In search of my body...not the one I ate! Part Deux... We sit at the popular table!

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Nancy, are you insane? You are working alone, agreed to sew for the drama club and help with the goat show? You are a glutton for punishment.

NANCY I DO HAVE TO AGREE REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE ONLY A FEW SHORT MONTHS AGO?????? GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT YOU ARE!!!!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I LOVE IT... I told you I have ISSUES!!!! I wouldn't even look out the windows last night and I left most of the lights on too! I am a big scarredy cat when it comes to things that go BUMP in the NIGHT!


Me too! I totally creep myself out over NOTHING. The rest of my family thinks it's hysterical.

Nancy, are you insane? You are working alone, agreed to sew for the drama club and help with the goat show? You are a glutton for punishment.


I know. I haven't committed to the goat show as of yet - but here's the thing. My kids are going to be there, which means I'll be there too. Just not all day, every day & night....I'm going to have to see if I can even take that time off from work. My boss is awesome (and she has Webkinz of her own - her grandchildren gave them to her! )...and she's totally supportive of all the things my family & I do. With DS being a senior this year, I know it's going to be a year filled with "last times" for us... ...so, I hate to miss these opportunities. The way I see it is, I have the rest of my life to work, but only a few more precious years with those evil spawn that I am told are indeed my children.

Dawn- Sounds like you had a fabulous day at the fair- and *sampling* is a great way to have a taste of everything you want without totally over indulging!


Speaking of fairs, and pigs....we were at a fair with our goats on Sunday - and the funniest thing was there was a "pulled pork sandwich" vendor RIGHT OUTSIDE THE SWINE BARN! DD wanted to put a sign up that said "this pork sandwich won *Best Pig In Show* 10 minutes ago"

ok - going shopping now....catch ya'll later..

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

[
Speaking of fairs, and pigs....we were at a fair with our goats on Sunday - and the funniest thing was there was a "pulled pork sandwich" vendor RIGHT OUTSIDE THE SWINE BARN! DD wanted to put a sign up that said "this pork sandwich won *Best Pig In Show* 10 minutes ago"

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

OK want to hear what a doofus I am ??? I called boss to make sure that I could get the first day of school off .. Ty's first day and all I took Sept.3 off I just took a gander at the school calander and GUESS WHAT they don't start till the 4th! I was looking at the schedule and there is no one to switch! I think I might have to go in late that day!!!! I can't believe I didn't look first! But they usually go back the wednesday after Labor day! NOT THIS YEAR BECAUSE I TOOK IT OFF!

 

[goofyfan-12]

OK - settle in, grab a beverage and put your feet up... this is a long post and I am posting it in two parts so you don't get too overwhelmed.... It has details of my visit with my friend plus some added bonus info... think of it as the DVD with running commentary from the film makers.... Don't feel that you have to read it all - you won't hurt my feelings - I am rambling on in an attempt to understand what my mind is working on at the moment...

catch you on the flip side...

Part I:

The past few weeks have been somewhat introspective ones for me. You all know how I have been struggling to find motivation in what I thought was my weight loss efforts over these past few months. At first, I thought it was just the turmoil from my job that was stopping me, fully expecting that when the job thing settled down things would get better. Well, the job has settled down and I am still no closer to my goal than I was six months ago. Over the past few weeks, I have come up with excuse after excuse for why the scale isn’t budging and kept coming back to the same conclusion – it was my fault. I am the one eating more than I need to be. I am the one eating foods that are not great for me. I am the one who is choosing not to exercise when my body so clearly needs to. I am at fault. So, my next question became the all important why. Why am I trying so hard to sabotage myself? What is it that I am afraid of here? Now, it is important to know that this little beauty of a revelation came to me the night before my friend came to visit so needless to say, I really wasn’t in the right mindset to do much of anything this week let alone entertain someone for five days…

