Is 47 Too Old To Become A Father? Update In Post #155

[CarolAnn856]

This is such a personal thing; I don't think anyone can speak for another person. I'm a mom, so I also can't say whether 47 is too old to be a new dad, but I can say that I'm thoroughly enjoying the fact that our kids are becoming young adults. I really don't think I would want to go back and do it all over again.

Don't get me wrong...I loved every minute of being a mom to babies, toddlers, etc., but I also love seeing each new age. There is always something new and exciting before them. Our oldest is starting college this fall, and our youngest will get her learner's permit next school year. So much to look forward to!

 

[wenrob]

Well... I hated the fact that everyone thought my dad was my boyfriend when I was teen because he was young...
Sorry. I meant to quote the poster you were responding to.

My Dad was really young as well. 17 when I was born. In a lot of ways it was cool growing up with my Dad. In other ways it was frustrating. I think there are trade offs no matter what. There is no perfect age.

 

[Klayfish]

Tough question. I'd be more worried about The Man showing up and taking the kids than I would be about spacing out and leaving Baby in the microwave (which is not a thing, by the way). But in the end, probably not.

Another reason why this adoption won't be happening.

So if I read this right, you wouldn't give up smoking joints for a child? If drugs are a priority over kids, then just my own $.02 but parenting may not be the right avenue for you.

 

[rastahomie]

My Dad was really young as well. 17 when I was born. In a lot of ways it was cool growing up with my Dad. In other ways it was frustrating. I think there are trade offs no matter what. There is no perfect age.

My dad was 20 when I was born. For a period of time in my teens, we looked so much alike that people would actually mistake me for him. As in, people would walk up to me and say, "Hey Mark...."

 

[rastahomie]

So if I read this right, you wouldn't give up smoking joints for a child? If drugs are a priority over kids, then just my own $.02 but parenting may not be the right avenue for you.

Draw your own conclusions. But if I wasn't clear, my having to give up pot is one of many reasons why I won't be pursing this adoption. Other reasons include my age, Mrs. Homie's age, the awkwardness of it being within the family, my fear of her having to grow up in this provincial little town if she's gay, and a whole host of other things.

 

[anniemae]

I had my kids young, I was 19, 21 and 26 when the youngest was born. My Dh is 5 years older then me so he was 31 when she was born. We both thought he was to old to have another but looking back I find that funny. Of course he wasn't to old!

The downside to having kids when we were so young was we were not as financially secure as we are now. We are 42 and 36 now and our kids are 17, 14 and 10. Even though we never truly struggled we have much more disposable income now then we did 10-15 years ago. Plus with the older two especially I never felt I truly fit in with other parents at the school who were mostly a good 10+ years older then me.

On the upside we had a lot of energy and so did our parents who all became grandparents at the ages of 42-43. My mother would often get mistaken for my sons mother when he was a baby and she was out with him. By the time our youngest graduates high school I will still only be 43 and Dh 49 and hopefully will be able to be a young and healthy grandparent one day!

I couldn't imagine just starting a family right now but I know plenty of people do. If I never had kids when I was younger I would surly start a family now though.

And there are plenty that couldn't imagine starting a family in their 20's. It's such a personal decision based on many factors.

 

[wenrob]

My dad was 20 when I was born. For a period of time in my teens, we looked so much alike that people would actually mistake me for him. As in, people would walk up to me and say, "Hey Mark...."

For whatever reason the way you've described your dad in previous posts and that his name is Mark makes me think of the bit Pauly Shore does about his mom's boyfriend on the Future of America album. I just keep hearing Pauly say, "Mark? Hey, that's YOU buddy!" Totally OT and probably nowhere near close but I hear it every time, lol.

 

[rastahomie]

For whatever reason the way you've described your dad in previous posts and that his name is Mark makes me think of the bit Pauly Shore does about his mom's boyfriend on the Future of America album. I just keep hearing Pauly say, "Mark? Hey, that's YOU buddy!" Totally OT and probably nowhere near close but I hear it every time, lol.

Haven't heard that bit, now I have to look it up!

 

[verleniahall]

My dad was 50 when I was born - so no, you are not too old - I would reconsider your thoughts

 

[wenrob]

Haven't heard that bit, now I have to look it up!

I'd post it but it's not DIS friendly.

 

[mummabear]

Are you willing to give up recreational activities that might not be consistent with good parenting?

