I'm so flippin' petty!

[mdsoccermom]

Are you being petty? Who knows, I don't think that really matters. What matters is that you aren't feeling good about this and you need figure what to do so that you don't feel so bad.

I personally would not help her with any planning. I wouldn't even mention that June is crowded. Let her figure that out for herself. Unless of course, you actually WANT to help her and will have fun doing that. If not, just tell her you are busy planning your own trip and you unfortunatly can't plan yet another trip for her because it's just too time consuming.

As for them going before you, I think that's great. If they went after you'd feel jealous that they are going and wishing that you could go again. Whereas as it is, them going and coming back to brag about it will make you want to go to Disney really bad and you actually ARE going to go just a few short months after them. So that could actually make you even more excited for you trip and make you look forward to it even more.

Like others have said, I would re evaluate this friendship and see if the pros outweigh the cons. Just by the little you shared in this thread it seems to me that this person is not the type of person I would want in my life. Certainly not as a friend. But anyway, that is for you to decide.

Just try to keep in mind that your trip will be much better for YOU. You will be going during a time where crowds are much better, you will wait in line less, you will have a more pleasant child with you, you actually know Disney well. So even if they claim they have everything better than you, that's not necessarily true. Try to focus on all the good things you have and don't worry about others.

And remember, someone who is truly happy and content with what they have, does not feel the need to brag to others or act superior.

But here's the thing. Nowhere does the OP say her friend is bragging. Nowhere does it say the friend in question claims to have everything better than the OP. She said the 8 year old brags. And frankly, that's just the OP's perspective. Maybe the kid is bragging, maybe he isn't. Kids are prone to exaggeration. Who knows how her son perceives it? The other kid may very well be a perfectly lovely kid.

What I'm reading is a bit of jealousy. The only person who can make the OP feel bad is the OP.

I see nothing to be gained by trying to convince the OP that she will have a better time than her friend, or that she will have a better child. So many people are telling her that she will have a better time, she will have a more appreciative kid, her family will feel closer than the other family. Maybe, but maybe not.

 

[John Paul]

You could tell her these nuggets of Disney Wisdom.
1 The monorail will pick her up at the airport.
2 Make sure to get a refillable mug so you get those free refills in ALL the parks
3 No need for park hoppers and then get her ADRs all at Epcot
4 Tell her when getting to MK to make sure to RUSH to The Enchanted Tiki Room as this fills quickly
5 Tell her to fake an injury on her 8 yr old and get a free front of the line pass
6 Be sure to catch Harry Potter as this ride is included w Fantasmic tickets
7. Then when she comes back and says none of that worked...You can respond with "Wow I guess I need a new plan! Thanks!"

Most of all Have a Great Time

 

[luvthemouse71]

I agree. The OP's kid will have to get over the fact that in life, there is always someone who has "more".

In other words.. Yes, i think the OP is being petty.

 

[Allison]

But here's the thing. Nowhere does the OP say her friend is bragging. Nowhere does it say the friend in question claims to have everything better than the OP. She said the 8 year old brags. And frankly, that's just the OP's perspective. Maybe the kid is bragging, maybe he isn't. Kids are prone to exaggeration. Who knows how her son perceives it? The other kid may very well be a perfectly lovely kid.

What I'm reading is a bit of jealousy. The only person who can make the OP feel bad is the OP.

I see nothing to be gained by trying to convince the OP that she will have a better time than her friend, or that she will have a better child. So many people are telling her that she will have a better time, she will have a more appreciative kid, her family will feel closer than the other family. Maybe, but maybe not.

I agree. Gosh, if this is how people treat their friends, it's disappointing and I am not talking about the mom who asked for help. If someone I called a friend asked for information, I wouldn't be evasive, I wouldn't give them wrong information, I wouldn't think of reasons how my trip will be better.

I also don't see any mention of the friend bragging or acting superior. In the OP's words, the friend casually asked where they were staying and then wanted to pick her brain. That makes the friend terrible?

 

[RobinHoodGirl]

While not in the exact same situation I know where you're coming from -

This fall I have 2 back to back weekends of weddings right before my birthday. One is the wedding of my roommate and she thought maybe a Disney-moon would be a great idea.

