Inspired by the Over-Indulged Thread - The Opposite

[alliecats]

FWIW--it was anorexia and the disease is about control and not about weight. By refusing to eat the foods--you were controlling what you could even if that meant not being able to eat or eating very little to accomodate what you wanted to do (not eat meat).

Elvis (my former step-father) was a saint compared to your mom.

Well, then that is what it was, all right! I had never thought of it that way until a couple months ago.

BTW, I feel the same way about my gramma that you do about your mom. Every time I visit her in CA, I don't even tell my friends I am coming just so we can hang out. She is so much fun, and we are so alike. I guess she is basically my mom AND dad.

On the upside, I never went through the rebellious, self-destructive phase that so many of my friends did, once I got away from that situation. I had grown up too fast, and at that point I was not into taking any chances at blowing my hard-won normalcy!!! Ahh, mundane life! I still sometimes can't believe, here *I* am with my own money, and my own car...and I can take it anywhere, anytime!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I do too...going to spend 10 days at Disney with her...talk to her all the time. Never said I didn't like to hang out with my Mom. I love her to death!

BUT I also had friends other than my Mom as a teenager, and although I did do stuff with her, she allowed me to become independent and learn to live with my own choices and get along with the rest of the world.

Oh I had friends. I was just saying that a child who "chooses" to hang out with mom and dad--may actually just like hanging out with mom and dad.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well, then that is what it was, all right! I had never thought of it that way until a couple months ago.

I should rephrase---it isn't a disease about dieting. Don't want someone pouncing on me. It is a disease of control and some do use it to control their body to an extreme (more so than just the fat--other developmental issues they wish to control as well).

You seemed to have fare well as I am sure once you left the situation--you had the freedom to eat again.

You seemed very able to recover normally from a sitation while others in a similar fate--don't.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think most parents walk a tightrope between too much and not enough, when it comes to "control".

Driving is probably not a great example, because 16 is a bit young to give someone a "two ton weapon"...my father used to say that all the time too!!!!! There are some kid who are responsible enough to handle it and there are some that aren't. I guess you have to know oyur kid.

As far as parents who don't urge their children to go and do...that's an issue with the parent and letting go. I always hate when I hear the mopthers of teenagers saying "My child is my best friend". Huh????!!!!! You're a grown woman and your best friend is a 16 year old??? Pretty sad.

 

[alliecats]

I should rephrase---it isn't a disease about dieting. Don't want someone pouncing on me. It is a disease of control and some do use it to control their body to an extreme (more so than just the fat--other developmental issues they wish to control as well).

You seemed to have fare well as I am sure once you left the situation--you had the freedom to eat again.

You seemed very able to recover normally from a sitation while others in a similar fate--don't.

Well, what happened with that... Things, uh, stopped working. I freaked out, went to a doctor and he told me I had to eat meat. Not that I needed to eat FOOD, but that I needed *meat* to make certain systems work again (and I was not anemic, btw). I think he might have been asked to say that, as I would think any doctor would be more concerned about the "Payday Diet" than the "not eating meat." Anyway, when he said that, I started eating it again. So she won that round.
I think what got me ok was taking control of my life. Then I didn't feel compelled to control my body anymore.

 

[Chris and Pooh]

Well said.

NH only requires 20 hrs behind the wheel to take the road test. DS was no where near ready skillwise. We insisted he do another 20 hrs.
IMHO, I don't believe the laws governing liscences are nearly tight enough. And that goes for older drivers, too.

Cost is a determination. Here abouts driver's ed is $450.00.
Then there is insurance
Jean

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Excuse me for cutting in and being slightly OT,but as someone from the UK I have read this thread with interest. In the UK you cannot apply for a car licence until you are 17 my DD is 18 and learning to drive, has had about 40 hours behind the wheel and is taking her test in a couple of months. I am curious to know how much insurance is for a 16 year old in the US and whether it is different for boys or girls and or the size of car. For my daughter insurance would cost about $1600 in her first year in a car of 1300cc or less if it were a boy it could be $3000 for the same.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well, what happened with that... Things, uh, stopped working. I freaked out, went to a doctor and he told me I had to eat meat. Not that I needed to eat FOOD, but that I needed *meat* to make certain systems work again (and I was not anemic, btw). I think he might have been asked to say that, as I would think any doctor would be more concerned about the "Payday Diet" than the "not eating meat." Anyway, when he said that, I started eating it again. So she won that round.
I think what got me ok was taking control of my life. Then I didn't feel compelled to control my body anymore.

ooohhhh....your Body fat percentage was probably too low.

Sorry she had to win--but good that you listened and didn't require treatment or anything.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

.
Excuse me for cutting in and being slightly OT,but as someone from the UK I have read this thread with interest. In the UK you cannot apply for a car licence until you are 17 my DD is 18 and learning to drive, has had about 40 hours behind the wheel and is taking her test in a couple of months. I am curious to know how much insurance is for a 16 year old in the US and whether it is different for boys or girls and or the size of car. For my daughter insurance would cost about $1600 in her first year in a car of 1300cc or less if it were a boy it could be $3000 for the same.