So, my friend arrived on Tuesday night and the whirlwind of activities begins. First up, off to dinner with my friend, my sister and my cousin. It was a pretty harmless night spent chatting about the Red Sox, the Yankees, some work stuff and politics. I had to work the next day (had a regional meeting to attend in the afternoon that could not be rescheduled), so it was an early night for me. My friend would head off golfing on his own on Wednesday. Wednesday night, the two of us found our way to a local sushi / Japanese restaurant and got down to the task at hand – catching up on what was going on with each other. Now, you should all know that about 85% of these conversations are all about my friend’s love life and the situations he always seems to find himself in and wants me to tell him how to deal with it. You see, I am somewhat of a conscience to my friend and don’t hesitate to tell him the truth no matter how much he doesn’t want to hear it. I listen, repeat back to him what he has basically just told me and encourage him to follow his heart in an attempt to find happiness. This formula has gone on for the better part of twenty years now… We spend the better part of dinner going over his issues with my helping him to see what is actually going on from an unemotionally attached point of view, then the dreaded question – he asks how I am doing?

 

[goofyfan-12]

Here is Part II:

At this point, thoughts of what the hell do I say start to flash through my mind. Part of me wants to say that I am doing well and then change the topic, but once again, the voices from this site start to pop into my head. I can hear Erika telling me to open up and tell him what is really going on. I am reluctant because when I have tried this in the past, he usually brings the conversation back around to his issues in less than five minutes. In a sense, I have given up hope of the idea that he is going to be there for me the way that I am for him, but again, the voices from this board are in my head telling me to do it. He asks if I am still working on the weight loss stuff and tells me that you can definitely tell that I have lost weight (note that he doesn’t say that I look good, just that he can tell…). I tell him that I am, but that I have been struggling lately adding that the good news is that I haven’t put any real amount of weight back on. I proceed to tell him that I am floundering a bit right now. The job drama is fading (or at least is becoming more manageable lately), but outside of that, there is really nothing going on. We talk a little about my attempts and resultant frustration with dating and I ask why is it that guys don’t find me interesting, attractive, etc. – basically, why do I keep getting stood up once they see my photos? I am hoping for a guy’s point of view here… I mentioned that I remember one of my past boyfriends telling me that I was a little intimidating at times because of my career success. My friend said that I was smart and that can be intimidating and then quickly started to changed the subject. Not wanting to start bawling in front of him (which is what I usually do when talking about my personal life; I didn’t fight the change in topic). I just mentioned that I may be super confident at work, but that was it. I really wasn’t looking to be that type of person in my personal relationships as well. He agreed with me and mentioned something about how he was like that as well and talked about how his last girlfriends didn’t understand that about him. He then changed the topic. Now, I am not surprised that he changed the subject since that is what he always did, but I am really curious about what he meant by that because your smart comment. What the heck am I supposed to do with that…. Needless to say that thought has been lingering in my head for a few days now and I need to write him an e-mail asking for clarification because I am all sorts of confused… I just want to know if my approach is off (not with him specifically because I really do think the ship sailed on that option about ten years ago, but with in my relationship attempts in general). The rest of the visit was spent golfing, spending time at the track in Saratoga and at my parents’ camp. Basically, we had fun, escaped our daily lives for a while and got back on track to face the world again.

