Is 47 Too Old To Become A Father? Update In Post #155

[hereyago]

Wait... Am I the only one a little bothered that his wife was waiting for a teen in their family to "get into trouble"?

It was OP's MIL, but still I agree.

 

[bellebud]

Mrs. Homie's aunt, "June," has a daughter, "Bess," who is my age. Bess has two daughters, a 23-year-old and "Heather," a 19-year-old. Heather is "in trouble," as the old saying goes, thanks to a failure in her birth control.

This bit of information has pricked Mrs. Homie's mom's ears, as she's been hoping for 15 years (ever since we found out we couldn't have kids) that one of us would have a teenage relative get in trouble. Now that time is here.

Even if Heather decides to put the baby up for adoption, which is far from a forgone conclusion, I don't think Mrs. Homie and I are going to pursue it. For one thing, the baby would be Heather's, at least biologically, and though she lives three states away she's still family and we still see her a few times a year. How awkward will Christmas dinner be? Also, the baby would be simultaneously be June's grandchild biologically and MIL's legally, and we see June like all the time, meaning the awkwardness would be almost daily.

Second, not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time, IMO. Most guys my age are either parents of teens or parents of college kids; a few guys I went to college with are already grandparents. We'd be the oldest parents of the child's peer group by a decade; I'd be 65 when the child finished high school. That's just too old.

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

How do you feel physically?

I just turned 49, and I can't believe I'm 49. I feel the same as I have my entire adult life. If I had to put a number on it, I feel 30. I had my kids at 31 and 33. I feel as though I could definitely handle a baby and all that comes with it. But it's how you and the Mrs. feel physically.

 

[wenrob]

Wait... Am I the only one a little bothered that his wife was waiting for a teen in their family to "get into trouble"?

OP's MIL not Mrs. Homie. Honestly, I kind of just dismissed it. My mom is that way. Before I had my oldest she would have liked nothing more than one of my younger brothers (9 and 11 years younger) or cousins to "make a mistake" so I could adopt them. She was pretty open about it too. Then when I did IVF she was convinced I'd have 6 babies and when I said there would never be 6 babies she said *if* I did I could just hand them out to her, my sister etc. No lie, lol. Some women in their quest to be a grandma go a little overboard with their fantasies.

 

[wilkeliza]

Wait... Am I the only one a little bothered that his wife was waiting for a teen in their family to "get into trouble"?

The OP and his wife struggled with infertility so I believe it was the MIL way of hoping they could finally have a baby.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My mistake. I thought it said Mrs. Homie.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Wait... Am I the only one a little bothered that his wife was waiting for a teen in their family to "get into trouble"?

Yeah I thought it was a little odd, even with it being the MIL and not his wife. Hoping for a teenager to "mess up" so you can become a grandparent just seems bizarre to me.

It seems to me, if the OP and his wife really wanted to adopt a baby, they would have done so before now; pregnant teenage relative or no.

 

[rastahomie]

Why ask us? You've already answered your question.

Because I enjoy hearing other opinions and having thoughtful discussion.

 

[rastahomie]

Yeah I thought it was a little odd, even with it being the MIL and not his wife. Hoping for a teenager to "mess up" so you can become a grandparent just seems bizarre to me.

I was trying to be hyperbolic. She's been invested in it (more for our sake than hers), but never been that invested in it.

I have a 3rd or 4th cousin who was adopted within the family. Not sure of the specifics, but it was something like her mom's father had a brother who had a teenage granddaughter who got "in trouble." Funny thing is, though "C" always knew she was adopted and her parents openly answered all her questions, she was in her teens when she learned that she was adopted within the family. It just never mattered to her. To this day she knows her biological mother is somewhat distant family, she doesn't know the specifics and doesn't care.

 

[Vijoge]

I was trying to be hyperbolic. She's been invested in it (more for our sake than hers), but never been that invested in it.

I have a 3rd or 4th cousin who was adopted within the family. Not sure of the specifics, but it was something like her mom's father had a brother who had a teenage granddaughter who got "in trouble." Funny thing is, though "C" always knew she was adopted and her parents openly answered all her questions, she was in her teens when she learned that she was adopted within the family. It just never mattered to her. To this day she knows her biological mother is somewhat distant family, she doesn't know the specifics and doesn't care.

I have three sons-all were adopted as infants and all have expressed varying degrees of interest in their origins.

My oldest, now 39, contacted his birth mother about 17 years ago when his first child was born. They're fb friends, but haven't really maintained a relationship.

Second son, now 36, has mourned the loss of his unknown biological parents most of his life. The sense of abandonment never leaves him, although he has never tried to make any contact, possible fearing what he sees to be yet another rejection.

Third son, 28, knows exactly where his birth mother is, and is still trying to decided if he wants to make contact. She's on fb, and we sometimes visit her page and look at photos of his half-siblings, one of whom could be my son's twin, they look that much alike. He just says he's not sure yet.

My brother and I were both adopted. I located my birth father when I was 23. My brother never had any desire to meet him.

So while "C" may not be interested, I'm not sure that's the norm.

 

[indimom]

Honestly, I'm befuddled about people thinking that's old. I've dated some men that age, they were fit and playing tennis 5-7 times a week and have small children. My folks are in their 60s (dad plays 9x a week and mom 7) and could run laps around a ton of people I see in public that are 30 years younger, ie, my age, its all about how well you take care of yourself.

Also, I can't imagine the career years that one would be distracted by kids if you have them young while trying to climb the ladder, travel, etc. Its truly a matter of circumstance. It would not even raise an eyebrow in my world.

Do it! If it'd make ya'll happy! Why not?

