In Search of My Body vol.9 - I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

[cantwaitvaca09]

9.3 (ish.)

all I can say is OMG. A race that involves Ghirardelli chocolate? For real? that one may be worth travelling for

as for training - I know Kat is part of a Jeff Galloway group, and you can check his website for training programs (jeffgalloway.com)- but I also personally really like Hal Higdon's training plans. Here's a link to his 10 week novice 15K training plan http://www.halhigdon.com/15Ktraining/15Knovsch.htm totally do-able for you.

right before I just check back here I found that and printed it.
I have not trained that hard before. But I am going to now.
OMG, that would be great if you would come down to the windy city and do it with me, but I sure you would leave me in your dust.

And don't forget, we could have 3" of snow on the ground by then. HA HA

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

Cant wat to see the pic's EE.

Hug to you Erika

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Hi all--the wake was last night and funeral today. I'll be back around tomorrow.

Hi everybody! At the zoo having a ball. Kat - your pic rocks!

Loving my new camera.

right before I just check back here I found that and printed it.
I have not trained that hard before. But I am going to now.
OMG, that would be great if you would come down to the windy city and do it with me, but I sure you would leave me in your dust.

And don't forget, we could have 3" of snow on the ground by then. HA HA

ok. Procrastinating now...

 

[lisaviolet]

Ive had the dropsies for the past few days

OMG. Dropsies. I LOVE IT! I imagined a ball and wall. One dropsie - two dropsie - three dropsie - four! Five dropsies - six dropsies - dropsies no more.

Feel free to use it as your chant Kelly.

Have fun at the wedding and crossing my fingers for your walk.

Maybe there's a place we can order the exact t-shirt Kelly. Kat?

Hey? How tall are you again Kelly?

:


Our truck had to go in for service today - usual oil & filter change (no, I didn't BREAK anything this time ). So Stephens bright idea was for us to drive out to the dealership, drop the truck off and ride our bikes home. Sounds nice right? ack. wrong. It's 16 miles away, which for us is a short bike ride. but the hills. O.M.G. the freakin' hills. It was beyond brutal. I went onto "map my ride" and got the elevation map. yeah. 1000' of elevation increase up.the.god.damn.hills. At one point he asked me how fast we were going (as I was about to DIE on the biggest, steepest hill of all) and I grunted. He asked me TWO MORE TIMES. before I could finally gasp enough breath to hiss "JUST SHUT IT"

and in case you're curious, the answer is NO. There is no way in hell I'm riding back out there to pick the truck up this afternoon when it's done.

OMgosh. At what temperature did this extravaganza occur?

I FOUND A RACE!!!!!!

Nice Jo.

Hi all--the wake was last night and funeral today. .

Sighing.

Hi everybody! At the zoo having a ball.

My God your children must ADORE you. I ADORE you. I feel like mapping you.

: Procrastinating now...[/COLOR]

Me too.

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

ok. Procrastinating now...

Me too!!

 

[lisaviolet]

Thursday. I did it Nancy. No wee hours Wednesday night.

So it's a measurement day. Down a full inch in my thighs. I had to get my glasses for that. HUGE.

And I also weighed myself. Not weigh in week. I'll tell you why below. And I'm down 3.8 for a one week weigh in.

________________________________________________________

And I'm done! D.O.N.E. done.

DISCLAIMER! THIS IS ABOUT ME ONLY. I know I'm a different one.

I don't know how much to say since I could write a novel. (EDIT: Looks like I did!) I'm done with weight. Done tracking it. Done with the scale. Done worrying about it. Done. Done. Done.

In fact the scale is leaving my house. I never had one for years and did fine.

I don't know what hit me. I think the importance of my weight for testing was pushing this decision out of me.

And my knee - I had to rework my exercise because of my knee. And I started doing a pilates tape I hadn't pulled out for years ( I did so some pilates in the last while) and I ADORED it. And I went what? Why did you stop doing it? Why? Probably I was on the WISH BL and the scale wasn't moving or something. And that's wrong to give up something you love.