The problem? The Disney-moon would be the same time me and my DBF are going to WDW for my 30th birthday (and what I'm calling my "Hunnymoon" since these weddings will be the 3rd and 4th of 2012 for me)

Yes WDW is HUGE and the chances of us running into them would be small but on two separate trips I have run into people in WDW I knew.

What am I do? When asked about my plans I give a little info but then switch and suggest things maybe they'd like to do together that I know DBF and I are not doing (couple's spa trip, some of the tours, ect...)

And maybe for your family... there are simple things you can do to hype the trip up and build excitement. For our 2010 trips my friends and I make a construction paper link chain that counted down the last 30 days. We colored the chain, decorated them for holidays or birthdays that fell in that time frame, made a big deal of cutting the link off together, and yes we were in our later 20s when we did this but it did make the trip feel like it began before we even go there (and no... I'm not going to see if I can convince DBF to do this... that's silly )

 

[atp]

But here's the thing. Nowhere does the OP say her friend is bragging. Nowhere does it say the friend in question claims to have everything better than the OP. She said the 8 year old brags. And frankly, that's just the OP's perspective. Maybe the kid is bragging, maybe he isn't. Kids are prone to exaggeration. Who knows how her son perceives it? The other kid may very well be a perfectly lovely kid.

What I'm reading is a bit of jealousy. The only person who can make the OP feel bad is the OP.

I see nothing to be gained by trying to convince the OP that she will have a better time than her friend, or that she will have a better child. So many people are telling her that she will have a better time, she will have a more appreciative kid, her family will feel closer than the other family. Maybe, but maybe not.

I didn't say her trip will be better than the other lady's. I said it will be better for HER. As in, if she were to trade places with this other woman and go on her trip, it wouldn't be as good as going to her own trip. As in she has a better everything than this woman for her tastes. While she would like to have a lot of money, most aspects of this person's life don't please her. So there's no point in being jealous as she wouldn't want to trade places with her, so to speak. It seems like she is only jealous that this person has more money than her and in a perfect world the OP could have her nice life and family AND extra money, but nothing is perfect. No one has a perfect life. Not the OP, not her friend.

The OP knows some people have more than her and some people have less. It's not about who has it best but about realizing that you have the best for your needs and likes, which is what I was trying to show her. Maybe I wasn't very clear though.

 

[AlixaLock]

Hmmm ... we all have "those" days ... no judgments from me just a virtual hug. Tomorrow I'm pretty sure you'll have moved and be enjoying your own vacation planning!

 

[HMGar]

I would ignore her calls. I don't think you're being petty. Let her do her own research if she's such an achiever.

 

[Too Far From Home]

Do some more research - find the worst hotel in the worst neighborhood in the Orlando area and recommend it to her.

 

[mjkacmom]

But here's the thing. Nowhere does the OP say her friend is bragging. Nowhere does it say the friend in question claims to have everything better than the OP. She said the 8 year old brags. And frankly, that's just the OP's perspective. Maybe the kid is bragging, maybe he isn't. Kids are prone to exaggeration. Who knows how her son perceives it? The other kid may very well be a perfectly lovely kid.

What I'm reading is a bit of jealousy. The only person who can make the OP feel bad is the OP.

I see nothing to be gained by trying to convince the OP that she will have a better time than her friend, or that she will have a better child. So many people are telling her that she will have a better time, she will have a more appreciative kid, her family will feel closer than the other family. Maybe, but maybe not.

OP, not only do you sound petty, but you sound jealous. There are people in our lives with more money, bigger homes, more expensive vacations, nicer clothes, who eat out more, drive nicer vehicles, etc. My sister's home is 5 times the size of ours, her DH makes 5 times the amount of my DH, their vacations are positively lavish. When she was going to WDW (3 bedroom villa for their family of 5, halloween party, dining plan, CRT), I helped her plan it. Why not? Why wouldn't I want them to have a good time, just because they have more?

I'm guessing the 8 year old isn't bragging - my sister's kids don't brag, but they mention what they have and do, because it's all they know. Sure, when my niece first saw my dd's bedroom, she exclaimed "it's so small - it's the size of my closet." Heck, it was!