My first real test in the real world came with my JC appointment last night. I really wasn’t looking forward to going, but I knew I needed to go. I needed to ask the hard question about my motivators for doing this and get some feedback from my consultant. In a lot of ways, this JC appointment is really a little bit of therapy to get me through the week. Last night, we talked a little about motivation and how it comes and goes. My consultant then hit the nail on the head and charged me with the task of finding someone or something that helped me to see my own sense of self worth (something I have been struggling with for years). I thought about that for most of last night. What makes me happy? The fact is I don’t know anymore. There are a lot of things that I do because I enjoy them, but the fact remains that I stay so busy in order to avoid the fact that I am alone most of the time and that makes me feel like a loser. So, I mask those feelings by getting involved in so many things. Talking to my friend about this (even as little as I did) didn’t really help because the fact is he never has stopped to do for me what I have done for him (namely listen to what I was saying and tell me that I am not what I think I am). The fact is, I am hiding from the world in order to protect myself from the fact that my sense of self worth is nil at the moment and it is time for me to do something to change that. So, my consultant challenged me to find something or someone that I could talk to who would help me to see myself for what I truly am and not just the definition I give myself because I don’t give myself enough credit. I am having dinner with a friend tomorrow night who lost fifty pounds on WW so I am hoping to talk to her about motivation. I am also meeting a friend on Friday who I can chat with about this stuff and hopefully get a clue on where to start. Right now, I know I need to stop to find myself. Somewhere in all of the volunteer work, career issues, being there for others, etc, I lost myself and until I get that back, I am just going through the paces and frankly, I am better than that. I deserve more than that out of life and I am going to get it.


(see, I told you it was long and kind of rambling.... don't say I didn't warn you....)

Paula

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Here is Part II:

At this point, thoughts of what the hell do I say start to flash through my mind. Part of me wants to say that I am doing well and then change the topic, but once again, the voices from this site start to pop into my head. I can hear Erika telling me to open up and tell him what is really going on. I am reluctant because when I have tried this in the past, he usually brings the conversation back around to his issues in less than five minutes. In a sense, I have given up hope of the idea that he is going to be there for me the way that I am for him, but again, the voices from this board are in my head telling me to do it. He asks if I am still working on the weight loss stuff and tells me that you can definitely tell that I have lost weight (note that he doesn’t say that I look good, just that he can tell…). I tell him that I am, but that I have been struggling lately adding that the good news is that I haven’t put any real amount of weight back on. I proceed to tell him that I am floundering a bit right now. The job drama is fading (or at least is becoming more manageable lately), but outside of that, there is really nothing going on. We talk a little about my attempts and resultant frustration with dating and I ask why is it that guys don’t find me interesting, attractive, etc. – basically, why do I keep getting stood up once they see my photos? I am hoping for a guy’s point of view here… I mentioned that I remember one of my past boyfriends telling me that I was a little intimidating at times because of my career success. My friend said that I was smart and that can be intimidating and then quickly started to changed the subject. Not wanting to start bawling in front of him (which is what I usually do when talking about my personal life; I didn’t fight the change in topic). I just mentioned that I may be super confident at work, but that was it. I really wasn’t looking to be that type of person in my personal relationships as well. He agreed with me and mentioned something about how he was like that as well and talked about how his last girlfriends didn’t understand that about him. He then changed the topic. Now, I am not surprised that he changed the subject since that is what he always did, but I am really curious about what he meant by that because your smart comment. What the heck am I supposed to do with that…. Needless to say that thought has been lingering in my head for a few days now and I need to write him an e-mail asking for clarification because I am all sorts of confused… I just want to know if my approach is off (not with him specifically because I really do think the ship sailed on that option about ten years ago, but with in my relationship attempts in general). The rest of the visit was spent golfing, spending time at the track in Saratoga and at my parents’ camp. Basically, we had fun, escaped our daily lives for a while and got back on track to face the world again.

