In This Situation What Would You Have Done?

[design_mom]

Mom didn't call the woman to thank her, she called her to let her know it upset her.

I would not have told the sender that it upset me.

I might have called to say "Thanks for thinking of me, but...um... there's something you should know." just so I didn't get a card *every* year. But I think the sender was obviously trying to do something nice, so I would have tried to accept it as that, regardless if it made me sad.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I don't understand why this happened. How did the lady know it was your mom's anniversary? If she knew that, how did she NOT know her husband was dead?

 

[Pig Pen]

My parents live in Florida in the winter and up north in the summer. A few months ago my mom received a sympathy card from a Florida neighbor, expressing condolences on the death of my father. My mom was very surprised to get the card, especially since my dad was outside working in the garden when she opened it.

Mom just assumed the woman was confused. Hopefully she won't have a stroke when they return to FL when she sees my dad has risen from the grave.

 

[SandrA9810]

It's very possible that the other lady had the date marked off in her calendar. Because it seems older people always have to have the date of everything going on in every one's life. She probably heard that the husband died, but maybe she forgot when the new man started showing up at church.

 

[SandrA9810]

It's very possible that the other lady had the date marked off in her calendar. Because it seems older people always have to have the date of everything going on in every one's life. She probably heard that the husband died, but maybe she thought she remembered incorrectly when the new man started going with your mom.

 

[C.Ann]

No - I wouldn't have called, but when I saw her again I would take her aside, thank her for the thought and then explain the situation..

The poor woman must have been embarrassed beyond belief to get a phone call like that! When my DH passed away in Jan. of 2005, when I came back up here to the lake in the spring, some of the seasonal people we knew (not "close" friends with) weren't aware that he had passed away.. First thing they said when they saw me was, "How is B doing?" (knowing of his long-term battle with cancer).. Of course I had to tell them that he had passed, but it was much more uncomfortable for them and they were clearly very embarrassed..

I feel really bad for the poor woman who received that phone call..

 

[tvguy]

My dad passed away 43 years ago. I don't sent my mom a card, but I always call on their anniversary and she had told me many time how much she appreciates that I remember.

 

[Imzadi]

I think she would be taken aback by receiving a random anniversary card from someone not family.

I would not have made the call, rather probably mentioned something to her in person when I had calmed down a bit and the surprise factor wore off. After all, it was meant as a kind gesture, whether it backfired or not.

You're assuming the OP's mom would have calmed down. She was married 53 years. Probably more than half her life. Her DH has ONLY been gone 3 years and it still feels like her heart has been ripped out of her. Then to have a relative stranger send a card on her anniversary?

I can't imagine I'd be calm no matter when I approached the woman. She probably thought it was best to talk on the phone, and in private. Is it really better way to handle this in public, at church? I'm upset. What I have to say will upset her. People will see that. No, a private phone call would be better.

 

[Abbie]

I am assuming your mother is older so the church person is older as well? Who knows what I would do when I am in 80.

This. You really don't know how you'll react when you're 80. My mom has always been the most gracious woman, but the older she gets, the less she seems able to censor her thoughts. I am surprised at some of the things she will say, but it is due to age (she's 85) and some dementia creeping in. I could see her doing something similar, but she would have never dreamed of saying anything other than "thank you" ten years ago!

So I'd give your mom a pass on this one....chances are the woman she called to chastise is a similar age and understands this kind of thing herself.

 

[Mimi1965]

It sounds like this Church lady hardly knew your mom-very strange to send her a card. It must be listed on a Church bulletin.