I'm so flippin' petty!

[DeaverTex]

Not petty. At least, I'd feel much the same way as you do.

I'd agree that you could share websites with her, you could talk about things she might want to consider (size of the parks, EMH, tour groups, fast pass use, rope drop, ADR, etc.) but DO NOT share your plans. The easiest thing for your neighbor to do would be to use your plan -- exactly your plan -- and then come back and tell you all about it, in minute detail. At that point, it wouldn't matter whether it worked or not, you'd be looking forward to taking somebody else's vacation. That in itself would be enough to turn me completely off.

 

[dishguy1977]

I'd be annoyed too and if that is petty so be it!! Remember, you don't have to give her ALL of your best tips...like a previous posters said, be kinda vague.... I've had people ask me for help in the past and then not take much of my advice and tips so don't be insulted if that happens. I used to let it bother me but now I realize some people just don't get it. They don't realize the amount of planning involved to get the most for your money. I have to admit that I take some satisfaction in the fact that I have seen people spend way more money than they needed to because they didn't listen to me. That probably makes me more petty than you!!

Also, I'm sure your kids are going to appreciate the trip more knowing that they helped to make it happen by making sacrifices and working towards it. There is something to be said about a sense of accomplishment!!

 

[andieb0602]

I can completely understand where you're coming from. We have saved and planned for our trip next month for a very long time. It's to the point that when one of my kids finds a coin on the ground they want to put it in the "Disney Jar" instead of their own banks.

One consolation for you: she has probably heard her son whine over and over about how your son is going to Disney and why can't weeeeeeee???

I don't think text message will be effective for the conversation you need to have but maybe you can email her? I would tell her the following:

1. June in Disney is very hot and crowded.
2. At this point it would be difficult to get reservations at the popular sit down restaurants at Disney.
3. It would be challenging to plan a first-time trip in less than two months.
4. Your plans are based on your family's desires and needs and wouldn't work for hers.

I'd then give her a list of websites to help her plan her trip if she still wants to go through with it: easywdw, mousesavers, touringplans. Maybe name a book or two also.

Then - shut up about your vacation around her. If she asks again for help just innocently mention that "oh, website xyz was SO helpful to me but I really can't help much right now since I'm working so much on our trip".

You may also want to mention to your son (if this family decides to go) that their experience will still be different from yours because of the different time of year. I can just see them going without planning much and then coming back and complaining about it.

 

[disneychic2]

I love to help people plan their trips, but since your research is geared for September, it really wouldn't be very helpful to the "friend", so I agree with pp who said to just give her websites. Also, you can give her the names of a few books that are out there such as Unofficial Guide and Passporters.

I don't think you're being petty, really, but in view of you telling your son to "just suck it up and get on with life", I think that would fit your situation as well. I hope that doesn't sound mean, I'm trying to be constructive here. You can take heart in knowing that your children will not only enjoy their long awaited trip, but will appreciate as well. Great life experience!

We personally love going in September more than any other time! I'm glad you and your family are able to take this trip and hope you have a wonderful and magical visit!

 

[goofyernmost]

I will not stand in judgment of your feelings because, they are just that...your feelings. As long as your not throwing rocks at them, who cares. It is natural because we all want to do the best for our kids and ourselves.

Just let me say this, we took our very first family trip to WDW in 1983. Things were tight and we had no real business spending money on that trip. All our bills were paid, but logic stated that if we had any extra money, we should save it and Disney, for sure, was frivolous as it can be. I knew many people with more money and the ability to just go whenever they wanted and I was a little envious of that as well.

Anyway, we planned as best we could...remember that was 1983...no internet then. We budgeted closely and involved my two girls, 6 and 8 at the time, in the planning with a lot of emphasis on our not being wealthy and we were going to fit as much in as we could with what we allotted.

We drove, from Vermont, and stayed in Econo-Lodges the entire trip. They had brochures then that we used to plan. We had already purchased the tickets separately, so we came up with a total amount that we could spend per day for hotels, meals and extras. If we didn't spend the entire amount it would carry over to the next day and give us a little extra to play with.

We had 11 days total and almost 6 of those were on the road. We stopped and spent a few minutes driving and stopping on Daytona Beach and then headed over to Kissimmee. $28.00 per night at Econo...but it had a pool and the kids thought they had died and gone to heaven. We zero'd in on restaurants that, at the time, offered free kids meals with the purchase of an adult meal. We went to MK and the newly opened EPCOT Center and even found time to travel to the Kennedy Space Center. Heading back home we went up the west coast (basically) and visited Silver Springs before cutting back across and making a beeline for Vermont. Along the way we stopped overnight just outside of D.C. and took a bus tour the next morning around Washington. Turned out we were the only ones looking for such a thing that day so we got a independent guided tour to the monuments, the Capital and even the White house along with the Smithsonian. When we arrived home, we still had $100.00 dollars left over...score!

