inspired by tiggerlover....SAHM's do you ever feel guilty????

[WendyZ]

I have no idea why I do this. I love being home with the kids. I've been home over 10 yrs. At first it was very hard, I felt like I wasn't contributing to the household if I wasn't bringing in a paycheck. That has passed for me. I do everything I possibly can around home cuz I'm here all day. DD is very involved in sports, so I am grateful to be here to see her play and run her to practices, etc. I volunteer at DS school alot and I'm on the PTO. But every now and then I just feel like I should be out working. I have no clue why. It's almost like you feel guilty being home when most everyone you know has to work. I am very grateful that I don't have to work and enjoy my time at home. It seems to get worse as the kids get older. Especially since DD went to Jr. High. I was to busy when they were small, no time to even think about working!

Anyone else ever have these feelings...I hope so!

 

[jimmytammy]

I feel like that also WendyZ. It especially gets hard when we have something major to fix, etc. I don't feel so guilty about me being at home while others have to work. We have made a big sacrifice for me to be at home. I know what you mean about being so busy that it would be difficult to hold down a job. I enjoy watching my children grow (DD-10, DS-8) and enjoy homeschooling them. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I am sure that most SAHM's have those feelings once in a while.

 

[bumcat]

You should never feel guilty about that besides that just leaves more job openings for those of us who want to work.
If we made enough money my husband would be the one to stay home, he's much better at it than I, LOL!

 

[cruisnfamily]

I have guilt too.....but a different kind of guilt. I feel guilty if I am not actively working around the house all day every day. I want to be able to report to DH a long list of things I did every day(not like he cares at all, it's all in my head). I could never just sit down and read a book or relax, I would feel too guilty. And the funny thing is, my house isn't that clean! And all the little projects that need doing aren't done! I manage to keep busy all day every day but I couldn't tell you what I do take up all my time.

I do volunteer one full day a week at the kids school, and we always have clean laundry. The house isn't dirty dirty, but it's certainly not as clean as I would like it to be(the problem is that I HATE to clean)

Anyway, there's my guilt in a nutshell! No guilt over not working outside the home, I'm doing the most important thing by being here for the kids day in day out and I'm alot less stressed than when I was working. Now I don't have to spend the weekend doing chores 'cause I get the necessities done during the week.

 

[bananiem]

I'm like you, SF! I volunteer a bunch at the kids' school. I'm busy all the time, my house is clean but always needs to be picked up, there seems to be an endless amount of "stuff" that needs to be done and if I sit and read a book or scrapbook for an afternoon- THAT'S when I feel guilty. Just knowing that there's something else that I should be doing.

 

[TerriP]

Well, I'm a little biased since I know you (and adore you), but I know first hand that you should not feel guilty. You contribute SO much to your household. Your husband can go to work each day and devote himself fully to his job because he has a partner who is taking care of everything important to him. You work full time to care for your beautiful home, provide healthy meals and snacks for your family, entertain your friends and family when you have them over, and...most important, raise two fantastic human beings. Your kids are so great and that is thanks in LARGE part to you. Yes, Ash is a teen and drives everyone nuts...but she's a smart girl and is heading in the right direction. And Tyler....well, he's a goofball. But he's funny and smart and nine...so he'll grow out of it!

Don't EVER sell yourself short. Raising responsibile human beings is the most important job in this world and you're doing a h*ll of a good job. I hope, if the time comes, I can do as well as you.

 

[Jeafl]

What a nice post, TerriP!

I felt guilty at first, but I don't anymore. If I were sitting home all day watching TV or surfing the net, then I might feel guilty. I do an awful lot around the house to keep it running smoothly. Laundry and ironing for 5 people alone is a big task. I have a pretty good size house that is (usually) clean, I do a lot of volunteer work that I feel good about, and I am available for my children whenever they need me. I truly realize how lucky I am, because I did work when my oldest was born. I know how tough it is to be a working mother. We just made the decision that for us, we would rather give up a few things and have me stay home. I have never regretted our decision (although it would be nice to have some extra money!).

 

[WendyZ]

Thanks for all the nice posts!! TerriP you're an awesome sister!! Don't worry when it's your turn, you'll do fine and I'll be there to spoil yours!!! hehehe

I did work when Ash was born and it was hard. It's much better for me being at home. So, I've been on both sides too. When I worked I felt guilty about leaving her home, because she was an infant. I truly enjoy being here for them. Although when I was younger if you would of told me this is where my life would be, I'd of died laughing. I always said I didn't have enough patience for children and now I have surrounded myself with them, between home and school. Kind of funny how life turns out and what surprises you find!