My first real test in the real world came with my JC appointment last night. I really wasn’t looking forward to going, but I knew I needed to go. I needed to ask the hard question about my motivators for doing this and get some feedback from my consultant. In a lot of ways, this JC appointment is really a little bit of therapy to get me through the week. Last night, we talked a little about motivation and how it comes and goes. My consultant then hit the nail on the head and charged me with the task of finding someone or something that helped me to see my own sense of self worth (something I have been struggling with for years). I thought about that for most of last night. What makes me happy? The fact is I don’t know anymore. There are a lot of things that I do because I enjoy them, but the fact remains that I stay so busy in order to avoid the fact that I am alone most of the time and that makes me feel like a loser. So, I mask those feelings by getting involved in so many things. Talking to my friend about this (even as little as I did) didn’t really help because the fact is he never has stopped to do for me what I have done for him (namely listen to what I was saying and tell me that I am not what I think I am). The fact is, I am hiding from the world in order to protect myself from the fact that my sense of self worth is nil at the moment and it is time for me to do something to change that. So, my consultant challenged me to find something or someone that I could talk to who would help me to see myself for what I truly am and not just the definition I give myself because I don’t give myself enough credit. I am having dinner with a friend tomorrow night who lost fifty pounds on WW so I am hoping to talk to her about motivation. I am also meeting a friend on Friday who I can chat with about this stuff and hopefully get a clue on where to start. Right now, I know I need to stop to find myself. Somewhere in all of the volunteer work, career issues, being there for others, etc, I lost myself and until I get that back, I am just going through the paces and frankly, I am better than that. I deserve more than that out of life and I am going to get it.


(see, I told you it was long and kind of rambling.... don't say I didn't warn you....)

Paula

Ok I am going to say i think that your consultant is right when you don't feel worth it, you don't want to look worth it. I think that is my moms problem too! You must find something to do that you really enjoy doing and / or a friends besides us of course to really Listen to you! I know you have been doing JC for a while have you ever considered leaving and trying another weight loss system? Like maybe WW?? I know you said it is hard sometimes to eat their foods while everyone else is eating good stuff. With WW you can eat all the GOOD stuff and still be dieting! You have to find a motivator too! You know what mine is .. the reflection in the windows at the hospital and seeing how wide my A$$ was and still is! I look in the mirror and I see myself 15 years ago thin and still looking good. Then I see the reflection and I see a total different person... a person that I can't believe I have become. Pictures from our Disney trip I was floored to see how bad I looked. I was so puffy and FAT! Those are my motivator! I don't hang those pics on the fridge, and I don't talk about it with mostly anyone! I just say to my self when I reach for cookies "DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE THAT AGAIN" I then don't grab 5 cookies but just one! Once you start loosing noticeable weight people will start to comment to you on how good you look. It has taken me to lose 30 pounds for people in and around the hospital to notice... these are people that I don't work in direct contact with like Nurses and the cafeteria lady. Then you feel like WOW all this work I am doing is paying off! People are noticing. Of course the girls that I work with see me all the time and they ask for updates weekly. So they know how I am doing, and of course they say OH I can see the difference, but really they see me daily and I don't take what they say seriously. It is when it is the people that I don't talk to all the time that mention it That I say WOW I am doing good and I have to keep it up!
So think of maybe changing plans .. I don't know how long you have been on the JC system... but it may not be for you! I know that WW isn't for everyone. I know people that have gained on WW. But isn't your happiness worth it to maybe try something else? Because that is what this goal in our lives is for right to MAKE US HAPPY.. We aren't loosing the weight to make anyone else happy.. just for ourselves. Once you find your happiness others will be drawn to you like a moth to the flame!

As for your Friend.. I can't say much to that because sometimes that is just a persons make up to make everything always get turned around to talk about themselves... how do I know about this because I am one of those people. I call to talk to a friend and what do we talk about ME ME ME ME ME ME and my things, MY ISSUES! I am just saying some people aren't programmed to talk about anything else but them selves take it from one who is one of them!!!! I would just keep talking to him and change the subject back to you and if needed just keep changing it or as he is talking about something say OH yeah that reminds me and say something about yourself ... Program your self to talk about YOU YOU YOU! Think of Toby Keith song Lets talk about ME ME ME!

 

[HockeyKat]

Paula, . I wish that your friend could have been there for you. Honestly, it sounds like he is a little bit selfish. I don't think that he is a person that you should ever seek a romantic relationship with... if he isn't supportive as your friend, then that will likely carry through into any other relationship you might have.