Boys are definitely more expensive. Size of the car does not matter unless it is titled to the boy. If he is just added to his parents policy--he is just an extra driver as long as he is not the primary driver on any vehicle. ETA: In general it is the vehicle that is insured and not the motorist. So if you have a license, but don't own a car--you don't have insurance. I hope that makes sense.

I believe at 25 is when the boy rate takes a significant drop. I was mad that i didn't get as much of a drop--but I wasn't a boy so I didn't start out very high to begin with.

No idea the cost. My genious parents just left out that little tiny detail with their carriers. I purchased my own insurance when I had a car in college but I have long since forgotten what I paid.

 

[alliecats]

ooohhhh....your Body fat percentage was probably too low.

There was that, and also...ahem...there isn't a whole heck of a lot of fiber in paydays and diet pepsis.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

There was that, and also...ahem...there isn't a whole heck of a lot of fiber in paydays and diet pepsis.

Good point!

 

[Stacey2grls]

I was extremely under indulged as a child. Every day after school, even until my last day of senior year, I was picked up by my mother, taken home, and we cleaned together. I was not allowed to have many friends, could not go out at night, could not get my license until I was 18, and couldn't date until I was 18. I only wore hand-me-downs, and was basically controlled by my mother. So guess what happened when I turned 18 and was given all the rights that I never had? Well, basically I went crazy! I over indulged in things I had no idea about, because I had no basis of experience. While other 18 year olds knew how to say no to boys, I had no clue how to deal with them. So you can imagine it was a very tough time. I feel there needs to be a happy medium. I have 2 daughters, and while I am on them like a cheap suit, and I monitor basically everything since they are young, as they grow they will receive freedoms that I never did, because controlling every aspect of a persons life is never a good idea.

 

[jonestavern]

.
Excuse me for cutting in and being slightly OT,but as someone from the UK I have read this thread with interest. In the UK you cannot apply for a car licence until you are 17 my DD is 18 and learning to drive, has had about 40 hours behind the wheel and is taking her test in a couple of months. I am curious to know how much insurance is for a 16 year old in the US and whether it is different for boys or girls and or the size of car. For my daughter insurance would cost about $1600 in her first year in a car of 1300cc or less if it were a boy it could be $3000 for the same.

Hey, you're not cutting in--you're a DISer!

we put DS17 on our insurance as a part time driver, as he has no moving violations ( PTL) it is costing about $1300. per annum. With one ticket, for even a minor moving violation it would go up about $200-$300 a year. One of his friends had an accident (he's okay) & got a ticket for 10 mph over the limit, all within 6 months. His insurance premiums went up to over $2,000 per yr. Needless to say that young man is off the road

In the US the insurance rates are not only set out nationally & by company, but also regulated by the individual states. The rates are really all over the place.
For instance, it cost us much less to insure Patrick here in New Hampshire, as we are rural. To insure him in rural Rhode Island ( just 2 1/2 hours away) would cost about $300 - $400 more per annum, & in Massachusetts yet more.
In some states insurance rates are also determined by the make & model, repair costing etc of your auto. Example: a turbo-charged car will be more expensive (guess they think you'll be inclined to race)~


Jean

DH & DS17 will be in the UK tomorrow, in Bath

 

[MrsPete]

Easy. Because not all kids are mature enough at age 16. . . . Age 16 is no miracle age of entitlement. Allowing him to earn the privilege is his choice, not my obligation.

I agree that MANY 16 year olds are not mature enough to handle driving. I see them leaving the high school parking lot every afternoon, and it is a scary sight!

My daughters will be allowed to get their licenses when they turn 16 (assuming their behavior continues in the present course), BUT they will not be getting cars of their own. The majority of my students receive cars within a month or so of their 16th birthdays -- it's not unusual for kids to get cars BEFORE they get their permits!

They'll be allowed to drive our cars with our permission on an as-needed basis. We'll consider cars of their own when they're in college -- probably past their freshman year. I understand that this will be "trouble" for me because I'll have to cart them around and/or do without my car, but I think that's better than handing over too much independence too soon.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I am sorry you got stuck in this boat, too. WOW. At least mine never thought of that.

One big one that I remember was that I became a vegetarian my senior year. She couldn't stand it. Not that it inconvenienced her in any way (she didn't cook), but because she hadn't sanctioned it. She would do things like picking me up to take me to work, with McDonalds in the car (after telling us not to bother to pack a lunch), not keeping non-meat groceries in the house so I could fix myself something, etc. So I would not have much to eat, and no money because I was not allowed to have that either. At this age I was finally getting stubborn, so I just quit eating. I would go all day with just a Payday and a Diet Pepsi. I went from 102 pounds to 92 pounds in 3 months. Very destructive, and it is because I had absolutely NO control over anything in my life, and I could not bear that I couldn't control my own food intake. I guess it was a form of anorexia, though it had nothing to do with my weight. I knew I was skinny at 102.

Wow, remembering all this REALLY makes me want to count my blessings today. It is sad that the people who are supposed to treat them the best can be so destructive to their children.

It's funny you say that b/c I too became anorexic (and bulimic) b/c it was the ONE thing I had control over. Not too pretty, at 5'5" I was about 90 pounds. I was like this for years until I met my wonderful dh who snapped me out of it.