Not always. My cousin and his wife married late in life (right about 40), then had two children in 5 years. They were a healthy couple with no reason to be concerned starting a tad late. When the youngest was two, his wife started to change, and things deteriorated rapidly. She was eventually diagnosed with an early onset rapidly progressing form of dementia. Their healthy dual income disappeared. They had major medical bills. Not only did they need child care for two very young children, but around-the-clock care for an adult as well. Life has not been kind or easy for them. Her health at 40 was no indication of what was to come.

I'm not saying the OP shouldn't adopt a child. BUT, I think age has to be taken into account. It's a fact that with age you have an increased chance of health issues - regardless of how well you have taken care of yourself.

Good Luck with your decision OP. I wish you the best whichever decision you make.

 

[usnuzuloose]

No you are not to old.

 

[Talldisfam]

Mrs. Homie's aunt, "June," has a daughter, "Bess," who is my age. Bess has two daughters, a 23-year-old and "Heather," a 19-year-old. Heather is "in trouble," as the old saying goes, thanks to a failure in her birth control.

This bit of information has pricked Mrs. Homie's mom's ears, as she's been hoping for 15 years (ever since we found out we couldn't have kids) that one of us would have a teenage relative get in trouble. Now that time is here.

Even if Heather decides to put the baby up for adoption, which is far from a forgone conclusion, I don't think Mrs. Homie and I are going to pursue it. For one thing, the baby would be Heather's, at least biologically, and though she lives three states away she's still family and we still see her a few times a year. How awkward will Christmas dinner be? Also, the baby would be simultaneously June's great grandchild biologically and MIL's grandchild legally, and we see June like all the time, meaning the awkwardness would be almost daily.

Second, not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time, IMO. Most guys my age are either parents of teens or parents of college kids; a few guys I went to college with are already grandparents. We'd be the oldest parents of the child's peer group by a decade; I'd be 65 when the child finished high school. That's just too old.

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

Well, regardless of the Cubs logo (Indians fan here) there's only one person who can answer that - you

Mrs. Homie's aunt, "June," has a daughter, "Bess," who is my age. Bess has two daughters, a 23-year-old and "Heather," a 19-year-old. Heather is "in trouble," as the old saying goes, thanks to a failure in her birth control.

This bit of information has pricked Mrs. Homie's mom's ears, as she's been hoping for 15 years (ever since we found out we couldn't have kids) that one of us would have a teenage relative get in trouble. Now that time is here.

Even if Heather decides to put the baby up for adoption, which is far from a forgone conclusion, I don't think Mrs. Homie and I are going to pursue it. For one thing, the baby would be Heather's, at least biologically, and though she lives three states away she's still family and we still see her a few times a year. How awkward will Christmas dinner be? Also, the baby would be simultaneously June's great grandchild biologically and MIL's grandchild legally, and we see June like all the time, meaning the awkwardness would be almost daily.

Second, not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time, IMO. Most guys my age are either parents of teens or parents of college kids; a few guys I went to college with are already grandparents. We'd be the oldest parents of the child's peer group by a decade; I'd be 65 when the child finished high school. That's just too old.

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

There is only on person that can answer that - you.

I am the happy father of a couple of boys both less than 10 years old and I am 61. There are distinct advantages to raising children at an older age the second time around because with age comes the wisdom that many things that seem to be such a big thing when you are a 20 something old parent are really inconsequential in the long run.

Yes you will be older when they graduate, yes your free time will be less and yes you will be physically challenged (sleep, keeping up, being on the move instead of chilling at the Tiki bar) but what can be more rewarding than making sure a child has a chance to lead a great life.

My sons have asked. "why are all the other dads boys?" and yes store clerks smile and tell me "you're grandsons are co cute!" but it they keep me young and relevant and i wouldn't trade it for anything. But my sons love me unconditionally and every day remind me why I made the choice I did.

Age is relative and you can't take your money with you. Stop worrying about what others think and do what you and your wife want.

 

[wenrob]

Yeah I thought it was a little odd, even with it being the MIL and not his wife. Hoping for a teenager to "mess up" so you can become a grandparent just seems bizarre to me.

It seems to me, if the OP and his wife really wanted to adopt a baby, they would have done so before now; pregnant teenage relative or no.

I can't speak for Mrs. Homie's mother but my mom is straight up nuts. (among other things)

Adopting is not easy. We chose IVF because it was the least expensive, less complicated route and we're talking 20+ years ago when IVF was much less successful, not covered by insurance and the rules for international adoption were much more slack than they are now. Not pursuing adoption doesn't mean never wanting to.

What are Mrs. Homie's thoughts on this? @rastahomie

 

[tarheelmjfan]

My nephew's wife had a young mother that wasn't ready for a child. Her bio mom's father & stepmom adopted her. She considers her bio mom her sister. The "sister" isn't around a lot, but there's no confusion over who she considers her parents.

 

[Klayfish]

Is 47 too old? No, I say it's not. Not at all.

Would I want to do it? Oh, heck no! I'm 45, and couldn't even fathom having to start all over again. Baby years were fun, they really were, but I never want to do it again.

 

[rastahomie]

What are Mrs. Homie's thoughts on this? @rastahomie

Oh she's utterly against it, although if I pressed the matter she'd probably consider discussing it further, but she'd still be a hard pass.

I'd like to, at this time, reiterate that the decision has already been made: we are not going to pursue this and never were. I just opened up this thread because I enjoy hearing others' opinions and having thoughtful discussion.

 

[rastahomie]

nevermind

 

[rastahomie]

nevermind

 

[mom2rtk]

Are you willing to give up recreational activities that might not be consistent with good parenting?

 

[Dinohood]

no the actor wo plays the dark on on once upon a time had a kid at 50 and he is now 54 with a 4 year old jeff duham and his new wife have twin boys and he is also older at 52 or 53