My kids know their cousins get every toy they want, see every movie when they come out in theaters, get the DVD's as soon as they hit the shelves, and will never hear "because we can't afford it." They still prefer to be part of this family. Ask them what their favorite vacation is, and they will be torn between the beach and camping. Sure, they've done WDW, cruises (including DCL), and some others, but they like the basics.

ETA - OP, I wouldn't build this trip up SO much, the best thing in their entire lives. It might not be.

 

[Sandy Mouse]

There are no criticisms here.

I think it is great that you are bringing your family to WDW. While I have no kids of my own, I think the lessons you are teaching your children are commendable.

As for your friend, it may just be that (for someone who needs to HAVE things right first), you may have beaten her to the punch with this trip. She probably, in fact, is envious of your family. She sounds insecure to me.

Regardless, IMHO, you have worked too hard to give her ANY power to affect you looking forward to your trip. Go, have a blast, and enjoy. (And take pride in the fact that you're raising great kids!)

This. All of it.



Also, I have not read the whole thread so I don't know your exact dates, but is it possible for you to take in a Halloween Party? You don't get that opportunity in June!

 

[Allison]

I would ignore her calls. I don't think you're being petty. Let her do her own research if she's such an achiever.

What do you mean if she is such an achiever? The OP mentioned the family makes more money than their family. She never said the friend has bragged about their situation. Does the fact that the friend makes more money make the friend someone who doesn't deserve another friend helping them out?

I am really not understanding these responses.

 

[danetter]

OH Goodness, this sounds so much like my family it is unreal. When we went our 1st time in Oct. 2008 we kept it to ourself until about a month before we went. I have a sister that is younger than me that thinks she has to be the 1st to do anything. She got married before me and had her kids before me. Things I mentioned over the years since I have been married that I wanted she would go out that day or next day to get it BEFORE I did. Her family has never gone to Disney so in 2008 when we were planning our 1st Disney vacation we kept it hush hush. We knew if we said anything earlier they would have gone before us so she could brag about what all they did.
First off please don't tell your kids to get over it. I was told that growing up when I was treated like crap from kids and adult family members and instead of my parents trying to do something about it they would tell me to get over it. Well let me tell you, I have never gotten over it to this day. I guess that is why I shelter my own kids today way too much.
Oh, since you have already posted about this family on the dis I wouldn't tell her about disboards either haha. If they are going in June, like others have said 2 months it is going to be very hard to get dining ressies, lines are going to be terribly long so less rides they get to enjoy and very hot in those long long lines too. If you really have your heart set on Bonnet Creek then stay there but you know free dining is in Sept. Personally I would change to one of the WDW resorts to take advantage of the free dining. Sept. is also value season on the WDW resorts. Also food prices are higher in June than they are in Sept. Lines are not long at all and in some almost walk on. Also if your family can afford going to the MNSSHP. I wonder what the kid would think then when your kids would go back to tell him they got to trick or treat at Magic Kingdom. It will still be hot in Sept. but I would rather be hot in a short line than be hot standing in a very long line.

 

[Ariel2983]

I agree with you..I would be upset also..and I agree with the other posters tell her you havent figured out all of the plans yet..and some of it is a suprise to your child and you wouldnt want her son to tell yours about any of the suprises you have planned. I have someone like this in my life unfortuntely this person is a family member..so I bite my tounge quite a bit..in fact she had me quite a bit upset right before the easter holiday.. but.. after I thought about it..it seems to me that it is kinda sad..there has to be something missing in their life somewhere for them to feel they have to brag and do everything bigger or better than someone else..your care for your kids safety and the attention that you give to your family is what matters..and the Disney trip is a extra bonus that your kids will remember forever..and they will also remember the amount of effort you put into it..kids are smart!

 

[CDNCA]

Simple response:

Going in June is very different than going in September. I have not researched opening times, closures, crowds or prices for then so I am afraid I can not be of much help to you.

 

[luvthemouse71]

What do you mean if she is such an achiever? The OP mentioned the family makes more money than their family. She never said the friend has bragged about their situation. Does the fact that the friend makes more money make the friend someone who doesn't deserve another friend helping them out?
I am really not understanding these responses.

me neither... They're even pettier than the original post and extremely juvenile in tone.

Jealousy is an ugly emotion.