That all being said, I think that finding a good friend to confide in, or maybe even a therapist, is a good idea for you. At the heart of all of our weight issues is not just food, but whatever it is that drives us to seek food. I am certainly guilty of that too, when life overwhelms me I self-medicate with food and alcohol. And I have been doing TONS of that lately. Unfortunately seeing it and doing something about it are totally different things.

I have been considering therapy myself, if only my insurance would cover some of it.

I have one more piece of advice for you, and this may come across as harsh, so please don't take offense. It might be a good idea to find something or someone to give you a mini-makeover. I don't know you and have only seen a few from-far-away-pics, so this isn't personal... just since you have lost the weight, a new hairstyle and some advice with respect to what will look good both for right now and for as you lose more weight. Plus, it feels like treating yourself, which is always a good thing!!!

I actually had this done about 6 mos after I started losing weight, with my husband as the style maven (he works in the mall and has a good sense of style), and then went to a makeup consultant not too long ago and replaced all my makeup. I did try the new hairstyle but I am hating the bangs, so I am going to let them grow out and try again!!


Anyhow, I hope that helps some. I will post more about my company picnic stuff, for E, a little later.

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

OK WHERE THE F*%# IS ERIKA.. I KNOW SHE WORKS FOR A LIVING BUT HE// SO DON'T THE REST OF US AND THIS IS NOT LIKE HER NOT TO CHECK IN IM JUST SAY!!!!

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Paula

 

[goofyfan-12]

Kat - Thanks for the kind words. Believe me, I have thought of most of the things you have said already.... I haven't looked into formal therapy sessions in a while, but I did see someone back in college over these same issues, so I may start to look at that again. As for my friend, there is no way I could tolerate him in a romantic relationship. He is way too much of an **** when it comes to the women he dates and I would likely kill him if he tried pulling any of the crap he has pulled on his past girlfriends with me. He is a good friend that I talk to on the phone regularly and see a few times a year and that is it. I am content with that. I may have to look into the makeover thing though. I am bored with my look and don't know what to do with it anymore (very unlike me....giraffe print shoes anyone...). My hairstylist will be so excited when I tell her this. She loves experimenting with my hair...

Steph - I have thought of leaving JC for WW, but one of the things I love about JC is the one on one thing. You just don't get that from WW's. My issues are my issues and I want to work on those first and foremost. I have been looking into this one online program called Shrink Yourself that deals with the emotional aspects of losing weight. It is not a diet per say, but a program that addresses emotional eating, self esteem, etc. I am going to look further into that this week and see if it is something worth doing in conjunction with JC. I'll let you know what I find out on that one...

Thanks again for listening. I feel a little guilty burdening you all with this, but it was what was running through my mind and I needed to get it out so that I could get a handle on it. It is sad when you think that one thing such as eating food could have so much control over your life, but the fact is that for me, it does. I need to learn how to control that so I can control my own life again and take the power of food off the table.

Paula

 

[DISNEY4XMAS]

Steph - I have thought of leaving JC for WW, but one of the things I love about JC is the one on one thing. You just don't get that from WW's. My issues are my issues and I want to work on those first and foremost. I have been looking into this one online program called Shrink Yourself that deals with the emotional aspects of losing weight. It is not a diet per say, but a program that addresses emotional eating, self esteem, etc. I am going to look further into that this week and see if it is something worth doing in conjunction with JC. I'll let you know what I find out on that one...

Paula

Sometimes you can find the right person at WW and you can get some one on one time with them... I know our person here is great I know she talked to my mom last night about quitting.. my mom is very discouraged and wants to quit. So Karen listened to her and then talked about it Not my mom in during the meeting and then talked about changing to the core plan from the points. Then after class she talked more to my mom about it and asked her if that helped in any way. And also a good thing about WW is that you may find a friend that is going through the same thing you are and you can talk the one on one with her/him. I thought of trying Nutria system years ago and I though ... well I am going to eat their food but what happens when I stop Will I know how to eat right? i have made some acquaintances through WW and it works out good. We all meet after at the grocery store and see what every one else is eating and trade some recipes and get new ideas. I think what Kat said about finding someone to talk to is great I thought of a therapist too but again insurance doesn't cover it here either. Make over is a way to go. Go for a pedi/mani get a new hair style. Again make your self Happy because no one else will do it for you.