And Erika! I've been hearing Erika saying "you know when you're on or off". over and over and over I would hear this - for the past week. So much so I told her voice to "piss off" once.

I kept hearing it and she's right. And THAT IS HOW I LOST MOST OF MY WEIGHT. Jo and Megan - I had lost close to ninety over YEARS and YEARS. How? Not watching my food. Not being exercise nuts - exercise for my mental health more. Really just by working on personal issues - thinking about what I wanted from life and not shoving down food to not feel. That's all. (Downtown helped). And making sure no change I couldn't keep for life if it came. And gradually it just came off - it really wasn't a truly conscious decision. It my mid twenties I decided HONESTLY - I would rather be overweight than think about this all the time. And I stopped and the weight came off.

And then somewhere along the line it became my tool to beat myself up - to shame my own self - to feel like I wasn't good enough. (I'm aware - ridiculous).

And for me this is the key. I'm stopping THAT now. I will not even look at it if that's its purpose to make me "happy" or make me "sad or ashamed".

So I'm done. Yes, I want to be smaller. But with my body type the scale is never going to be exciting. Just isn't. I will probably weigh in the 190s at a good body weight (especially since my weight gain this year is half gaining weight and half body composition change).

I've been sitting quietly with this for over a week. And I've had a lot of signs - weird coincidences - that support it. My life always works best when I don't ignore knocking on the door.

And it also hit me this week like I was thinking about some other person I have kept nearly 70 or more pounds for years. I EFFIN' forgot. I don't congratualate myself enough where I've come from. I only look at where I'm not.

And I also forget that I now run for streetcars and dont' lose my breath. That I can stand up with my legs only. How I know longer DETEST the heat because of size/fat on my body. How it feels.

I'm right here. And the key for me is to let go and let that be good enough for me.

And this year I haven't been handling stress well - I'm not happy about many a thing and I'm not dealing with that well. And that's the key for me. To deal. So I'm going to....

I'm not going anywhere. Nothing is changing. I never talked about my routine anyway. You are all responsible for so much growth and I ADORE you. But IF I take breaks it's only to get off my thinking about size and weight. That's all.

to all.

And Nancy - I'm breaking my commitment and I thank you.

 

[lisaviolet]

And by the way I do know physically when I losing. My feet get ice cold and then the loss comes the next day. I am never cold unless I'm sick.

Jo! Beach. Was fabulous. Here are some shots. I mixed in some flowers for a break from water.

And then the second part is another beach day in the area.

Oh sh!t I didn't do photobucket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot. So later today. I have to get this house clean. Must get it on the market at some friggin' point.

 

[DisneyGalUK]

I FOUND A RACE!!!!!!

http://www.hotchocolate15k.com/

Now, I need help 15K = 9 miles right?? I have done 4.5 once.
(umm have not done crap all week)

Its Nov 6, how do I train for this, what should I do??

I really want to do this but now I am scared. That I can't do it
Help... I want to be a Goddess! HA HA

Wait, what? A race for chocolate? Best. Race. Ever

Hi all--the wake was last night and funeral today. I'll be back around tomorrow.

Hi everybody! At the zoo having a ball. Kat - your pic rocks!

Loving my new camera.

Glad you're having a good time EE, can't wait for pictures!

OMG. Dropsies. I LOVE IT! I imagined a ball and wall. One dropsie - two dropsie - three dropsie - four! Five dropsies - six dropsies - dropsies no more.

Feel free to use it as your chant Kelly.

So my new chant!

Have fun at the wedding and crossing my fingers for your walk.

The rehearsal went well, I tripped over my own foot once but didn't fall over so thats a plus!

Maybe there's a place we can order the exact t-shirt Kelly. Kat?



Hey? How tall are you again Kelly?

Im 5'10 when Im standing up straight - if its a bad back day 5'8!

So, the rehearsal was good - everyone now knows what they are doing! The only panic is just before we were about to set off for the rehearsal my little niece projectile vomited EVERYWHERE. So, my mum stayed home with her. She looked so sad and poorly
Hopefully its just a bug that will pass quickly!

