Inspired by snoopy - adoption

[wvjules]

In another thread snoopy mentioned that she has friends that are on a long waiting list to adopt a child.

How can there be so many available children and so many available adoptive parents at the same time. There are pleny of both out there. Why are the waiting lists for parents so long?

 

[SuiteDisney]

Because most people only want to adopt infants. There are a lot of children who need homes, but they're not infants.

 

[kamgen]

Dh and I are in the process of adopting a waiting child from the United States right now. There are MANY children waiting and not enough families for them. Most people want a healthy infant and these waiting children are usually over 3. It is sad to see all of their faces.
We are happy we decided to adopt a waiting child who is older.
The national site for adopting waiting children in the U.S. is
www.adoptuskids.org

Kamy

 

[snoopy]

I think there are a myriad of reasons. One being, like Laura said, most people want infants. Another reason is that most white people want white babies, and there are a shortage of white babies. And cost is a factor too, adoption is not cheap.

My brother and his wife were the biological parents of three teenagers when they decided to adopt. They wanted to provide a home to kids who most needed it. Jose and Maria came first, from Mexico. Their parents were murdered when they were 3 and 5 years old and were a product of foster homes for a couple of years after that. Next came our sweet little Adam, from South America, who came to our famiily when he was 2. His mother abondoned him when he was a year or so at an orphanage. These kids all came with "baggage" so to speak. They were older, and none of them knew English. They weren't abused, but they weren't treated special, either. There was a huge adjustment period to where they felt like they comfortable in a strange country with strange people. Of course now its 8 years later since they adopted their last son, so they eventually adjusted.

Point being, it takes more than just love to adopt these kids. Money, the resources needed to accomodate their special needs, and a whole lot of patience is required, among other things. Not everyone is able to provide those attributes.

And then you have these parents like the one at Kohl's, who are just pure selfish. She must know that she is an unfit parent, but she is too selfish to give her to someone who is fit, and would take care of her and give her the love she deserves. So there are a bunch of kids who should be adopted, but aren't.

 

[Cindy B]

International adoptions involve a lot of red tape unfortunately as well.

I have had about 10 cuples in chuch all my good friends adopt. Some take quicker,some longer, depending on the situation.


I will say some things straight up here. My dear friends (a mixed race couple, one is white, one is black) wanted to adopt, they were older , late 40's, (yes, late 40 s). The wife was a teacher, principal, and also directs a special needs school.

They said "We will take whatever --we want to love anything". They got very quickly, two special needs African American kids.

Same with another couple we know, they asked for anything, and got the most adorable African American baby so quickly.
(They are African American as well.)

Another biracial married couple I know, is waiting for the biracial girl to be born. They are on the list, the room is ready and waiting, they are just waiting for the baby to be born..

And another friend of mine, a handicapped single woman, said "I want to adopt". She is fantastic, wonderful, warm, and the BEST.
She said she wanted an older child, one that hasn't been picked... She is getting a 8 year old girl from India in about two weeks.

Another friend of mine, was working with an orphanage in Romania, had 2/3 of the paperwork done, then the orphanage would up having some red tape.. so they have to start at square one this time in Guatamala.

We have many many adoptions in church. I can think off the top of my head at least 20-25 kids that have been adopted.

We actually thought long and hard about it as well, but I am at my limit. I would have the hardest time going to an orpahanage, and not wanting to take ALL of them home.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'm impressed.

 

[zagafi]

I didn't know there were agencies still using "waiting lists". Most domestic adoptions have some degree of openness, meaning the birthparents choose the adoptive families and the level of contact post-adoption. I'm really surprised to hear about waiting lists and closed adoptions.

But to answer your question, adoption isn't easy or cheap. Ours was a relative slam dunk (waited only 5 months to adopt a white infant, total cost around $8k) and it still had its rough spots. International adoption is tough because each country has different guidelines potential parents have to comply with in addition to the US's.

Most people come to adopt after a battle with infertility and still dream of an infant. I know I did, and we punched out of the battle fairly early. It's hard to think in broader terms when you're already battle scarred from the infertility wars. It's very easy to forget there are no guarantees with any child, and because of that, people limit their options. It's very easy to think only about the risks and not the rewards of adopting anything but an infant, because as is typical of adoption, one typically hears only the ugly side.

 

[Lars624]

MY SIL & BIL adopted my beautiful niece from China. She came to us on her 1st birthday and the Chinese government considered her an infant. They are now in the process of adopting another child, this time from Korea, and the proces form start to finish usually takes them about 1-1/2 years.

 

[shortbun]

Ds was adopted. In Central Ohio, the wait for newborn
white infants is about two years now. I know many
families born of adoption that are bi-racial, it took a little
less than a year for those blended families to adopt.
The fact that birthmoms are choosing the adopting
parents is making the process take longer. As said before,
once you're approved by the social services agencies-if
you want older children, children with disabilities, sibling
groups...the process here takes about 6 months. Many
of the children in foster care in Ohio are not adoptable
because their birthparents have not relinquished their
parenting status. Ohio feels that the best place for children
is with their birthparents if it at all possible to make that
a safe and viable option in the future. Dave Thomas, the
founder of Wendy's International, based his operation right
here in Central Ohio and even that did not move the
process along! Many folks I know have gone the International
route to form their families because our domestic
process is so slow.
Most International adoptions take less than 2 years.
Suprisingly, some counties in Ohio do not allow "open
adoptions" or vary as to the degree of "open" they
will allow. ie. Ds's birthmom went to another county to
give birth and then we adopted him in still another county
to make the process move quickly and seamlessly as it
was a pretty open adoption. It all depends on the judges
and their opinions as well as what children's services
sets as their guidelines.

 

[kpgclark]

My children are both adopted (as newborns). I can tell you that we really wanted the experience of a healthy newborn. We had never been parents before and we tried for many years to have children on our own. We are open towards adopting older children at some time in the future, but I think it would be difficult for new parents to have their first child come with many special needs. For us, we felt we'd need experience first.

Regarding the waiting, we had less than six months to wait for both of our children from the time we contacted attorneys.

For anyone considering it, it was by far the most incredible experience I have ever had. My kids are the best!