 

[HockeyKat]

Paula, you are absolutely NOT burdening us. That is what we are here for!!

I was going to offer more support off-thread but I am goings nuts with wrapping stuff up here, getting ready for vacation, and then we will be at WDW from Aug 30-Sept 7th (well, unless a hurricane keeps us from going!).


SO, I had lunch today with a project manager that I used to work with at my previous job... he wound up taking a job here at Big Brother Bank (BBB) about 2 mos ago. Anyhow, he has been a bit uneasy about the place and was asking me for the "scoop" here, and I really don't think I helped him feel any better!

Oh, he also told me that the attrition rate at BBB is 20%! Wow!!


Company picnic... I got there a little late as I had an eye appt that day, and the CTO (boss's boss) found me wandering, took me in, and introduced me to everyone. Boss was at the playground with his two little girls, so CTO took me over there... hung out mostly with boss and boss's wife, but also got to talk to the other member of my team (who started last week). Everyone was very informal, very nice, and seemed to actually genuinely enjoy one another's company.

I think that this is going to be a lot of fun. It will definitely be a lot of work, but my boss is very excited about everything and is making a lot of positive changes, stuff that I have been really wanting to do but couldn't find any buy-in here. He has only been there about 6 weeks, so everyone on the software side of the team is pretty new... but you could tell that he already fit in and they thought very highly of him, so that is good too.

It is going to be sooo different from where I am, which is staid, boring, conservative BBB, so at least I will have that even if some of the other stuff winds up not being great.

 

[3DisneyKids]

I only wish I was hungover. That would have been so much easier than my day. You all have been busy, which I love, but I haven't read through all of the posts yet.

Everything is fine here with me...just dealing with Karen drama. I am D.O.N.E. with this. It is just taking too much of my life. I missed a freaking run for her today for crying out loud. And notice no laughing smiley there. I need my run...for a variety of reasons...and I am totally out of sorts since I didn't get it. And there is no way to get one in tonight (though I will at least do a workout at home). I am pissed. Truly. But again, more later cause I have to get caught up with the rest of my life.

I will be online tonight. This place is my support and therapy and I need it.

xoxox

 

[Dizneydawn]

Goof - i can ditto your words but for me...it was my kids being very involved because I did not even see myself good enough to be in anything directly...kids look cute...no one looked at me...kids were successfull..don't notice my flaws...so I get the whole...if I am busy..noone will notice I am lonely...or alone...I choose to be in all these volunteer places...etc....

I thought if the kids were busy and Chad and I were busy with them...we would be together..but the truth...we were together alone...again...never really sat and enjoyed each other where we were at...we enjoyed the kids...

Thank you Paula for your insight...again...you help me through your word choices...

Kat - great call on the new do and cothes...sometimes you get so used to hiding behind hair and big clothes that you are not sure what fits or what looks good....

Steph - that was brave about the whole me me me...bit...I think we are all like that sometimes...and I know I do not mind if I move subjets and someone says...can we finish the previous topic...my mind is always racing and it helps if someone helps me slow down...to stay on topic...I don't mean to sometimes...I feel like I have a hamster on crack running on a wheel kinda brain...there is no slow speed only FF....

E - tell her that you love her enough to take care of yourself so that when she really needs you, you are whole...that draining yourself will only hurt you, your family and her because you cannot be the best mom, wife and friend without taking care of yourself as well... and that she deserves a dedicated person in her life that can help her through this...to navigate her future...a lawyer and a therapist...because counting on friends when it is this important is not the best place to problem solve...

Maybe this analogy would help her...

