3DisneyKids
More Drink, Less Run...Since 2008
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2005
- Messages
- 7,936
Liz and Lyz--so glad you both posted, as I knew you would each be able to relate to LisaPR in different ways.
Lisa. You ARE entitled. You are entitled to whatever is important to you. Sure, we all get that. We just have to get you to believe it and then Mike. And it can happen. You said it yourself. He works long hard hours and thus should get his fun time. Um, hello, last I checked you run all over the Northeast to filed hockey and swim events. You also work full time. And cook and deal with all family needs. Hour for hour, honey, you work more than he does.
I get that he was an a$$ about the Half. And it makes you feel like it isn't worth it for you to do something like that again if it means having to deal with his sh*t again. I so get it.
But here's the thing. At the end of the day, all of that is HIS crap. HIS. Not yours. You don't have to own it. And here is what is really important....you don't have to FEEL it, either.
One of the most common things we hear, it seems is the phrase, "I was made to feel...fill in the blank." Or "S/he makes me feel..." No one can MAKE you feel anything. Your emotions are your own. People don't realize that we are in CHARGE of our own emotions. You can choose to feel how you want. Now, it may not be that easy. Like anything else, it is a skill to be learned.
So his comments crushed you after your first Half. Lesson learned. He isn't supportive of your running. That is ok. We don't have to turn to our spouses for support of every aspects of our lives. That is why support groups exist! So when you have running or fitness triumphs, don't share them with him (I mean, tell him, but not for supportive reasons), but instead share them with those (like us) who will totally hold you up and tell what an awesome achievement it is and what an incredible person you are and how you are being an amazing role model for your kids. All of which are true. Since Mike can't be that cheering squad for you, go to those who can.
As for traveling alone or going on a girls' trip or something like that, if it is important to you, then you need to find a way to make it happen. Now me, I would love to do one every month. That isn't an option. (For a variety of reasons, money, time, and marital.) So I have to find ways to compromise. One thing that I do more often is to go on a girls' week-end but we all bring our kids. While it may not sound like a get-away to some, it really is. The kids all play together so there isn't as much hands-on parenting. Plus, with 3 or 4 moms there (who are USED to doing everything on a trip), well, there is just always help. And we all cut loose together once the kids crash. This also works well for me because I actually don't like to leave my kids for very long and rarely do so. But now that they are older, I see that changing a bit and am planning at least one or two no-kids girls' get-away each year.
My husband isn't thrilled with it. But he also knows that fair is fair. And if you plan in advance and tell him that it is important to you so you are doing it, he will adjust. He may never like it. But damn it, it is YOUR life. You only get one. And never is a long time.
I am SO GLAD that you posted it. Really. Keep talking about it when you need to. This is a great place for that. Liz wrote the book on Empowered Women.
Lisa. You ARE entitled. You are entitled to whatever is important to you. Sure, we all get that. We just have to get you to believe it and then Mike. And it can happen. You said it yourself. He works long hard hours and thus should get his fun time. Um, hello, last I checked you run all over the Northeast to filed hockey and swim events. You also work full time. And cook and deal with all family needs. Hour for hour, honey, you work more than he does.
I get that he was an a$$ about the Half. And it makes you feel like it isn't worth it for you to do something like that again if it means having to deal with his sh*t again. I so get it.
But here's the thing. At the end of the day, all of that is HIS crap. HIS. Not yours. You don't have to own it. And here is what is really important....you don't have to FEEL it, either.
One of the most common things we hear, it seems is the phrase, "I was made to feel...fill in the blank." Or "S/he makes me feel..." No one can MAKE you feel anything. Your emotions are your own. People don't realize that we are in CHARGE of our own emotions. You can choose to feel how you want. Now, it may not be that easy. Like anything else, it is a skill to be learned.
So his comments crushed you after your first Half. Lesson learned. He isn't supportive of your running. That is ok. We don't have to turn to our spouses for support of every aspects of our lives. That is why support groups exist! So when you have running or fitness triumphs, don't share them with him (I mean, tell him, but not for supportive reasons), but instead share them with those (like us) who will totally hold you up and tell what an awesome achievement it is and what an incredible person you are and how you are being an amazing role model for your kids. All of which are true. Since Mike can't be that cheering squad for you, go to those who can.
As for traveling alone or going on a girls' trip or something like that, if it is important to you, then you need to find a way to make it happen. Now me, I would love to do one every month. That isn't an option. (For a variety of reasons, money, time, and marital.) So I have to find ways to compromise. One thing that I do more often is to go on a girls' week-end but we all bring our kids. While it may not sound like a get-away to some, it really is. The kids all play together so there isn't as much hands-on parenting. Plus, with 3 or 4 moms there (who are USED to doing everything on a trip), well, there is just always help. And we all cut loose together once the kids crash. This also works well for me because I actually don't like to leave my kids for very long and rarely do so. But now that they are older, I see that changing a bit and am planning at least one or two no-kids girls' get-away each year.
My husband isn't thrilled with it. But he also knows that fair is fair. And if you plan in advance and tell him that it is important to you so you are doing it, he will adjust. He may never like it. But damn it, it is YOUR life. You only get one. And never is a long time.
I am SO GLAD that you posted it. Really. Keep talking about it when you need to. This is a great place for that. Liz wrote the book on Empowered Women.
) but it means that the, um, girls, are un-supported except for that little shelf bra in my racing suit. Now granted, I am the b00bless wonder and all, but even what little I do have up top needs more support than that for running. (Sorry for this, Roddy!) My chest ached something awful after that.
(Just for Roddy!)
You wouldn't wanna make a girl cry would you
Glad your re-worked running plan seems to be going well.
