Invited to Family Destination Wedding, to go or not to go?

[luvmy3]

I would not give up a family vacation to attend a destination wedding in a place that was not on my vacation list in the first place, especially for a someone's second wedding.

 

[Lita]

We had a destination wedding in Jamaica and did not expect people (only expected parents to come) to come. We planned a nice reception back home after we returned for everyone to attend. A few of my close friends asked if they could come. We had a blast in Jamaica and also had a nice time at the reception. We didn't want people to feel like they had to spend a ton of money to come see me get married. They could celebrate at home with us. This day was about me and my husband. If they wanted to come, they were welcome but there was no obligation. BTW... My mom loves to travel so it was no problem for my parents to come.

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[taitai]

For us, family and friends are scattered all over the country and world. Pretty much any wedding we attend, we need to fly to get there and get a hotel room. We do not live the life where all family and friends reside in the same community. So, if I am going to fly somewhere anyway, it might as well be somewhere fun like Mexico.

I would NEVER miss a brother or sister's wedding. NEVER. I would find a way to go. Even if just I went and not my husband and kids, I would go to a family wedding.

 

[runsandjumps]

I would save my money so my family could enjoy themselves. I would not want to a) go somewhere you don't want to and b) spend money that was previously alloted for a mutually loved area.

However I don't care for spending money on anyone - unless it is a gift I wish to give. Hope this makes sense.

 

[donac]

My neice is getting married this coming Sept and it is in Kansas and we are on the east coast. Dh and I are planning on attending but we told our sons that if they couldn't afford to go we would understand. I am pricing out over $300 a person just for air fare. Luckily dh and I went on a big vacation last year.

If you could go I would try to make it but I do understand it is a big committement.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would tell brother that you are declining his invite next time you chat with him. Sooner you rip off the bandaid the better.

Just say what you said here. You are planning a family vacation and cannot do both trips. Keep it short and sweet.

Destination wedding people should understand that not everyone wants to go or can afford to go.

 

[North of Mouse]

The next time it's brought up, I'd probably say how happy I am for them. But we probably won't be able to make it. We're just like you---absolutely no desire to go to Mexico. And I definately wouldn't want to skip a planned for family trip to go.

People who plan destination weddings need to accept that many family members won't attend. And not get upset about it, IMO. To me, they are choosing a place over people. Their right to do that. Your right to decide not to go.

This!

I don't care how close a family member they are - I think it is so inconsiderate to plan "destination weddings" and think that everyone will *just go*. Just have your wedding at home area, then go to your *destination* for your honeymoon. Destination weddings are selfish IMO.

If they will be upset if some can't/don't want to travel there, etc., let them. They'll get over it, it's their problem.

I sure would not give up my family vacation that I saved for/looked forward to, to go to another country for a wedding when it could be at home. I sure would never go to Mexico personally.

To me, it would not be fair to my family. If you want to go that bad, make arrangements to go by yourself/travel with other family members.

I would have no problem talking to my brother and explaining exactly why I could not go.

 

[ZachnElli]

I do appreciate everyone's opinions. I'm not going to call him right away for one major reason, he seemed completely clueless that he needs his ex's permission to take his 2 minor kids out of the country. This could definitely an issue, she's not very accomadating. She's been remarried for a few years herself, but well, I don't know why she's so difficult, lol. I told him today he needed to look it up, the kids don't have passports yet, we'll see if she even ok's that.
My parents and my brother and his fiancé always vacation in Mexico, so I don't think they understand that we don't want to, if you know what I mean. My parents are headed there in 2 weeks even. I can't go with just DH and myself because we'd only leave the kids with my parents or my brother, we are all local. I will check later in the week once everyone has heard their plans and see what they (other relatives) are thinking about it. I do appreciate all opinions!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I'd just say I'm so happy they found each other and are getting married but we won't be able to attend.

The only time I'd ever go to a destination wedding is if it's someplace I already want to go and could plan a vacation around unless it's my own grown child getting married.

People have got to start understanding that everyone can't/doesn't want to attend destination weddings and not make them feel guilty when they don't go.

 

[KathyTX]

Nebraska to Cancun's going to be a minimum of $600 per person just for airfare, so 3 grand for the 5 of you before even accounting for lodging, food, clothing for the ceremony, and any activities or entertainment you want to indulge in while there. And the flights will all involve a connection (always a hassle, moreso with children). Oh, and don't forget a wedding gift! That's a pretty major trip if your whole family goes.

We have attended destination weddings and enjoyed them, but only when it fit with our schedules, budget, and was something that we knew we wanted to do (fun friends and fun destinations for us.) I would not have felt guilty, and I know my friends would have completely understood, had we declined for any reason. And we did not have any small children to consider... that does make the trip more complicated.

If you can afford it and that's the style of vacation you like, then enjoy! If not, then I'd decline the trip and not feel guilty.

If not, will your brother and new SIL be having a party or reception back home to celebrate with family when they return?

 

[hiwaygal]

I've been reading responses and I admit I'm surprised how hostile people seem about destination weddings. (i.e they are "selfish")

Many families are scattered among many areas and states. Any wedding is likely going to be a "destination" wedding for some of the guests.

The issue is whether or not the bride and groom have expectations of everyone attending. If they get pissed that people can't attend, then yes, they are being unreasonable...and maybe selfish.