I don't smoke myself but would if it was legal (more to do with the avenues of getting it than the actually using it) but I don't see having the odd smoke as any different than having a some drinks. Neither effects your parenting unless you go too far, a few drinks=fine, a raging alcoholic not. A joint once in awhile:fine a full time stoner:not

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't smoke myself but would if it was legal (more to do with the avenues of getting it than the actually using it) but I don't see having the odd smoke as any different than having a some drinks. Neither effects your parenting unless you go too far, a few drinks=fine, a raging alcoholic not. A joint once in awhile:fine a full time stoner:not

Not legal where the OP lives either. Not sure how that works when you're trying to adopt. Just an issue to consider.

And neither you nor I has any idea how frequently the OP partakes.

 

[mummabear]

Not legal where the OP lives either. Not sure how that works when you're trying to adopt. Just an issue to consider.

And neither you nor I has any idea how frequently the OP partakes.

Nor do we have any idea how much any other poster drinks, or what other drugs they may use-prescription or otherwise.

I think it is a leap to assume @rastahomie is a pothead just because he is open about his use.
That's like assuming I'm an alcoholic because I'm open about drinking

 

[mom2rtk]

I think it is a leap to assume @rastahomie is a pothead just because he is open about his use.
That's like assuming I'm an alcoholic because I'm open about drinking

I never said any such thing and don't appreciate you putting words in my mouth.

 

[rastahomie]

I think it is a leap to assume @rastahomie is a pothead just because he is open about his use.
That's like assuming I'm an alcoholic because I'm open about drinking

"Pothead" means different things to different people. If by "pothead" you mean "stoned from morning until night," no, I'm definitely not.

 

[wilkeliza]

Draw your own conclusions. But if I wasn't clear, my having to give up pot is one of many reasons why I won't be pursing this adoption. Other reasons include my age, Mrs. Homie's age, the awkwardness of it being within the family, my fear of her having to grow up in this provincial little town if she's gay, and a whole host of other things.

Don't let others get you down. I know more than enough great parents who still partake even with kids. As others have pointed out it really is no different then having a bottle of wine or a pack of beer. Would I personally do it with kids nope but do I think using it while having kids automatically makes you a bad parent? No.

 

[rastahomie]

Not legal where the OP lives either. Not sure how that works when you're trying to adopt. Just an issue to consider.

Here in Missouri, adoption is mostly handled privately. A judge has to bang the gavel, and there's legal paperwork, but most of the vetting is done privately by the agency. I would imagine that some drug test, some do not. I would also imagine that any paraphernalia in your house, when the agency does the home inspection, would get you immediately disqualified from the agency.

Adoption between consenting parties working together on their own, I doubt the courts are involved at all save for the paperwork. But I could be wrong.

 

[rastahomie]

Don't let others get you down. I know more than enough great parents who still partake even with kids. As others have pointed out it really is no different then having a bottle of wine or a pack of beer. Would I personally do it with kids nope but do I think using it while having kids automatically makes you a bad parent? No.

I'd be more worried about it coming back to me legally that it affecting my parenting. If little Grace Homie were to say to her friend, "My dad goes outside several times some nights and when he comes he back in he coughs and smells like a skunk," and Grace's friend repeated that to her mom, and CPS came a-knocking, it would be bad for all concerned.

But as for it affecting my parenting, no. For one thing, stoned parents don't space out and put kids in harm's way. That's anti-drug hysteria, and there's no truth to it. About the worst thing a stoned parent is going to do to a child is eat all of the kid's food.

My dad was either high or drunk 95% of the time I spent with him as a child (which wasn't much). Believe me, he was much easier to deal with when he was high than he was when he was drunk. Truthfully, he was easier to deal with high than he was sober.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Yes,you're too old.My Mima had my mother at age 42,and my mother HATED the fact that her mother looked like her grandmother.It's not fair to the child.Best friend's father-same thing.

My Mom turned 40 on the day I was born. My friends always said I had the prettiest mom. No one thought she looked old. (Before anyone thinks I'm bragging about my looks, I'm not. I look nothing like my Mom.) The point is no one mistook her for my grandmother. OTOH, I had DS at 24. DH was 30. I was by far the youngest parent amongst his friends. Age didn't matter. We had our kid's age & interests in common, which made us all seem the same age.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'd be more worried about it coming back to me legally that it affecting my parenting. If little Grace Homie were to say to her friend, "My dad goes outside several times some nights and when he comes he back in he coughs and smells like a skunk," and Grace's friend repeated that to her mom, and CPS came a-knocking, it would be bad for all concerned.

You're not far off base on that either. My daughter always knows and tells me which friends' parents partake. The information is safe with me but I'm sure those kids tell others as well.