 

[erincon23]

I don't think you're necessarily being petty, but for your own mental health, you need to shake it off! Don't give this woman any bad advice -- that's a karma killer -- but like previous posters have said, suggest a couple of resources, tell her you don't have time to do any research for her but if she has specific questions, maybe you'd be able to discuss it with her (not research for her or find the answers). Tell her that her family will probably enjoy different things than your family will, and that there's so much to do that she should take the time to plan what her family will really enjoy. Your clothes probably wouldn't fit her, why should your vacation plans? If she pushes, remind her that you've never been to Disney, so you're obviously not an expert and wouldn't want to risk giving her bad information.

But you should be proud of yourself and your family for working so hard to be able to do this trip -- look at your achievement, not at any shortfall you may have compared to anyone else! If you continue to fester some kind of resentment toward this other family, your joy in your own trip could be diminished. Be kind, but be the non-expert, shy and retiring type. Don't let anyone else back you into doing something you don't want to do or make you feel bad about it.

 

[k3chantal]

I would look at it as a compliment. This 'friend' has some seriously 'issues' ;amongst them being a protective parent. It sounds like she is the one seriously insecure. So, despite the financial differences, I would be amused with her, if I were you.

I have a friend who for our entire lives has done this. I announce that I am studying Graphic design; she picks the same major, I announce I am getting married; she finds the closest boy and announces the same thing (that marriage didn't last), my husband and I buy a house; guess what; she quickly does too. I become a teacher; surprise! She is currently going through the program to become one too. I just chalk it up that she likes my ideas and thinks I am on a good path.

Don't let this ruin your vacation. The one thing I don't like about DW is that there is always a way to spend MORE money there and at some point, you have to decide to be happy with what YOU can afford to do. We are taking a friend and her family (not the same friend as the first paragraph) and they significantly have less money than we do and have some major health issues. I have tried to make it abundantly clear that they have to do what they need to do. I have already had the conversation that I am not going to be upset if they only go half a day to the parks or don't go to all of the restaurants I have scheduled. I am trying to keep the lines of communication open so we all have a great trip.

 

[mjkacmom]

What do you mean if she is such an achiever? The OP mentioned the family makes more money than their family. She never said the friend has bragged about their situation. Does the fact that the friend makes more money make the friend someone who doesn't deserve another friend helping them out?

I am really not understanding these responses.

It's unreal. The OP herself said not one negative thing about this woman, so I'm guessing she's a lovely person, who knows the OP has been researching a WDW trip, and feels she might be helpful. Most people I know who are planning trips to WDW love to pow-wow.

I can't understand why people are being so mean towards this family, that happens to be "achievers." So, the OP should give them bad advice, and try to made their vacation bad? Keep out important details like making ADR's? Tell her to buy on book, she's on her own?

I guess fans of WDW tend to be pettier than most... Really, this woman has never been (I'm guessing), is simply asking for advice, and probably, in no way, has built up this trip to even close to the end all be all vacation that the OP has. I don't think there is any reason for this family to be jealous of the OP's family - they're probably in the 99% of the population that looks at going to WDW as, dare I say it, just another vacation.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

First I do not think the other family choosing to go to Disney World is copying you. It isn't like you picked some remote island and now she wants to go as well. Disney World is something almost every family hopes to do at some time. I imagine your child has other schoolmates who have been or are going as well.

Do you like this person but just have trouble with your jealousy or are you really a frenemy? Something to think about.

Personally I think it would be great if they did do a lot of the same things on their trip instead of some really expensive things your child will hear about but not be able to experience.

But there is one thing I can say for sure, any super tips that you have probably wont even impact the kids. I first went to Disney as a child and can remember every ride we went on in order, but can not even recall where we ate, etc . Children will pick details that you never even thought were important to remember and "brag" about.

Since these are boys you probably don't have to worry that the kid will be bragging about high ticket items like princess teas and BBB, or even dinner in the castle. So the kid will come home talking about the great rides he went on and guess what your kid will be going on them as well. In fact the other kid will probably be jealous that his trip is over with.

Now back to the friends or frenemies question. If you really like this person who you describe as your friend then "fake it to you make it" truly act as if you wish her well and hopefully it will become true. You can even maybe let her know in a kind way that sometimes you are a little jealous.

However, if this is really a toxic friendship than maybe it is time to pursue other friendships with your valuable time.