PS...
I do take sometime for myself DISing and scrapbooking during the day. Not everday and after I get all my work done. I usually work in the morning, DD gets home early afternoon. Then somedays there just no point in trying to keep up!! I figure everyone has to have alittle time to themselves to do what they enjoy. Besides I can't get to the computer once the kids get in!!

 

[nkjzmom]

TerriP....your post made me cry.

I'll relate a few things....DH family are workaholics. They all work really hard and many own their own businesses which really impresses me. They are really interesting folks and love their huge family...Italians.....

I feel so inadequate at times at family activities because I'm not "doing" anything right now. I actually had that comment once. It's always about finishing school, or when all the kids are in school THEN I can really get out and "start doing something". I don't plan on working even when they're all in school. I will be at their schools as much as possible, perhaps I'll substitute at times, that would be some nice extra income. But this is where my heart is....at home.

Sonya....that's me too...I always feel as if I should give a report of the goings-on to DH. He just laughs and says, "Are the kids still breathing? Then you've done your job perfectly." Heaven forbid one of them ever chokes....I'll be fired.

WendyZ...if it would help, could you maybe take up something you can do at home to make money? A friend makes some extra money by making and selling desserts around her town in MS. She loves it! And is doing really well and if she's just too busy with kid things, she can turn a job down.

 

[disneygals]

I can't believe that you posted this thread! I was thinking the same thing!

I have 3 girls 6,8,10 and have gone through the "work" guilt, especially as my dh works at WCOM and the last year has been pretty scary. I have mostly worked through this, as any job that I could get around here and still be available to the kids just would not pay. My 6 yo just missed 4 days and my 8 yo 7 days of school because they were so sick. That also makes me realize that it is better for our family for me to be home. I think moms who work outside the home are amazing!

As for the house...ugh! On the one hand, I volunteer, do tons of things with the kids when they're out of school, totally handle the house, bills, drs appointments etc. and FINALLY have some moments alone, so why do I feel guilty if I'm not producing every minute? In my head I know I deserve this time, but I do feel the guilt. I just wish that I could force myself to be a better "Suzy Homemaker", but it's SO boring and doesn't stay clean for more than a day anyway!!

Wow thanks for THAT vent..I needed it

Vivienne

 

[Snow White]

This was really a post I needed to read! I'm going back to being a SAHM at the end of this month after working for 5 1/2 years. The rest of the time I've stayed home, working part time jobs around my husband's schedule so one of us was always with the kids. I've really driven everyone crazy trying to decide whether or not to quit and stay home again since my kids are all teens, but my heart is also at home, so I'm going to do it! I'm going to work from home during the day selling scrapbooking paper piecings with a friend, but I'm so glad I'll be able to do the cleaning and laundry and we won't have to eat out as much anymore! I'm willing to sacrifice the extras to be more available to my kids!! I understand the little guilt feelings you get, but the work a SAHM does is priceless in my book!

 

[Laurabearz]

I gotta say I have it fairly easy. Esp compared to working high volume retail management, like I used too.......

My day is my own in a sense...... I plan what we are going to do for the day, what to eat, when to do this or that....... sleep late (8 ish) if we want, stay in our PJ's all day as a treat........... but my kids are little (3 and 2 and one on the way) and slowly our wonderful schedule is getting messed up........ Miss Madeline is in preschool........ next year both Maddie and Juju will be in school and will their schedules groove nicely...... nope........ drop one off...... go home, go back drop the other off come home, go back pick the one up, go home, drive back pick the other one up.... and so on and so on.........

I was telling DH about next years schedule and he kept shaking his head......... and very glad I was the one doing it and not him.

So right now, I do feel a bit guilty, but I know that my life of leisure (joking) will be over very soon as I start to shuttle the kids back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...........

I tried getting a job, two days a week, but it seemed like I had to call in sick coz one of my kids was sick, more than I worked, so I gave my notice.........

