I'm so sad right now

[antkim]

My "best friend" and I just have nothing in common anymore. Ever since I became pregnant with Ds 2 last Jan. we have drifted farther and farther apart. She and her dh have no children so they live a completely different lifestyle than we do. I have tried over and over to keep our frienship going but she doesn't seem to have the same interest as me. We were inseperable for many years and now she hasn't even been able to find the time to come see my new Ds who is 5 months old!! I should mention she lives less than 5 minutes away! She just emailed me to tell me they won't be coming to Matty's christening this Sun. because she has plans to visit her brother who she hasn't seen for awhile. If it were the other way around I would have arranged to meet my brother at a different time. I'm sure you would all do the same. This is a brother that she see's maybe once a year because they really don't care to see each other! Just an excuse as far as I'm concerned. Oh well I have all of you!

Kim

 

[always quiet]

It's tough.....I've had the same thing happen to me. It's a shame when friendships grow apart.

Don't worry...you still have all of us!!

 

[antkim]

Thanks Colleen. I'm sorry I haven't emailed you back yet today-just a little out of sorts right now! I loved the pictures of Jeana! She's getting so grown up!

 

[Pam]

We've had that happen with friends - and sadly, with two of our brothers as well (one is mine, one is DH's - neither have children...)

Sorry you are going through this - hopefully you will find some great friends of the parents of your children from Church, preschool, park visits, etc. We've made lots of lasting friends this way!

 

[scarlett873]

it's very hard when a friendship changes...i've lost many good friends over the years due to lifestyle changes...

hang in there kim!

 

[TEENEE]

Could it be that she is jealous of your son? You probably don't have as much free time to spend with her since you had him. Or could it be that she wants a child but hasn't been able to get pregnant? I know I was jealous of other women that were getting pregnant and I wasn't.

My feelings would be hurt too if my best friend gave me a bad excuse for missing something as important as a Christening. I hope you and your friend can work things out.

 

[tkyes]

{{hugs}} I'm sorry Kim. I don't know what to say.

Does she not like kids? Any chance they are struggling with infertility and she doesn't want to tell you?

I'm not sure there is anything you can do to make things better. Not to be harsh, but it sounds like something she needs to deal with. All you can do is continue to invite her to things and try and be a friend, if you want to continue the friendship.

Good luck with Matty's christening


Tamie

ps. we want pictures of the christening

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Most of our good friends are the parents of our children's friends. It seems to be whom we have the most in common with at this point in our lives. It is sad to lose a friend. Your friend will only realize how important your child's christening is when she has children of her own.

Lori

 

[Hillbeans]

Unfortunately, this happens in many friendships when one has kids before the other or where you just grow apart. It's never easy losing touch with someone you used to do 99% of your activities with, but everyone I know has gone through something similar, male and female.

I like to think of it as at some point in your life when you need it, a special person drifts into your life, and then drifts out when it's time for you both to move on. The worst thing you can do is to hold it against her, because growth is a natural process in any relationship. Try to look forward and start some new friendships. A very very close friend and I had a falling out 6 years ago, but about 4 years ago I met someone who has become a wonderful friend, so sometimes you just open yourself up to something even more special.

 

[wdwnutze]

It is sad when people drift apart. I had a friend from age 14. She was in my wedding but after I had my 1st ds we didn't see much of each other. Once she had a child of her own we spent more time together and became inseperable again. We had our 2nd children within 2 wks of each other and I made her Godmother of my DD. WE saw each other daily until the kids got a little older and became involved in school activities etc. I have since had a 3rd child and we now very rarely see each other. We do talk occassionally but I know that if I ever needed something or someone to talk to I could just pick up the phone and call her. Although I still consider her one of my best friends, I don't see her as often as I'd like.
for you Kim. I think most of us have experienced what you're going through.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I too have drifted away from my childless friends (couples). Our reason is, they like to go to the bars on weekends and DH and I curl up with the kids and watch movies or get in the hot tub on weekends. So, totally different lifestyles just don't mix sometimes, it doesn't mean my old friends are bad, just different people with different interest.

 

[FINFAN]

As the others have posted, while sad to deal with, it is not uncommon to happen. I agree that friendships tend to start forming due to the kids friends parents,neighborhood etc. Just remember the saying...
Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other gold
This nay be a rough change for your friend as well, give her time.

 

[CamColt]

Oh I know how you feel!
I have 4 friends from high school and we used to be inseperable. Now the other 2 that have kids live out of state(1 about 1 hour, and 1 about 6 hours away) and the one who is married with no kids lives about 50 minutes away, and the single one is only about 20 minutes. Well, trying to plan a get together is absolutely ridiculous! The single one feels if we are in by 11:00pm its a waste of her night. She doesnt have to get up at 6:00am with kids jumping on her head the next morning. The married with no kids friend never wants to do anything that involves the kids. Myself and another mother want to keep things simple, stay local and work times around our babysitters. Every time we try to plan something it turns into a fiasco, and we all end up mad at each other.

A woman I used to work with once told me your friends from school wont be your friends forever. It will be the friends you make when your kids start school who stick around. I thought the woman was crazy at the time, but Im beginnng to believe it.

 

[Minnie824]

Don't worry...things may still come around. When my best friend had her first daughter, I was just starting college - talk about different life styles! She was at home with the baby, newly married, and I was out at parties....I guess we were both up at 2 am though. Anyway, we still kept in touch, and we've been best friends for over 20 years now. Now our kids can play together too. It may change, although I can understand you being upset.

 

[antkim]

She her her dh tried to have a baby for a few months about 8 years ago. When it didn't happen they decided to put all their time and money into their new house and living! They live a wonderful life and want for nothing. She was VERY involved with 1st ds and was up until about a year ago. I know friendships drift apart it's just stinks! I don't think it has anything to do with her wanting kids of her own because she has made it clear over and over again that they just would never have "fit" into their life style anyways. Hubby is 42 and parties like he is 21!! LOL
Kim

 

[kiddo]

Originally posted by TEENEE
Could it be that she is jealous of your son? You probably don't have as much free time to spend with her since you had him. Or could it be that she wants a child but hasn't been able to get pregnant? I know I was jealous of other women that were getting pregnant and I wasn't.

This is what I thought as well...

BUT....... There is NO excuse to miss something so special to you and your family...

Chin up my sweet!!

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

antkim- I have been through the same thing you have and it hurts, it hurts more than if someone were to punch me in the stomach but there is a reason this is happening and maybe it's your chance or hers to move on and find new friends and have new experiences.

Go through the motins, don't deny that you hurt, let time take it's course and heal yourself and realize that it's not your fault, these things just happen.

Hugs to you and to anyone else who is going or has been through this.

 

[antkim]

Thanks guys! Like I said "I have all of you"!! Can anyone come over today? LOL

 

[Hillbeans]

Antkim, Have you thought about point blank asking her what's going on and what's bothering you? I've tried the "lets be painfully honest" approach with a few friends, and the ones who are my true blue friends weren't offended.

Maybe you did something, maybe she did something, or it could be someone in your family she's trying to avoid. Just a thought...

.

 

[antkim]

She said she is not intentionally not coming over she is just busy and our schedules are different. The funny thing is our schedules are the same as they have been for the past 5 years so why is there a conflict now? She can be very "into herself" and "into her dh" and appartently that's the case right now. I know she is not trying to be mean she just doesn't think sometimes.