And, I had my eyebrows threaded. Ouch. Why anyone would put themselves through that is beyond me

The lady who did it was a tiny chinese lady who let me tell you was stronger than her size would lead you to believe! The threading made my eyes water and she said to me 'Awww, you cry like a baby' Erm no, you are threading my face, what do you expect my eyes to do!

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

.

I'm right here. And the key for me is to let go and let that be good enough for me.

Well Said Lisa!!! That is the Key for me TOO. THANK YOU

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

And, I had my eyebrows threaded. Ouch. Why anyone would put themselves through that is beyond me

The lady who did it was a tiny chinese lady who let me tell you was stronger than her size would lead you to believe! The threading made my eyes water and she said to me 'Awww, you cry like a baby' Erm no, you are threading my face, what do you expect my eyes to do!

Kelly , I just about peed my pants reading this.
I do get threaded, eye and lip. OMG it hurts but they look so so so good after.
and YES its feels like they are threading my face off too.

hope the little one is better in time for the wedding. Hey when are we going to see a pic of that dress?

 

[HockeyKat]

OMG you people with your waxing and threading.

I don't have facial hair and have to dye my eyebrows to even have any. My body hair is practically transparent (goes with the skin) except for halfway up the calves and down is dark/gray and fine, and then the other normal shaving areas are the same.

Lisa, I think you should go back to what was working for you.

Nancy, holy frakkin crap on the hills!

Kelly, on the vomiting niece.

Jo, that race looks awesome!! Btw, I am leaving for Chicago on the 28th. Not sure how close you are to the city but I might be free for lunch or something on the 29th if you wanted to and/or were able to meet up?


I have been in a meeting from 9:30-5:30 with no lunch break. Shoved a turkey pita down my throat on a bathroom break and just had a snack (without which I would totally be gnawing on my desk).

I still need to fit in a short run tonight, sigh, but waiting for someone work-related to call me at my desk...

 

[lisaviolet]

Okay, photobucket is going to drive me INSANE!!!! The bulk uploader NEVER loads for me. And I have to do it one by one.

Here are the beach pictures. I've made the beach look desolate when it was busy. I put other flower pictures from here in between because I'm not sure how interesting it is to look at water, water and water. And see that one horizontal pic. I chose it b/c the vertical version looked like a sonogram.

__________________________________________________________________________________

And here are a few of last weekend at another area beach.

And one I'm just so fixated with from downtown:

And Jean at 181 pounds and not caring. ( Her body is somewhere in those XL clothes. ) I say that because when I asked her if she was okay with me getting rid of the scale. She starts laughing and says, "the only reason I get on there is to laugh!". And she's very serious. She gets on once in a blue moon - laughs and goes upstairs. Yes, she finds it amusing that she looks like 130 and it says 50 pounds more. Sighing. Wishing and hoping.

 

[lisaviolet]

So, the rehearsal was good - everyone now knows what they are doing! The only panic is just before we were about to set off for the rehearsal my little niece projectile vomited EVERYWHERE.

Oh Lord. Hope she's better soon.

Kelly , I just about peed my pants reading this.
I do get threaded, eye and lip. OMG it hurts but they look so so so good after.
and YES its feels like they are threading my face off too.

hope the little one is better in time for the wedding. Hey when are we going to see a pic of that dress?

I have never had my eyebrows done. I guess we can add that to the pedicures and manicures.

OMG you people with your waxing and threading.

I don't have facial hair and have to dye my eyebrows to even have any. My body hair is practically transparent (goes with the skin) except for halfway up the calves and down is dark/gray and fine, and then the other normal shaving areas are the same.

Lisa, I think you should go back to what was working for you.

Nancy, holy frakkin crap on the hills!

Kelly, on the vomiting niece.

Jo, that race looks awesome!! Btw, I am leaving for Chicago on the 28th. Not sure how close you are to the city but I might be free for lunch or something on the 29th if you wanted to and/or were able to meet up?