It was the best family trip that we ever took. I remember every minute of it even today and my, now grown, children do as well. All the money in the world would not have significantly improved that trip, emotion and joy wise. You have something that those "friends" never will and that is closeness of family and a common feeling, however disputed by the kids, of caring and security and partnership. Money cannot buy that. They should be feeling petty about you! Have a great time and let your inner child out. It truly helps!

 

[GatorLady]

Just thought of something else.

Sometimes the people I help get overwhelmed with keeping track of all the information on the Internet. If she is like that, tell her to buy The Unofficial Guide book or PassPorter's. It's also a lot of information, but it is already organized in one place and broken down by category.

 

[Butler Family]

I make my 2 sons save up and work for every trip! Makes them enjoy the experience more! Help your friend, as you would want for yourself! Don't worry about others, enjoy your family as you will be rewarded for your good!

 

[Allison]

I'm going to be the voice of dissension here. Everyone believes that you aren't being petty. I will say, yes, you are. There are always going to be people who have more than you, do more than you, etc. You are setting yourself and your kids for a world of hurt and angst if you sit there worrying about what people do with their lives.

I see it as a compliment that she is deferring to you. And just because you give her the information doesn't mean she will ultimately use it. And if she does, so freaking what? And who cares if they have more spending money than your kids. It's a Disney trip. It will be special for your kids no matter what.

If you are so bothered, just switch some things up for your trip when the time comes.

I am going to agree with you.

 

[pigletto]

I'm going to be the voice of dissension here. Everyone believes that you aren't being petty. I will say, yes, you are. There are always going to be people who have more than you, do more than you, etc. You are setting yourself and your kids for a world of hurt and angst if you sit there worrying about what people do with their lives.

I see it as a compliment that she is deferring to you. And just because you give her the information doesn't mean she will ultimately use it. And if she does, so freaking what? And who cares if they have more spending money than your kids. It's a Disney trip. It will be special for your kids no matter what.

If you are so bothered, just switch some things up for your trip when the time comes.

I have to agree with this. There is always going to be someone wealthier, stronger, prettier, faster, taller, shorter, thinner than we are. Everywhere we go. The best gift I can give my kids is to accept it and move on.
I don't think it would bother you at all if you didn't already have issues with this family and their child. After all, she asked to pick your brain .. not have you work day and night to plan her trip.

Evaluate the "friendship". It sounds like more of a problem than this incident.
Not saying I am above this type of thing at all. Just that I feel sooooo much better when I look at the real reason something is bugging me and make steps to move away from it.
You are still going to have a blast.

 

[Leona Fishback]

No criticism from me -- in fact, I'm mad on your behalf! I do think it's a problem if they take the trip just the way you do it, ahead of you -- I think that's wrong. I want your kids to have their own stories to tell, to a friend who won't say, yeah, I know, that's what we did last month. So I don't see it as petty. You've already told her where you're staying, and that's fine, but I absolutely would not tell her all the other details.

The other posters are correct that you should take it as a compliment, but still I'd preserve a few of your special "finds" for your kids only. You can steer her to a couple of good websites, or tell her you've heard good things about an attraction or restaurant or two that are on the "must-do, she probably would have done them anyhow" list.

I am positive your family will still have a great time and at the risk of sounding ratty, a better time than them. Your plans will fit like a glove. You'll walk through those gates knowing far more, and at Disney, knowledge is a huge advantage. So don't worry about the fact that they're getting there first, with more money to spend. The best memories from Disney don't involve signature dining or special tours -- it'll be seeing both the fireworks and your kids being awed by those fireworks, their thrill on a favorite ride, and many more.

 

[mefordis]

1. You are going at a less busy time than her. Less crowds in Sept than June. I'd rather take your trip!

2. You don't have to tell her EVERYTHING you know!

I wanted to add that it may be fun for you that she is going because you will have someone to talk Disney with before your trip and you will get to hear all about hers when she returns!

 

[Mama Who]

"Goodness! I wouldn't even know what to charge for a service like that!"

Point out that planning a Disney vacation is different for every family and every trip and that while you're happy to give her the anmes of resources, you would have to be earning serious money to offset the sheer number of hours it takes to do it properly.

Show her the Disney site. Tell her a couple tips like booking ADRs 180 days out and let her do it herself. She can only duplicate your trip if you hand her your plans. Friendship does not obligate you to do that unless you want to.

A little petty? Sure. But that's part of being human. Your friend very clearly has her own less than attractive qualities so no need to beat yourself up for not being a saint.

 

[WDSearcher]

I'm going to be the voice of dissension here. Everyone believes that you aren't being petty. I will say, yes, you are. There are always going to be people who have more than you, do more than you, etc. You are setting yourself and your kids for a world of hurt and angst if you sit there worrying about what people do with their lives.