If she had cancer..would she be spending as much time with you...or would she be seeking the help of Dr's etc...that are better equipped to help her and not only listen...but problem solve...

This break-up is like a cancer....and talking over it is not dealing with it...it is not an action plan...and like cancer..it will destroy her if she cries about it without looking at what she can control versus what she can't....

I don't know...but to me it made sense..and I have been at places where I whined and cried...but in the end...it did not make me feel better...until I took control...


Hi to the rest .....did not have time to multi quote as much as possible....off for Football sign-ups for Baylor...and then Treyner has a soccer game...

 

[AKASnowWhite]

(see, I told you it was long and kind of rambling.... don't say I didn't warn you....)

Wowza. If you could only know how much I can relate to how you are feeling. I have been there many times before - to varying degrees. But to be *busy*, *successful*, *involved* and EMPTY. Yes - I know how it feels. Even surrounded by a husband and 3 kids whom I love dearly and I know love me as well....it's an awful feeling to have that giant "hole" in your being....people know you for what you DO and what they THINK you are, but when you loose sight of WHO you are yourself??? ugh, that's a tough one.

I like the advice that your JC consultant has given you. Self-examination can be really hard! But it can also be very enlightening. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness.....And if formal therapy sessions aren't your cup of tea, maybe a personal life-coach?

And a make-over sounds like a great idea as well. Kind of a "fresh start". You definitely deserve it. And "unload" as much as you want. None of us are here to judge. And I think you'll find that much of what any of us goes thru, many others of us have as well, it's just that we haven't talked about it much.....yet.

E - tell her that you love her enough to take care of yourself so that when she really needs you, you are whole...that draining yourself will only hurt you, your family and her because you cannot be the best mom, wife and friend without taking care of yourself as well... and that she deserves a dedicated person in her life that can help her through this...to navigate her future...a lawyer and a therapist...because counting on friends when it is this important is not the best place to problem solve...

Maybe this analogy would help her...

If she had cancer..would she be spending as much time with you...or would she be seeking the help of Dr's etc...that are better equipped to help her and not only listen...but problem solve...

This break-up is like a cancer....and talking over it is not dealing with it...it is not an action plan...and like cancer..it will destroy her if she cries about it without looking at what she can control versus what she can't....

A-MEN!!

So - I survived this round of shopping with the kids. Came out without a credit-card meltdown! And I went to work for a little while this afternoon - I'm currently on the verge of major heartburn! I made pesto today, and, well, *sampled* a little more than I should have. The garlic is getting to me! At least I know the VAMPIRES won't be after me tonight!

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Paula, you are absolutely NOT burdening us. That is what we are here for!!

So TRUE!

SO, I had lunch today with a project manager that I used to work with at my previous job... he wound up taking a job here at Big Brother Bank (BBB) about 2 mos ago. Anyhow, he has been a bit uneasy about the place and was asking me for the "scoop" here, and I really don't think I helped him feel any better!

Oh, he also told me that the attrition rate at BBB is 20%! Wow!!


Company picnic... I got there a little late as I had an eye appt that day, and the CTO (boss's boss) found me wandering, took me in, and introduced me to everyone. Boss was at the playground with his two little girls, so CTO took me over there... hung out mostly with boss and boss's wife, but also got to talk to the other member of my team (who started last week). Everyone was very informal, very nice, and seemed to actually genuinely enjoy one another's company.

I think that this is going to be a lot of fun. It will definitely be a lot of work, but my boss is very excited about everything and is making a lot of positive changes, stuff that I have been really wanting to do but couldn't find any buy-in here. He has only been there about 6 weeks, so everyone on the software side of the team is pretty new... but you could tell that he already fit in and they thought very highly of him, so that is good too.

It is going to be sooo different from where I am, which is staid, boring, conservative BBB, so at least I will have that even if some of the other stuff winds up not being great.

Kat, it all sounds so exciting. You needed this. And sounds like they need you. You posts sound much much healthier.