I have been in a meeting from 9:30-5:30 with no lunch break. Shoved a turkey pita down my throat on a bathroom break and just had a snack (without which I would totally be gnawing on my desk).

I still need to fit in a short run tonight, sigh, but waiting for someone work-related to call me at my desk...

Thanks Kat. What is not working for ME is using weight as a beat up tool. I have to be okay with "me" and I haven't been.

Don't make me put the bold in that file I started for Erika.

I'm unfortunately at the point where hormones have decided I must act on it.

 

[lisaviolet]

I'm waiting for those two to chime in and tell me how to get a date. They're probably on one.

I never even cared. I guess this is a good sign that I care that I haven't had a date in four years.

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

Lisa, you take amazing pics!!!!

Kat, I would love to meet up with you but I have to work Thurs and Fri and I work about an hour from the city.

Are you staying for the weekend?

 

[HockeyKat]

I will be there Wed night through Mon night.

I am not sure yet what my Saturday plans are, but Sunday is the race. I should be finishing around 9:30-9:45 (cross my fingers on that one) and then I imagine we will be cleaning up then partying for the rest of the day? Not sure, as I am sort of a tagalong to my friend's group on this one.

I have a high school friend that might be coming down Sat to meet up, but that is tentative right now, so I might be free Sat? My friend plays softball at 1.

I will let you know as soon as I know.



Okay, short run today was dismal. I only managed 2 miles and was hurting and irritated and gave up. Meh. Not been a very good day.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

OMgosh. At what temperature did this extravaganza occur?

not too hot. It was probably mid 70*s at that point.

And I also weighed myself. Not weigh in week. I'll tell you why below. And I'm down 3.8 for a one week weigh in.

wow!
________________________________________________________

And Erika! I've been hearing Erika saying "you know when you're on or off". over and over and over I would hear this - for the past week. So much so I told her voice to "piss off" once.

I've been tempted to tell her little voice to piss off too


I don't congratualate myself enough where I've come from. I only look at where I'm not.

And I also forget that I now run for streetcars and dont' lose my breath. That I can stand up with my legs only. How I know longer DETEST the heat because of size/fat on my body. How it feels.

I'm right here. And the key for me is to let go and let that be good enough for me.

And Nancy - I'm breaking my commitment and I thank you.

Lisa. My wonderful friend Lisa. Do you even realize just how much you have taught me in these past 2+ years? You are amazing! Love you!

I have to get this house clean. Must get it on the market at some friggin' point.

yes. Because we all know how happy downtown will make you.

Wait, what? A race for chocolate? Best. Race. Ever

WORD!

So, the rehearsal was good - everyone now knows what they are doing! The only panic is just before we were about to set off for the rehearsal my little niece projectile vomited EVERYWHERE. So, my mum stayed home with her. She looked so sad and poorly
Hopefully its just a bug that will pass quickly!

OH NO! The poor little thing!

The lady who did it was a tiny chinese lady who let me tell you was stronger than her size would lead you to believe! The threading made my eyes water and she said to me 'Awww, you cry like a baby' Erm no, you are threading my face, what do you expect my eyes to do!

Nancy, holy frakkin crap on the hills!

yeah. And here's the thing. The truck needs to go back next week (it had an occassional "klunk" that we could never get it to do when we wanted it to. But they found the culprit). SO. Of course, Mr. Smarty Pants himself has already made plans for us to repeat this tortureous ride.

And see that one horizontal pic. I chose it b/c the vertical version looked like a sonogram.

OMG that would indeed look exactly like a sonogram Lisa - your artistic eye is amazing. I'm not going to ask what kind of camera again lest you throw something at your computer in digust

 

[HockeyKat]

Mid 70s... that would be about 4AM here?