I see it as a compliment that she is deferring to you. And just because you give her the information doesn't mean she will ultimately use it. And if she does, so freaking what? And who cares if they have more spending money than your kids. It's a Disney trip. It will be special for your kids no matter what.

If you are so bothered, just switch some things up for your trip when the time comes.

I agree with this.

To the OP -- the only person in this scenario who can spoil this trip for your kids is YOU.

If you want to help your friend ... then do so. If you don't want to help her ... don't. But be clear about why you're doing (or not doing) it. You can get all the support here you want, but only you know if you'll end up feeling bad for not helping out and whether or not it will ultimately taint your vacation if you let spite and envy keep you from sharing a few planning tips with someone you refer to as a friend.

 

[redheadx3]

Tell her to go to the park that have morning emh but don't arrive until 11:00, tell her she won't need table service reservation, tell her don't us fastpass- standby line is quicker....
All joking aside, refer her to some sites and explain a trip in Sept isn't anthing like a trip in June so your plans will not work well for their vacation.
I would try to avoid this family. Find your son some new friends to play with most of time. I very often avoid, purposely don't make friends with many people I meet because they are like your son's friends family or otherwise.

 

[TDC Nala]

At least they are not going at the same time you are and expecting to hang out with you. And I wouldn't try to point out the difference between June and September because she might decide she likes September better.

Tell her some stuff if you want, refer her to the websites, but let her do her own planning.

it's not much use being jealous of her because she has more money than you. But it sounds like both she and her kid are jerks about it. It's hard to deal with friends who are jerks.

 

[shyjade]

No criticism from me. I would feel the same way.. I would also distance myself from this family.

My thoughts exactly. With friends like that, who needs enemies?!

 

[Jennasis]

Petty? Nah. A wee bit jealous? Yep.

I get it. You spent a lot of time planning your special, unique trip and now somebody just swoops in, "steals" your ideas, and does it first. It stings.

BUT...

It honestly sounds like a compliment. They aren't trying to "beat you to the punch", rather they know YOU know Disney and want to have a great time like you.

Disney isn't about which resort, what kind of park tix or what days you tour which park. It's about the interaction. The experience. The togetherness. Your trip will be NOTHING like your friend's, even if your using identical itineraries. I promise.

Relax, and enjoy your upcoming trip! We're going in September too. Maybe we'll see you there!

 

[atp]

Are you being petty? Who knows, I don't think that really matters. What matters is that you aren't feeling good about this and you need figure what to do so that you don't feel so bad.

I personally would not help her with any planning. I wouldn't even mention that June is crowded. Let her figure that out for herself. Unless of course, you actually WANT to help her and will have fun doing that. If not, just tell her you are busy planning your own trip and you unfortunatly can't plan yet another trip for her because it's just too time consuming.

As for them going before you, I think that's great. If they went after you'd feel jealous that they are going and wishing that you could go again. Whereas as it is, them going and coming back to brag about it will make you want to go to Disney really bad and you actually ARE going to go just a few short months after them. So that could actually make you even more excited for you trip and make you look forward to it even more.

Like others have said, I would re evaluate this friendship and see if the pros outweigh the cons. Just by the little you shared in this thread it seems to me that this person is not the type of person I would want in my life. Certainly not as a friend. But anyway, that is for you to decide.

Just try to keep in mind that your trip will be much better for YOU. You will be going during a time where crowds are much better, you will wait in line less, you will have a more pleasant child with you, you actually know Disney well. So even if they claim they have everything better than you, that's not necessarily true. Try to focus on all the good things you have and don't worry about others.

And remember, someone who is truly happy and content with what they have, does not feel the need to brag to others or act superior.

 

[luvthemouse71]

I think your son may be picking up on your insecurity, OP. i wouldnt worry about other people.

 

[ChristineOH]

Sometimes it IS petty, but you just can't help it. And there's NOTHING wrong with that.

I am sure YOUR SON is excited and talking about your trip, which has made her son want to do it too. Her son is jealous of your son. It definitely is a compliment!

1. June in Disney is very hot and crowded.
2. At this point it would be difficult to get reservations at the popular sit down restaurants at Disney.
3. It would be challenging to plan a first-time trip in less than two months.
4. Your plans are based on your family's desires and needs and wouldn't work for hers.

I'd then give her a list of websites to help her plan her trip if she still wants to go through with it: easywdw, mousesavers, touringplans. Maybe name a book or two also.

I agree with all of this. Although if you tell her all of this, she might move her trip to September with you!

We did a first time trip in June with only 3 months to plan, and while I didn't get every ADR I would have liked, we did get good ones and had a wonderful time. I'd tell her if she wants to make the best of it, it takes a lot of planning and she better get BUSY!

Also, you may suggest to her that she might want to stay onsite, and she will have to do her own research into that.

And does that mean your son gets to miss school, and hers doesn't? He might like that! ;-)