I only wish I was hungover. That would have been so much easier than my day. You all have been busy, which I love, but I haven't read through all of the posts yet.

Everything is fine here with me...just dealing with Karen drama. I am D.O.N.E. with this. It is just taking too much of my life. I missed a freaking run for her today for crying out loud. And notice no laughing smiley there. I need my run...for a variety of reasons...and I am totally out of sorts since I didn't get it. And there is no way to get one in tonight (though I will at least do a workout at home). I am pissed. Truly. But again, more later cause I have to get caught up with the rest of my life.

I will be online tonight. This place is my support and therapy and I need it.

xoxox

E - YIKES! I'll be on tonight and you can give us the 411.

Maybe this analogy would help her...

If she had cancer..would she be spending as much time with you...or would she be seeking the help of Dr's etc...that are better equipped to help her and not only listen...but problem solve...

This break-up is like a cancer....and talking over it is not dealing with it...it is not an action plan...and like cancer..it will destroy her if she cries about it without looking at what she can control versus what she can't....

I don't know...but to me it made sense..

Made sense to me too...don't know if that's necessarily a good thing.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

The garlic is getting to me! At least I know the VAMPIRES won't be after me tonight!

Or your farmer.

 

[HockeyKat]

DWD, I am not sure what the record is, but you were working on breaking it!!

T - 3 days....

 

[3DisneyKids]

E - I saw they had a dolphin.

Yeah. I saw that too. None in this house yet, though.


Well, 1.4 is better than 2.4!

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!

(hope that wasn't too "loud" for you Erika... )

Erika and Lyz - Webkinz? Really? I mean - where do you find the TIME for everything you do?

lol, I don't do Webkinz really....I just help my youngest when she needs it, so I am "up" on everything.



PLUS - DH and I are already committed to a weekend away for Columbus Day (more on that later - that is SO MUCH FUN)....

Oh, no I am all interested! Want to hear more about this!

S

Nancy, are you insane? You are working alone, agreed to sew for the drama club and help with the goat show? You are a glutton for punishment.

Yeah. What she said!

Thanks again for listening. I feel a little guilty burdening you all with this, but it was what was running through my mind and I needed to get it out so that I could get a handle on it.
Paula

You are SO not a burden! OMG, this is what this thread is all about. And we have all been there (or are still there). I don't know that I have any answers for you right now, but I will at some point when I can focus.

Ok--my life...as I said, the Karen thing is way out of control. It is bordering on stalking, no kidding. Like tonight...it was 7pm and we are usually wrapping things up for the night at that time, but we had to run out to the store. So we all went. We get up to the top of our road (to the main cross road) and there is Karen, parked on the side of the road. WTH??? We didn't stop (cause we had to get to the store) but J and I were both like, what is she doing on this side of town? We do not live near ANYTHING.

Fast forward to about 8:30 (as in, about half an hour ago). She knows that my husband and kids are settled in at 8:30. It is our night time routine. We live at the dead-end of a private road. Only 6 houses. So at 8:40 (which is often when she calls me), we see the headlights of a car coming down to the end of the road. It gets to our house, doesn't turn in the driveway, but just sits in front of the house (our house is at the end of the cul-de-sac, so there was nowhere else to go...no others houses, etc.). And sat there for about 5 minutes. It is already dark by that time, so we couldn't see the car. But it was an SUV, which is what she drives. Then, the car turned around and drove away.

Needless to say, J and I are both a bit weirded out.

Now, before all of this happened, J and I had, um, "words." He is fried because I have way more time for Karen than I do for him. And he is right. I have been putting her way before him and that has to stop. Now. I realize that she is in crisis, but MY marriage will be in crisis if I keep this up.

DAWN--love the analogy. I will give it a whirl.

Ok, I have to get to work...I am behind in every category. And I am having a hard time concentrating due to the stalking behavior and thinking about J's comments.

Sorry, no funny from me tonight.