Food for today (my day was sucky/fubar, so bear with me):
B: Coffee
L: Turkey Pita (110), thrown down on a bathroom break at about 1PM
L2 (B?) - 6PM: 1 cup kashi (140), almond milk (10), cottage cheese (90), strawberries (40)
D: Popcorn (200), brie (~200), ff pringles(100), 2 bud light selects (110)

Total so far, ~1000.
Exercise, crummy *** treadmill attempt, 2 miles 22:35, 12:25 walking - 2/2 short run
Water, 96 oz, 5/7

 

[goofyfan-12]

OMG - what a freaking week this has been. Can't wait for tomorrow to be over with. Work has been stressful without being crazy which is kind of strange. A lot of little things to deal with but the quantity of little things is quickly approaching overwhelming at this point. Really, does it really rake hours to debate one painting of a bear to another? I didn't think so. That is the crap I have been dealing with, but at least I have legs right?

Lisa - I quoted below but my iPod won't let me scroll down to place this text there so you are going to have to deal with it up here. I have no clue about dating. I keep attempting it and failing. Besides, I wouldn't call a few dates over a six month string dating. It is dabbling at best lol. Hang in there.

Nancy - 16 miles of hills is just plain wrong!!! I am angry at Stephen with you.

Jo - whoo hoo on finding a race!

E - sending hugs.

Kat - inspiring. Just saying.

Kelly - have a great time at the wedding. Hope the flower girl feels better!

Lisa - just when I think I know a fraction of all the greatness that is you, you go and inspire me all over again. Having the strength to say enough - I'm doing what works for me shows such confidence I hope that one day I have that same level of confidence in myself.

I'm waiting for those two to chime in and tell me how to get a date. They're probably on one.

I never even cared. I guess this is a good sign that I care that I haven't had a date in four years.

 

[lisaviolet]

OMG - what a freaking week this has been. Can't wait for tomorrow to be over with. Work has been stressful without being crazy which is kind of strange. A lot of little things to deal with but the quantity of little things is quickly approaching overwhelming at this point. Really, does it really rake hours to debate one painting of a bear to another? I didn't think so. That is the crap I have been dealing with, but at least I have legs right?

.

OMG. This brought a smile to my face Paula. THere is NOTHING more frustrating and annoying that meetings that are just a waste of time. You have my sincerest sympathy.

You should have seen school staff meetings. OMG. They were priceless. It would have been fun to tape one. It was like the same things were talked about over and over and recycled every two years and nothing would change. They were SO fascinating as well - it was like everyone's emotional life issue would be on stage. You know like Quinton stole Jenny's penciil. It had nothing to do with the matter at hand. They so annoyed me. Jean would sit in the back and read comics. I'd like to be Jean for one day.

As for the dating - I was asking if you're finding the dates in person or online or a combination of both. I'm so leery of going online so I wanted to hear.

As for the confidence - Paula geez thank you but come on - look at you. And you know that the scale or numbers or such - I don't believe you use them against yourself.

Like today I was down on both things. But what if I wasn't? They mean WAY TOO MUCH to me. For me they've become an indicator of whether I'm worthy of *something*. And that is more important - ending that - than getting the weight off is

Nancy - thank you for your sweet sweet words. Thank God on the 70.

As for the pictures - thanks - don't do this but I LOVE THEM TOO. I AM SO changing. I can so hear Erika coming out of me. How painful.

The artistic just KILLS me. My mother was - sh!t is - an artist. So weird - one day she just stopped painting when I was about eight. I've asked her over the years and I don't know what she said. Meaning it didn't make sense. She wasn't an artist who sold anything. She just used to paint for a period of time when I was very young. Wow, I wonder? I'm now wondering how/why she stopped. Anyway, my brother is a Landscape Architect. One of my sisters could have done anything with drawing and such and didn't. One niece is so talented but "does not want a job where someone tells her what to do with it".

So here's the funny. Me - my other sister - my father. OMG. NUTTIN". Like zero. Missed the gene. So it's interesting to see you say that - that maybe if we SUCK with drawing/painting/anything - well maybe it seeps out in small ways.

And just to let you guys know. I can't see and don't wear glasses on here. So I endlessly have typos/wrong words. Endlessly. I broke my glasses - got readers and voila - worse eyes.

It's so late again. Mad Men again.

I need to clean.