I am truely thankful that I can be a SAHM and looking forward to becoming a real life soccer mom! LOL

 

[sharbear]

I have to say that no I don't feel guilty. I do work part-time but it's when the kids are in school so I feel like a SAHM. The money that I make it not making a big dent in our income I work to have something to do. What I give my kids and my DH is time. It is so much more important to me than things that I could give them if I worked full-time. We get to eat as a family every night, my kids get to be in any activity that they want. My DH is able to work as many hours as he wants so that his career will advance. All things that would not happen if I was working.

I think that I would be happier if I was working in a job that was more fullfilling to me but right now my life is about making my children the best that they can be. If that means that I am at home than that is what is going to happen. I want them to go to college and be productive adults and I think that I can do more for them by giving them my time.

OK off my soapbox!

 

[hipporina]

How about a different kind of guilt - the guilt that comes from wishing you could get a job to get away from your kids! There are days that I wish I could go to work instead of DH and let him stay home! Being a SAHM is extremely difficult, especially when your kids are demanding. I have 2 boys, 2 and 7, that we are in the process of adopting. I love them completely, but there are days that I want to run the other way! The older one is extremely defiant, and at times aggressive, and it can be very hard to deal with.

If you start to feel guilty about being home, think about all those people out there with laid back, easy jobs who get paid for doing a tiny fraction of what you do everyday for nothing but the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing what you feel is best for your family! That should make you feel better! Anyway, thats my 2 cents!

 

[SonjaB]

It's been my experience that women feel guilty about something all the time, no matter what. We feel guilty being at home because we're not contributing to the income. We feel guilty working because we're not home enough with our kids. We feel guilty for having needs, guilty for having wants, guilty over what we eat, guilty over how we look, guilty over what we wear, guilty for breathing, guilty for living.

Why don't we declare this week a "Guiltfree" week and just embrace the wonderful lives and families we have? Instead of beating ourselves up for not being Superwoman, how about celebrating our accomplishments? Are the children healthy? Is our marriage good? Is the laundry half done? Is the house presentable? Am I still allowed to show up at my job? Did we manage to match our socks this morning? Did we call all of our children by their correct names? Is everyone still speaking to each other? Did we put the diaper on the right end? Are the plants alive? Is the dog alive? These are successes!!!! Embrace the positive!!!! Stand up and be proud, my sisters!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nkjzmom]

YAHOO SonyaH!!!!!

 

[disykat]

This is a great thread. I'm having guilt problems this past week - I talked to my dh about this just the other night. I've had a cold and have had the luxury of staying home and taking care of myself. I've felt bored and guilty because of a luxury most people wish for!

I too feel like I want to have a list of accomplishments to present to my husband at the end of the day. I know how hard he works and don't want him to feel like I'm not contributing. I have a dh who wants me home and I still feel guilty.

I agree that as Mom's we feel guilty no matter what, it's part of the package!

 

[WendyZ]

Sonya...You are sooooo funny!!!! That was great!!

nkjzmom....acutally I do make a little spending money. I babysit in the morning for a bit. I'm also a sub para-pro at my DS school. That's on call, so I can say no. I also babysit for my cousin when her sitter can't. Which is very nice now that DD and I have discovered scrapbooking!!

I'm with Sonya....Guiltfree week ahead!!!

Thanks for all the replys...you guys are great!!!

 

[tiggerlover]

No, I don't feel guilty and I don't think anyone should feel guilt chosing something that is best for their family. However there are some people who want me to feel guilty. People back in the states have a habit of saying, "so, what DO you do all day?" and this drives me nuts.

I love being available for my son, but I would also love to work part time. Before we moved to Italy I dropped DS off at school at 9am, went to work and then picked him up from school at 3:20pm. This worked for us as I was still able to work and still be there for my son at the same time. It is nice to be staying at home, but I miss working too.

 

[tigercat]

I don't know how about a SAHGM. My baby is 22 but I do a lot of things for my dgrdds. I also volunteer at various things. I stopped feeling guilty a long time ago. My problem with working (which I did for several years) was that my dh wasn't happy. The jobs that I was able to get meant that I had to work in the evening and Sat. and Sundays. He hated it. He would rather I be home to look after the house and get dinners ready and deal with any and all the family things that go on. I would rather stay at home and look after everything as well. I do have a few health problems as well which meants that I have to have a rest in the afternoon which makes having different jobs very difficult. I love the questions about what do you do all day. When I let them know everything I did they wonder how I manage to get it all done in a day. Some days for me are better than others and I get more done but I am always running and doing something.
tigercat