But simply choosing to have a destination wedding is NOT selfish. It's just a choice.

 

[Allison]

I would not choose a vacation (particularly to somewhere I'd been before) over my brother's wedding.

I agree.

 

[DeaverTex]

I don't have much to add, because I think it's all been said, but I agree with the folks who've said that planning a destination wedding goes hand in hand with knowing that people you'd love to have won't be there. (Take a look at some wedding boards if you want to see some REALLY hair-raising debates about destination weddings!!)

Reasons for non-attendance are immaterial, and the couple and/or planners shouldn't even ask. The only exception might be a discreet inquiry to see if money is the problem, and then only if the planners are willing to pay for things themselves.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

My only issue is that is sounds like brother EXPECTS sister to go, as indicated by the "get your monies in order" comment. It sounds like the Mexico trip could be more expensive than Disney, so that could be your out.

 

[Bluestars]

I do appreciate everyone's opinions. I'm not going to call him right away for one major reason, he seemed completely clueless that he needs his ex's permission to take his 2 minor kids out of the country. This could definitely an issue, she's not very accomadating. She's been remarried for a few years herself, but well, I don't know why she's so difficult, lol. I told him today he needed to look it up, the kids don't have passports yet, we'll see if she even ok's that.
My parents and my brother and his fiancé always vacation in Mexico, so I don't think they understand that we don't want to, if you know what I mean. My parents are headed there in 2 weeks even. I can't go with just DH and myself because we'd only leave the kids with my parents or my brother, we are all local. I will check later in the week once everyone has heard their plans and see what they (other relatives) are thinking about it. I do appreciate all opinions!

It sounds like their plans could change.

If my family was invited to a destination wedding, didn't have passports, and had no desire to visit the location, I would decline the invitation and purchase a very nice wedding gift. I have no desire to go to Mexico either.

 

[The Wise One]

My opinion is probably not the norm as I am not particularly close to my siblings BUT:

I would go to WDW with my immediate family. This is something special for you and your children and you should enjoy your vacation the way you want to spend it. Especially if none of you have passports, that in itself is going to be VERY expensive, and in my opinion Mexico isn't a desirable vacation destination.

I'd tell my brother, I'm happy for you, but I'm sorry my family can't make it. Especially with it being a 2nd marriage.

 

[disny_luvr]

I haven't read through this entire thread, so forgive me if I am repeating what others have posted.

Is it possible for only you to attend your brother's wedding? My cousin is getting married in Arkansas in June (I live in PA). Not to offend anyone that lives in Arkansas, but I never really thought of Arkansas as a vacation destination for my family. My cousin and I are close so missing her wedding wasn't an option for me, but the cost for all of us to fly there for the weekend was astronomical. DH and I decided that just I will go and he'll stay home with our boys. My parents are picking me up at the airport in Arkansas and I'll be staying with them for the weekend and then they'll drive me back to the airport to fly home. In all honesty, I'm really not spending that much money for just me for the weekend. I'm just throwing this our there as this may be an option for you.

 

[Nancyg56]

The passports are a considerable expense that the OP needs to add to teh rest of this trip should she decide to go. This is going to be one expensive wedding.

I think that when a couple chooses to leave teh country to marry there has to be the understanding that family, especially those members with kids, may need to decline. When the country is one that the family members have no desire to go to it is an even greater burden to them. My DH would not go to Mexico unless I dragged him kicking and screaming. If we were invited to a wedding in Mexico I think he would really refuse to go. And I would respect that.

 

[bdcp]

I do appreciate everyone's opinions. I'm not going to call him right away for one major reason, he seemed completely clueless that he needs his ex's permission to take his 2 minor kids out of the country. This could definitely an issue, she's not very accomadating. She's been remarried for a few years herself, but well, I don't know why she's so difficult, lol. I told him today he needed to look it up, the kids don't have passports yet, we'll see if she even ok's that.
My parents and my brother and his fiancé always vacation in Mexico, so I don't think they understand that we don't want to, if you know what I mean. My parents are headed there in 2 weeks even. I can't go with just DH and myself because we'd only leave the kids with my parents or my brother, we are all local. I will check later in the week once everyone has heard their plans and see what they (other relatives) are thinking about it. I do appreciate all opinions!

My BIL planned a destination wedding to Mexico, then FL, but his ex wouldn't rearrange the schedule and let him take the girls so he ended up getting married about 40 miles away from where they lived. It was in what is considered the DC metro area so she couldn't say anything. I kind of understand her feelings as he left her because he wanted to find his "soul mate" and she felt he abandoned them and his commitment, which we all agree he did. Anyway, my point is, taking his minor children out of the country isn't something he can just decide to do.

One of my good friend's youngest son is getting married this spring in Tennessee. We used to be closer than we are now, but we did attend their two oldest kids weddings in MD over the last 6 years. I feel bad, as does DH, but our own DS Is getting married a month before and the expense plus the amount of travel time, etc just doesn't make it as possible. I really don't think they expect everyone invited to come, but we still feel bad.

 

[SaraJayne]

I would not choose a vacation (particularly to somewhere I'd been before) over my brother's wedding.

Same here. If it was mine or DH's family, our vacation that year would be to Mexico for the wedding.