almost 15 years when my BIL was killed in a car crash one week before thier 15th anniversary....

Now I certainly am not advocating anyone to run out and get pregnant and married as a teenager obviously, but nobody made a huge issue of it (or if they did kept it to themselves). But the 200 or so people in attendance had a good time (but not as good as at my wedding..lol ) and now that my bil is gone, I'm glad that my sister got her dream wedding with her dream guy!

 

[bumbershoot]

Any "perceived tackiness" is outweighed by the fact that they are creating an intact family for their child. Good for them!

And they have their community's support! Which is very nice to have.

The wedding becomes more important than what ought to be front and center......the MARRIAGE.

Over the past 15 years or so, I have seen a disturbing trend among couples in which the wedding is a near obsession and it seems precious little thought is given to the actual marriage and what it means.

That's the outside perception; the inside reality might be very different. My actions and talks with friends, while creating our wedding, were wedding-focused. My talks at home with hubby were quite often on the marriage. My friends weren't there for those talks, so if you were to ask them, they'd say I was wedding-focused. They were wrong. And those looking in from the outside, especially those people who watch such created shows (with nice editing) as Bridezillas, are very likely wrong as well.

I'm sure there are SOME cases where the actual marriage isn't paid much attention, but I highly doubt it's as widespread and rampant as people think.




I think it's great that they wanted to make a big deal out of their wedding, and that so many people came to it. Being surrounded by love on your wedding day, despite the things that might have caused stress before that day, is very nice.